To block or not to block - to tell or not to tell

[usa1ah]

Remember this, if she was truly in love with you she would have never broke up with you.

 

What she might be counting on is you still being there went she get back. She has had her fun playing around now it time for the steady.

 

Are you going to wait while she is sleeping around or are you going to man up and move on?

[usa1ah]

One last think. Stop all contact, block and delete her contact information.

[LonelyJedi]

Agree with everyone else, DO NOT send it.

 

However, you may find it therapeutic if you write it out but DO NOT send it. I once was considering sending a message to my ex months ago, but I am glad I didn't do it.

 

Feel free to use this forum as an outlet for your feelings before you contact her.

My rule is: The dumper is responsible for making amends, NOT the dumpee.

[ben321]

I am resisting

 

I am trying to be strong, it’s hard when you loose your best friend. She used to be the person I spoke to about everything all the time so it’s hard. Like you’ve lost a part of yourself

 

I am pretty sure she’s not hooking up with ‘the flavour of the month’ although I could be wrong. She seemed just as cut up about the breakup at the time although not as emotional since.

She did genuinely try to save it and fight for it, I just didn’t realise it until too late.

 

And there are other women where I am, but she was special. 2 years at Uni is like a 5 year relationship everywhere else because you spend almost every day together.

 

I’m trying no contact. But obviously it’s hard when you think about her every day. My main emotion is not anger or regret at the break up. I just miss her like hell because I haven’t seen her for nearly 4 months.

[dumbass2]

Yep, don't send her anything. Disappear from her life and don't wait around for her. She probably was thinking about a break up back when she decided to leave for 6 months. If you want to be there as her back up plan when she gets back from her trip that's up to you, but she obviously didn't want to be in a relationship with you while she was gone. Wonder why?

[ben321]

Yep, don't send her anything. Disappear from her life and don't wait around for her. She probably was thinking about a break up back when she decided to leave for 6 months. If you want to be there as her back up plan when she gets back from her trip that's up to you, but she obviously didn't want to be in a relationship with you while she was gone. Wonder why?

 

She definitely didn’t want to break up before she went. She was far far more invested in the relationship than I was. I think that was part of the problem. She used to make me promise her not to break up with her etc. I can tell you that for sure. She was genuinely unhappy with how things were going and I gues that drove her to break up.

 

There may be a chance when she gets back. You never know

[preraph]

Good grief, have some dignity! It's completely inappropriate to reach out on Valentine's with someone you're not with. She knows where to find you.

[TeddyPSmith]

I am trying to be strong, it’s hard when you loose your best friend. She used to be the person I spoke to about everything all the time so it’s hard. Like you’ve lost a part of yourself...

 

My main emotion is not anger or regret at the break up. I just miss her like hell because I haven’t seen her for nearly 4 months.

 

 

 

Dude I feel this. That person becomes a part of you and it feels like a void that can never be filled again. I kind of feel like there are times when you CAN send a note to the ex. I don't know that this is one of those times, though. Good luck to you

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't do it, OP.

 

Nearly all of us have been where you are at the end of a relationship. You feel lost, confused, like you're missing a part of yourself. These are normal feelings and I promise they do fade in time. I get that you would do anything just to have to re-think her decision, but the truth is that if she felt strongly about you then you wouldn't be her ex-boyfriend. How will you feel if you get a short, "Hey, thanks, you too!" reply, or no reply at all? Or you have a little friendly catch-up but that's it?

 

Valentine's Day is a couples' day. You are not a couple anymore. Ergo, no Valentine's message.

[ben321]

Dude I feel this. That person becomes a part of you and it feels like a void that can never be filled again. I kind of feel like there are times when you CAN send a note to the ex. I don't know that this is one of those times, though. Good luck to you

 

Exactly, you see someone every day prett much for 2 years then she goes away, you are set on her coming back, then she doesn’t. It’s horrible

I probably would have dealt with it better if she’d done it before we left. At least it would have been proper.

 

And to those others having a go at me, thanks for being so supportive through a pretty ****ing tough time in my life ?

[ben321]

Don't do it, OP.

 

Nearly all of us have been where you are at the end of a relationship. You feel lost, confused, like you're missing a part of yourself. These are normal feelings and I promise they do fade in time. I get that you would do anything just to have to re-think her decision, but the truth is that if she felt strongly about you then you wouldn't be her ex-boyfriend. How will you feel if you get a short, "Hey, thanks, you too!" reply, or no reply at all? Or you have a little friendly catch-up but that's it?

 

Valentine's Day is a couples' day. You are not a couple anymore. Ergo, no Valentine's message.

 

Yeh I know. It’s a fair point. Just wish we could have at least done the break up face to face. Made it so much harder. Made me miss her so much more. I guess I’m just pondering wether if I showed her I loved her she might remember the good times. But I know it doesn’t work like that. I’ll always wonder if she’s thinking the same thing

[CantTakeMySmile]

Yeh I know. It’s a fair point. Just wish we could have at least done the break up face to face. Made it so much harder. Made me miss her so much more. I guess I’m just pondering wether if I showed her I loved her she might remember the good times. But I know it doesn’t work like that. I’ll always wonder if she’s thinking the same thing

 

 

 

It is natural to always wonder "what ifs" but that has nothing to do with Valentine's day. Like another poster said, Valentines is for couples. You are no longer a couple with her. And if she is spending the night with someone else, that would really suck for her to have to deal with today. You said she was genuinely unhappy with you ... let her be happy...

[Marc878]

First of all I know why your all going to say, don’t do it. But thought I’d ask anyway

 

To set the scene, she broke up with me a month ago after 2.5 years of a great relationship. We were extremely close, and we both thought we would be together for a long time.

She moved away for 6 months to go Skiing. The time difference meant we didn’t speak much and she ended up finding it too hard. After weeks of deliberating and me making a lot of effort to save the situation she broke up with me. She said she still had feelings but that this was best for both of us, and my lack of effort at the start of those 6 months hurt her and pushed her away.

 

Well it’s now valentines and I really want to reach out to her. I know I shouldn’t. We haven’t spoken in a week and it’s killing me. She doesn’t get back for 3-4 months.

 

Did you learn anything? If you chase they move farther away.

 

If it was such a great relationship why did she dump you?

 

Because it wasn't on her end so quit projecting your feelings onto her.

 

That gets you nothing.

[ben321]

Hi all, me again

 

If you haven’t allready heard my story, in quick format, me and my ex broke up a month ago after 2.5 years of a very good relationship. We spent almost every day together at uni. After Uni she went to the other side of the world to ski for 6 months and 3 months in we broke up. We were both struggling with the relationship but I ended up pushing her to the point she was unhappy enough to have to end it (‘different points in lives etc’).

 

I’m still reeling, heartbroken and so on. I haven’t seen her in 4 months so the overwhelming emotion is that I miss her like crazy. We haven’t spoken in 10 days but I’m always checking up on her social media etc because I’m so used to always being in contact with her/knowing what shes doing. When it goes from that to knowing nothing it gets really hard, especially with the added distance.

 

My question is, do I block her on everything and if I do should I tell her. It would be for my own good but I know she snoops around my stuff still so she would find out. We left things in a reasonably good place so I don’t want to cause any animosity or arguments. If I were to tell her it would be to let her know it was for me, so I could move on from her if that’s what she still wished. She has mentioned she still has feelings for me too

 

The reason I would find blocking her so hard is because I think I would just become even more anxious about what she’s doing etc.

 

Any nice advice or help would be hugely appreciated.

I still believe she’s the one for me, but who knows.

[d0nnivain]

It depends.

 

If you would like to heal, move on & no longer feel awful every day, by all means block her everywhere. There is no need to tell her.

 

If you prefer to pick at the scab that is trying to form over your heart to heal the emotional wounds you sustained so that you reopen those wounds daily & continue to bleed, continue to torture yourself by looking at her social media. I'm kind of surprised that she has not blocked you or at least unfriended / unfollowed you to close this window into her life from you. Do you really want to be looking at pictures of her with another guy? They are coming.

 

When you accept that this is over & she's not coming back it will be easier for you to be done with her once & for all. Now you are simply a kind of electronic stalker. Your presence is unwelcome but unobtrusive from her perspective

[bluecastle]

I second the above.

 

When I broke up with my ex 4.5 months ago, I unfriended and blocked everywhere. As someone who has a habit of maintaining blurred lines with exes, this was wholly uncharacteristic and, I admit, kind of jarring. I'd spent three years in constant contact with this person and now...nothing!

 

That said, not having a window into her life really helped me heal in ways I don't think I have allowed in the past. I can process what we had—the good, the bad—without little hits and pokes that throw me emotionally.

[ben321]

It depends.

 

If you would like to heal, move on & no longer feel awful every day, by all means block her everywhere. There is no need to tell her.

 

If you prefer to pick at the scab that is trying to form over your heart to heal the emotional wounds you sustained so that you reopen those wounds daily & continue to bleed, continue to torture yourself by looking at her social media. I'm kind of surprised that she has not blocked you or at least unfriended / unfollowed you to close this window into her life from you. Do you really want to be looking at pictures of her with another guy? They are coming.

 

When you accept that this is over & she's not coming back it will be easier for you to be done with her once & for all. Now you are simply a kind of electronic stalker. Your presence is unwelcome but unobtrusive from her perspective

 

I think she hasn’t blocked me because she still cares, but the distance just became too much for her. I am much more laid back than her so it didn’t affect me as much until she broke up. She said she was used to being with me every day and struggled when we weren’t together because I didn’t always make enough effort to speak to her (because I’m laid back.)

 

She gets back in 3-4 months so I doubt she’ll do anything serious with another guy. I can’t imagine she’s over me just like that.

 

I’m just worried if I block her I’ll push her away even more when the ultimate goal is to get back together. I know that’s unlikely but I have to try

[d0nnivain]

I think you are holding on to false hope & that is holding you back from healing.

 

But assuming you are right & the distance not lack of feelings broke you apart, you have to recognize that it shows weakness in your connection. If she couldn't hang on for a few months knowing the separation was temporary, that does not bode well for her coping skills or your ability to weather a real problem together.

 

That said you still need to stop torturing yourself. At the very least unfriend / unfollow her. That is different then blocking. She can still get through to you but your heart will be protected because her stuff won't show up in your feed.

[ben321]

I think I am holding out on some false hope, even I admit that.

But it’s hard when she hasn’t given me a solid reason for the break up, mentioned she still has feelings and still attempted to talk to me when she’s not skiing.

I would love to be able to move on, but I simply don’t want to, I liked her that much

[CantTakeMySmile]

From reading your post, it seems like you were too "laid back" for her relationship requirements. She wanted what you didn't want to give. So, it is best to let her go... well, I guess she has already done that... I guess it is best that YOU let go now.

[Young mind]

I believe you have no intention on moving on, if these posts are to vent, It is therapeutic and encouraged, but if you fail to take the advice of others here under each of your posts and keep going around in circles, mate, you're only fooling yourself.

 

Hard to imagine it and even harder that you're powerless in the situation, but post after post, last one was about Valentines, you were advised to block and move on, you refused.

 

We were all in your shoes, seeking answers in the abyss, failing to face the reality and move on, but the longer you stall, the longer you wallow, BLOCK HER and attempt to move on with your life mate.

[usa1ah]

Hi all, me again

 

If you haven’t allready heard my story, in quick format, me and my ex broke up a month ago after 2.5 years of a very good relationship. We spent almost every day together at uni. After Uni she went to the other side of the world to ski for 6 months and 3 months in we broke up. We were both struggling with the relationship but I ended up pushing her to the point she was unhappy enough to have to end it (‘different points in lives etc’).

 

I’m still reeling, heartbroken and so on. I haven’t seen her in 4 months so the overwhelming emotion is that I miss her like crazy. We haven’t spoken in 10 days but I’m always checking up on her social media etc because I’m so used to always being in contact with her/knowing what shes doing. When it goes from that to knowing nothing it gets really hard, especially with the added distance.

 

My question is, do I block her on everything and if I do should I tell her. It would be for my own good but I know she snoops around my stuff still so she would find out. We left things in a reasonably good place so I don’t want to cause any animosity or arguments. If I were to tell her it would be to let her know it was for me, so I could move on from her if that’s what she still wished. She has mentioned she still has feelings for me too

 

The reason I would find blocking her so hard is because I think I would just become even more anxious about what she’s doing etc.

 

Any nice advice or help would be hugely appreciated.

I still believe she’s the one for me, but who knows.

 

Your joking right?!?

 

What has she done that says she actually loves you?!?

 

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. This will help to keep you from groveling at your ex GF’s feet. She is your ex by her own choice, you had nothing to do with her breaking up with her no matter what she told you. If you don’t want to block her erase her contact information and unfriend her. Then start moving on with your life. I had a gf in high school that did something similar to me, I got back from visiting family in the south for the summer and she was dating someone else. She apologized, said she was sorry and offered to have sex for what she did while still with this other guy. I was in a daze, WTF was going on. We started to make out and I got up and left. Never talk to her again.

 

You need to do the same. Walk away from this relationship and don’t look back.

[Von80]

I learned this from a new friend of mine last night. It’s similar to the theme of No Contact. You should read that sticky thread a couple times. I read it every day. It helps.

 

He said: WALK AWAY AND MEAN IT

 

That is super powerful. It’s you taking your power back and becoming a man again. That’s what women find attractive, is when a guy shows they don’t need them. That makes them want to chase. That’s how I got my ex girlfriend in the first place years ago. After they leave you, when you do this eventually later on it makes them start to wonder what happened to you and what your doing. Not saying this happens every time but I believe that to be true in most cases. But when you turn the other direction and give them alot of space they eventually start to remember the good things about the past relationship and not all the crap that happened to cause them to leave. Plus it’s a win win. Either they come back later or you eventually find someone better because during that time you have healed and made yourself badass again.

 

Just do it bro. That’s what I’m doing. You’ll thank yourself later. Focus on yourself and make yourself a badass awesome guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

She doesn't have the feelings for you that she once did, OP.

 

6 months isn't that long to be long-distance, in the grand scheme of things and with an end date already established. If she couldn't handle the distance, she was no longer as invested as you thought. Not by a long shot. It's not necessarily anyone's fault, per se, but she was emotionally detaching before she broke up with you.

[lolablue17]

I don't believe in LDR. It just doesn't work and makes people miserable for nothing. I have crossed continets for love, when I was young.

 

She told you that you and her are in a different point in your life. If you agree with this sentence, you should cut all contact with her, unfriend her, block her and actually kill any temptation you might have to reach out for her in weak moments.

 

However, if you don't agree with her, you must prove it by buying a ticket and flying to be with her. If you do it, you're taking a hell of a risk.

1. she might reject you anyway. But at least you'll know you faught for this.

2. You might find out that she is with someone else, which might hurt you very much.

 

On the other hand, the huge risk you're taking might do the work when you show up there, (if 1 + 2 won't happen) and might make you both to feel close to each other again. I can't predict the odds, but I'd guess your chances of failure are bigger than success.

 

Anyway, I think that you have no other option than turning totally right or totally left.

Edited February 16, 2018 by lolablue17