Shanex Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 He is a buddy I have known for 25 years when we were barely toddlers. The situation and facts are fairly unoriginal, unfortunately. What is happening to him happens to most everyone at some point so I will try to be concise: He met a girl, three years younger than him back in 2006. At this time I had lost contact with him and social medias then were not the thing they are today. So back in 2008 I randomly met him in a pub in my town, we quickly exchanged numbers and FB and he tells me about life, his girlfriend of now 2 years and we are quite happy to be in touch again. I have to shorten the story a bit here: they later on lived together, got engaged and had three boys, now aged 3-5-7 year old. So far so good. The thing is, they separated, or rather, she 'broke up' with him right before NYE 2018. A bit over two months ago and just tonight he called me to tell me that after two difficult months with his ex he was going back to his parents house who by the way live very close to me. One of his boy was crying, albeit young of course he understands the situation. He suggested to go out tonight to a pub, that turns into a club on weekends. I'm pretty exhausted, and suggested tomorrow instead, unless l sleep for an hour or two before. I have to mention that while we have been buddies for many years, there were times when we didn't talk much. I never liked his GF and the way she was treating him much. Last I heard yesterday eve hanging out with him was that she had already met someone, something he long suspected. I'm pretty sure he wants to meet a new woman too. He also told me that he signed up for some dating app but he's a fairly social guy who doesn't really need this extra help. At this point I am wondering which words from me would help him? He obviously needs to go out again a bit after years living with his ex and the household routine etc. He needs the ''fun'' of meeting people, especially women around our age (34) and eventually settle with someone again. Personally I quit the clubbing scene years ago before reaching 30. Not because I had met someone but its exhausting and quite expensive too. He isn't even asking me to be the designated driver, he would drive me and we would drink moderately, so I'm about to agree going out over the weekend. I don't know if he needs me as a ''consolation'', out of nostalgic times we had before in clubs, if he needs some good buddy like me to go out so not alone. In these situations, how did you react? Which words did you find to someone (a friend) dumped after a number of years with someone and some children? Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Go out with him. Most likely nothing will happen, because he has completely forgotten how to approach women. You will hear a sad story and drive him home after he drowned his sorrows. But you will be a good friend. P.S.: How are the children? Those are likely the ones really needing help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shanex Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Go out with him. Most likely nothing will happen, because he has completely forgotten how to approach women. You will hear a sad story and drive him home after he drowned his sorrows. But you will be a good friend. P.S.: How are the children? Those are likely the ones really needing help. Spot on on the first paragraph. The children from his own words are agitated. They are staying with their mom, not sure how often he will see them but of course he has a right to. The mother of my friend hated her ''daughter in law''. For many reasons before all because of the way she treated her son all along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 The children from his own words are agitated. They are staying with their mom, not sure how often he will see them but of course he has a right to. The mother of my friend hated her ''daughter in law''. For many reasons before all because of the way she treated her son all along. Sorry to hear that. It sounds like things are going to be rough. Based on my experience with divorced friends there will be several stages. The only thing I could really do is listen and make sure they get out of the house. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 (edited) Tell him to take care of his kids and if he needs any help be there for him.......women, etc.. will always be around... TFY Edited February 16, 2018 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 He just doesn't want to go out alone. Be a friend and go out with him a time or two and he'll meet someone and that will be that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 He doesn't even necessarily want to be going for another woman right now. He may just want to not be alone. Divorce is rough, especially for people with limited social contacts. Even in a bad marriage people tend to feel more secure in the stability of knowing that their partner will be there. In a marriage that isn't totally bad, there's occasional emotional support, or at least listening to how your day went. With all that suddenly ripped away, and often being without their kids at least 50% of the time as well, guys are often lost. Just spending time with you, someone he knows, may make him feel more safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Just listen. He won't expect you to have any answers to solve his problems. Most of being a good friend is listening <3. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shanex Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 (edited) I could have added this in the OP but yes, being a social, easy-going guy he is afraid of being alone. He has a decent social circle and I'm one among the few long-time friend he has. I'm here for him, listening, going out a bit and why not partying. Its clear that in such a moment and situation, you know who your real, true friends are. Not easy. Edited February 17, 2018 by Shanex Link to post Share on other sites
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