How do you handle being ghosted?

[burnt]

This is just a general question--be it with platonic friends or romantic partners.

 

What goes through your mind?

What do you feel and think?

How do you deal with it?

Do you make contact? How many times and what do you say?

[losangelena]

It depends on who's doing the ghosting.

 

If some guy I went out with once ghosts, I don't really think anything of it and I wouldn't bother following up.

 

If it's someone I know a bit better or more intimately, or someone I want to see again, then it would bother me/hurt me somewhat that they just want to ghost. In those cases, I will reach out once to see if they'll reply. Then I'll leave it.

 

If someone with whom I have an established relationship ghosts, I would try and make a concerted effort to figure out why. I feel like friends don't really ghost, but slowly fade.

 

In all cases, I acknowledge my hurt feelings but try and keep a loose grip on things, because ultimately I think it's the ghoster's choice to end things that way instead of choosing to have a conversation. That's on them, not me.

[Shanex]

Not much goes through my mind anymore, because people aren't worth that kind of efforts, so trying to reach out to them afterwards etc.

 

I used to think deeply of a reason, what I did wrong but it's worthless. Some people will "cut you loose" and its often because you have been dumped after a marriage or LTR, because you have lost your job or worse, because you are physically or mentally ill.

 

All that said, I am imperfect and have ghosted on people too for what I assume being valid reasons anyway.

[Eternal Sunshine]

This is the lowest of the low, especially after an exclusive relationship and intimacy has happened. If it's after 2-3 dates, meh I don't care.

 

What goes through my mind? That person is scum, what were the warning signs so that it doesn't happen again?

[Gaeta]

After 2-3 dates I didn't care, the world is full of exciting men.

 

I was ghosted after an exclusive relationship of 6 months, it crushed me and it took me months to make peace with it. Yes of course after 6 months I had no clue I was being ghosted and I was reaching to him. Finally when I realized what was going on I stopped and started mourning. I went from angry, sad, depressed to angry again. He really hurt me a great deal.

[treehugger12]

I was ghosted last year by someone I had a short fling with last year, I sometimes work with him and considered him a friend, it hurt me badly and left me confused. It took me months to get over it, we are good now I guess and we see each other once in a while at work. I'm not sure he knows how bad that hurt me or if he even cares? It showed me what kind of person he is. I just want him and I to be OK with each other and wont go there again!

I learned me lesson.

[d0nnivain]

Once I figure out the person ghosted me I take the hint that they don't want anything to do with me; I conclude they have bad manners because they can't make a clean break but I move on & don't chase.

[road]

They ghost you because they do not want to see you.

 

That is a universal given.

 

So if I was to be ghosted I would not need to be told

that I do not want to see you any more. Hearing that is

not going to make me feel better or lessen the pain.

 

I think that people that complain are those that they were removed

from the decision for NC so they had no input to prevent NC

from happening.

 

Being dumped is no fun. To me there is really no way to replace

the bitter taste with a sweet one.

[GoreSP]

Huh, I used to deal very, very, very badly with any kind of dating games (breadcrumbing, ghosting, benching ect).

 

Now that I just got out of a relationship and dating again, I guess we'll see.

 

Been talking to a guy who used me as some sort of text entertainment two years ago. He is doing it again but I have to say I 100% expected it so I'm able to just let it go this time.

Hoping this is not because this is just a déjà vu and that I'll be able to let go of other players that cross my path...

[thefooloftheyear]

I usually give them a Kit kat or Snickers and they leave and never come back...for about a year anyway....

 

TFY

[todreaminblue]

it depends if its a friend you let them know if they need to talk you are there for them ......then you leave them to contact you its carign from afar and respectful of personal space.......

 

if its from an online date you let it go......just dont bother

 

if its someone you have been dating a while.....wish them well and move on....

 

ghosting is hurtful no matter who does it...there are reasons why people ghost and i feel you have to take into consideration that everything happens for a reason and whatever reason they have for ghosting you is relevant to them...something they cant deal with or handle at the time...doesnt make them bad peoples......conflict avoidant a strong possibility or uncaring...either way...its not something you control so you let it go ...even though it hurts...

 

ghosting confuses me ....hurts me ...makes me sad......but i dont hold grudges .......i might not approach that person unless i knew they were really struggling and then ...once again ,...my hand is there and my ear to listen ill reach out......because i wont see anyone struggle alone....people who ghost i have found in my personal experiences normally have struggles they are not handling well.........i have ghosted myself....

 

 

for self protection not a fan of being sad...its toxic to me..... and for respect of the other person ill maintain a distance with a person who ghosts me....and get on with what i have to do in life..... unless im responded too...or i hear they might need a friend...im that friend....who never gives up....

its how i would like to be treated i treat others i feel that is really important........and i find i have made friends who would do the same for me....who care as i do....deb

[act00]

It's hard to say because this depends on the relationship. I think for me, historically, I've taken the hint and stopped.

 

Ghosting is a fairly new term for me, and came about with dating. I leaped back into the dating pool, and my first ghosting was someone I knew personally, platonically and casually, and then he asked me out and we dated a couple times, and he dropped out. I texted and called with no response, I think three times, maybe four. This was over a few days, not "blowing up the phone." I remember going to go text during lunch break one day and thinking, "Take the hint." And I didn't text again...and I guess when it comes to boys, I reach out once, twice, or maybe three...then I'm done. I top off at three.

 

When it comes to dating, I've sort of shut myself down. Don't expect. It's harder when you've gone out a few times, a few weeks, a few months, and they drop off the planet...obviously it hurts. I will allow some cry and then move on. It's not like I don't have a million other things I need to do...you have to allow the cry, but you can't let this overwhelm you and take over...easier said than done.

 

I think the hardest platonic was years ago...we were best friends and she was no longer interested. She would be short with me, ignore me. I stopped trying, and it's years later, and admittedly, I'm still rather bitter about the whole thing, but we were young and it is what it is.

 

I guess you just have to accept the fact they're done, and you won't know why. You can lament to other friends, and then you have to let it go. They don't want to hear the whining for too long...get a therapist if you need to work through more stuff. With dating, I'm really just trying not to put too much on one date, or two...three...it's going to work or it's not...they ghost. Reach out, then stop.

[Happy Lemming]

As a general rule, I'll leave two voice mail messages. If the person doesn't return my call within a week, then I'm assuming they don't wish to speak to me, ever again.

 

I was dating this one person for a while, I left 2 messages (beginning of the week) she didn't return my call by the weekend, so I went out looking for someone new, that weekend.

 

Three weeks later, the original woman calls me up and tries to get back together. I told her too late, I had moved on and she had been replaced. Bye-bye...

 

I hate the "ghosting" crap. If someone calls/texts you, have the decency to call the person back and tell them you don't wish to date any more.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Happy Lemming

[mikeylo]

Its not always about us when someone ghosts. Sometimes they are dealing with their own demons and choose to ghost.

 

If it was intentional, I just shrug it.Their loss, not mine.

[Veronica73]

Not well. The last time it happened to me I texted the guy and told him I thought online dating has turned people into *******s (ie-he was acting like an *******). Lol. Oops. Oh well, I don’t really care. Sometimes you have to get stuff off your chest. It seems so rude and cowardly to just stop responding to people.

[SevenCity]

I’m at the point where I don’t have the capacity to care. My reaction is “F them”.

 

In dating, I will reach out one time. If no response I move on.

 

I want people who are excited to be in my life. If you’re not, there’s the door.

[WNM]

After 1-2 dates, I acknowledge it and move on.

 

If it has been 3 or more dates and physical intimacy has occurred, I call them out on it. I send one simple text saying how hurtful their actions are and something to the effect of "had hoped we had enough respect for each other to be upfront and honest if feelings changed. Best of luck to you."

 

I was just recently ghosted after 5 months and it has been one of the most painful experiences I have gone through.

 

I felt completely disregarded and disrespected as a person. It made me question my judgement of someone's character and whether or not they ever actually had feelings for me. I felt foolish, and currently feel resentful about men who choose to end things in such a cowardly way.

 

**Side note: the 2 times I have confronted my ghoster they surprisingly responded with an apology. One actually fessed up to ghosting but the other just gave me a lame BS excuse for being "so busy".

 

I personally feel better when I speak my peace and let the other person know how they made me feel. I can only hope it will make them second guess doing it to the next person.