Are these breadcrumbs?

[Lloyd4Christmas]

I wonder the same thing Lloyd. What’s the damn point.

 

I’m really finding it depressing when I have my daughter. It’s like I’m this middle aged single dad and can’t provide a family for her. I had a ready made family. It felt so much more natural than this does. The most attractive and interesting girl I’ve ever dated and I totally took her for granted. She was so into me and I just let everything bother me. I’m afraid someone like her will never come around again. What are the chances. I was absolutely beside myself when we matched on Tinder and she messaged me. She wasn’t easy to date but I could’ve been better. ****

 

 

Hang in there man, it's a day by day thing. Most people on this forum are struggling right now. If they had all the right answers they wouldn't being hanging around here haha.

 

I actually found a therapist and have my first appointment today. Any luck on that front for you? I am really hoping it helps, cuz I can't stop thinking about my ex

[TeddyPSmith]

Hang in there man, it's a day by day thing. Most people on this forum are struggling right now. If they had all the right answers they wouldn't being hanging around here haha.

 

I actually found a therapist and have my first appointment today. Any luck on that front for you? I am really hoping it helps, cuz I can't stop thinking about my ex

 

Thanks man. I’m glad you found a therapist. I think it will help you a lot. I just had my second appointment yesterday and I really get a lot out of it. I feel like a professional has a way of showing you different perspectives and giving you a few “aha moments”.

 

How did your appointment go?

[TeddyPSmith]

Damn I was feeling pretty good yesterday but this morning? Back to the same. **** this hurts! How is it possible to be mentally/rationally/emotionally ok with something one day and completely the opposite the next? I guess it really has to do with me feeling justified in this or not. When I feel like she was a major contributor to this and I was “the victim”, im ok. When I feel like I was the main problem, I feel like dog ****. The real reason is probably that we both contributed to it. I do have faith that if I can navigate this, I’ll come out a better and healthier person.

[Lloyd4Christmas]

Thanks man. I’m glad you found a therapist. I think it will help you a lot. I just had my second appointment yesterday and I really get a lot out of it. I feel like a professional has a way of showing you different perspectives and giving you a few “aha moments”.

 

How did your appointment go?

 

 

First appointment went alright. Shared some of the backstory and kind of what I am feeling right now. The one thing she told me is she thinks that I am trying to accelerate the grieving process, and that is just not possible to do. I think I agree with her on that. I am doing anything I can right now to try and fill this void, but maybe I just need to let it happen naturally and at it's own pace.

 

Every morning I wake up and she is the first thing on my mind. Still sucks, this Saturday will be 4 weeks, but I know I am better than I was at the beginning.

 

Glad you found someone to talk to. Hopefully you are getting better as well. We are kind of on the same timeline, so I always look forward to reading your posts / progress updates.

[TeddyPSmith]

First appointment went alright. Shared some of the backstory and kind of what I am feeling right now. The one thing she told me is she thinks that I am trying to accelerate the grieving process, and that is just not possible to do. I think I agree with her on that. I am doing anything I can right now to try and fill this void, but maybe I just need to let it happen naturally and at it's own pace.

 

Every morning I wake up and she is the first thing on my mind. Still sucks, this Saturday will be 4 weeks, but I know I am better than I was at the beginning.

 

Glad you found someone to talk to. Hopefully you are getting better as well. We are kind of on the same timeline, so I always look forward to reading your posts / progress updates.

 

Well that’s probably some good insight. My therapist recommended an app for me to read daily. It’s called “The Language of Letting Go”. What you’re talking about reminded me of the reading from yesterday. I suffer from the same thing. It’s like I’m trying to control the process. You can ignore the recovery part. The rest is kind of relevant.

 

“Letting Go of Denial

 

We are slow to believe that which if believed would hurt our feelings.

—Ovid

 

Most of us in recovery have engaged in denial from time to time. Some of us relied on this tool.

 

We may have denied events or feelings from our past. We may have denied other people’s problems; we may have denied our own problems, feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs.

 

We denied the truth.

 

Denial means we didn’t let ourselves face reality, usually because facing that particular reality would hurt. It would be a loss of something: trust, love, family, perhaps a marriage, a friendship, or a dream. And it hurts to lose something, or someone.

 

Denial is a protective device, a shock absorber for the soul. It prevents us from acknowledging reality until we feel prepared to cope with that particular reality. People can shout and scream the truth at us, but we will not see or hear it until we are ready.

 

We are sturdy yet fragile beings. Sometimes, we need time to get prepared, time to ready ourselves to cope. We do not let go of our need to deny by beating ourselves into acceptance; we let go of our need to deny by allowing ourselves to become safe and strong enough to cope with the truth.

We will do this, when the time is right.

 

We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality—on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power’s timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.

We will know what we need to know, when it’s time to know it.

 

Today, I will concentrate on making myself feel safe and confident. I will let myself have my awarenesses on my own time schedule.”

[TeddyPSmith]

Last night I bawled my eyes out. This is happening more frequently. Afterwards I felt a sense of peace that I rarely feel. Like everything might be ok one day. I was so frickin happy to feel some relief finally.

 

 

I considered deleting her from facebook but decided I wasn't ready. She hasn't posted anything in a month which led me to believe that she may have put me on a restricted list. I envisioned her doing all sorts of fun things and posting about them, not wanting me to see. Well, I woke up this morning and see that she's finally posted something. I was a bit surprised and also relieved, like she was still a part of my life somehow, as crazy as that sounds.

 

 

Then I noticed a post that my sister made last night about an important event in her life. I had commented on it so it was showing up in my feed again. What do you know...my ex liked the post as well. I know that it's ridiculous to extract anything from that but it gave me hope. I realize that it could just be her being kind. But why do that? She wasn't that close to my sister. If she has no intention of us in the future, she should just let something like that go. I suppose it could be a breadcrumb or it could be nothing.

 

 

Part of me is elated and the other part is preparing to be rejected all over again and back to square one. If it's the latter, ill probably have to vanish off social media for a while.

[CantTakeMySmile]

Last night I bawled my eyes out. This is happening more frequently. Afterwards I felt a sense of peace that I rarely feel. Like everything might be ok one day. I was so frickin happy to feel some relief finally.

 

 

I considered deleting her from facebook but decided I wasn't ready. She hasn't posted anything in a month which led me to believe that she may have put me on a restricted list. I envisioned her doing all sorts of fun things and posting about them, not wanting me to see. Well, I woke up this morning and see that she's finally posted something. I was a bit surprised and also relieved, like she was still a part of my life somehow, as crazy as that sounds.

 

 

Then I noticed a post that my sister made last night about an important event in her life. I had commented on it so it was showing up in my feed again. What do you know...my ex liked the post as well. I know that it's ridiculous to extract anything from that but it gave me hope. I realize that it could just be her being kind. But why do that? She wasn't that close to my sister. If she has no intention of us in the future, she should just let something like that go. I suppose it could be a breadcrumb or it could be nothing.

 

 

Part of me is elated and the other part is preparing to be rejected all over again and back to square one. If it's the latter, ill probably have to vanish off social media for a while.

 

 

 

If this action bothered you or set you back, you should deleted facebook.

[Lloyd4Christmas]

Last night I bawled my eyes out. This is happening more frequently. Afterwards I felt a sense of peace that I rarely feel. Like everything might be ok one day. I was so frickin happy to feel some relief finally.

 

 

I considered deleting her from facebook but decided I wasn't ready. She hasn't posted anything in a month which led me to believe that she may have put me on a restricted list. I envisioned her doing all sorts of fun things and posting about them, not wanting me to see. Well, I woke up this morning and see that she's finally posted something. I was a bit surprised and also relieved, like she was still a part of my life somehow, as crazy as that sounds.

 

 

Then I noticed a post that my sister made last night about an important event in her life. I had commented on it so it was showing up in my feed again. What do you know...my ex liked the post as well. I know that it's ridiculous to extract anything from that but it gave me hope. I realize that it could just be her being kind. But why do that? She wasn't that close to my sister. If she has no intention of us in the future, she should just let something like that go. I suppose it could be a breadcrumb or it could be nothing.

 

 

Part of me is elated and the other part is preparing to be rejected all over again and back to square one. If it's the latter, ill probably have to vanish off social media for a while.

 

Who knows what her intentions are, but at least you know she is thinking about you. That has to make you feel a little better. Whether you should block her or not is up to you, I say trust your gut.

[TeddyPSmith]

My sister ran into her at her place of work this weekend (she’s a waitress there). My sis said it was awkward and that my ex wouldn’t stop asking them if they needed drinks. She said her gut feel was that she was hurt but wanted to appear like she was doing great.

 

This is how messed up I am over this bull****. I look for ANY sign of life through trivial events. I decided that I’ll stop stalking her Facebook page for a month. Just a goal. I know permanent is better but I do what I can.

 

I woke up this morning after a dream where she told me she hadn’t slept with anyone but made out with a random guy in an airport terminal. The pain feels like it will never go away. It’s only been 3 weeks but feels like my permanent way of life. I just want to sleep through the whole thing. It’s almost like it’s getting worse at times.

 

I did go out Friday night and met a girl. She looked me up on Facebook later that night. NoT that I’m ready for anything but it helps the morale a bit. Also not a bad thing if my ex saw that we became friends. I am petty

[Lloyd4Christmas]

My sister ran into her at her place of work this weekend (she’s a waitress there). My sis said it was awkward and that my ex wouldn’t stop asking them if they needed drinks. She said her gut feel was that she was hurt but wanted to appear like she was doing great.

 

This is how messed up I am over this bull****. I look for ANY sign of life through trivial events. I decided that I’ll stop stalking her Facebook page for a month. Just a goal. I know permanent is better but I do what I can.

 

I woke up this morning after a dream where she told me she hadn’t slept with anyone but made out with a random guy in an airport terminal. The pain feels like it will never go away. It’s only been 3 weeks but feels like my permanent way of life. I just want to sleep through the whole thing. It’s almost like it’s getting worse at times.

 

I did go out Friday night and met a girl. She looked me up on Facebook later that night. NoT that I’m ready for anything but it helps the morale a bit. Also not a bad thing if my ex saw that we became friends. I am petty

 

I had a date last night, it was terrible. I felt nothing at all for this poor girl and was even a little rude to her. She just wouldn't stop talking and I wasn't paying any attention. I asked for the check and said let's go and immediately deleted her # when I got to my car. I don't know who I am trying to prove something to by trying to date. I think it is a natural reaction for those who have the "fight" instinct. We need to prove (to ourselves?) that we can still attract others even if we really don't want to.

 

Teddy hopefully the girl you met last night will be good for you. I think I am about a week ahead of you on the break up scale. Mine was 4 weeks yesterday. Yesterday was also the day that I gave up trying / hoping. She's not coming back and now I can start focusing on my life because it continues no matter what. I like seeing your progress and reading your posts since we are feeling such similar things, but other than that I need to stop hanging around these break up threads. They do me no good. Everyone's situation is different, and I always try to read too much into other's posts.

[TeddyPSmith]

I think when the time is right, it will happen. At least you’re getting out there.

 

Lloyd, you inspired me with that last post. It’s time for me to accept the fact that she ain’t comin back. Any little oddball things she does are likely just to benefit her own ego or make herself feel better. But she’s not coming back to me.

 

While I’ll still be upset and probably think about her constantly, it’s probably time to just bury this and move forward.

 

Good luck to you man. It’s really helped me a lot to go back and forth with you. If you ever want to catch up on your progress, please PM me. Thanks and good luck buddy!

[Lloyd4Christmas]

I think when the time is right, it will happen. At least you’re getting out there.

 

Lloyd, you inspired me with that last post. It’s time for me to accept the fact that she ain’t comin back. Any little oddball things she does are likely just to benefit her own ego or make herself feel better. But she’s not coming back to me.

 

While I’ll still be upset and probably think about her constantly, it’s probably time to just bury this and move forward.

 

Good luck to you man. It’s really helped me a lot to go back and forth with you. If you ever want to catch up on your progress, please PM me. Thanks and good luck buddy!

 

How was your day. I tell you what, I am doing better after giving up hope. I don't have to worry about proving anything to her anymore.

 

I still plan on hanging around this thread to post progress and read yours. Honestly, I have no how to private message, but I'd be all for that.

[TeddyPSmith]

Man it was actually pretty good. I woke up feeling like **** but downloaded an audiobook called The Power of Now to keep me busy at work. I actually started feeling awesome. Maybe even turning the corner to getting over her.

 

Glad to hear you’re doing better. I think we’ve got this almost licked

[TeddyPSmith]

never mind. feel like crap again and missing her like crazy this morning. lol

 

 

I vacillate every 6 hours on this. what the heck

[chassmash]

I'm about a month ahead of you.

 

You need to find things to distract you. Personally I'm analyzing my shortcomings and making concerted efforts to fix them. By that I mean getting in great shape, confronting demons, fighting to get better. Wallowing is a total waste of life.

[TeddyPSmith]

I'm about a month ahead of you.

 

You need to find things to distract you. Personally I'm analyzing my shortcomings and making concerted efforts to fix them. By that I mean getting in great shape, confronting demons, fighting to get better. Wallowing is a total waste of life.

 

 

 

I agree. Ive been seeing a therapist and mostly talking about her shortcomings. The next time I plan to hit on my own.

 

 

Are you feeling better now than you were a month ago?

[Lloyd4Christmas]

never mind. feel like crap again and missing her like crazy this morning. lol

 

 

I vacillate every 6 hours on this. what the heck

 

I think feeling like this is very common. My emotions seems to change by the minute. It's still hard to believe I probably won't ever talk to her or see her again.

 

I'm trying something new now, every time I start thinking of her or think of a good memory I instantly think of something negative about her and it helps a little. Some days are better than others. We just keep on pushing through.

 

We all got this... we have no choice lol

[Lloyd4Christmas]

Teddy I am hijacking your thread lol... So tonight my hockey team was in the semi-finals and we won 5-4 and I scored 3 goals including the game winner in overtime. I know no one here cares, but my ex used to and normally I would text right after every game. So instead I am posting it here cuz someone needs to know!

[TeddyPSmith]

Hijack away! Man that’s awesome! It’s also great that you’re out playing hockey. I totally get the need to share those things. It’s one of the hardest parts to not have anymore so feel free to come here and shout from the rooftops

[TeddyPSmith]

I also started posting in the Coping section of this forum under “how are you coping today”. Check it out. There are some fresh perspectives on there pretty often.

[TeddyPSmith]

Still here. Still feeling like ****. Sick of feeling this way. It seems like it could go on for years. I just can’t get over how done she is. She always got upset with me but instantly walked it back and wanted to be with me. I guess a switch just flipped. I just want to hold her again and love her.

[TeddyPSmith]

As I sit here flipping through Bumble and Tinder, I remember just how weird and special she was. I was instantly smitten when I met her. She’s just so real and raw. I’ve never loved anyone like that before and I don’t think anyone else will ever compare. I feel like she ruined me. I have a feeling I’m not the only guy she’s done that too. Some girls just have the ability to tweak guys.

[Lloyd4Christmas]

As I sit here flipping through Bumble and Tinder, I remember just how weird and special she was. I was instantly smitten when I met her. She’s just so real and raw. I’ve never loved anyone like that before and I don’t think anyone else will ever compare. I feel like she ruined me. I have a feeling I’m not the only guy she’s done that too. Some girls just have the ability to tweak guys.

 

Keep hanging in there. I know weekend nights are the worst. Fortunately for me, I have a different ex who is helping me fill the void of my current ex. She came over last night and spent the night and it helped me take my mind off of current ex. Tomorrow I am supposed to have a date with another girl that I met online. I am TRYING everything to kick this feeling.

 

Today is 5 weeks since the BU and 1 week since I have given up hope. I had a real good therapy session on Thursday and the therapist really opened up my eyes to some things. It was helpful, but doesn't bring back the ex. I am just going to focus on finishing grad school and being more kind to myself. I am super hard on myself and put huge expectations for success. I think when a failure happens in my life, I beat myself up over it. That is probably why i get so down and miss her so much. I want that successful, happy feeling back.

[TeddyPSmith]

Man I’m exactly the same way. Super driven and really punish myself for mistakes. It usually helps in my career but not so much with relationships. Sometimes I expect too much out of the person.

 

Good for you for getting back out there. That’s probably a great way to kick it.

[Lloyd4Christmas]

Man I’m exactly the same way. Super driven and really punish myself for mistakes. It usually helps in my career but not so much with relationships. Sometimes I expect too much out of the person.

 

Good for you for getting back out there. That’s probably a great way to kick it.

 

It's basically me forcing myself to get back out there. If I allowed myself to have my own way, I would isolate and live in a pretend world where I would wait for my ex to come back. I know this from experience lol. Can't do that again.

 

Got anything fun going on this weekend?