Girlfriend may move away for school, worry now or later?

[free_radicals]

Hello all, my gf and I have been together for 4.5 years, we're both 35. She's seeking a career change and wants to go to a top grad school in psychology, wherever she's accepted. We're in Nevada, but the top schools are in the East coast. I'm well established here with family and good career. Nothing is for sure yet, as she's still seeing if she likes her specific area of interest in the major. But I like to think ahead. She doesn't know if a LDR will work and will depend on the circumstances later on. Not even sure if she'll return to Nevada. I'm starting to feel in limbo. Should I just let it play out and not worry right now, or start getting ready for a potential break up? We'll know if she likes this in about 6 months, but grad school is about 2 years away. Thanks all.

[d0nnivain]

There are a lot of IFs in there. I'd let it play out for now. Once she gets accepted somewhere & decides to go you can address the facts rather then stressing about possibilities.

[basil67]

You know, my hubby and I would move heaven and earth to stay together. But for the two of you, it sounds like she is placing career above you and you're placing family and career above her. Staying together is low on both of your priority lists.

 

With both of you placing other priorities over each other, it's not going to work. I'd have a long hard look at what is most important to you and use that to make your decision.

[Els]

I agree with d0nnivain, lots of ifs here. I don't think there's much use in considering hypotheticals at the moment.

 

I do have to ask, given your ages and years together, is there a reason you two are still only boyfriend and girlfriend, not married or de facto partners? Of course, if both of you just don't believe in that, that's totally fine, but I wondered if it could be relevant to the context.

[Jj66]

I understand your concern.

 

My fiancée left for her career. I can't move for at least a year and a half if I can move at all. The distance is killing us. I don't know if we will make it.

[free_radicals]

I do have to ask, given your ages and years together, is there a reason you two are still only boyfriend and girlfriend, not married or de facto partners? Of course, if both of you just don't believe in that, that's totally fine, but I wondered if it could be relevant to the context.

 

We have been back and forth about it. We're both undecided. We're not sure if it would make much difference in our relationship. Probably would in some legal stuff though. Now with this news it's a hell no for me

[free_radicals]

You know, my hubby and I would move heaven and earth to stay together. But for the two of you, it sounds like she is placing career above you and you're placing family and career above her. Staying together is low on both of your priority lists.

 

With both of you placing other priorities over each other, it's not going to work. I'd have a long hard look at what is most important to you and use that to make your decision.

 

I know...you're right. It's not just her, it's me too. But I've been in a previous relationship where I poured everything in it- for what? To be broken up later for one reason or another. It would be nice if she could somehow compromise, like get an online degree or a school close by, but she wants the best. Change is hard, but I'll consider moving. I should be able to find a job no matter where I go based on my career.

Edited February 19, 2018 by free_radicals

[Rainah]

It sounds like your both in a long term relationship - 4 years is a long time to be together just to end it. I think try make the long distance work and see how it goes with the both of you. At this moment in time its hard whether to say its best ended or not when it hasn't happened and its all just tslk for now. And stating she might not even come back....again its all just talk at the moment. Your both mature adults its not like she is a 20 year old without a head on her shoulders. Best to just see how it goes for now and play it by ear.

[d0nnivain]

Grad school is 2 years, not forever. They make airplanes & other modes of transportation. There are lots of ways to communicate: social media, apps, cell phones, Skype etc.

 

I made a bi-coastal LDR work for 2 years: I was here on the east finishing my degree when he relocated to California. The distance wasn't what broke us up; his drinking did. We only had snail mail & 1 late night long distance call per week after 11 p.m. when the rates went down. We did get to see each other every 3 months. It wasn't ideal but it is possible.

 

Remember, it's not forever. It can be done because it has an endpoint.

[free_radicals]

Grad school is 2 years, not forever.

 

Not necessarily, and not in her case. She needs to keep working full time to make ends meet. She's likely going part time, meaning 3-4 years, maybe longer if she has prerequisites to meet.

 

They make airplanes & other modes of transportation. There are lots of ways to communicate: social media, apps, cell phones, Skype etc.

 

Right, we're not living in a cave, we know that.