revenge revenge revenge...

[Pamela]

Misty,

 

I just read all the posts regarding revenge and I just want to tell you that I have a different opinion than most of those who responded to your post.

 

First of all, I don't think it is immature of you to do what you are doing. I think it is a natural thing many women would do if the opportunity presented itself.

 

I did a similar thing to this man I was involved with who really devestated me several years ago. My story quite different from yours. This man basically abandoned me with no warning. I was supposed to meet him at his place one night and he never showed up. Later, I heard from friends he had fled from Poland to Austria to move in with this woman who had a house because he had been evicted from his flat.

 

About a year and a half later I was surfing on the web just for fun and I typed his name in to see if it would come up on any sites. Lo and behold I found a whole web-page with his name, new address, telephone number, and an e-mail. He was advertising his next concerts offering music lessons.

 

I knew he was desperate for work, so I pretented to be a concert agent named Benjamin Buchbinder and wrote him a letter asking him to send me his latest materials because I was interested in inviting him to Buenos Aires to sing at a private gala for the Rothchild Foundation. My letter was ridiculous (full of German grammatical mistakes) and I thought he would know it was someone pulling a hoax.

 

To my surprize, he wrote back saying he was available for the concert and listed me three pages of songs he could perform there.

 

This, I never expected, so I surfed the net, found the address of a hotel in Argentina, then made it like it was my own privagte residence with fax and phone (changed a few digits for the phone numer and made sure it wasn't an existing number)

 

I wrote him back asking him to send me a tape and an 8'10 photo, then proceeded to give him the exact details of the concert date, pay and trip reservations. All expenses being taken care of by "me".

 

A few months later I had forgotten about this for a while, decided to check my fake account and there was a desperate letter from him to "me" saying:

 

....didn't you get the tape, my pictures?.. I need to get my visa soon because the Argentinean Embassy will be closed over the Easter holidays, then it will be too late.

 

Please, please, Mr. Buchbinder, if you are serious about this concert you need to contact me ASAP, ect.

 

I felt really bad that he had been so naive to believe this hoax. Anyhow, what I did was send him a fax (I made sure the source was hidden) telling him how sorry I was that I had to cancell the concert at the last minute because one of the director's had fallen ill.

 

I think I got my sweet revenge killing myself laughing with a bunch of my musical collegues who looked at his desperate letters to "me". None of them could believe he could have been so stupid. He never found out it was me.

[Misty]

Thanks Pamela for your story. I think you outdid me with your act of revenge. Of course, most women would get even if the opportunity arose. Everyone uses the cliche - move on, but, that doesn't erase the wounds that another has inflicted upon us. Sure time heals them, and one must forgive, but sometimes it's just more than one can take.

 

I even had a girlfriend call him today and pretend to be the gal he was writing to, and I didn't know he'd be home, but answered the phone. She said just what I told her to, and then hung up.

 

I also went one step further - I wrote him a letter from the real me and invited him to a concert over Memorial Day. He is supposed to meet this little phony slut over that weekend - so, if he chooses her invitation - he will spend one lonely, holiday weekend!!! That should do it as far as I'm concerned, and be worth all the long weekends he broke dates and made excuses not to see me, and all the lonely times I spent. No, it isn't nice, but,neither was it nice what he did to me. It took me forever for my heart to heal because I loved him more than life itself at one time.

 

Like I said, it's so easy for others to say move on, and eventually everyone does, but,it has to be done in each person's timetable. Well meaning words, of course, but, they don't help the long, lonely nights of shedding tears because of the hurt inflicted. It took me nearly 9 months to begin seeing another guy. Seems like we just live in a fast-food, disposeable society. Just love 'em, and leave 'em mentality. People are so selfish, and seem to care only about themselves anymore.

 

Thanks for your post. I know you felt just as I do when you got your revenge. I, too, have this guy begging to meet me, and making plans, and he's going to end up on the short end of the stick this time. I used to make plans for us, only to have them thwarted so many times, by his lies and excuses. I was left alone so many times when I wanted him to spend time with me. He'd always say he'd get back with me, and he did, only to give me excuses time and time again.

 

Regardless of what others say in their posts, there is some sense of satisfaction from this. Pathetic? It was pathetic what he did to me too. Seems like everyone is coming down on me and siding against me. I don't care whether I have other's approval or not - it feels damned good to have the upper hand at long last!!!

Misty, I just read all the posts regarding revenge and I just want to tell you that I have a different opinion than most of those who responded to your post. First of all, I don't think it is immature of you to do what you are doing. I think it is a natural thing many women would do if the opportunity presented itself. I did a similar thing to this man I was involved with who really devestated me several years ago. My story quite different from yours. This man basically abandoned me with no warning. I was supposed to meet him at his place one night and he never showed up. Later, I heard from friends he had fled from Poland to Austria to move in with this woman who had a house because he had been evicted from his flat. About a year and a half later I was surfing on the web just for fun and I typed his name in to see if it would come up on any sites. Lo and behold I found a whole web-page with his name, new address, telephone number, and an e-mail. He was advertising his next concerts offering music lessons. I knew he was desperate for work, so I pretented to be a concert agent named Benjamin Buchbinder and wrote him a letter asking him to send me his latest materials because I was interested in inviting him to Buenos Aires to sing at a private gala for the Rothchild Foundation. My letter was ridiculous (full of German grammatical mistakes) and I thought he would know it was someone pulling a hoax. To my surprize, he wrote back saying he was available for the concert and listed me three pages of songs he could perform there. This, I never expected, so I surfed the net, found the address of a hotel in Argentina, then made it like it was my own privagte residence with fax and phone (changed a few digits for the phone numer and made sure it wasn't an existing number) I wrote him back asking him to send me a tape and an 8'10 photo, then proceeded to give him the exact details of the concert date, pay and trip reservations. All expenses being taken care of by "me". A few months later I had forgotten about this for a while, decided to check my fake account and there was a desperate letter from him to "me" saying: ....didn't you get the tape, my pictures?.. I need to get my visa soon because the Argentinean Embassy will be closed over the Easter holidays, then it will be too late. Please, please, Mr. Buchbinder, if you are serious about this concert you need to contact me ASAP, ect. I felt really bad that he had been so naive to believe this hoax. Anyhow, what I did was send him a fax (I made sure the source was hidden) telling him how sorry I was that I had to cancell the concert at the last minute because one of the director's had fallen ill. I think I got my sweet revenge killing myself laughing with a bunch of my musical collegues who looked at his desperate letters to "me". None of them could believe he could have been so stupid. He never found out it was me.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I think you outdid me with your act of revenge."

 

Wow, do women really compete with each other to see who can get the best revenge? What a concept on a planet where we pretend to be civilized and intelligent.

 

It's when I read stuff like this that I am reminded that as a people we have not evolved nearly as far as we'd like to think we have.

[Misty]

Gosh, Tony, I don't know if women have revenge contests or not, but, I've heard some really wild things done in the name of revenge. And,maybe women are more prone to it than men???

 

Is it civilzed to mistreat other human beings, and think one can just go on his merry way with no consequences? What Pamela and I did, is not physically harmful to anyone. Remember "Fatal Attraction?" People do all kinds of weird things in this society.

 

And don't think for a minute that it doesn't take an intelligent and creative mind to conjure up a good, mostly, unharmful act of revenge. There are revenge sites all over the web. Just type the word in and see what comes up. You'd be surprised!!!

[Ed]

Hi Misty,

 

I didn't have a chance to get in on the the previous post you are refering to, but I did read it and the replies.

 

Exacting revenge, as hopefully you will find later in life, is one of those useless, self-serving, activities that accomplishes nothing.

 

You may feel better afterwards, but you could have spent your time and energy doing something much more constructive that would have made you feel just as good and brought you a lot closer to getting what you really want out of life!

 

I hope you enjoy(ed) it.

 

Ed

[Tony T]

1. "Is it civilzed to mistreat other human beings, and think one can just go on his merry way with no consequences?"

 

No, it's not civilized to mistreat other human beings but at the same time it's pretty ignorant to allow oneself to be mistreated. In the vast majority of cases, people are seeking revenge for acts they could have easily avoided by taking cold showers and PAYING ATTENTION.

 

Rational and mature people take full responsibility for what happens to them. Others seek revenge. Recent research has shown that anger is a very significant ingredient in the onset of heart disease. It's only sane to watch out for yourself, minimize the screwing you get, and move on rather than get worked up. Unfortunately, parents don't teach that often...so we have lots of revenge and lots of heart attacks.

 

2. "What Pamela and I did, is not physically harmful to anyone."

 

Physical injury heals significantly faster than emotional injury. I would rather be punched unconscious any day than have some sleezy fraud trick me and screw with my mind and emotions on the Internet.

 

3. "People do all kinds of weird things in this society."

 

Actually, I think it's better said: "People do all kinds of things in this weird society." But I like to think of myself as rising above the weirdness and pettiness like many others. I strive to be kinder, gentler, more loving, more forgiving than others. I try to be the best person I can be. One of the things I think a good person doesn't do is go out and seek revenge for crap he allowed to happen in the first place. Another thing I think a good person doesn't do is waste his time...I guess we're talking about the same thing here.

 

4. "And don't think for a minute that it doesn't take an intelligent and creative mind to conjure up a good, mostly, unharmful act of revenge."

 

Well, you do have a point. It would have been really nice if the intelligent and creative minds of Timothy McVeigh, Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, the Unibomber, etc. could have done all their creative and evil harm via the Internet and spared those lives.

 

Actually, when you do a search on "revenge." some of those names come up.

 

Let's just hope that your revenge seekers keep it in proportion and don't take their ploys public, where real harm can be done.

 

So, the bottom line is you're talking a little harmless revenge fun here. Frankly, I see it as sick.

[sparkle]

You said, "And don't think for a minute that it doesn't take an intelligent and creative mind to conjure up a good, mostly, unharmful act of revenge."

 

I don't think the discussion was about the intelligence or creativity of the revenge-seeker. It was rather about people being who aren't willing to let go, and people who have way too much time on their hands. But since you brought it up, I'm pretty sure that intelligent, creative people find more useful and constructive ways to express their intelligence and creativity.

 

Anyhow, the following pretty much sum up this topic. Maybe these can help you to overcome this obstacle in your life:

 

"The best manner of avenging ourselves is by not resembling him who has injured us." Jane Porter

 

"You cannot get ahead while you are getting even." Dick Armey

 

"Forgivess is the best revenge." Ralph McGill

 

"Surviving well is your finest revenge." Morgan Nito

 

"The best way to get even is to forget."

[(young) Billy the Kid]

After reading some of these posts, I am sick with sad compassion for some people. I know I don't know the full situations that arose from these revenge contests, but going around telling everybody how stupid this other person looked because you pulled some trick on them, what is that about.........

 

As for many many people out there, If people find revenge to be so easy and fun, i am surely worried. Because sometimes, both MEN and WOMEN, don't know how to move on or figure out for themselves that a relationship just isn't working out or ever will. And to think some people out there pull off revenge contests because of a breakup, sort of makes our society look like a bunch of immature Animals.

 

I understand sometimes wanting to do something to somebody, but there is a fine line in life and once that fine line is crossed, you already proved who you really are.

 

Billy, well the young billy the kid.

[Tony T]

It's ironic that you post this because revenge is actually something that kids do. However, there are a great number of people who never grow up, never mature, never see just how childish it is to "get back" at somebody.

 

I was astounded that one female poster below actually compared her "revenge" to another female's and made the remark the other's was "better." That's very childish talk.

 

Many people go through their entire lives living as children, never examining their behavior, seeing just exactly what it looks like to others, and how they would be better served adopting different behavior modes.

 

People who find it necessary to get revenge have empty lives, vague goals and nothing better to do. Mature people, as I have posted, take complete responsibility for what happens to them, learn from it, and move forward using their time to make their lives better.

 

I'm glad you see that. So you are not (young)Billy the Kid...you are billy the mature, responsible adult!

[Miss Mojo]

hey tony,

 

rest assured, not many women are like that (thankfully!)....but i think you're cluey enough to realise that! i don't believe revenge is bitter-sweet...it's just bitter.

 

honestly, i have been hurt big time in relationships before, but *never* have i wanted revenge on them, and that is the honest truth.

 

i understand that revenge can be satisfying for some, but if a person feels they have to stoop so low, doesn't that say something about them? don't they say the best revenge is to get on with your life?

 

i would never dream of getting revenge on someone i loved, even if they were a total pr!ck to me. i would just hope that oneday, the pr!ck in question can find it in themselves to be able to treat someone as good as i treat a person in a relationship, and to be truly happy....because it's their loss if they're going to treat me like crap, NOT my loss.

 

i find getting on with my life so satisfying, and i wouldn't want it any other way....that's what makes me proud of myself - my strength to move on constructively and with a bit of dignity and positivity.

[Pamela]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm back to add my two cents to this discussion.

 

Of course you all know I don't think it is a waste of time or sick to give someone a little taste of their own medicine in matters of revenge. I don't like to call it revenge. For me it is just speeding up the natural process of karma by being doing the "work" myself instead of someone else doing it to them later on in life. I like to see "justice" done in my lifetime so I take things into my own hands. Simple.

[Rogue]

I never read your earlier your post until now. Let me first say that I don't advocate revenge, and I agree with what the others said: the best revenge is to move on with your life and not be bitter.

 

Having said that, I confess that I was laughing my head off when I read your post! (*giggles*).I don't know about the others, but I thought it was funny. The "victim" is clearly lacks a few morals for him to have been strung along like this. I mean, sleep with a married woman??? I've had friends lose their marriage to his type. So I'm not exactly shedding tears over the fact he's gonna get his little ego whipped. Believe me, he could use a lesson in respect.

 

However,Misty, you've had your fun but it's time to end this, before things take a turn for the worse. Just end things cleanly, and try to minimize the damage. The reason I'm saying this is that all of us, at some point in our lives, have done things we're not proud of. We shouldn't get away with it, but we shouldn't always have to pay through the nose for it either. We all need each other's forgiveness at times, though we might not always be aware of it.

[Misty]

Personally, I'm so thrilled that all of you have voiced your opinions on revenge. Hey, everyone is entitled to his/her opinion on any subject. However, I'm laughing at some of the comments, because I've read how proud those of you who have disagreed with me and Pamela are of yourselves. You're all patting yourselves on the back, saying what a wonderful person am I - that you're sooo mature, sooo got it together, and soooo eager to think that neither of us have anything else to do. Remember - when you point the finger at someone else -you have 3 fingers pointing back at you. And, I'm so happy that none of you who disagreed with us have never, ever done anything or even entertained the thoughts that Pamela and I carried out.

 

Maybe we should erect a shrine to each of you because you all sound so perfect, and have it altogether. I think that you surely must be ready for sainthood!!!

 

For your information, many people are like this - only they don't admit it.

 

cluey enough

to realise that! i don't believe revenge is bitter-sweet...it's just bitter. honestly, i have been hurt big time in relationships before, but *never* have i wanted revenge on them, and that is the honest truth. i understand that revenge can be satisfying for some, but if a person feels they have to stoop so low, doesn't that say something about them? don't they say the best revenge is to get on with your life? i would never dream of getting revenge on someone i loved, even if they were a total pr!ck to me. i would just hope that oneday, the pr!ck in question can find it in themselves to be able to treat someone as good as i treat a person in a relationship, and to be truly happy....because it's their loss if they're going to treat me like crap, NOT my loss. i find getting on with my life so satisfying, and i wouldn't want it any other way....that's what makes me proud of myself - my strength to move on constructively and with a bit of dignity and positivity.

[Ed]

Maybe you are not speaking to me directly. I could not resist another chance to unload on this subject.

 

I do not judge you for taking revenge on someone who has hurt you. Each of us deals with hurt in our own way. Your revenge may make you feel better, but it does not stop that person or any other person from doing what they did again.

 

Your method of dealing with the wrongdoing of another is VERY common in our society. It is even sanctioned by many governments. Everyone must pay for the pain they have inflicted upon another. In situations where a crime has been committed, if caught, a person will be punished. They may even have to pay for it with their life, depending on what they did. The fact remains...anytime somebody does something that is deemed wrong by another person, or by society in general, they will pay!

 

I am not trying to start an argument over politics...but...The death penalty in the US is a good example. Putting someone to death for killing someone else makes a lot of people feel good. It makes them feel like justice has been done. Although this is an exaggerated example, when you take revenge on another, you are basically doing the same thing. It makes you feel like something has been done to make them pay for what they have done.

 

I think maybe you and Pamela should become employed in law enforcement. You would then get a lot of support in seeing to it that people pay for the pain they inflict on others. You could consume yourself with it on a daily basis and know that someone appreciates it.

 

P.S. I have applied for sainthood. I'm still waiting on a ruling from the Pope.

[Ed]

I am going on vacation tomorrow and will not be around for comment or replies for 10 days (how convenient).

 

Seek truth and prosper.....

 

Ed