Author Peterbilt Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 OP - after she leaves the house change the locks. Yes this I will be doing once she is gone Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 (edited) If there is a garage door that accesses the house - change that code too. While you're at it change all your passwords to everything - she probably knows what they are. And you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves - it's only up to her to change... but it's up to you to change yourself if you don't like this. When you change it does cause a ripple affect - as it does affect others to also make movement they otherwise wouldn't make. Edited February 20, 2018 by S2B Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Any update? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peterbilt Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) Any update? Alright so here is the update- All week we didnt speak one word to each other, all was peace and quiet somewhat lol. Today, I was off of work because I had to take care of some things I've been meaning to do-she was also home. She was furious I left the house, even though I tried to explain these are things that NEED to be done. So after were screaming at each other over the phone and now she's telling me she refuses to leave the house without the kids. Her family decided to get in her ear and give input how shell be abandoning her kids if she left. At the end of said argument, nothing was solved. She begged me to call a lawyer to sign the divorce and be done. The way she is speaking to me-treating me like I'm scum of the earth, eats me alive. And well, out of nowhere she up and left the house. I asked where she was going and I got "don't you f'n worry about where the F I go". I was like, oh, ok then. I was doing so good not caring and not worrying and she knows how to suck me back in. It's honestly depressing and sad. Edited February 23, 2018 by Peterbilt Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 OP, I don't have much advice besides fight for your kids. My dad got custody of me, and my two half siblings - and that was in the mid 80's. Now.... My siblings bio dad had relenquished his rights, and my dad legally adopted them well before the divorce (I know that makes a big difference). But... Try. I think the courts sometimes really do rule in favor of what is best for the kids. My mom still had parental rights, but us kids lived with Dad after the divorce, and saw mom several times a week (it was written into their divorce decree that they agreed to not move more than 20 miles apart while the youngest was still a minor). Link to post Share on other sites
StoicHusband Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) I'm confused on what you want him to "read". Then please, read the rest of the posts in the thread. People have suggested materials that, if he had followed, might have prevented her leaving -at all-. All week we didnt speak one word to each other, all was peace and quiet somewhat lol. Today, I was off of work because I had to take care of some things I've been meaning to do-she was also home. She was furious I left the house, even though I tried to explain these are things that NEED to be done. Say "I had to go do x" and leave it at that. She's not your owner. Let her say whatever she wants, just repeat yourself "this had to be done." So after were screaming at each other over the phone Don't let her get you screaming too, that's just not gonna get you what you want. and now she's telling me she refuses to leave the house without the kids.Her family decided to get in her ear and give input how shell be abandoning her kids if she left. At the end of said argument, nothing was solved. It is technically abandonment, but not if you two have an agreement. Her family was bound and determined to interfere, that's just how these things work. I would think a woman has a much better chance of staying married if she had no family, or if they minded their own business. They don't have to deal with the consequences of her divorce... That's why they are so quick to chip in their two cents. She begged me to call a lawyer to sign the divorce and be done. Then do that. You're trying to control her and she knows it. Give her the divorce and you may stand a chance of salvaging your relationship. You won't if you keep pressuring her. Think about what would take pressure off of her and DO IT. The way she is speaking to me-treating me like I'm scum of the earth, eats me alive. And well, out of nowhere she up and left the house. I asked where she was going and I got "don't you f'n worry about where the F I go". I was like, oh, ok then. It's because she is a cheater. She HAS to blame you for that or else she would have to admit she's a bad person... which is more likely? I was doing so good not caring and not worrying and she knows how to suck me back in. It's honestly depressing and sad. It is sad... But you can't control what SHE does. End of story. You can only control how you respond to it. Does a good leader yell and shout and carry on with whatever tone his subordinates set? No. The good leader sets the tone, leads the way, carries on as best he can with the situation he is dealt. Women want a leader, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. ----------------- I think it's wonderful you want to save your marriage. The fact is you're going about it the wrong way. Begging, controlling, arguing, etc. You need to read the things that were suggested to you in the beginning of the thread. It was a big mistake to ignore them. If she stays gone you have like a 10% chance (statistically) of saving your marriage. You should make every effort to keep your kids, and let the judge know that you will keep the stepkid too. They like to keep siblings together. That's just how it works. "the best interest of the child" Still, it may not work out. They may ask about the bio dad if she doesn't want the kid. They may ask if you'd adopt him, that would be cool of you/for you. I really hope it all works out. You need to read the 180s tho, also might just search the internet for "how to get wife back after separation" because, buddy, that's where you are. There is hope, regardless of what people say. There is a lot you can do, even if she's not there anymore. There is a possibility of a future together, even if it will take a lot of work and cause you a lot of pain. People will say don't take her back, maybe they're right... You are the only one who knows. Ask me anything. I'll help as much as I can, but hey, I'm just a guy who's in the same boat basically (only no kids, wife left suddenly.) Edited February 23, 2018 by StoicHusband messed up quotes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 She can't "make you" get sucked back in - you did that to yourself. And if you start making her REALLY uncomfortable while she's in the house she will likely leave sooner. Start by creating a really u comfortable environment while she's home. Be demanding, be a dick to her. Don't harm her but don't make her so comfy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Then please, read the rest of the posts in the thread. People have suggested materials that, if he had followed, might have prevented her leaving -at all-. Seriously?..You pop in and quote things that happened after the fact?..You a fortune teller? ...anyways... Not trying to derail this guy's thread. Op..You've known it's over for a while. Offer her a 'buyout',get the kids and go on with your life. No need to get overly petty about things,but protect yourself and the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peterbilt Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 Alright so here is another update here... sorry I've been off, a lot is going on right now. Anways... so she's planning on leaving possibly next week. She's asking for money which I agreed to once all divorce papers are signed. She had an accidental run-up with my mother at the store. My mother asked her about what was going on and what not. So she proceeds to tell my mother that she honestly thinks we need at least a 5 year separation because she wants time to "live life and be herself"... what that really means is: she wants me to sit around and wait for her until she's ready to come back to a normal life. She's constantly out, 7 days a week, doesn't come home till about 11 or 12 everyday. Claims she's at work, I know that's BS but whatever. But what my mom did say is that it literally bothers her about how calm she was about her decision and she acted as if I was somebody she just brushed off her shoulders. On top of everything, I let this stress me out so bad that it started impacting on my job and ultimately got fired last week. I was handling this so well, but the last few weeks I've literally wanted to do nothing but crawl in a hole. But I won't for the sake of my kids because she does not want them and if I wasn't there, who would be? It's so hard, but I hope that God has better plans for me in the future and this merely just makes me stronger as a person. Thank you all for the great advice you have given me Link to post Share on other sites
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