Beth1427 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I was married for 28 years to a narcissist. I’ve built my own life, career, activities and had a series of one and done dates. I have more going for me than most of the men I’ve met. I’m beginning to think I may be better off single. I hang out with people from single meetup groups. Has anyone else in their 50s-60s said enough to dating? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I am on the edge but there is a glimmer of hope that someday, somehow and it usually disappears within a few minutes of an OLD. I'm 43. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Hi Beth, My heart goes out to you for the 28 years you spent being played. For me it was 9 years. Either way, once you realize what's happening it's a real game-changer. I'm very happy you have moved forward and thrived in the process, great work and congrats on getting out. I'm male, 55. Like you, I'm in a place where I've pretty much got it all together, at least to my satisfaction. I lead a wonderfully stable and drama-free life and the longer I'm single (almost 3 years now) the more I cherish the quiet life I've established. I dated a lot last year just to see if I could do it, it was fun and I met some nice women but too many tried to play me in some fashion. I can see a red flag from a mile away thanks to the lessons I've learned, I have boundaries that are probably a little too strict, and I ended up deciding against seeing any of them for any length of time. After my last date 2 months ago -- where my date mercilessly teased me sexually, which is a big no-no in my book -- I decided I was done dating, at least temporarily. Now that I'm officially off the market and not in any way looking, or caring anymore, about a partner, it feels like a small weight has been lifted. Like, it's one less thing to worry or think about. I'm also starting to see that there are a lot of possibilities out there and when and if I do decide to date again I will have no problems meeting women. Meanwhile the single life is great. A solid FWB situation would be nice but it's not essential. Enjoy your freedom, Beth! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Yes. I'm 65. Last time I tried to date I was in my early 50s. There's lots of reasons. One is physical stuff. I can't be very active, and lots of things hurt. The thought of sleeping in the same bed with someone is out of the question at this point. The main other reason is I am stronger emotionally when I'm not falling in love and staying hurt and anxious. I am more at peace. And thirdly, I've been on my own nearly my whole life and it's hard to imagine compromise for more than a short affair. Also, I work all the time, it seems like. And once I'm done, I just want to watch tv a couple of hours and cuddle with my dogs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Hi Beth, My heart goes out to you for the 28 years you spent being played. For me it was 9 years. Either way, once you realize what's happening it's a real game-changer. I'm very happy you have moved forward and thrived in the process, great work and congrats on getting out. I'm male, 55. Like you, I'm in a place where I've pretty much got it all together, at least to my satisfaction. I lead a wonderfully stable and drama-free life and the longer I'm single (almost 3 years now) the more I cherish the quiet life I've established. I dated a lot last year just to see if I could do it, it was fun and I met some nice women but too many tried to play me in some fashion. I can see a red flag from a mile away thanks to the lessons I've learned, I have boundaries that are probably a little too strict, and I ended up deciding against seeing any of them for any length of time. After my last date 2 months ago -- where my date mercilessly teased me sexually, which is a big no-no in my book -- I decided I was done dating, at least temporarily. Now that I'm officially off the market and not in any way looking, or caring anymore, about a partner, it feels like a small weight has been lifted. Like, it's one less thing to worry or think about. I'm also starting to see that there are a lot of possibilities out there and when and if I do decide to date again I will have no problems meeting women. Meanwhile the single life is great. A solid FWB situation would be nice but it's not essential. Enjoy your freedom, Beth! I could have written this too! After 23 years married to a narcissistic man I've found freedom after divorcing ten years ago. I dated after the D was final, had a FWB for a while, had younger men and now have settled into being happier on my own. It took me a while but a man no longer completes me - I am happy on my own. I have many things that fulfill my life and less worries without dating. If I wanted to date I would...I guess I'm taking a long vacation from that part of my life. If the right man came along I might try again - but he'd have to offer a lot to my life to make me consider it again...life got busy and happy - so it would need to be an independent man who's not needy/who is secure with himself and only seeing me once or twice a week. I doubt those men want to waste time with a gal like me - so I'm ok with my happy life. I get to do what I want, with who I want, for as long as I want - without anyone telling me I can't! It's freedom! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Absolutely! My mother had absolutely no desire to date after divorce and has been living it up and loving single life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Yes, a lot happier single than in a relationship (I'm 43). I was in a relationship with my exH for 12 years all in all. I realised too late he was an abuser and got stuck in my marriage against my better judgement. I left with my kids when I reached the end of my tether. I loved being single before I met my exH - that's my natural state, my comfort zone. My marriage did scar me but it also reinforced this idea that single is way simpler - I like my life to be uncomplicated - motherhood is enough for me in that sense. I also know there are very, very few people I'd be compatible with in the long term (through my own fault, no doubt) and I don't want to put anyone else through unnecessary hassle. The single life is under rated, I think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Some people I wonder are meant to remain single. Before my break up with my most current boyfriend, I was single for thirteen and a half years. Even though I was miserable throughout it, I think I could do it again successfully and happily. I'm dating someone at the moment, not sure if he's compatible but if it all turns to custard I could just pursue God and continuously pursue my hobbies. It's better to accept the possibility that it may not happen than forcefully strive to make it happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 If I had more friends, I would happily be single forever. I tend to go on dates out of boredom rather than a desire for a relationship. At my age, I also have a lot more going for me than most single men. Any long term relationship would require me to take on a s@itload of their baggage. I’m at the point now where I had an ephipany that I should pursue opportunities to make female friends rather than date. I’m having so much fun going to all-women meet ups. If I somehow meet someone that I’m crazy about through everyday life, I would consider it. He would need to really add something to my life rather than just take though. It has never happened before so I’m not holding my breath 7 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 51 here, and I love my (single) life. Like Preraph said above, I'm more emotionally stable and happier when I'm single. I was with my exH for 10 years, and we had a marriage full of fun and adventure. And then our paths diverged, we both changed, and amicably divorced. And then I wasted a year dating "the addict" after a mutual friend (who has since apologized lol) set us up. It's been almost a year since the break up and after much needed counseling, and hard inner work, I'm a much better version of myself today. I adopted an older dog 4 months ago, and I'm perfectly fine cuddling up with him and a good book at the end of the day. I'd love to find a partner and enjoy an active sex life, as I'm not cut out for FWB's or even sleeping around outside of a committed relationship, but I'm not wasting time waiting for it to happen. Life is too much fun. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dangerous Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I'm wondering what you happy, single ladies mean when you said you'd date again if you met a man who "added something to your life"? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Still in my forties but I haven’t sworn off dating. It’s just that I know that it’s rare that I find someone that I click with. Happens about once every 5 years. So I just chill in the meantime and wait for it to happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 51 here, and I love my (single) life. Like Preraph said above, I'm more emotionally stable and happier when I'm single. I was with my exH for 10 years, and we had a marriage full of fun and adventure. And then our paths diverged, we both changed, and amicably divorced. And then I wasted a year dating "the addict" after a mutual friend (who has since apologized lol) set us up. It's been almost a year since the break up and after much needed counseling, and hard inner work, I'm a much better version of myself today. I adopted an older dog 4 months ago, and I'm perfectly fine cuddling up with him and a good book at the end of the day. I'd love to find a partner and enjoy an active sex life, as I'm not cut out for FWB's or even sleeping around outside of a committed relationship, but I'm not wasting time waiting for it to happen. Life is too much fun. We’ve had almost the act same experiences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 If I had more friends, I would happily be single forever. I tend to go on dates out of boredom rather than a desire for a relationship. At my age, I also have a lot more going for me than most single men. Any long term relationship would require me to take on a s@itload of their baggage. I’m at the point now where I had an ephipany that I should pursue opportunities to make female friends rather than date. I’m having so much fun going to all-women meet ups. If I somehow meet someone that I’m crazy about through everyday life, I would consider it. He would need to really add something to my life rather than just take though. It has never happened before so I’m not holding my breath Yes I did this. Female friends are great. Get a lot of them because they all will have bf’s that they have to spend a ton of time with so you can switch up who hangs out with you. Now I’m going to be moving again in a few months so I’ll have to start the friend gathering process all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I became single again at age 40 after being with my ex hubby for more than 20 years. Since my divorce, I've done a lot of dating and certainly have had many many moments where I felt like I was done or at least done for the time being and thus took frequent breaks where I concentrated on myself and my children and my own life. Thankfully I've NEVER felt like I needed a man to feel complete or to take care of me. I was raised to be a strong woman with a brain and opinions regardless if I'm attached to someone or not. Since my divorce, I've lived life on MY terms and carved out a lovely happy and very fulfilling life. Deep down, I love being in a relationship and would love to share my life with someone. I love being part of a team but this time around the team I seek needs to be equal and reciprocal and healthy otherwise I can't be bothered. What is meant to be will be after all. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 (edited) I'm wondering what you happy, single ladies mean when you said you'd date again if you met a man who "added something to your life"? Because our lives are so full and rich already. We, or at least, I, don't need to have a partner to live a fulfilled life. If I found one that enhanced my life, that would only be a bonus. Plus, most of us are past the age of wanting/having/raising kids, and most of us are financially independent, so that eliminates much of societal pressure to get married or have a life partner. Edited February 15, 2018 by 1fish2fish 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I'm wondering what you happy, single ladies mean when you said you'd date again if you met a man who "added something to your life"? Well, for me, I mean that I love my life the way it is - I live in an awesome area by the beach, have a job I love and do things that make me truly happy. So any man would need to offer things that improve my life and bring me more joy... without drama/demands. It's that simple yet hard to find. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dangerous Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Both answers, don't actually ANSWER my question: "So any man would need to offer things that improve my life and bring me more joy" "If I found one that enhanced my life, that would only be a bonus." So WHAT EXACTLY are you looking for to improve life, and bring joy? How could your life be enhanced? What would the man need to be like? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Both answers, don't actually ANSWER my question: "So any man would need to offer things that improve my life and bring me more joy" "If I found one that enhanced my life, that would only be a bonus." So WHAT EXACTLY are you looking for to improve life, and bring joy? How could your life be enhanced? What would the man need to be like? You know that the answer is going to be different for every woman, right? But having a Maserati may be a reasonable guess. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 So WHAT EXACTLY are you looking for to improve life, and bring joy? How could your life be enhanced? What would the man need to be like? Speaking for myself only, there is nothing a man can bring to my life that I don't already have. Link to post Share on other sites
dangerous Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Maserati - I don't think so. The ladies are indicating non-material assets I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Maserati - I don't think so. The ladies are indicating non-material assets I'm sure. I was probably thinking of myself. *I'd* be tempted to date a dude with a Maserati. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I was probably thinking of myself. *I'd* be tempted to date a dude with a Maserati.Ha Ha Ha ha ha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beth1427 Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Thanks everyone for weighing in on the topic of enjoying single life. I’m like most of you OLD is a crap shoot mostly just really hurt or avoidant people. Being active is a good way to let karma do its thing. I really appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. Best of luck and here’s a big hug. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 (edited) Both answers, don't actually ANSWER my question: "So any man would need to offer things that improve my life and bring me more joy" "If I found one that enhanced my life, that would only be a bonus." So WHAT EXACTLY are you looking for to improve life, and bring joy? How could your life be enhanced? What would the man need to be like? Ok, my life would be enhanced by someone who would share my interests/hobbies/goals, and with whom I could talk to endlessly about anything. A partner in the truest sense of the word. But don't forget sexual chemistry and attraction! F*ck a Maserati. But if he had a Trek Speed Concept, that would turn my head. Edited February 16, 2018 by 1fish2fish 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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