Author loveistough Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 I guess at this point, what is the most likely way for her to get help? Is it part of the illness to refuse to get help? I read that the best time to talk is after her period because she is more rational at that time. What if she agrees to get some tests done by a doctor? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveistough Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 This reads to me like when you'd tell a coworker/friend; "I ran into a door" after they've asked where you got a black eye/broken nose. Praying4daylight, its not that i want to be abused or that i think shes doing the right thing... its that unconditional love sometimes makes you want to help the person, especially right now that the episode is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveistough Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 You're sweet but at some point it doesn't matter why the person abuses you. It's the abuse that matters. Sure, you can understand why it happens and have compassion for the person but just because they have a disorder does not mean that you should have to (or should at all) become their whipping boy. lucker74, its not that i want her to abuse me or that i want to put up with the abuse, its hard to explain but the feelings involved make me want to guide her to atleast get checked and put some effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Praying4daylight, its not that i want to be abused or that i think shes doing the right thing... its that unconditional love sometimes makes you want to help the person, especially right now that the episode is over. There is no such a thing as *unconditional love* in romance. If your girlfriend really suffers from this illness than she is like an alcoholic. There is no saying when she's accept she is sick. It could take years or she could never come to that realization. Till then she will continue on abusing people around her. Does she lose patience with co-workers and her boss? Does she lose patience and be be nasty with her family and friends? Does she experience road-rage or rage with strangers? Is all this only aimed at you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveistough Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 it is only aimed at me and ive heard that thats what PMS and PMDD is all about. targeted at their significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 it is only aimed at me and ive heard that thats what PMS and PMDD is all about. targeted at their significant other. This makes NO sense at all. How can an hormonal imbalance be only aimed at 1 person? Ask any woman on here, when we're on edge because of hormones we're on edge with everyone around. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I don’t have much input, except that you seem like a supremely decent human being and I hope she can be convinced to get treatment and that it works out. Otherwise, I’d be very, very wary. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 This makes NO sense at all. How can an hormonal imbalance be only aimed at 1 person? Ask any woman on here, when we're on edge because of hormones we're on edge with everyone around. I don’t know. I think a hormonal imbalance could very well be aimed at 1 person. I was like that when I was pmsing and in a relationship. I might be sad and irritable in general, but my SO bore the brunt of it. Possibly because he was the one I was most emotionally bonded too. If you don’t give a crap about someone it is difficult to get upset at them. At least for me. It’s just not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 it is only aimed at me and ive heard that thats what PMS and PMDD is all about. targeted at their significant other. It's only aimed at you...GREAT!?!? Seriously,man..you sound like you should call a domestic abuse hotline(not making lite of DA)..Come'on..What would your father,mother,brother,sister friends,some stranger on the street, say if they heard this nonsense? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I don’t know. I think a hormonal imbalance could very well be aimed at 1 person. I was like that when I was pmsing and in a relationship. I might be sad and irritable in general, but my SO bore the brunt of it. Possibly because he was the one I was most emotionally bonded too. If you don’t give a crap about someone it is difficult to get upset at them. At least for me. It’s just not worth it. Bonding or no bonding, You blew at him because you knew he would put up with it. You would never had blown up at your boss or co-workers because you knew there would be serious consequences and even though you were seriously PMSing you still had enough judgment to know it's wrong to blow up at people. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Bonding or no bonding, You blew at him because you knew he would put up with it. You would never had blown up at your boss or co-workers because you knew there would be serious consequences and even though you were seriously PMSing you still had enough judgment to know it's wrong to blow up at people. I agree. I think that shows it's controllable, and you can't just blame it all on your hormones taking over. You are choosing to be like this to someone. OP, leave this relationship. I'm not sure you can blame it on PMS, I suspect she may be on the BPD spectrum, but in any case, why put up with this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 No matter what the reason you are not obligated to be another person's punching bag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Try reading stop walking on eggshells and see if anything applies. The book was written regarding BPD but helped me a lot while caregiving, in my case for a psychotic. I doubt you'll simply leave tomorrow morning. It'll be awhile. There are tips to save your sanity while in the process. My experience with a PMS wife tends to mirror what I've read from a number of respondents here. It was cyclical and if she was snappy it was with everyone. And, no, she wasn't the psychotic Otherwise, sterling example of a balanced and sane wife. Never a complaint. Her moods on PMS didn't even register negatively with me since she was otherwise excellent in the mood department. Your GF, OTOH, reminds me of a friend's wife who is dx'd BP2 and suspected BPD. They grabbed her ovaries decades ago and it's been hormones ever since. I guess she didn't want to reproduce, must've known something was wrong. At least that's what she told me when not throwing things at me Later in life you might chuckle about this stuff. For now, save yourself. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I had a quick read on this pmdd. It is treated with anti-depressant. If it were a hormonal problem they would be treating it with homorne supplements or often they will start with birth control pills. When doctors put you on anti-depressant it's no longer your hormones the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Once woman breaks up with me she is done permanently. 5 yrs of this nonsense? no thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 (edited) Why do they abuse people that they supposedly love? She seems like a completely different person after her period. What if she saw a doctor and he told her exercising reduces your irritability and improves relationships, etc. Seriously? The "whys" don't matter. "Because she does/she is/you let her/you stick around for it" is why. You remaining is you telling her that you're not only OK with her treatment, you volunteer for it. A stranger on the street will more than likely kick her behind. Her boss will fire her, so she's not going to turn that mess on anything that threatens her safety or her means of putting food on the table or clothes on her back. That means people who she deems as weak and who won't do anything to check her will get this--and that's you because she's peeped your game a long time ago and reckoned that she can get away with it because you're not strong enough to leave. And because you're a volunteer to her abuse. Plain and simple. I refer you to my sig line below Edited February 20, 2018 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 its that unconditional love sometimes makes you want to help the person, especially right now that the episode is over. This is where you're messing up and making excuses. You have an extremely naive interpretation of what unconditional love is. All adult love comes with conditions because adults have boundaries to which they stand sentry and protect. Unconditional love is for one's children, not adults who know they have issues yet do not do anything concrete to address them, all the while expecting you to take their abuse because sometimes, they can be nice. No. That's not how it works. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I don’t know. I think a hormonal imbalance could very well be aimed at 1 person. I was like that when I was pmsing and in a relationship. I might be sad and irritable in general, but my SO bore the brunt of it. Possibly because he was the one I was most emotionally bonded too. If you don’t give a crap about someone it is difficult to get upset at them. At least for me. It’s just not worth it. No, that's not true. Your hormonal imbalance is internal. Your reaction to it is external. But look at it this way. Let's say you're married to an alcoholic who hits you when he's drunk. He doesn't hit anyone else. But it's not because he doesn't get upset at anyone else, it's because he knows and has learned that he can get away with it with you. OP, I guess you have a chance. But you have to help her realize that she cannot get away with it. That means you you to very seriously understand and eventually communicate that ending the relationship - permanently - is a possibility. Only then will she have a small chance to get the help she needs. Accepting the behavior and getting back with her has a name: enabling. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I'll say this too: You talk about "unconditional love". Here's some homework for you...Treat(abuse) her the way she treats(abuses) you and see how long SHE sticks around for the repeated abuse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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