Broke NC after 3 and a half months - no idea why!

[Sbla22]

I met a girl online last June and we had a 5 month relationship during which time we said we loved each other and she gave me a key to her house. I posted before about her but she was very emotionally unavailable sometimes and was too close to her ex who I suspect she cheated on me with (though she denied it until the end).

 

Anyway, after 5 months she came home and said she wasn't happy. She said we had little in common and that she felt spending time with me was a 'waste of time'. Which hurt very much. I tried to argue etc but looking back this was out of fear of being alone and I wasn't thinking what was actually best.

 

I was sad and angry for a couple of months but then I thought I was doing ok. I've been on a first few dates since (though nothing worked out), hit the gym a lot and tried to work on myself.

 

I had complete NC from the day I left her house. Deleted her off social media and deleted her number.

 

But the other night I had a dream where we got back together. When I woke up I felt awful all day even though I know this isn't what I want or deserve and it would never happen anyway.

 

Last night I felt really down, found a birthday card she got me early in the relationship and ripped it to shreds. I was crying too. Then for some reason I loaded the laptop up and sent her a long email. I realised I had her email from when she forwaded me some details once.

 

I don't even know why I wrote it. It wasn't hurtful or bitter. It just summarised my feelings. I told her she hurt me deeply and that I could never compete with her ex. I told her I wished her well and said that I don't think she ever really loved me.

 

She hasn't replied which I didn't expect she would. I just feel confused. I genuinely would never get back with her so I don't know why I contacted her after this time when I waa focused on moving on and moving forward.

 

Anyone sent an email to an ex for no reason?

[Mac0908]

I met a girl online last June and we had a 5 month relationship during which time we said we loved each other and she gave me a key to her house. I posted before about her but she was very emotionally unavailable sometimes and was too close to her ex who I suspect she cheated on me with (though she denied it until the end).

 

Anyway, after 5 months she came home and said she wasn't happy. She said we had little in common and that she felt spending time with me was a 'waste of time'. Which hurt very much. I tried to argue etc but looking back this was out of fear of being alone and I wasn't thinking what was actually best.

 

I was sad and angry for a couple of months but then I thought I was doing ok. I've been on a first few dates since (though nothing worked out), hit the gym a lot and tried to work on myself.

 

I had complete NC from the day I left her house. Deleted her off social media and deleted her number.

 

But the other night I had a dream where we got back together. When I woke up I felt awful all day even though I know this isn't what I want or deserve and it would never happen anyway.

 

Last night I felt really down, found a birthday card she got me early in the relationship and ripped it to shreds. I was crying too. Then for some reason I loaded the laptop up and sent her a long email. I realised I had her email from when she forwaded me some details once.

 

I don't even know why I wrote it. It wasn't hurtful or bitter. It just summarised my feelings. I told her she hurt me deeply and that I could never compete with her ex. I told her I wished her well and said that I don't think she ever really loved me.

 

She hasn't replied which I didn't expect she would. I just feel confused. I genuinely would never get back with her so I don't know why I contacted her after this time when I waa focused on moving on and moving forward.

 

Anyone sent an email to an ex for no reason?

 

How old are you both? The email was a flat out mistake. The one who ends the relationship ALWAYS needs to be the one to reach back out, no ifs and or butts. How can you maintain any form of real dignity if you go back with her if she dumped you and YOU crawl back. And let’s be honest, you probably want or would at least entertain rekindling. She needs to crawl back to YOU and then you would have to show her it would not be easy. Learn from your mistakes and don’t do it again, that’s all. Btw the birthday card and ANY other trace of hers needs to be thrown out / deleted. NC goes far beyond texting and calling.

 

So she never replied though?

[Sbla22]

Nope she never replied. I met someone new this week and we have arranged a second date so not really thought about her!

 

I actually kind of feel it sums her up the no reply - she never really cared for me. Emotionally broken. Selfish. I wish I had never met her now. We live and learn!