Toxic friend

[vandinha]

I have a friend whom I met at work some years ago. We used to work very closely and we eventually developed a friendship. Back then, we didn't hang out much outside work, because we would see each other everyday.

Last year I changed jobs and ever since then, the only way for us to meet is if I go to her place or somewhere around. We live in a big city and my place is definitely far from hers and she basically won't leave her house unless someone gives her a ride.

She's also a compulsive last-minute-plan-canceller and she gives the worst advice in the world. I got to the point in which I can't talk to her about my boyfriend because the only thing she says is "tell him to **** off" or things like "I'm not complaining, but your life tourns around him" (which is not true). She's just bitter because her relationships with men suck and I kind of have the feeling that she wants me to break up so I can give her all my free time.

I really appreciate her because she's been there for me when I was going through a rough time, and we actually have a good time when we meet, but I'm tired of being the only person who makes an effort in this friendship. I've told her this many times, because she also does this to her other few friends and everyone is getting tired of her, and she just doesn't care about how she annoys everyone. She's not a girl anymore, she's almost 35.

 

I don't want to break this friendship but I really don't know how to handle it anymore. Please, I need some advice because I'm about to tell HER to "**** off".

Edited February 18, 2018 by vandinha

[darkmoon]

so stop colluding with her

 

and stop telling her, she is not listening anyway

 

the fact you have to "handle her" indicates that this is not much of a social life, so am not sure why you are colluding - who can stop this if not you?

[preraph]

She must not care that much or she'd get out of the house and come over your way. Sounds like you are the only one making the effort. So all you have to do is stop. If she squawks, just tell her, "You can come over here if you want. I'm too busy to come all that way."