Want a divorce with child in the way.

[mcarter789]

My wife and I have known eachother for 5 years and been married for almost 4 years of it now. She wanted to get married fast and I was all on board with it. She was not like any girl I had dated before. She did things for me, didn't hold me back on what I wanted to do, let me go out with friends without getting angry or questioning what we were doing. Told me that she wouldn't change me or change who she was if we got married as I openly told her my concerns of that from a previous relationship.

 

1 year I to the marriage she started to change. Started questioning everything I did, always had to have tabs on me, made me cut out my circle of friends. In her eyes it was her and me and nobody else. I have been told my many that that is not healthy for a relationship as friends are important as well. Sex has started to decline from multiple times a week to once a month.

 

Middle of year 2 we have a baby. Everything is still the same as year 1 as far as the way she is acting. She has some post partum depression and I try to comfort and make it the best situation I can by being there. After the baby she did not go back to work. Shortly after the baby was born we moved to Arizona to be near her family. I did not want to move as I have a child in from a previous relationship in the state we were living in. I did so however for her and her well being.

 

Shortly after moving here I got kicked out of the bed that we shared for the baby. I understand at the time that it happens baby and mommy need that time for better sleep and such. I was OK with it however I STILL do not sleep with my wife and the baby is still cosleeping. (I have brought it up numerous times how I need to be sleeping with my wife to no avail) Things stayed the same in every other aspect however and some. I then became the person in the relationship doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry and any other chore there was. It was a 90/10 split with all of that. Me being the 90%. Since moving here sex is nonexiatent. The very few times we have had sex the almost 2 years now she got pregnant and is 5 months along.

 

I fell that the relationship is very toxic as I have a lot of resentment towards her. I work full time plus overtime and part time school. She stays at home with the now 2 year old and does school part time and babysits a couple times a week. I have had numerous talks with her about how I feel I am doing everything with her helping very little. Things will change for a few weeks them go back to normal.

 

I will tell her about my day at work and half the time she is either zoned out, on her phone or just doesn't answer me. I feel as if we have turned into roommates and not lovers. At this point seeing everything that she is and has done or become I cannot find myself ever loving her the same again. This in a nutshell is what's going on. There is other things but this lost is already an essay lol! The last few months I have gone back and fourth about divorce. I know being pregnant seems like a horrible time to do it but I am at wits end and just want it over with to be happy in my life again but cannot bring myself to do it even though I am miserable.

 

I would love some feedback on my situation. Thanks in advance

[S2B]

I don't blame you for wanting a divorce.

 

Have you checked to see how much child support you'd have to pay?

 

If you wait too long - you'll also be into this for spousal support too since she doesn't work.

 

If she doesn't intend to be your wife then end it.

 

Tell her that you intend to divorce her since she not being a wife... see what she does.

[standtall]

Wow..what a bait and switch. Ultimatum time.

[salparadise]

Shortly after moving here I got kicked out of the bed that we shared for the baby. I understand at the time that it happens baby and mommy need that time for better sleep and such. I was OK with it however I STILL do not sleep with my wife and the baby is still cosleeping.

 

This is a known pattern... new baby replaces the husband as the wife's primary relationship. His needs are not met in the relationship, and it doesn't bother her as it's all about her and the baby. He is taken for granted but expected to provide and meet their needs.

 

In a healthy family structure, the marriage is the primary relationship, and together they maintain the home and nurture the children. If the husband and wife are no longer primary to each other, the marriage-home-family structure disintegrates.

 

This sometimes happen in subtle ways, but in your case getting kicked out of the bed and cut off from sex is literal and extreme. As you suggest, this probably is not fixable. The marriage is dead and resentment has set in.

 

Consider a move back to your previous location and divorce her there. That way you'll be able to have a relationship with all of your children.

[somanymistakes]

Have you been to marriage counselling?

 

Dealing with the changes in life brought about by the birth of a child is hard for everyone. The mother often goes through huge and painful physical changes followed by big hormonal disruptions and often crushing depression as well. It is possible that some of the behavior changes you're seeing in her are not some sort of "bait and switch" game on her part, but the result of her own problems.

 

I know you've tried to talk to her yourself, but sometimes it really needs an outside voice to help both sides be clear in what they want and need, and to recognise whether some of those wants are unreasonable.

 

YES, the two of you need change, things are not going well. But don't jump too quickly to conclusions about there being only one way out of this. It's not healthy or helpful for you to spend months going back and forth over divorce in your head without her knowledge, either.

 

How does her family factor into things? Are they helping out with the child at all? Do they provide contact and support for her? Do they interfere in your life and drag you down?

 

I know being pregnant seems like a horrible time to do it but I am at wits end and just want it over with to be happy in my life again but cannot bring myself to do it even though I am miserable.

 

Sex isn't exactly nonexistent then is it?

 

And yes. It makes you look like an ass. Especially if you already had all these problems in your relationship - you should not have gotten her pregnant. Now you've gone and knocked her up again, and now, while she's dealing with all the misery of that, now you want to abandon her.

 

Of course she's staying home and not doing much! She's pregnant and managing a toddler!

 

It may come to divorce in the end but this is not the time to cut and run.

 

Get some help around the house. You should not be doing the housework, you are busy. She may not be capable of it. Lean on her and her family to find a solution.

 

Get counseling. Talk through your problems. During the counseling, admit that you are considering divorce. See how she feels about it. She may also want out of this situation. If nothing else, you need to lay down the structure of what you can and can't live with.

 

Look, I'm not unsympathetic, I don't think anyone should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage. If you can't resolve things then yes, you should leave rather than be miserable. But you need better relationship-management skills or you're going to keep finding yourself in destructive relationships over and over again. Explore what can be done, try different things, learn what does and doesn't work.

Edited February 16, 2018 by somanymistakes

[road]

Being that you rarely have sex you must have a paternity test done.

 

Then go to your church and seek recommendations for a MC and

drag your wife there.

 

Do not short cut and go straight to divorce. Chance to save things.

[StoicHusband]

I would love some feedback on my situation. Thanks in advance

 

You're in the right place. Thanks for posting. Keep posting no matter what you decide or what people say. Do what you think is best with all the advice given.

 

I personally feel like you have been neglected TERRIBLY. You're being taken advantage of, you should probably leave with the child if at all possible, and if you do decide to leave. She is not capable of raising a kid properly if this is an accurate depiction of your relationship.

 

I do feel like the male respondents here are more correct than the female one. It's time to give an ultimatum. There needs to be changes made on her part. She needs to understand you are entitled to the same things as any person, namely, the things that make you happy. The things she used to do before she decided to push you into the role of "slave".

 

I don't blame you for wanting a divorce.

 

Have you checked to see how much child support you'd have to pay?

 

If you wait too long - you'll also be into this for spousal support too since she doesn't work.

 

If she doesn't intend to be your wife then end it.

 

Tell her that you intend to divorce her since she not being a wife... see what she does.

 

Good advice.

Wow..what a bait and switch. Ultimatum time.

 

Indeed. I think if he handled the ultimatum properly then there would be a night and day change. However, without knowing the woman it's hard to say.

 

This is a known pattern... new baby replaces the husband as the wife's primary relationship. His needs are not met in the relationship, and it doesn't bother her as it's all about her and the baby. He is taken for granted but expected to provide and meet their needs.

 

In a healthy family structure, the marriage is the primary relationship, and together they maintain the home and nurture the children. If the husband and wife are no longer primary to each other, the marriage-home-family structure disintegrates.

 

This sometimes happen in subtle ways, but in your case getting kicked out of the bed and cut off from sex is literal and extreme. As you suggest, this probably is not fixable. The marriage is dead and resentment has set in.

 

Consider a move back to your previous location and divorce her there. That way you'll be able to have a relationship with all of your children.

 

I think that's the big part, don't divorce her in the new place. Do it in the former residence. And as I said before, work to get custody of the child if you believe you would be the better person to raise it.

 

This next person I'm quoting seems SO biased I have broken it down quite a bit.

Have you been to marriage counselling?

 

What does this MATTER?! He's doing his part and considering she has neglected to do hers in every possible way (but his approximation) I doubt she would be interested AT ALL. She's got the sweet life here. No sex, no work, no responsibility beyond playing with her little babies... this is every woman's dream.

 

Dealing with the changes in life brought about by the birth of a child is hard for everyone. The mother often goes through huge and painful physical changes followed by big hormonal disruptions and often crushing depression as well. It is possible that some of the behavior changes you're seeing in her are not some sort of "bait and switch" game on her part, but the result of her own problems.

 

I think you mean well by saying this, but you have forgotten that not JUST women have hormones, men have them too. She doesn't give a damn about his, why should he be considering hers. Also, he has explicitly said he has TRIED to help her in every way he can with these changes... What has she done for herself?

 

This is entirely pointless to discuss.

 

I know you've tried to talk to her yourself, but sometimes it really needs an outside voice to help both sides be clear in what they want and need, and to recognise whether some of those wants are unreasonable.

 

Maybe this is right. I think it's more likely that she needs to realize he's not to be taken for granted, though. She would listen to him if she didn't feel she had him trapped.

 

YES, the two of you need change, things are not going well. But don't jump too quickly to conclusions about there being only one way out of this. It's not healthy or helpful for you to spend months going back and forth over divorce in your head without her knowledge, either.

 

This is what we all mean by "ultimatum". You should look this word up in google. It means exactly what you are talking about here.

 

How does her family factor into things? Are they helping out with the child at all? Do they provide contact and support for her? Do they interfere in your life and drag you down?

 

One can imagine that they do interfere, provide contact and support, considering the moved to a different state to be nearer to them. It would be odd to move to be closer to family if they didn't. Am I right?

 

Sex isn't exactly nonexistent then is it?

 

This is SOOO nasty for you to say. You're basically saying "Hey, she ****s you every couple of months... what's your problem, dude?" This is by no means satisfactory to ANY man. Sex should be a daily possibility. For him it is NOT. You should really try to understand the sex drive of men in their primes better before you comment on such matters.

 

And yes. It makes you look like an ass. Especially if you already had all these problems in your relationship - you should not have gotten her pregnant. Now you've gone and knocked her up again, and now, while she's dealing with all the misery of that, now you want to abandon her.

 

No, it doesn't make him look like an ass. Your response makes you look cold and controlling. I pity your partners. - The misery of WHAT?! Pregnancy is a joy, or it should be... Is it not at all possible that this is the only reason she does till put out at all? The hope of getting pregnant again and starting over the cycle of "Hey, mister... I'm carrying/raising your baby... why do you think I have to do ANYTHING else?!"

 

Children are not something to be used in this way. They are a blessing, an asset, they are absolutely the goal in life. She's getting what she wants and he's getting the shaft.

 

Of course she's staying home and not doing much! She's pregnant and managing a toddler!

 

Daycare is a GREAT way to "manage a toddler" and nearly 75% of women work while pregnant. If she's not interested in running the household that is exactly what she should be doing, is working. You make a great many excuses, so it causes me to think you're guilty of the same mindset that she has.

 

It may come to divorce in the end but this is not the time to cut and run.

 

It may not be, but it is time for an ultimatum.

 

Get some help around the house. You should not be doing the housework, you are busy. She may not be capable of it. Lean on her and her family to find a solution.

 

He really can't be faulted here. He's doing more than his fair share. She should be to one finding a solution to this, not him.

 

Get counseling. Talk through your problems. During the counseling, admit that you are considering divorce. See how she feels about it. She may also want out of this situation. If nothing else, you need to lay down the structure of what you can and can't live with.

 

Why would she think -anyone- could live like this? I feel terrible for this man. Words can't even describe how miserable he must feel. Then he has the gun of child support against his head... damn, you've completely ignored his perspective in favor of that of your own gender... for shame.

 

Look, I'm not unsympathetic

 

You really, truly are.

 

I don't think anyone should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage. If you can't resolve things then yes, you should leave rather than be miserable. But you need better relationship-management skills or you're going to keep finding yourself in destructive relationships over and over again. Explore what can be done, try different things, learn what does and doesn't work.

 

If this was your entire response... I'd have had no disagreement. It's almost like you read what you typed above and decided that you could cop-out at the end. Because that is exactly what this is.

 

somanymistakes, your views are entirely gyno-centric. It is a shame really, you haven't considered how this man feels because you have no idea what it is like to be a man and have your sexual prime be wasted on a woman who only sees you as a source of income/support. I feel like she deserves nothing from him, not because of his post... but because of yours. If this is all you can say to defend her, then maybe he's right all along.

 

Good luck, mcarter

[somanymistakes]

Hon, he probably is right and needs to go. But we know NOTHING about the situation other than One. Single. Post. by a complete stranger to all of us. So yes, if everyone is jumping to conclusions that "she is totally an evil woman who intentionally misled you in order to marry you and then turn off the sex and do nothing!!!" I'm going to offer the alternative possibilities that need looking into.

 

This isn't his first broken relationship. And he talks about his paranoia about women changing after marriage before he got together with this woman... who promptly did just that, in his viewpoint. Either something's going wrong with relationship communication or his picker is broken. He needs help to learn to build a healthy relationship, NOT just to "dump the bitch".

 

What does this MATTER?! He's doing his part and considering she has neglected to do hers in every possible way (but his approximation) I doubt she would be interested AT ALL. She's got the sweet life here. No sex, no work, no responsibility beyond playing with her little babies... this is every woman's dream.

 

It sure isn't my dream, or the dream of any woman I know. You are leaping straight to a bunch of very messed-up conclusions about women.

 

Look at it this way. If you heard that the husband in a couple was doing nothing but sitting around the house all day, not working, not doing housework, would you conclude that he was living the dream, or would you conclude that he was depressed and needed help? (Both might be wrong since you'd need more information.)

 

What does it "matter" if they've tried marriage counseling? It's not "doing your part" in a marriage if you haven't tried to fix it. If you ask her about counseling and she says no, there! Job done! Box ticked! You tried!

 

Nobody appreciates it when their partner suddenly drops the divorce bombshell out of the blue and tells them they've been thinking it over for months and now absolutely will not be moved from their decision... which their spouse never even knew was a thing.

 

Communication and responsibility.

 

I think you mean well by saying this, but you have forgotten that not JUST women have hormones, men have them too. She doesn't give a damn about his, why should he be considering hers. Also, he has explicitly said he has TRIED to help her in every way he can with these changes... What has she done for herself?

 

IF she is depressed, she's not going to be capable of doing anything for herself.

 

That's why that has to be investigated.

 

If it is not the case, then fine, that possibility has been ruled out, move on.

 

This is what we all mean by "ultimatum". You should look this word up in google. It means exactly what you are talking about here.

 

I'm not sure why you're trying to lecture me on the point where I'm agreeing with you lol

 

One can imagine that they do interfere, provide contact and support, considering the moved to a different state to be nearer to them. It would be odd to move to be closer to family if they didn't. Am I right?

 

One can imagine, but we don't know because we don't have the details. Are they helping the situation? Are they making it worse? Can they provide any useful insight on the current problems, or do they just blame him for everything? How are they likely to react in the event of a divorce? These are things that are useful to take into account when making plans.

 

This is SOOO nasty for you to say.

 

Sex should be a daily possibility. For him it is NOT. You should really try to understand the sex drive of men in their primes better before you comment on such matters.

 

I agree, it was a snarky comment that came out wrong. It's more that I get frustrated when people claim there was "no sex at all" and then it comes out that actually they had sex every week.

 

I have a sex drive too, sex SHOULD be a daily possibility. I'm not going to stay in a relationship with someone who only wants to have sex once every two months.

 

As part of that, I'm not going to have UNPROTECTED sex with someone who is only willing to sleep with me once every two months. Or with someone whose relationship with me is otherwise toxic, someone I want to get away from, etc. Because I am highly aware of the potential consequences for that act. The last thing I want is to be tied down and trapped forever with a baby with someone who makes me miserable.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. It's a little too late to undo this one, unfortunately. However, the consequences are enduring. Leaving your wife while she's pregnant makes you look bad. Even if it was absolutely not your fault. It will make random strangers judge you. It will make future dating prospects judge you. It may make your own family judge you. And if, god forbid, anything goes wrong with the pregnancy after the divorce suggestion, everyone will blame you for "causing her stress".

 

Is that fair? Life isn't always fair. But it's still practical advice.

 

There is also the issue that divorcing during the pregnancy may create some serious issues involving custody of the not-yet-born child. 50/50 is pretty hard to swing with an infant. Particularly if there is travel involved because of the older child.

 

Now, that doesn't mean that he should never get divorced and should be trapped forever because of the baby, but it does make things awkward.

 

The misery of WHAT?! Pregnancy is a joy, or it should be...

 

You've never actually been pregnant, I suspect. The bloating, the moods, the nausea, the diarrhea, the gas, the bladder pressure, the constant hip and breast pain, the acid reflux, the risk of death, the whole having someone take a blade and slice through the muscles between vagina and anus, incontinence, prolapse...

 

Is it not at all possible that this is the only reason she does till put out at all? The hope of getting pregnant again and starting over the cycle of "Hey, mister... I'm carrying/raising your baby... why do you think I have to do ANYTHING else?!"

 

You know that bearing and raising children did used to be considered a fulltime job, right? And one as dangerous (and as necessary) as soldiering for men.

 

Some people are lucky enough to have an easy pregnancy. For others, yeah, they really can't do much else during the process. Your body's resources are pretty fully wrapped up in that whole 'building another human from scratch' thing.

 

You make a great many excuses, so it causes me to think you're guilty of the same mindset that she has.

 

I'm a single type-a personality who runs my own successful business, and I have a strong personal motive for getting men out of unhappy marriages. I'm just also capable of seeing things from other perspectives and imagining how someone else might feel.

 

Right now they are in a bad situation, both of them. He needs to get the pressure off him (yes, it would be nice if she did it herself by pitching in more around the house, but if she's useless you can't just sit there and cry, you've got to DO SOMETHING) by either hiring help or making her family help out. He needs to investigate whether she's depressed or not, and whether the situation will look any better when she's not pregnant and he's not overburdened. And yes, he needs to lay down an ultimatum about what he needs in a partnership.

 

She will probably say no, and then he can move forward with a clean conscience.

[justanotheroneofyou]

This problem is time immemorial. Blame it on the hormones, the changing body, the debut of a new timesuck in the form of a screaming baby, etc. That'll do it.

 

This period is so short in the overall scheme of things. If you have a good foundation, then I would stick it out and see if things settle down. There's no "start over" for you now. Salvage what you have. If you didn't have two kids, I'd say maybe you should pack your bags. Take it from those of us who divorce (I'm talking for run-of-mill reasons like fighting, boredom, etc.) I have had 10 years of headaches. I didn't take child support and neither did he, but, in your case, she will likely collect and you will see a dramatic decrease in your standard of living (unless you are of the 1 percent). Forget not seeing the kids on a daily basis. I'm not even clear if this matters to you (it's none of my business) but some people don't want to lose their kids. But, just from a financial standpoint, it sucks.

 

 

You seem impatient, and I get it, but it hasn't been that long, and you've knocked her up again, without BC. Get ready for more hard times.

 

Children are somewhat self-sufficient by about two--meaning they can go to their own beds, be expected to sleep through the night, etc. I know you miss your wife and all, but this is why some people don't have kids. They simply don't want to deal with all of that and the havoc that a baby causes. Were you both onboard with having the first; had you decided kids are for you guys?

 

Are you sure you are kicked out of the bed? That sounds dramatic. Go sleep in YOUR bed and when the baby cries or takes up too much room, put him/her back in his crib. Your wife objects? They can go sleep in the crib together. Be gentle but firm. House not getting cleaned? If it doesn't bother you, let it go until she's sick of it. Even people who are on the messy end of the spectrum get sick of living in their own filth. Have your own "room" neat and move your recliner in there or something in order to prove your point. If it really bothers you, hire help to get it done. It might give her some motivation.

 

Like all new mothers of the middle class or above, she probably loves trinkets and clothes for the baby and all the latest and greatest gadgets for the kids. Sorry, honey, but I have to use that money for Blue Apron because I'm working all day and I really can't cook and all three of us need to eat. Sorry, babe, but this sort of chaos in the house is making us both crazy. I need to hire help. We have to budget for this.

 

I mean, something has to give.

 

Are you sure she's not excessively depressed or on some substance? Her behavior seems extreme for someone in post partem. Your situation, however, is not super dramatic and its nothing new. It's unfortunate that women have a very hard time being the woman you met and were attracted and a new mom. The mom role, from an evolutionary perspective, will always be dominant. Look at how mothers in the wild kill those who want to have sex with them if you threaten their offspring. The cat family is notorious for this.

 

Unfortunately, for me, this is to be expected, but surely, you can get this worked out.

Edited February 17, 2018 by justanotheroneofyou

[justanotheroneofyou]

I also think it may be a good idea to have her get an abortion, if this is something you embrace. Too soon for another child when you guys haven't even gotten the hang of the balance act with number one.

[StoicHusband]

She will probably say no, and then he can move forward with a clean conscience.

 

OR (And here's an idea) SHE could offer... lol

 

Why is it all on him? Just because he's the one sane enough to realize their relationship is one-sided?

 

Women damn sure know when they have a man cornered. I'm so used to seeing this, too. When they have one of his kids, BAM, "You're mine, buddy. Sex is history, I'm not cleaning your house, you get nothing from me and if you leave I get 40% of your wages for 18 years."

 

It's not hard to understand... Women can divorce men and marry the govt, there are no consequences for her. She knows that.

[justanotheroneofyou]

StoicHusband,

 

Sounds like you've been married to/in relationships with a bunch of loser women. It shows.

 

I'm not saying women are saints or that men are all jerks. I'm simply saying that you are using hyperbole to describe all women. You sound like a 95 year-old frumpy and bitter man.

 

I'm certainly not great and I'm on here for my own share of problems/insecurities. I will say, though, that most women I know and work with ARE NOT like this. The last thing I would do is sit around in my filth, gloating that I was on my husband's dole permanently. I got out of my first marriage because my husband was not industrious enough and I was beyond industrious. I also like to self-actualize and have no desire to trap someone with a baby. That sounds beyond miserable.

 

 

I don't know if you are purposefully trolling by making such false generalizations, but your analysis of women is absurd. I myself was just posting that I was frustrated because I'm not getting enough sex, not asking for advice on how to pretend i have an indefinite headache.

[standtall]

Being that you rarely have sex you must have a paternity test done.

 

.

 

Really? Wow....we all have different voices based on our own experience or those around us. I don't think the OP has had such an extreme experience...or do you have another purpose to such suggestions?

 

OP, salparadise hit the nail right on the head. I couldn't agree with him more.

[StoicHusband]

StoicHusband,

 

Sounds like you've been married to/in relationships with a bunch of loser women. It shows.

 

I'm not saying women are saints or that men are all jerks. I'm simply saying that you are using hyperbole to describe all women. You sound like a 95 year-old frumpy and bitter man.

 

You can apply your own tone to my posts if you want. It will make it difficult to take my meaning, though.

 

I'm certainly not great and I'm on here for my own share of problems/insecurities. I will say, though, that most women I know and work with ARE NOT like this. The last thing I would do is sit around in my filth, gloating that I was on my husband's dole permanently. I got out of my first marriage because my husband was not industrious enough and I was beyond industrious. I also like to self-actualize and have no desire to trap someone with a baby. That sounds beyond miserable.

 

Yet it's quite the norm in society today. Not that she is intent on keeping the man, just that he can offer more the the govt/child support can at this moment, and if he does leave/stop then there are no repercussions for her and her children - at all. This is the world we live in. Divorce us, marry the govt... quite standard.

I don't know if you are purposefully trolling by making such false generalizations, but your analysis of women is absurd. I myself was just posting that I was frustrated because I'm not getting enough sex, not asking for advice on how to pretend i have an indefinite headache.

 

Good for you, I bet you are considerably more healthy in all ways than the woman who is being discussed in this thread.

 

 

Really? Wow....we all have different voices based on our own experience or those around us. I don't think the OP has had such an extreme experience...or do you have another purpose to such suggestions?

 

It's quite usual for people to find out about infidelity AFTER coming to this forum. Nothing unusual about him suggesting this. It's quite an easy process to undertake. Get the test if there's any doubt.

 

OP, salparadise hit the nail right on the head. I couldn't agree with him more.

 

Let's let this poster have his thread. I offered my advice (for better or worse) for his benefit. This isn't about my personal growth/personal issues. Best not to speculate about strangers.

 

Thanks anyway though, ladies. I'll be ok.

 

Edit: I went back and read my old post... I see how you ladies got this idea, actually. I wanted to edit the part where I said "every woman's dream" I should have said "every ****ty woman's dream". That would have more accurately conveyed my thoughts. Sorry for the hastily worded post. Edit button was gone or I would have fixed and made it easier for you to comprehend.

 

Seriously tho: Why, if it doesn't apply to you, do you feel the need to speak up about it? I think it is still pretty clear that I was generalizing... lol

Edited February 19, 2018 by StoicHusband

[viatori patuit]

Leave if you want.

 

She is living near her family and is not doing anything for you anyway apparently. The idea that leaving during pregnancy is bad has some merit, bilirubin is leaving her with a newborn better? When would be an optimal time?

 

Realistically if you are divorcing only you and your kids matter. She is not relevant beyond caring for your kids when she has them. Take care of yourself. If she doesn’t get that you are doing that then she really isn’t a good partner anyway.