Rhythm28 Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 I met a girl 2 months ago at work who moved here (Chicago) from New York. She moved in with her best friend who got her a job where we work. We went out a few times but there were times she was distant even though most of the time she was into me. When I asked her about it she said she left NY because of a bad relationship. We agreed that it was not good for us to see each other while she still had issues but we kept coming back to each other and eventually went out on more dates. Last week she dropped the bomb: She told me she was moving to Florida where her ex relocated. I went nuts but evenutally cooled down and let her go. We kissed in my parking lot but she still said she was going to go. A few hours later she texts me to say she is giving me 2 weeks to see what kind of guy I was in case she were to ever come back. This after I thought I thought we broke up and never see each other again. We met up later on that night and talked about what had happened the last few months. She wound up sleeping at my place a couple of times and we slept together. Sex was phenomenal! We talked some more and said she would come back if things didn't work out in Florida. She also said for the past two months she's been very conflicted with two guys in her life. She left today. It was a short, but sweet goodbye. I told her to call me only if she's going to come back. Not to see how I'm doing. I am not going to call her or ask her best friend at work about her. So here are my questions: Will she come back? How long should I "hold out"? Will it work out with her and her ex after giving him a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 Originally posted by Rhythm28 evenutally cooled down and let her go. You have only known her for 2 months and you think you own her !! It's a good thing YOU LET HER move to florida. I would never speak to her again.. anybody that chases after an ex like that ( moving ) isn't worth the time of day. and work on your controlling behavior ( unless I read your words wrong .. but I don't think i did) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rhythm28 Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 You're right...Two months ain't nothin'. All you know is the good stuff about someone. As far as controlling, maybe I worded it wrong. I didn't yell or scream and get all up in her face. It was like someone hit me in the stomach with a baseball bat when she told me she was moving to Florida with her ex. What I should have said was I eventually came to my senses and just let her go. After I let her go she started texting me asking to see me. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted August 27, 2005 Share Posted August 27, 2005 I had a similar experience once, she left after a couple months, went back to the guy, then came back to me a few weeks later. All the problems were still there. We had about 6 yrs together after that, but that incident changed things between us enough that we could never really forget about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rhythm28 Posted August 27, 2005 Author Share Posted August 27, 2005 Yeah I've already thought about the whole her coming back scenario. Would I feel any resentment after she chose another guy over me? I might. Who knows. Like you said, things were "different" after she came back it was hard for you to erase all that. I have a feeling the same thing will happen to me if she comes back. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 I think maybe it depends on how she comes back. And why she left. If she had alot of time invested in the guy, and you're the new guy, she may just need to make sure. If it all falls apart, make sure you're not her backup plan. But also, if she does come back, you can be pretty sure that all of her doubts about whether she should be with the other guy are gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rhythm28 Posted August 28, 2005 Author Share Posted August 28, 2005 I guess it's one of those things where I had to let her go. Yeah she could have stayed and had it good here with me BUT she would always wonder what her life would have been like down in Florida. Maybe he did change his act. Maybe she would have liked her new job. Maybe she would have liked the weather, made new friends, etc. Now, she will wonder what it would have been like here with me. I know I did the right thing by not begging her to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.positive Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 Just see how it goes don't expect aNYTHING FROM IT. Link to post Share on other sites
droopydad Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 I once had a "planned" relationship with a girl I had known for years previously, but we were both involved with other people. A few years later we met on a bus, after talking awhile she asked me to come see her, which I did about a week later. She had a boyfriend in the army, who was due out in october. She asked if I would mind seeing her until her boyfriend came back. I was totally thrown by this, but also flattered that she had enough guts to really talk to me about her feelings. She explained that she was always in love with me, but I was always kind of unattainable for her (she was much heavier previously, she lost about 90 lbs.) and would I please accept her limitations. We had a whirlwind romance for the next 6 months, we had every type of experience one could have together, we were both truly happy together. Now, the fateful day in October rolls around, she explained that she would have to stop seeing me, we both cried and we spent our last evening making love. Next day we kissed, hugged, said our goodbyes. I was in shock at the way we both just left each other. Turned out that she got pregnant our last night together, which I didn't find out till months later, but that's another story. We still talk occasionally every few years, we're both married to other people, but there is this enduring respect that we both have with each other, I can't explain it other than the fact that we were both so honest and open to have gone through this together. The point I'm trying to make is that you can have an honest and open relationship, and let it go, and in the future who knows what may happen. Just be happy for having spent time with each other, and if things pick up again later, so be it. It taught me a maturity beyond my years, which I have applied to every relationship since then. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 So you were basically her rebound guy for her guy in NY and now her backup guy for her guy in Florida. Will she come back? Unlikely. How long should I "hold out"? 0 days. Will it work out with her and her ex after giving him a second chance? Who knows, but you shouldn't concern yourself with such things. Link to post Share on other sites
whatever_u_think Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I once had a "planned" relationship with a girl I had known for years previously, but we were both involved with other people. A few years later we met on a bus, after talking awhile she asked me to come see her, which I did about a week later. She had a boyfriend in the army, who was due out in october. She asked if I would mind seeing her until her boyfriend came back. I was totally thrown by this, but also flattered that she had enough guts to really talk to me about her feelings. She explained that she was always in love with me, but I was always kind of unattainable for her (she was much heavier previously, she lost about 90 lbs.) and would I please accept her limitations. We had a whirlwind romance for the next 6 months, we had every type of experience one could have together, we were both truly happy together. Now, the fateful day in October rolls around, she explained that she would have to stop seeing me, we both cried and we spent our last evening making love. Next day we kissed, hugged, said our goodbyes. I was in shock at the way we both just left each other. Turned out that she got pregnant our last night together, which I didn't find out till months later, but that's another story. We still talk occasionally every few years, we're both married to other people, but there is this enduring respect that we both have with each other, I can't explain it other than the fact that we were both so honest and open to have gone through this together. The point I'm trying to make is that you can have an honest and open relationship, and let it go, and in the future who knows what may happen. Just be happy for having spent time with each other, and if things pick up again later, so be it. It taught me a maturity beyond my years, which I have applied to every relationship since then. So actually you were her herbound guy..........You only knew her for a very short time and hate to tell you this but you were so used, you have no facts that it was your baby or not you may think it but lets face it its not a 100%.Notice it that she ran to the other man so to speak, shouldnt that gave you some clue...........I feel kind of bad for your wife cuz you kept in touch with this so called women behind her back is that really right? I dont think so.She when on with her life ...Brother so should you ,,,,,,,,let go of all the white lies and life you live for a change.............GOOD LUCK Link to post Share on other sites
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