Natali Posted May 18, 2001 Share Posted May 18, 2001 I've posted my message a while ago, describing how my b/f used to dissapear during weekends and to make weak excuses why he cannot spend time with me as much he used to. I had a feeling that he had somebody so last week I went on a date with the other guy and refused for the first time to meet with him as we usually did on Fridays. Since that night he went wild. I came home at 1AM on Friday and he was next to my house waiting for me. He comes over to spend time with me every day now and calls constantly which he never did before. What is it: just the fact that I made myself less available to him or that he is alone again and has no one to go to? I am too afraid that he might be lonely and I do not want to be used again till he finds someone else. Thanks to everybody who might respond. Link to post Share on other sites
kikie Posted May 18, 2001 Share Posted May 18, 2001 i think: what a silly guy ... he was so sure u'r all his before ... and now he realized u'r not ... and he's gonna sit there like a guard-dog every day to make sure u'r not off w/ someone else?? that's unhealthy i think .... if i were u, i wdn't let him come over all the time ... and get an answering machine ... it sounds like u can have total control of the guy by simply not being "all his". Cool! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
boomerang Posted May 18, 2001 Share Posted May 18, 2001 To me, being a total outsider mind you, it sounds like there is not a lot of real communication or trust in your relationship. He needs to sit down and tell you what his needs are (e.g.to spend time with friends etc) rather than just disappear during weekends, and, if you have not already done so, you sit down and tell him how that makes you feel. You don't sound like a clinger or a needy person to me, so it should be easy for you too to discuss such matters in a sober way. Otherwise it seems to me like there's gonna be a lot of this run from/pursue game in the future, the "change for good" is probably only for a short time. If you want to avoid this rollercoaster I think you really need to find out what's going on in his mind. Is he afraid of commitment or closeness, and if so, how intense is this fear? He does sound needy and you're right not to trust that, neediness is no part of a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Natali Posted May 18, 2001 Share Posted May 18, 2001 Well, I did sit down with him and I did talk before but he said he is not ready for commitment and closeness although we've been together for a year now. Not ready, fine! It was increadibly hard to take from someone you love but I've decided to move on and not to wait for him to be ready. I think you right, I cannot fool myself, it's not going to last. Link to post Share on other sites
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