Feeling insecure and jealous again

[js_77]

Hello friends I'm dating my girlfriend for almost 3 months, I'm 32, she's ten years younger, very sweet and caring to me, we are good together, have an amazing sex, but there is a few issues that I'd like to share. She's still in college, sometimes I get worried and jealous about other guys hitting on her! She used to partying/clubbing/drinking more than me in the past, this makes me wonder if she finds me boring because I'm not into it too much, and I get jealous and insecure too. I told her about the dream I have to move abroad a few years from now, and she said she doesn't know because she would have to visit another country first to see if she would adapt to a new culture, etc.

 

Sometimes I feel confused about having a serious relatinship again, before her I was having fun, wasn't attached to any girl, was only hooking up and having fun, dating multiple girls, no feelings at all. Now with her, as much as I felt in love for her, I have strong feelings for her and like her very much, I cope with issues like insecurity, jealousy, low self esteem, etc...as I always did in my past relationships...this bothers me! Sometimes I think about breaking up afraid of being cheated on, afraid of commitment, I think to myself when I'm single at least I don't suffer with my insecurities and jealousy.

 

What you guys think? What is wrong with me? Will I never overcome these issues?

[smackie9]

Nothing is wrong with you, just your choice to date a 22 year old party girl that's in college. You are not a match. You two are at different stages of your life. She is just starting out and she shouldn't be tied down in a serious relationship. She's being a 22 year old and this is not a type a girl you would date for the long haul or have a future with.

[Darren Steez]

A look at your previous posts suggest...

 

the issue is you and the women you pick.

[Space Ritual]

Hello friends I'm dating my girlfriend for almost 3 months, I'm 32, she's ten years younger, very sweet and caring to me, we are good together, have an amazing sex, but there is a few issues that I'd like to share. She's still in college, sometimes I get worried and jealous about other guys hitting on her! She used to partying/clubbing/drinking more than me in the past, this makes me wonder if she finds me boring because I'm not into it too much, and I get jealous and insecure too. I told her about the dream I have to move abroad a few years from now, and she said she doesn't know because she would have to visit another country first to see if she would adapt to a new culture, etc.

 

Sometimes I feel confused about having a serious relationship again, before her I was having fun, wasn't attached to any girl, was only hooking up and having fun, dating multiple girls, no feelings at all. Now with her, as much as I felt in love for her, I have strong feelings for her and like her very much, I cope with issues like insecurity, jealousy, low self esteem, etc...as I always did in my past relationships...this bothers me! Sometimes I think about breaking up afraid of being cheated on, afraid of commitment, I think to myself when I'm single at least I don't suffer with my insecurities and jealousy.

 

What you guys think? What is wrong with me? Will I never overcome these issues?

 

1. Nothing is wrong with you.

2. Yes the feelings can be overcome, but you need to put in your own effort to understand that you need to let go of the outcome.

 

I turned 53 this week. The woman I am currently seeing is 26. The last 3 women I have dated were all n their early to mid 20's.

 

The reason I am successful at it is because I enter into these interactions without expectation. And THAT is 1 part of the equation.

 

The other part is that I know when the gettin' is good,and I know when the gettin' is slim. Having no expectations of these women on the relationship department has allowed me to go into these situations with eyes wide open. And I know when it is coming to an end...so regardless I don't sweat it because Time catches up with all of us.

 

Some guy will come along with more money, better looking and a bigger dick. It is simply a fact. So until that day comes I ride em for all their worth and then part ways with a thank you and a smile.

 

It has became easy for me to do because I learned to temper my feelings and lower any expectation of one f these chicks being "The One".

 

 

They aren't the One. They won't be. But that's ok. I still have fun and never ride out of town with my tail between my kegs.

 

I'm just telling you that either you need to let go of the outcome and accept May/December romances are usually short lived, or become nuts over some chick 10 years younger that is exploring her own life for what amounts to the first time. You cannot stand in the way. You just can't.

 

That being said, you would do yourself a huge favor and disengage from this one and seek someone else out if you re looking for a relationship. A 22 year old college girl going out to the clubs with her friends and a ready supply of horny young guys is not the one you are going to be settling down with.

 

You'll drive yourself crazy and push her away and she will eventually cheat on you, given this dynamic. And then you'll have had your heart broken for nothing.

[smackie9]

Good point....you have unrealistic expectations. By have no expectations you won't care what happens BUT that is a different dating style you will have to adopt in order to overcome the jealousy.

[Space Ritual]

Good point....you have unrealistic expectations. By have no expectations you won't care what happens BUT that is a different dating style you will have to adopt in order to overcome the jealousy.

 

It took me a long time and a few fails in a row on the dating scene to adopt it.

 

I adopted it initially to protect myself against having my heart broken again. Plus I was petrified of being rejected. At first it was just a front in order to not get my ego shattered any farther. That was when I discovered we men have such fragile egos. And I lowered my expectations. Once I did, I never looked back.

 

I do not recommend this style to many people. It is hard to do at first..that separation of feelings for someone and the reality of being with that person long term..

[Rainah]

If she truly loves you she will be the one for your despite your age difference. If she loves you she will be faithful, if she doesn't feel its working for the long haul then hopefully there is maturity of communication.

[js_77]

What I'm trying to do is to stop thinking about this, trying to stop feeling insecure and jealous. I'm about to let things happen naturally!

[kaitlynlily6]

I don't see anything wrong with you. It's normal with the age gap and the preferences you two have at your age. The relationship is new and I suppose there's no cheating or flirting yet with the opposite sex so just stick with it since you love her. Hopefully in the coming days you will understand her more and just let her know about your feelings so she can avoid what would make you feel uncomfortable.

[Floveet]

Hi OP!

 

Seems that the age is not an issue (28 here with a 21yo)

The problem is that you guys are not connected.

You don't party while she does, you have plans for the future while she doesn't.

There is a gap in your ideologies.

 

It is definitely something that might not work unless you lower your expectations, you enjoy your time with her and if Love appears, well then things will change naturally.

If after 3 months you feel that bad, maybe it's time to change your state of mind or break it off.

 

For you to know, on my side, we party together, we plan together and I am extremely surprised of the maturity she have for her age. But on important thing.. She has been working since she's 18, so not the same situation either.

To be honest, I would never date someone younger than me for the reasons you have stated. But sometimes you can be surprised.

 

I wish you all the best, and hope you can solve your inner issues before it breaks you.

[js_77]

Hi OP!

 

Seems that the age is not an issue (28 here with a 21yo)

The problem is that you guys are not connected.

You don't party while she does, you have plans for the future while she doesn't.

There is a gap in your ideologies.

 

It is definitely something that might not work unless you lower your expectations, you enjoy your time with her and if Love appears, well then things will change naturally.

If after 3 months you feel that bad, maybe it's time to change your state of mind or break it off.

 

For you to know, on my side, we party together, we plan together and I am extremely surprised of the maturity she have for her age. But on important thing.. She has been working since she's 18, so not the same situation either.

To be honest, I would never date someone younger than me for the reasons you have stated. But sometimes you can be surprised.

 

I wish you all the best, and hope you can solve your inner issues before it breaks you.

 

Yeah I agree with you, because what I'm trying to do is to lower my expectations and let things happen, enjoying the moments with her! You said about I don't party while she does, we party together, we hang out to bars, pubs and nightclubs sometimes. What I told in my first post was that she used to partying/clubbing/drinking "more" than me in the past, that's what I said.

[CommittedToThis]

Consider replacing "expectation" with "curiosity."

 

I'm curious if we'll hit it off tonight. I'm curious if she'll let me kiss her.

 

Expectations are our own way of ensuring failure.

[Space Ritual]

Yeah I agree with you, because what I'm trying to do is to lower my expectations and let things happen, enjoying the moments with her! You said about I don't party while she does, we party together, we hang out to bars, pubs and nightclubs sometimes. What I told in my first post was that she used to partying/clubbing/drinking "more" than me in the past, that's what I said.

 

You can't lower your expectations at this point with this one. You've already crossed the Rubicon of expectation because of how you feel right now. A spit second pullback with an attempt at casualness at this point will do nothing more than hasten the split.

 

You can't half ass this stuff. Especially now since you seem to be having such an internal conflict between your gut and your heart.

 

Either seek exclusivity or seek another woman.

 

That's pretty much the 2 viable options you have before you.

[js_77]

Funny thing is if I date women my age, most ot them want to get married and get pregnant, biological clock, etc. That's why I choose to date younger girls!

Anyway it doesn't matter because I've always dealt with insecurity and jealousy in my past relationships.

 

I don't have money and time for a therapist but I'm trying to forget about my insecurities and jealousy. Maybe if I take it easy and slow, and pretend my relationship with her is like a hookup/casual thing, maybe if I stop being too serious about her! Time will tell!

[hippychick3]

Funny thing is if I date women my age, most ot them want to get married and get pregnant, biological clock, etc. That's why I choose to date younger girls!

Anyway it doesn't matter because I've always dealt with insecurity and jealousy in my past relationships.

 

I don't have money and time for a therapist but I'm trying to forget about my insecurities and jealousy. Maybe if I take it easy and slow, and pretend my relationship with her is like a hookup/casual thing, maybe if I stop being too serious about her! Time will tell!

 

Um, you do realize that most girls in their 20’s will eventually want to get married and have kids too? You’re going to want that when when you’re even older than your are now or do you plan to break up at that point and start over with another 22 year old?

[js_77]

I just found out she keeps a lot of pictures of her ex boyfriend from two, three and four years ago on her facebook. Seriously? I deleted all my ex pictures on social media! Why she keeps? She said she didn't know about or she forgot. I don't believe this...anyway to me this is a red flag! I'm done!