Are these breadcrumbs?

[TeddyPSmith]

Had a very frank conversation tonight. It couldn’t be any clearer that it’s over. She’s actually giving me advice to get over her. She feels nothing from this breakup.

[NopeNah]

Had a very frank conversation tonight. It couldn’t be any clearer that it’s over. She’s actually giving me advice to get over her. She feels nothing from this breakup.

 

Look,buddy. You need to delete/block her from any social media,block her from your phone and save some face here! I know it sucks HARD!! I've been there,BUT do not let this be become one of the 10-24page threads that pop up on here looking for support and going against all rational advice given. Support is a great thing,but only if you use the support given. Otherwise it's nothing. Stop talking to this woman and anyone that talks to her,don't talk about her to them.They will tell her. No love letters or grand gestures..Nothing. It's done..NEXT! Get on with your life,unload on some trusted friends,but not for too long and enjoy watching your little girl grow. They grow up fast and there's always time for 'other' women in our lives. You'll be fine,man.

[TeddyPSmith]

No, I know exactly where it stands now. I will only be posting as a place to write down my feelings and to get advice on coping. She removed all doubt and I’m grateful.

[TeddyPSmith]

Today has been absolutely debilitating. Had to bring my child to my parents. I had a long talk with a friend and he helped me realize some of the negative things about her, justifying my original reasons for wanting to break up. My parents helped too. As soon as I got home it was back to square one, bawling my eyes out. It’s only been 8 days and I see no end in sight. I wish I had a timeline so I could at least tough it out.

[Mrlonelyone]

Well this will get better. Just give yourself time to heal and realize there is NOTHING wrong with feeling bad about a break up. Just let the feelings come and then let them go when they go.

 

Breadcrumbs are anything other than their directly and forwardly asking for another chance... at least wanting to talk about it like adults.

[NopeNah]

other than their directly and forwardly asking for another chance... at least wanting to talk about it like adults.

Not in this case..They do not get along. He doesn't want to be with her when they're together, and can't stand it when apart.. That's not a relationship. That's some codependent behavior on both sides. Honestly Teddy..I'd block her and look into some therapy for why you act this way towards a situation that you hate. I found out,via therapy and a lot of damn hard self reflection that I have some codependent issues and that's why 'I stay' in a relationship waaayy longer than I should..it's like an addiction.

[TeddyPSmith]

Not in this case..They do not get along. He doesn't want to be with her when they're together, and can't stand it when apart.. That's not a relationship. That's some codependent behavior on both sides. Honestly Teddy..I'd block her and look into some therapy for why you act this way towards a situation that you hate. I found out,via therapy and a lot of damn hard self reflection that I have some codependent issues and that's why 'I stay' in a relationship waaayy longer than I should..it's like an addiction.

 

I’d love to hear more. I’ve read enough to know that’s what’s going on. Has therapy helped at all?

[NopeNah]

I’d love to hear more. I’ve read enough to know that’s what’s going on. Has therapy helped at all?

Hell yeah it's helped! I honestly believe everyone could use some therapy! You can read through my post/thread history on here...see how I joined in 2009? I had an off/on/off/on/off/on/off on with THAT chick that I came to this site over.. I've been with a lot of 'randoms'(no offense ladies) between our splits,but I started therapy a couple years ago..and have JUST recently(7-9mo ago) blocked that same chick!! That's how many years I wasted being miserable with/without her? I'm happy as hell now!

 

Edit: check out this video

Edited February 19, 2018 by Praying4Daylight

[TeddyPSmith]

Up all night wondering if she’s hurting too. Maybe there’s a chance she wants to be with me but knows we won’t work so she’s psyching herself up by being angry with me. I know it’s a tactic she uses. What if one day long from now she says “you never tried hard enough to get me back”? Man that would suck. The mind can play some funny tricks on you.

[Lloyd4Christmas]

Up all night wondering if she’s hurting too. Maybe there’s a chance she wants to be with me but knows we won’t work so she’s psyching herself up by being angry with me. I know it’s a tactic she uses. What if one day long from now she says “you never tried hard enough to get me back”? Man that would suck. The mind can play some funny tricks on you.

 

Man I sometimes wonder if I am writing these messages for you under your screen name. Everything you are going through and thinking, I am feeling the exact same way. I tell myself that she is not contacting me because she is too stubborn and wants me to do all the work. I have the same worry that one day she will say "you didn't fight for me"...BUT if we give in, we are giving these girls all the power. I couldn't have a relationship that wasn't a 50/50 partnership... so for that reason I keep staying away because I know I won't get what I want in the end by contacting her right now.

 

Enjoy this nice Michigan weather we are having today... nothing better than grey and wet lol

[CaliBabe]

This is very interesting. The man I was dating for a about a year broke up with me a total of three times. He has very poor communication skills and a hard time handling any kind of conflict. Like your relationship, ours was great. We had so much fun, lots of common interests, were best friends and the sex was great. The two times he broke up with me I was aware it was out of fear so I reached out to him and we would work things out. The second time he told me that he wanted to reach out to me so bad but he was afraid I would reject him.

 

I told him that if he decides to do this again for the third time, it would be it for me. Every time he broke up with me it made me feel like I was disposable. Like I was not valuable, like I was garbage you would throw away a the corner of the driveway. I explained how much it hurt me.

 

Low and be hold, he broke up with me again and this time... I just couldn't. I have not reached out and I will not.

 

By doing this AGAIN I no longer feel safe with this man. I no longer feel like he holds me in high regards. Once a woman doesn't feel safe, its over. You can't treat people like sh*t and expect them to love you. There is no going back. I am sorry this happened, but use this as a learning lesson.

 

Hopefully this perspective is helpful.

[TeddyPSmith]

Man I sometimes wonder if I am writing these messages for you under your screen name. Everything you are going through and thinking, I am feeling the exact same way. I tell myself that she is not contacting me because she is too stubborn and wants me to do all the work. I have the same worry that one day she will say "you didn't fight for me"...BUT if we give in, we are giving these girls all the power. I couldn't have a relationship that wasn't a 50/50 partnership... so for that reason I keep staying away because I know I won't get what I want in the end by contacting her right now.

 

 

 

It SUCKS that we are going through this but it is good to know that someone else is there. I would do almost anything to be back with her. But the idea that she doesn't want to be with me is what's most crushing. You inspired me saying that you seemed a bit better after 10 days. However I feel WORSE AND WORSE each day. Every day brings a different level of despair and sensations. Crying harder, yelling at myself in the mirror. Denial (she will come back). Man why on earth would you ever want to love if this is what happens when it doesn't work!

 

 

I hope to hear more from your side. It brings me comfort. Hopefully I can provide some to you as well.

[TeddyPSmith]

This is very interesting. The man I was dating for a about a year broke up with me a total of three times. He has very poor communication skills and a hard time handling any kind of conflict. Like your relationship, ours was great. We had so much fun, lots of common interests, were best friends and the sex was great. The two times he broke up with me I was aware it was out of fear so I reached out to him and we would work things out. The second time he told me that he wanted to reach out to me so bad but he was afraid I would reject him.

 

I told him that if he decides to do this again for the third time, it would be it for me. Every time he broke up with me it made me feel like I was disposable. Like I was not valuable, like I was garbage you would throw away a the corner of the driveway. I explained how much it hurt me.

 

Low and be hold, he broke up with me again and this time... I just couldn't. I have not reached out and I will not.

 

By doing this AGAIN I no longer feel safe with this man. I no longer feel like he holds me in high regards. Once a woman doesn't feel safe, its over. You can't treat people like sh*t and expect them to love you. There is no going back. I am sorry this happened, but use this as a learning lesson.

 

Hopefully this perspective is helpful.

 

 

Im sorry it happened to you as well. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Although I suppose there can be reasons that make it acceptable. Good for you for having boundaries.

 

 

I broke up with her multiple times over our relationship. I cant say that it was a mistake because I had very valid reasons every time. I think a lot of people would've bailed sooner than me. My mistake was getting back with her each time. Whatever bad traits she had were offset by her good traits. This is why it's so damned confusing to me. Why do I feel so devastated by this? Karma maybe. I suppose I could have some attachment issues. First breakup after a divorce? I am definitely getting into some deep and raw emotions here. Maybe it's that I haven't felt these emotions in so long due to being married.

[CaliBabe]

Im sorry it happened to you as well. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Although I suppose there can be reasons that make it acceptable. Good for you for having boundaries.

 

 

I broke up with her multiple times over our relationship. I cant say that it was a mistake because I had very valid reasons every time. I think a lot of people would've bailed sooner than me. My mistake was getting back with her each time. Whatever bad traits she had were offset by her good traits. This is why it's so damned confusing to me. Why do I feel so devastated by this? Karma maybe. I suppose I could have some attachment issues. First breakup after a divorce? I am definitely getting into some deep and raw emotions here. Maybe it's that I haven't felt these emotions in so long due to being married.

 

Oh I believe you... Just maybe an explanation as to why she was the way she was when you last called.

[TeddyPSmith]

I should add that the bad traits were not so horrible that they violated any real morals. They were mostly just character flaws that when summed, cast a large cloud over our future.

[jm5423]

First breakup after a divorce? I am definitely getting into some deep and raw emotions here. Maybe it's that I haven't felt these emotions in so long due to being married.

 

I think that's exactly it. I'm experiencing the same pain as you Teddy. I was married for so long that when I entered into my first relationship after the divorce and fell in love with her it was like that first love all over again. It was so long ago I can't even remember loving my wife that way. I think you and I could be experiencing that first love pain and attachment again.

[TeddyPSmith]

Here is a good article I read about regarding the first relationship after divorce. It really resonated with me.

 

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3562421

[TeddyPSmith]

I had a small glimmer of hope this afternoon. I know it’s fleeting but I soaked it up as best I could. I was leaving work today and doing a mental exercise I read about on the Internet. I would say “Lacy wanted to be loved....just like me”. “Lacy was insecure....just like me”. And so on with all examples I could think of, most of them about her faults. I began to cry (loudly and violently like my 5 yo). Instead of picking up the phone to call someone, I just went with it until it ran it’s course. When it was done, for the first time in a long time, I felt totally ok with myself. Completely at peace. It felt warm and safe. I managed to keep that feeling until a friend called and told me that he talked to my ex’s best friend about us. He didn’t reveal anything or give details other than she’s not seeing anyone and has no intentions to. He just talked a lot about her and it kind of made me sad to remember that we would be no more and that there was never any last kiss, last hug, last making love, final goodbye. No real closure.

 

I know that I’ll feel horrible again soon but I have a small amount of hope that one day I’ll be whole again.

[TeddyPSmith]

I can’t sleep more than 3 hours to save my life. I woke up thinking about all the regrets that I have. It feels like I caused most of our problems...or I am hyper aware of the ones I caused. The number 1 cause of my issues is fear/anxiety. I let it run rampant in my mind, predicting every bad thing that could happen and never letting it happen organically. My anxiety was much higher with her than other girlfriends and I think her wilder years prior to me fueled that. She didn’t exactly exude June Cleaver before she had her child. I wonder if I’d stayed on the Lexapdo the whole time of it would’ve resolved the anxiety. I also listened to the advice of my friends about her instead of listening to my heart. There was also the issue of my ex wife. I have to give her credit for being an outstanding mother. I always felt like I’d have to compete with her and my ex gf wasn’t really a stellar mom. I think I could’ve accepted that “ex wife’s house is one way and my house is another” instead of trying to keep up with her. Hell, blending families is hard! Anyway, bottom line is I need to learn to drop things and maybe submit to women a little more.

[CaliBabe]

Have you tried any sleeping aids? Maybe a good book before bed?

[NopeNah]

I can’t sleep more than 3 hours to save my life. I woke up thinking about all the regrets that I have. It feels like I caused most of our problems...or I am hyper aware of the ones I caused. The number 1 cause of my issues is fear/anxiety. I let it run rampant in my mind, predicting every bad thing that could happen and never letting it happen organically. My anxiety was much higher with her than other girlfriends and I think her wilder years prior to me fueled that. She didn’t exactly exude June Cleaver before she had her child. I wonder if I’d stayed on the Lexapdo the whole time of it would’ve resolved the anxiety. I also listened to the advice of my friends about her instead of listening to my heart. There was also the issue of my ex wife. I have to give her credit for being an outstanding mother. I always felt like I’d have to compete with her and my ex gf wasn’t really a stellar mom. I think I could’ve accepted that “ex wife’s house is one way and my house is another” instead of trying to keep up with her. Hell, blending families is hard! Anyway, bottom line is I need to learn to drop things and maybe submit to women a little more.

Can't sleep...Use the time wisely. Clean your place from top-bottom. Workout/go for a run. Read/learn something/watch documentaries. Journal.All kinds of stuff to do that's productive and healthy.

 

Edit: AND STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!(yes I was yelling at you)

Edited February 20, 2018 by Praying4Daylight

[Lloyd4Christmas]

It SUCKS that we are going through this but it is good to know that someone else is there. I would do almost anything to be back with her. But the idea that she doesn't want to be with me is what's most crushing. You inspired me saying that you seemed a bit better after 10 days. However I feel WORSE AND WORSE each day. Every day brings a different level of despair and sensations. Crying harder, yelling at myself in the mirror. Denial (she will come back). Man why on earth would you ever want to love if this is what happens when it doesn't work!

 

 

I hope to hear more from your side. It brings me comfort. Hopefully I can provide some to you as well.

 

Yeah I would say the 10 day mark was the first time I didn't feel I had an enormous weight crushing my chest. I am on day 16 now and it is still a huge struggle. So many things remind me of her. I was just in Target, and I almost had to leave because it made me think of us shopping together. I am not used to my serious relationships ending out of nowhere. It's like going cold turkey on a drug you didn't want to stop using.

 

Hopefully your day has been treating you better. You mentioned not being able to sleep. I started listening to long meditation videos on Youtube that would help me relax. Give it a try if your insomnia returns.

 

Look forward to hearing about your progress.

[TeddyPSmith]

I used to play Bob Ross and Martha Stewart videos on YouTube. They use to knock me out Cold..until they started reminding me of her

[Lloyd4Christmas]

I used to play Bob Ross and Martha Stewart videos on YouTube. They use to knock me out Cold..until they started reminding me of her

 

I can see how those could knock you out cold lol. It sucks when EVERYTHING you do reminds you of her.

 

I'm forcing myself to go out on my own tonight. Have a couple of beers and watch the Red Wings... I know if I sit home I will replay everything in my head over and over. Not healthy

 

try and enjoy the night

[TeddyPSmith]

Day 12 - Up again at midnight. I started looking at pictures of her and had a breakdown. I kind of welcome the breakdowns because they eventually relieve emotional tension. It’s the dull, aching depressing states and the aching for her that I can’t stand. And those are the more frequent states. I did manage to get out to eat with friends Mon and Tues nights so that was good. I also spoke with one of my wiser friends about it and he gave me some good insight. My guess is that when “the fog of war” clears, I’ll have a much better picture of what happened. Right now I’m still in shock a bit.

 

As I read through our last text messages I find myself wondering why I wasn’t begging and pleading to get her back. It’s almost as if I guided us to this point. I did clearly ask if there was any chance (got rejected) and asked a second time to make some major changes (rejected again). Then told her a final time that I wanted nobody else (she reassured me that this feeling would pass). So I suppose that’s clearly why I didn’t beg and plead. It’s my biggest hope that she one day realizes what she lost or where she went wrong and comes back to me. As stubborn as she is, I can’t really see it happening. Man it would be redeeming to hear, though. I guess that’s that deal where nobody ever really gets closure from someone else. It has to come from within or something.