Sad and Unsure with "The Door is Open" after Breakup

[Snickers1314]

My ex and I met in 2015. I am from America and he is from the U.K. Our relationship was long-distance from the very beginning. After almost a year of constant communication, 3 transatlantic visits, and falling in love, he broke up with me after a particularly hard couple of weeks (we both deal with depression sometimes, and general 20-something life confusions...)

 

We did NC for a month, talked again for another month, and were back together within two and a half months of breaking up. This time around, we agreed long-distance wouldn't work if we were serious about a future. So after 3 months of saving up money, I moved to England to be with him on a short 6 month, no visa visit. We loved living together and really got to be in a real relationship for the first time. I then left when my 6 months were up in August. My plan was to save up money and go back after Christmas. We had a low key couple of months of long-distance, low drama. But towards the end of October, he called me crying that it was all too hard for him and too difficult. He is younger than me, and couldn't handle the seriousness without fulling knowing himself first. So after another year, I found myself broken up with.

 

I know he still loves me, and he has told me he still sees a future together, and that makes him happy. Its been 3 months and I am just having such a hard time moving on and excepting this break up. We have left the door open in hopes of future reconciliation when the time is right again. Is this stupid?

 

Any and all advice is welcome.

 

Thanks!

[SpecialJ]

How old are both of you? In a situation like this, I think you need to cut him out for a long time and focus on yourself. Do things you want to build your confidence, or that you want to experience in life, or that you like that he doesn't. You don't have to date others yet if you don't feel ready, but try to put your mindset into prioritizing yourself and not him, so that you're not waiting. Eventually, he will either contact you when he's ready, or you will feel ready to see what else is out there. But nothing is guaranteed, so don't put your life on hold hoping he will come back. If he's young enough, it could take him years to be ready, if at all.

[bluecastle]

I'll second SpecialJ here, having been in similar situations myself, including recently.

 

Ironic as it may seem, the only way to get to a healthy place is to really let go of this, at least in the form it was in since that shape proved to be unsustainable. If you sit there holding on and waiting you're stalling your own growth. You're keeping a wound open and designating him the thing that can cure it, when the truth is you always need to cultivate that first and foremost from within.