Family dating an inmate

[yaya1289]

What would you do? I live in a super expensive city and as a single mom I live w/ family to offset costs. My sister (who i live with) is seriously dating a felon currently still serving time. He will be released in a few weeks. (He was a heavy drug seller & repeat offender of it). Family has expressed concern of this relationship, she does not care. Truly believes he’s a good guy. I am not saying he is not but a repeat offender with more than 1 felony charge raises some eyebrow. She lives here so of course she will have him in the home. Should I strongly consider moving out ? Seems extreme but given my sister has a long list of poor life decisions, I just don’t trust her judgment.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

What would you do? I live in a super expensive city and as a single mom I live w/ family to offset costs. My sister (who i live with) is seriously dating a felon currently still serving time. He will be released in a few weeks. (He was a heavy drug seller & repeat offender of it). Family has expressed concern of this relationship, she does not care. Truly believes he’s a good guy. I am not saying he is not but a repeat offender with more than 1 felony charge raises some eyebrow. She lives here so of course she will have him in the home. Should I strongly consider moving out ? Seems extreme but given my sister has a long list of poor life decisions, I just don’t trust her judgment.

 

I think it's your own judgment you should be more concerned about, and yes, I'd move out. There is no way I'd be rearing children in the same household as a convicted felon who was not their father.

[grays]

How old are your kids? I might wait to meet him if I was in your shoes. But Im not sure how much you know about him.

[yaya1289]

I’d hate to get too specific. I have a baby and a school aged child. She knew him as an associate eons ago, they developed “said” relationship when he sought her out via letters in the mail. He will not be living in the home but will be here more than I’d like him to be, he will be unemployed when he’s released. Red flags were raised when she admitted to me that she just learned his true age, he had been lying and saying he was 2 years younger than he actually is.

[yaya1289]

I think it's your own judgment you should be more concerned about, and yes, I'd move out. There is no way I'd be rearing children in the same household as a convicted felon who was not their father.

 

He will not be living here but will be around more than I’d like him to be. She seems to be infatuated with this guy who already lied to her about his true age.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I’d hate to get too specific. I have a baby and a school aged child. She knew him as an associate eons ago, they developed “said” relationship when he sought her out via letters in the mail. He will not be living in the home but will be here more than I’d like him to be, he will be unemployed when he’s released. Red flags were raised when she admitted to me that she just learned his true age, he had been lying and saying he was 2 years younger than he actually is.

 

So, they were not an item before he was imprisoned? The relationship developed through letters after he was already in prison?

[yaya1289]

So, they were not an item before he was imprisoned? The relationship developed through letters after he was already in prison?

 

Yep! I have tried as a sister to talk sense into her, that she does not know a single thing about this man. She does not know his current true character. She’s head over heels for his pretty words. She says she knows she’s doing something stupid but does not care.

[major_merrick]

Move out of your sister's place, and while you're at it, find a way to move out of that expensive city. Your life will improve in so many ways.

 

As for living with a felon, tons of reasons not to. He might be a decent guy, might be reformed, etc... But if you live in the US, if you live with a felon you can't have firearms in your home (at least, where he can get to them). That limits your ability to defend yourself if something bad should happen.

 

Aside from that, the facts are that people typically don't change their ways. Prison is a school for criminals. My mother has served time in two states...keeps going back to what she does. Just say no.

[grays]

I think Id start out with just the normal precautions. I wouldn't want a man alone around my kids unless I knew him very well. That would be for any guy. I don't think I'd treat this one any differently but Id watch for red flags.

 

I wouldnt care one iota about the age thing. It just doesn't seem in any way worrisome.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I agree about the age thing....not a big deal...

 

But, you have to think about your kids, OP. If you make a plan NOW to leave, you will avoid any possibility of something happening, which is good parenting.

 

Also, think about your school aged child.....what happens when he/she wants to have a friend over and isn't allowed because his/her parent find out there's a convicted felon in the home? Even ONE instance of drama or unlawful activities could be enough to traumatize a child for life and I just wouldn't take that chance.

 

Have you looked up this guy's complete record?

[yaya1289]

I agree about the age thing....not a big deal...

 

But, you have to think about your kids, OP. If you make a plan NOW to leave, you will avoid any possibility of something happening, which is good parenting.

 

Also, think about your school aged child.....what happens when he/she wants to have a friend over and isn't allowed because his/her parent find out there's a convicted felon in the home? Even ONE instance of drama or unlawful activities could be enough to traumatize a child for life and I just wouldn't take that chance.

 

Have you looked up this guy's complete record?

 

I have everything in motion to move out. I am mid semester doing some pre medical course work and waiting for the first set of exams to finish to continue with my plans to move. I don’t like risking my children at all so I want to move out regardless. I find it callous of my sister that she’s aware I cannot leave this city (i am studying here at the moment) financially it will be difficult.

Edited February 17, 2018 by yaya1289

[yaya1289]

Move out of your sister's place, and while you're at it, find a way to move out of that expensive city. Your life will improve in so many ways.

 

As for living with a felon, tons of reasons not to. He might be a decent guy, might be reformed, etc... But if you live in the US, if you live with a felon you can't have firearms in your home (at least, where he can get to them). That limits your ability to defend yourself if something bad should happen.

 

Aside from that, the facts are that people typically don't change their ways. Prison is a school for criminals. My mother has served time in two states...keeps going back to what she does. Just say no.

 

Can’t leave the city at the moment, I am doing my post bacc course work here. I truly believe that past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior, given he’s a repeat felon I do not believe this person is reformed. What i do believe is that he’s using her, she sends him things all the time.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have everything in motion to move out. I am mid semester doing some pre medical course work and waiting for the first set of exams to finish to continue with my plans to move. I don’t like risking my children at all so I want to move out regardless. I find it callous of my sister that she’s aware I cannot leave this city (i am studying here at the moment) financially it will be difficult.

 

Well, it doesn't sound like she "owes" you anything, but believe me, I get the feeling of resentment when your sister makes a major life decision that completely screws you financially . I know how you feel in that regard .

 

You obviously are an intelligent woman on a great path. You're doing the right thing by moving out so as not to jeopardize yourself, your children, and your future career.

 

Hopefully your sis will come to her senses! Is she older or younger than you? Do you two have parents and are they aware of the situation?

[yaya1289]

Well, it doesn't sound like she "owes" you anything, but believe me, I get the feeling of resentment when your sister makes a major life decision that completely screws you financially . I know how you feel in that regard .

 

You obviously are an intelligent woman on a great path. You're doing the right thing by moving out so as not to jeopardize yourself, your children, and your future career.

 

Hopefully your sis will come to her senses! Is she older or younger than you? Do you two have parents and are they aware of the situation?

 

I am older, she is in her mid 20’s. My mother is aware but my little sister has a long rap sheet. I feel my mother is over her and refuses to fight her on it. I have lost hope she will come to her senses. She has made many poor life decisions and continues to do them. She will have to learn the hard way. I think this is the end of my rope with her as well. She has done many things to me and while this has nothing to do with me, having to leave my family home, hurts.

[Popsicle]

Of course move out.

[major_merrick]

I am older, she is in her mid 20’s. My mother is aware but my little sister has a long rap sheet. I feel my mother is over her and refuses to fight her on it. I have lost hope she will come to her senses. She has made many poor life decisions and continues to do them. She will have to learn the hard way. I think this is the end of my rope with her as well. She has done many things to me and while this has nothing to do with me, having to leave my family home, hurts.

 

I kinda feel your pain. I'm older than my sister as well. For whatever reason, she couldn't get her life together and I ended up giving her the boot. She ends up with one bad girlfriend after another, never living in the same place more than a few months. Ultimately, you have to realize that her choices aren't your responsibility. She's an adult, and has the right to screw up her own life now.

[yaya1289]

I kinda feel your pain. I'm older than my sister as well. For whatever reason, she couldn't get her life together and I ended up giving her the boot. She ends up with one bad girlfriend after another, never living in the same place more than a few months. Ultimately, you have to realize that her choices aren't your responsibility. She's an adult, and has the right to screw up her own life now.

 

Sigh. You are correct. I’ll be 30 in a few months and I have my own mistakes I am currently learning & growing from. She will learn like we all do, sooner rather than later. Hope your sis gets her stuff together too ! Maybe ...

[MissCongeniality]

Tell your sister you think she's making a mistake but that if things go bad you'll be there for her.

[Miss Clavel]

tell her, sit her down, look her in the eye and tell her...

 

..."as your sister and friend of many years, i'm telling you, this will not end how you think, this will never go where you want. and after it's over i'd like to think that i could say, "i'll be there to help you pick up the pieces", but i cant...the fact that you can take him over me is so painful to me, on top of having to move out, i'm in panic mode with only enough emotional strength to protect my kids. you're on your own in this dangerous ill conceived relationship with a criminal".