Author Buttercups Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 You need a distraction, join a meet-up group or a club or something so you can meet new people, or reach out to friends and family and spend more time with them. I’m starting pole fitness on Thursday this week and have been going to my horse a lot recently. I just feel constantly exhausted. I don’t know whether it’s because we’ve had a lot of snow in the UK so I’ve not been able to go out but I always feel poorly at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 I’m so annoyed with myself because I keep going from being okay to then being lonely and miserable again. Feel like I’m going through an emotional roller coaster and although we’ve been NC for 3 weeks and went on a ‘break’ almost 7 weeks ago I feel like I should be over it by now. It hurts that he hasn’t even tried to reach out to me - I didn’t mater at all. I know it’s a good thing deep down that he hasn’t but it still feels like everything was just fake Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 You need to block his number then you won't know that he is NOT trying to contact you. What you feel is normal. Break ups are not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I’m so annoyed with myself because I keep going from being okay to then being lonely and miserable again. Feel like I’m going through an emotional roller coaster and although we’ve been NC for 3 weeks and went on a ‘break’ almost 7 weeks ago I feel like I should be over it by now. It hurts that he hasn’t even tried to reach out to me - I didn’t mater at all. I know it’s a good thing deep down that he hasn’t but it still feels like everything was just fake All very normal. It's the stages that you will encounter when you are processing grief and healing. There's no timeline for "getting over it". You want to fast forward because you can't stand the discomfort. Don't rush the process. Yes, it feels fake because he was never in it for the right reasons nor with any kind of emotional depth or sincerity. It was all shallow. You still have expectations of this man. If anything, feel good that he isn't contacting you. Even if he did contact you, it wouldn't be because he loves you or misses you -- he would just be looking to see if you're a possible option. Your value shouldn't need to be validated by someone like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Thank you for the responses. I can’t block his number now because I don’t know it, I’ve deleted it and him off of everything - the only thing I didn’t block was his number. It hurts that I still think about him but he clearly doesn’t about me. I don’t get how he could seem so invested in me - even said he loved me more than his ex-step kids after a month or so! Telling me I was he most important person in his life and his son etc. I suppose I won’t ever know how any one could be so heartless and selfish as to just switch off their feelings Like I said before I’m having bad and good days but it doesn’t seem fair that i did everything I could for him and his little boy yet in the one feeling like crap Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 It hurts that I still think about him but he clearly doesn’t about me. I don’t get how he could seem so invested in me - even said he loved me more than his ex-step kids after a month or so! Telling me I was he most important person in his life and his son etc. Words are easy. Action is substance. Moving forward, know that people can tell you anything they want to get what they want so when you hear irrational declarations so early on, stay cautious. Don't romanticize it. I suppose I won’t ever know how any one could be so heartless and selfish as to just switch off their feelings You won't because you're not cut from the same cloth. But know that there are people out there that are manipulative and what you see is not always what you get. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Words are easy. Action is substance. Moving forward, know that people can tell you anything they want to get what they want so when you hear irrational declarations so early on, stay cautious. Don't romanticize it. You won't because you're not cut from the same cloth. But know that there are people out there that are manipulative and what you see is not always what you get. It feels like I just keep picking these *******s! Like where do the good ones hide out I’ve always felt that certain types of people attract a certain type of person (if you know what I mean?) I just seem to attract the manipulative ones. But it is hard to see from the get go! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 It feels like I just keep picking these *******s! Like where do the good ones hide out I’ve always felt that certain types of people attract a certain type of person (if you know what I mean?) I just seem to attract the manipulative ones. But it is hard to see from the get go! In this case you saw it from the get go -- on the first date he asked you to go to his (your gut was telling you something) and soon after lied by omission. But you chose to stay. The thing is to exit the moment you see these red flags. There's a lot of these types of out there -- the strategy is to exit when you see the signs and usually it starts to happen very early in. We just choose not to see or avoid them because there is a need within us to hold on -- my reason was because I needed to have a relationship/someone to fill a void in my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Thank you for the responses. I can’t block his number now because I don’t know it, I’ve deleted it and him off of everything - the only thing I didn’t block was his number. It hurts that I still think about him but he clearly doesn’t about me. I don’t get how he could seem so invested in me - even said he loved me more than his ex-step kids after a month or so! Telling me I was he most important person in his life and his son etc. I suppose I won’t ever know how any one could be so heartless and selfish as to just switch off their feelings Like I said before I’m having bad and good days but it doesn’t seem fair that i did everything I could for him and his little boy yet in the one feeling like crap Life is not always fair. There are people who have spent 20 years building a marriage, family and a home but lose it all over night. Don't look at life to be fair or you will always be disappointed. We all get hurt but heal and become stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 That’s true. At least I didn’t end up having a kid with him like his ex - poor girls now got to put up with him for the rest of her life or until the kids older at least. I do feel a bit of a fool for investing so much into him because we weren’t only together for half a year but it felt so different than anyone else Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 That’s true. At least I didn’t end up having a kid with him like his ex - poor girls now got to put up with him for the rest of her life or until the kids older at least. I do feel a bit of a fool for investing so much into him because we weren’t only together for half a year but it felt so different than anyone else Don't feel like a fool but grateful for the lesson. Don't beat yourself up. Link to post Share on other sites
klicker Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 He sounds like a bit of a sociopath to me. Probably a narcissist. The nicest thing he has done for you is to leave you alone at this point. People like this, lovebombers and the like, are very good at speeding up relationships and making people like you think, this is the one. All the red flags were there, you simply chose to ignore them, because you didn't want to see them for what they were. Just look at it is a learning experience, remember the red flags. Next time be a bit more wary of them. I seem to attract people like this as well, so I am speaking from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 He sounds like a bit of a sociopath to me. Probably a narcissist. The nicest thing he has done for you is to leave you alone at this point. People like this, lovebombers and the like, are very good at speeding up relationships and making people like you think, this is the one. All the red flags were there, you simply chose to ignore them, because you didn't want to see them for what they were. Just look at it is a learning experience, remember the red flags. Next time be a bit more wary of them. I seem to attract people like this as well, so I am speaking from experience. I do wonder what it is that they look for! Like here must be a personality trait that attracts them. That’s true- it hurts that he hasn’t bothered but at the same time at least I have the space to try and heal. I haven’t come across a lovebomber before so had no idea that this is the way they worked. He made everything sound justified Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted March 10, 2018 Author Share Posted March 10, 2018 UPDATE!!!!! so last night I was out getting drunk with my friend at the pub and he sent me a picture of his son playing with the teddy bear I got him! I deleted the message and didn’t reply and he text me again three hours later like ‘sorry I thought you’d want to see’ I deleted that message as well. I know it’s petty but I’m feeling on top of the world right now! I feel so much stronger for the fact I didn’t reply and he’s obviousky thinking about me and trying to think of a way back in! Bit of an ego boost anyway hahaha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 Good for you for not responding to his breadcrumbs! Before you deleted the 2nd message, did you block his number? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 At least the clown didn’t send a dick pic this time. What an idiot! Trying to pull at your heartstrings by sending a picture of his child. So proud of you for not answering. Now that you have his number, block it because, they always return for something. And he is hoping you’ll cave and give into his temporary needs. Keep moving forward. It’s only going to get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted March 10, 2018 Author Share Posted March 10, 2018 I’m still an idiot because I forgot to block the number I just deleted the texts straight away. Like I said I was drinking so wasn’t really thinking logically like oh yeah I needed to block this! I’m proud of me too. Especially when he messaged me a second time - obviously a bit peeved I didn’t respond to the picture of his son hahaha 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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