Frustrated being Single

[RecentChange]

Have you ever put a band together?

 

I know musicians - and if a drummer starts imagining his perfect guitarist, the way the vocalist should sing etc... Before any one has even agreed to jam with him.

 

Well, then he has set himself up for failure.

 

A band is made up of individuals who express their art together. If one member tries to control the process too much it usually back fires.

 

He can have some ideas of what he is looking for in band mates - but if he creates imaginary boxes for everyone to fit in - the chances of beautiful music ever being made are slim.

 

I think love is the same way. We can't plan it. We can't give it a bunch of rules to make it happen.

 

We have to allow the artists to make beautiful art... Or in this case the lovers to create a beautiful relationship.

 

You can ponder all you like, but I don't think it will get you any closer to your goal.

[HiCrunchy]

Have u ever thought of opening yourself up to raising adopted children? It will open u up to the timeline want without worrying about her biological clock.

[Mysterio]

Recent Change.

 

I guess thats why a lot of us are having problems with our love lives and we just have to let love find us and deal with how it manifest in our life at that moment.

 

So for me to speculate how my love life will shape up is mute point. It will be what it will be.

 

Its just interesting to me that we all have obstacles to overcome. Seems to me its actually meeting a woman that is single that digs me romantically.

[Mysterio]

My Ex-D. She does not want to adopt. She wants her own bio kid. She has that right. Its just that the men she dates are not on that page with her.

 

I think if she really wants a guy to father a child. Its Sperm donnor or an oops pregnancy. As harsh as that comes off.

 

For me meeting when I meet a woman that is good for me and vice versa. I just have to be chill. For some reason. Only when I don't come off as caring about romantically connecting with a woman. Thats when it seems to happen for me. Never when I am really working it. So its like some woman from my Gym/work/Local bar that I see music or some Facebook group/Buddhist Chanting group.

 

That by group setting on how I will meet her. I also think its good to envision as well. I just think single and childless is what going to work, with no rush to get married of have kids. On March 11 I turn 47. What should my age range be. I say late 30's. Or 40 something.

 

Even though I guess I should not speculate. I should have some basic criteria. I can't see anything else working out. Like I can't see a woman that has 2 baby daddies and I coming together for love and happiness.

 

Single/Widowed Divorced without kids. Thats the only workable situation that should work out or maybe one child on her side at the most.

[Popsicle]

Have you ever put a band together?

 

I know musicians - and if a drummer starts imagining his perfect guitarist, the way the vocalist should sing etc... Before any one has even agreed to jam with him.

 

Well, then he has set himself up for failure.

 

A band is made up of individuals who express their art together. If one member tries to control the process too much it usually back fires.

 

He can have some ideas of what he is looking for in band mates - but if he creates imaginary boxes for everyone to fit in - the chances of beautiful music ever being made are slim.

 

I think love is the same way. We can't plan it. We can't give it a bunch of rules to make it happen.

 

We have to allow the artists to make beautiful art... Or in this case the lovers to create a beautiful relationship.

 

You can ponder all you like, but I don't think it will get you any closer to your goal.

 

I have nothing useful to add except that this post made me think of the movie "School of Rock", it's so funny.

[Chris2016]

Mysterio, I'm riding the same boat, save for I'm 42. My hypothetical is I just need to find a womb. Screw the whole falling in love, getting to know each other thing.

 

I'd pay for a surrogate. Or, maybe target women who's clock are ticking, and just find ones that digs me. Or, maybe doesn't have to dig me, but wants a kid also.

 

A survival of the fittest (adapt or die) strategy, if you will. But, even if that became reality, I'd worry how I would support the kid, by myself. I'd rather have a partner in raising the kid.

 

I do like RecentChange's advice though of not living in hypotheticals. Target those demographics (women who's clock are ticking), pick ones that seem to have it together (and digs me), and see where it goes.

[shoplocal]

Mysterio, I'm riding the same boat, save for I'm 42. My hypothetical is I just need to find a womb. Screw the whole falling in love, getting to know each other thing.

 

I'd pay for a surrogate. Or, maybe target women who's clock are ticking, and just find ones that digs me. Or, maybe doesn't have to dig me, but wants a kid also.

 

A survival of the fittest (adapt or die) strategy, if you will. But, even if that became reality, I'd worry how I would support the kid, by myself. I'd rather have a partner in raising the kid.

 

I do like RecentChange's advice though of not living in hypotheticals. Target those demographics (women who's clock are ticking), pick ones that seem to have it together (and digs me), and see where it goes.

 

YIKES!!!!!!! Sounds like the worst 800 # ever: 1-800-FIND-WOMB

 

Why aren't you able to find a woman who 'digs' you and wants to have children? What do you think is the biggest obstacle?

[shoplocal]

Mysterio, sometimes I feel like shaking you :-p even though I get your frustration because I have the same one. But I still feel like shaking you.

 

It's excellent to know what qualities of a woman are most important to you - single, childless, 30s - but stop trying to say how it should happen. Nothing ever happens that way. That's not how life works. I say this not to be mean, but to give you some emotional and psychological freedom.

 

Tbh, there are boatloads of single, childless, women in their 30s who want to have children (yours truly, etc*). Everywhere. Maybe not in your specific neck of the woods, but you're already on the internet! Go find some. Google 'single women thirty-something group' or something like that. Women are overtly social, lucky for you. Those search results will tell you where the women are at. Go there. Not to find your woman, but to be around lots of them. You say you dress well and you're not a creep - you should be able to talk to that sea of women.

 

You say you want to get to know a woman before marriage and babies (yay!) - all that starts with a conversation. Don't even worry about what she looks like or whether you are into her. Focus on having good conversations. The more positive associations you can have when thinking of single women, then better. Right? Anyway, through convo you'll quickly find out who is and isn't single, who you do and don't like, and which of the single women you do like you want to proceed with in your gentlemanly fashion. From here in Massachusetts, I seriously believe that you'd have success if you got out of your own way with your strict 'how to meet and couple with a woman' ideology. And this is coming from a total (former????) over analyzing head case who has learned that things really do flow better when you let go a bit.**

 

Annnnnnnd...for good measure...*shake shake shake*

 

 

 

*Not saying I'm your type of woman - I mean, besides that I'm probably not what you're looking for, I currently want to shake you in a very frustrated and non-sexual way. :-p Just was trying to make the point that single women in our 30s are everywhere, on everything, because if we don't 'get out there' no one will have compassion or patience for our singleness.

 

** I understand how hard it is to dial it back a bit and be more open in romance when you've been struggling and failing for years. This is my current task, too. I've had success artistically using this method, though, and I've wanted to be an artist for almost as long as I've wanted to get married and have a family, and almost as deeply. So I believe this is a method that can work.

[Mr.Me]

What if you could find someone, Mr. Me, who hit many marks for you, and was willing and excited to change the things that didn't work so well for you, because ultimately it was the one thing you could bring them that they did not have before you came along--then what would you do?

Would they become everything you dreamed of and hoped for in life?

 

I am going to be the change in my life that I want to see...I will share my best assets with someone who doesn't have them...that is what I want--I want someone who isn't my everything, but is just enough. That's all the odds I need. I want someone who is...(good) Enough for me. I can add to a relationship like that. I can share what I know is good and they can share what they know is good and add value to my life too.

 

Nobody has it all Mr. Me. What are you willing to share with someone in exchange for something they have that you don't? We should be helping others and thereby getting help ourselves.

 

The point you make is very valid and very interesting. I choose not to be be with a person who makes me her everything. I can't possibly be a persons everything no do I feel like any one person can be another persons everything.

I want a person who becomes a benefit to me and my life and me a benefit to her and her life. I don't want to be someones entire life, I want to be PART OF someones life. Like two big circles that overlap, the circles represent ones life, the overlapping part represents what we can share and do for one another.

I want someone smart, pretty, funny, and with the right attitude. An attitude consisting of the ability to communicate their wants and needs, the ability to realize I may not be able to fulfill all of them but I sure can help in most ways anyway. Emotional maturity is important to me too.

I live in an are filled with kids and adults who act like kids. It's quite amazing to me the number of people who may have left high school and yet still act like it with interpersonal drama, poor decisions making skills, financial irresponsibility etc.

I may or hope to at least, find the needle in the hay stack. Until then, Ill keep my own stuff together and enjoy the life given to me.

Edited March 9, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[Mysterio]

So its been stated here that I Mysterio am trying to basically think tank my love life. I want things to be a certain way. By doing this. I am sabataging my love life.

 

Here is what I think would be ideal from my view.

 

I am a Canadian Black male turning 47 on Monday. I am single and I have a Condo and I am 20 minutes from work by bus. I have a Cat that has been with me for almost 9 yrs.

 

I work out/Go to music venues. Go for long walks and have lunch/dinner with friends and do the movie thing as well. I have more male friends and have about 5 female friends.

 

I am talkative and chill as well.

 

I feel that if I don't put any thought towards my love life, when the situation occurs. Then I will mess things up for myself. Like I don't think I would want to date a woman with 2 baby dads. That just can't work for me. I feel like I should be dating a woman that just wants to enjoy me as a love partner and we go from there. If she wants kids. There won't be a rush for it. I don't have any major desire for kids. I am on the fence with it. I just see myself and my lady just enjoying each others company. Travel/Movies/Rock Concerts/Working out and doing well with our work. Adding kids and all that. I just don't see it for m.

 

Am I think tanking too much. Also. If I do meet a woman these days that sparks me towards them romantically. They seem to be attached somehow. Thats if I go by regular life.

[shoplocal]

So its been stated here that I Mysterio am trying to basically think tank my love life. I want things to be a certain way. By doing this. I am sabataging my love life.

 

Here is what I think would be ideal from my view.

 

I am a Canadian Black male turning 47 on Monday. I am single and I have a Condo and I am 20 minutes from work by bus. I have a Cat that has been with me for almost 9 yrs.

 

I work out/Go to music venues. Go for long walks and have lunch/dinner with friends and do the movie thing as well. I have more male friends and have about 5 female friends.

 

I am talkative and chill as well.

 

I feel that if I don't put any thought towards my love life, when the situation occurs. Then I will mess things up for myself. Like I don't think I would want to date a woman with 2 baby dads. That just can't work for me. I feel like I should be dating a woman that just wants to enjoy me as a love partner and we go from there. If she wants kids. There won't be a rush for it. I don't have any major desire for kids. I am on the fence with it. I just see myself and my lady just enjoying each others company. Travel/Movies/Rock Concerts/Working out and doing well with our work. Adding kids and all that. I just don't see it for m.

 

Am I think tanking too much. Also. If I do meet a woman these days that sparks me towards them romantically. They seem to be attached somehow. Thats if I go by regular life.

 

Happy early birthday!

 

Yes, you're think tanking too much.

 

What do you have planned for your big day? Birthdays are the best, yay.

[Mysterio]

Thanks for the B-day wishes. I will spend it with my parents. I work on that day.

 

My think tanking is a result of my experiance. I meet a woman. The romanitc attraction bells ring in my head. I investigate her, in terms of seeing if she is single. Most of those women are attached. They don't wear their wedding rings or talk about the husband right off the bat, when I interact with them.

 

Thats just by my natural efforts in real life. I guess I could do Online, I have. Online to me is you get to pick by looks. No one is going to go out with someone that does not have pics on their profile.

 

Or let a woman come to me and then look into if we are a match. Its happened before. I guess as I get older. I am more restless when it comes to love matches. Even though I think I will live to 87/97. I guess I feel like what I want in my head may not manifest. I won't die without a love relationship.

 

I guess I feel like something is wrong in my life that I don't have a love relationship, when its just life. No one can live the same life and we are all have different lives. I left home at 32. My brother is 45 and still at home.

 

I guess if I want peace of mind. I have to chill and let love fall into my lap. Its not a competition. My friend DT found love at 38. M0-21, SA-18, although he and his wife are divorcing.

 

So if I find Love at 47-50, I guess it will be the right fit for me.

[Chilli]

lt's only natural to want a companion in life especially as we get older. There's nothing wrong with that no matter what everyone tries to tell themselves.

 

l'm not sure what the answer as we get older. lmo it does get harder although some seem to do just fine.

To my mind it's the damage people have especially women. l only know women because l'm a guy of course but eh men might be just as bad l dunno. l'd be married right now if not for damage.

So you'll find that a damn tough call even if it's not obvious early in with her. Everyone has it but do they have the courage and patience to work through it seems to be the biggie ?

No one seems to have much of either these days sadly.

 

Personally though , l think the fact you really wanna deep down , meet someone, is a good thing. l dunno , l just believe it puts it out there and opens doors, seen it happen, go figure.

Edited March 11, 2018 by Chilli