Should I tell my boss’s wife that he’s cheating on her?

[Oliviasmith24]

I work in a small office with only 5 other employees. My boss who is married with two kids is having an affair with a woman who works two offices down at a counseling center (ironic). She comes around the office all day everyday and makes him meals and they have sex after hours. I obviously want to keep my job and would do it super anonymously but it makes me sick to have to see everyday. His wife has no clue and I feel something in my heart telling me that she should know but nobody else will tell her. Is this something that I should do or should I just stay out of it? It’s been going on for a couple years now.

 

I personally would rather know than not know if I was in that position.

[harrybrown]

I would want to know.

 

hope you do find a way to tell her.

 

two years is a long time.

[d0nnivain]

She won't believe you & she will mention you when she confronts her husband.

 

 

If you aren't brave enough to say it publically not anonymously keep your mouth shut.

[Oliviasmith24]

If I did it anonymously she wouldn’t be able to trace it back to me

[dichotomy]

If I had 5 employees - they would be on the top of my suspects list if my wife told me someone told her I was cheating with someone in the office/building.

 

 

If you can find a job elsewhere - I would do that first. Otherwise if your job is critical to you - I would not say anything.

[Mrin]

No.

 

Ten characters

[LivingWaterPlease]

I'd pray about the situation while looking for another job. I believe if God were to want me to say something to either the boss or the wife he would bring about a situation where it was natural to do so.

 

But, I wouldn't continue to work there with that going on. Sick.

[GorillaTheater]

It's been a long day and I'm in a crappy mood.

 

 

So I'm going to go with using it as leverage for one hell of a raise and/or bonus.

[RecentChange]

If I had 5 employees - they would be on the top of my suspects list if my wife told me someone told her I was cheating with someone in the office/building.

 

 

If you can find a job elsewhere - I would do that first. Otherwise if your job is critical to you - I would not say anything.

 

Boy, I would think that would be one hell of a wrongful termination suit if her boss used this against her.

 

But GT could tell us better - his area of expertise.

 

It's been a long day and I'm in a crappy mood.

 

So I'm going to go with using it as leverage for one hell of a raise and/or bonus.

 

Love the way you think.

[GorillaTheater]

Boy, I would think that would be one hell of a wrongful termination suit if her boss used this against her.

 

But GT could tell us better - his area of expertise.

 

 

It depends on jurisdiction, but in places like Texas there'd be no cause of action. Here in the absence of a contract you can fire anybody for any reason, as long as it's not an illegal reason (Title VII, ADA, ADEA, etc.). Even the state whistle-blower statute wouldn't help because the act you're blowing the whistle on has to be illegal.

[dichotomy]

It depends on jurisdiction, but in places like Texas there'd be no cause of action. Here in the absence of a contract you can fire anybody for any reason, as long as it's not an illegal reason (Title VII, ADA, ADEA, etc.). Even the state whistle-blower statute wouldn't help because the act you're blowing the whistle on has to be illegal.

 

 

Most places are like that - and who has 5-20 grand to hire a lawyer?

[Woggle]

As much as I despise cheating don't mess with your money like that.

[BTDT2012]

Is the other woman married, too?

[MsJayne]

I'm wondering why your boss and his floozy don't bother to keep this secret. If she brings meals in for him that suggests to me that she sees it as more than just an affair, she's doing the caring GF thing. Perhaps an anonymous note to the floozy pointing out that hanging around a workplace conducting an affair is very inappropriate and might even constitute workplace harassment?

[Oliviasmith24]

The other woman is pretty recently divorced. The only thing holding me back from telling his wife is that I’ll lose my job when he finds out it’s me by process of elimination. It makes me sick to my stomach every time she walks in the door and just from a moral standpoint and for the sake of their kids I so badly want to just drop an anonymous letter in his family’s mailbox so she can know about it.

[carhill]

A couple years?

 

IMO, if he's not sexually harassing any of the employees in the office, leave it be.

 

I remember back in the 80's one customer was going through every woman in the office and some of the vendors too and I was pretty impressed by his savvy with the ladies until I found out he was married. Some of the employees were married too, it turned out. Quite an eye-opening to what really goes on in the world. Given the industry, fortunately no one died. Pretty rough.

 

I would suggest doing some networking to find other potential employment. These things can blow up in an instant. Stuff happens.

[Veronica73]

I don’t know what to tell you, except I wouldn’t tell her unless I had another job lined up. (Probably not even then, even if I was her and I would want to know. But definitely not before I had another job lined up.) Too much drama.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Definitely find another job!

[CC12]

Do you have proof that they're having sex? Or is this just a conclusion that you've come to since she hangs around and brings him food?

[Oliviasmith24]

I’ve heard from two other employees that they have sex when everyone else leaves for the day

[anika99]

In this situation I don't think I would tell. First because you are risking your job and secondly because you can't prove it. If you give his wife some anonymous letter telling her that her husband is having an affair, he's simply going to deny it and tell her that some crazy person is out to get him. Why would she believe you, an anonymous person, over her husband?

[Rockdad]

You know how my wife and I stay out of trouble? We mind our own business.

[thefooloftheyear]

What would you have to gain from it??

 

 

TFY

[Purepony]

I’d stay out of it, it’s their situation

I mean you are not the moral police and have no right to judge them let alone play anonymous tipster

Plus what if they divorce and he loses the company you’ll be out a job

 

I’d pass and find something else to do why take their affair so personal ?

[lolablue17]

Lets forget your own interest and risks for a minute and talk about the moral issue.

 

You have your own moral values. Other people have other moral standards. Who are you to force your standards on others? More to that - Who are you to interfere so brutally in other people's lives, possibly ruin 2 families, just because they don't live up to your standards?

 

If you knew about a case of child abuse, or violence, or other things that are horrible and illegal, then it would have been different. But as far as i know in modern countries the law does not forbid adultery. So what your boss chooses to do in his own private life is perfectly legal.

 

If they were having sex inside the office, during work hours, then you could have said that it violates your work enviroment, but it is not the case. The only thing that bothers you is that personally you don't like your boss. So do you seek for a revenge or something? Bad bad bad. If it's not revenge, then what is it? Do you want to play Don Quixote, go find real miseries on the streets and fix them.

 

I think that it's better for you to stay out of it, don't stick your nose, it's none of your business what your boss chooses to do in his own life. Or - quit your job.

Edited February 17, 2018 by lolablue17