My husband has a drinking problem

[MissCongeniality]

My husband lost his job and has been struggling and he's started drinking and he said something cruel to me that while true was still hurtful and I know I've made mistakes but what he said and what he did I feel it was out of line.

 

I'm a sex worker I'm stripper but I mostly do work as a dominatrix I was going to quit but then my husband lost his job and I thought for a time things were getting better then this happened I'll keep it short my husband came home drunk and I tried pleading with him to get some help I told him this wasn't him then he hit me and said that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him.

 

I have a past and I wasn't always the best person I'm arguably still not a very good person I am a gold digger or former gold digger I don't even know what to call myself and I've never been good at anything besides using my body and I hate myself for that. I just always screw up when I try to be more when I try to just prove I'm not just what people say a pretty face and nice set of boobs I ended up failing and I fail hard.

 

I get it I'm not perfect I'm not a good person but I want to be and I like to think of myself as a work in progress but regardless of what I've done I don't think my husband had the right to do that no matter how hurt he was I mean what if the kids saw him?

 

I want to believe this was a one time thing but it has me worried. He's a good guy he really is it's just he's had it bad for a while. What do I do? His drinking just gets worse and worse I don't want to take the kids from him I just want him to get help.

[Els]

It doesn't matter what you do for a job - your husband may have the right to leave but NOBODY ever has the right to hit you. It also sounds a bit rich that he's dragging your job into it when it seems to be the very thing that is keeping a roof over his head and food on his table.

 

I want to believe this was a one time thing but it has me worried. He's a good guy he really is it's just he's had it bad for a while. What do I do? His drinking just gets worse and worse I don't want to take the kids from him I just want him to get help.

This is what just about every victim of abuse who stays in the relationship says. Most of the time, it doesn't end up well. Some even end up dead.

 

I'd recommend calling a domestic abuse hotline. Right now.

[Popsicle]

The worst thing that's ever happened to him?!?!?!?!!

 

That's an extreme exaggeration. I guess he thinks he's something special....

[MissCongeniality]

The worst thing that's ever happened to him?!?!?!?!!

 

That's an extreme exaggeration. I guess he thinks he's something special....

He blames me for all the lies and secrets and I used to think I was lucky he stuck by me and forgave me now I see how much anger and resentment he's been carrying. I knew he had a lot of repressed anger and I used to wish he'd just let it out because I thought him just admitting he was still mad would be a good thing and now i feel like its the end of the world.

[Popsicle]

He blames me for all the lies and secrets and I used to think I was lucky he stuck by me and forgave me now I see how much anger and resentment he's been carrying. I knew he had a lot of repressed anger and I used to wish he'd just let it out because I thought him just admitting he was still mad would be a good thing and now i feel like its the end of the world.

 

Well he could always just leave if it is so bad.... or maybe he shouldn't have ever gotten with you, but he did. And he did because there is something that he REALLY likes about you. You were his choice. I think he just enjoys being abusive and thinks he can get away with it because you'll take it.

[usa1ah]

We tried talking to MrC when this all started over a year ago. He chose to stay even though his job was at risk because of MC’s “work”. MrC lost his job because of MC’s work could be considered illegal and MrC being a cop, the two don’t mix.

 

I agree MrC should have left before he lost his job and his self respect. He should have made sure he was able to provide for the kids. But his choice was to stay with MC. Now he is finding it hard to live with his choice.

 

MC he had no right to hit you even drunk. You should of had him arrested and completed his humiliation and fall. He might have started from rock bottom at that point. Only way to go is up.

 

Just wondering, are your kids still getting harassed at school because of what you do?

[d0nnivain]

Physical violence is never acceptable.

 

Have you spoken to him about this while he was sober? If he isn't wiling to do whatever it takes to make sure this never happens again, you need to get out of there.

 

Going forward, never try to reason with a drunk.

[MissCongeniality]

We tried talking to MrC when this all started over a year ago. He chose to stay even though his job was at risk because of MC’s “work”. MrC lost his job because of MC’s work could be considered illegal and MrC being a cop, the two don’t mix.

 

I agree MrC should have left before he lost his job and his self respect. He should have made sure he was able to provide for the kids. But his choice was to stay with MC. Now he is finding it hard to live with his choice.

 

MC he had no right to hit you even drunk. You should of had him arrested and completed his humiliation and fall. He might have started from rock bottom at that point. Only way to go is up.

 

Just wondering, are your kids still getting harassed at school because of what you do?

 

No they are not thank God. Your right he shouldn't have hit me anything would have been better than that hell spitting in my face would have been better than that.

 

Physical violence is never acceptable.

 

Have you spoken to him about this while he was sober? If he isn't wiling to do whatever it takes to make sure this never happens again, you need to get out of there.

 

Going forward, never try to reason with a drunk.

He doesn't remember that's how drunk he was he actually passed out on the bed soon after it happened. I told my my mother in law she told me she is planning an intervention.

[Cherished gal]

My husband lost his job and has been struggling and he's started drinking and he said something cruel to me that while true was still hurtful and I know I've made mistakes but what he said and what he did I feel it was out of line.

 

I'm a sex worker I'm stripper but I mostly do work as a dominatrix I was going to quit but then my husband lost his job and I thought for a time things were getting better then this happened I'll keep it short my husband came home drunk and I tried pleading with him to get some help I told him this wasn't him then he hit me and said that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him.

 

I have a past and I wasn't always the best person I'm arguably still not a very good person I am a gold digger or former gold digger I don't even know what to call myself and I've never been good at anything besides using my body and I hate myself for that. I just always screw up when I try to be more when I try to just prove I'm not just what people say a pretty face and nice set of boobs I ended up failing and I fail hard.

 

I get it I'm not perfect I'm not a good person but I want to be and I like to think of myself as a work in progress but regardless of what I've done I don't think my husband had the right to do that no matter how hurt he was I mean what if the kids saw him?

 

I want to believe this was a one time thing but it has me worried. He's a good guy he really is it's just he's had it bad for a while. What do I do? His drinking just gets worse and worse I don't want to take the kids from him I just want him to get help.

 

I won't even pretend to understand this situation, but I can say that I would be deeply concerned with the future of my kids. I am disappointed in anyone who just gives up on trying to better themselves. Most people fail at something but they just keep trying until they succeed. The kids deserve better and I would be talking this out with him. He needs to get some help if he can't give up the drinking, it will continue getting worse. You both need to talk about the future and what you are going to be doing to make a better life for yourself and your kids. Those kids are like a sponge and are taking it all in and they will be what you teach them to be. Maybe talk with him about counseling or going to get some help for the drinking problem-Celebrate Recovery has been one group that has helped lots of people. Or maybe just get out until he can get his life under control. Hope you can figure this out quickly for sake of your kids.

[MissCongeniality]

I won't even pretend to understand this situation, but I can say that I would be deeply concerned with the future of my kids. I am disappointed in anyone who just gives up on trying to better themselves. Most people fail at something but they just keep trying until they succeed. The kids deserve better and I would be talking this out with him. He needs to get some help if he can't give up the drinking, it will continue getting worse. You both need to talk about the future and what you are going to be doing to make a better life for yourself and your kids. Those kids are like a sponge and are taking it all in and they will be what you teach them to be. Maybe talk with him about counseling or going to get some help for the drinking problem-Celebrate Recovery has been one group that has helped lots of people. Or maybe just get out until he can get his life under control. Hope you can figure this out quickly for sake of your kids.

Thank you and a quick update I've moved the kids out of the house and we are all currently living in a motel. I told my husband that until I believe he can get better and until he shows me he has gotten better that I won't be letting him see the kids not without me there anyway.

[Cherished gal]

Thank you and a quick update I've moved the kids out of the house and we are all currently living in a motel. I told my husband that until I believe he can get better and until he shows me he has gotten better that I won't be letting him see the kids not without me there anyway.

 

Thinking about you and your family. I am praying you both are able to get a handle on your lives and able to be great examples for your kids.

[BettyDraper]

It sounds positive that your MIL is planning an intervention.

I'm only concerned that she might blame you for her son's troubles since she disapproves of you.

 

I'm glad that you and the kids are out of the situation. Your marriage has many serious problems.

[usa1ah]

Thinking about you and your family. I am praying you both are able to get a handle on your lives and able to be great examples for your kids.

 

You really need to go back and read MC’s threads. Then see what might be done.

[usa1ah]

MC you know I wish the best for your kids. But both you and your husband have past on all advice. The situation keeps going down hill still.

 

Has your husband been able to find any work sense being fired?

[MissCongeniality]

It sounds positive that your MIL is planning an intervention.

I'm only concerned that she might blame you for her son's troubles since she disapproves of you.

 

I'm glad that you and the kids are out of the situation. Your marriage has many serious problems.

Yeah I'm glad I got them out to. I do feel like my mother in law blames me though. I could tell she thought I had it coming even though she didn't say it out loud.

[MissCongeniality]

MC you know I wish the best for your kids. But both you and your husband have past on all advice. The situation keeps going down hill still.

 

Has your husband been able to find any work sense being fired?

No and I see now things keep going down hill. I didn't want to end my marriage because I'm afraid I can't do it on my own and I'm afraid if I take it to court we'll both lose custody of the kids that's my nightmare.

[usa1ah]

No and I see now things keep going down hill. I didn't want to end my marriage because I'm afraid I can't do it on my own and I'm afraid if I take it to court we'll both lose custody of the kids that's my nightmare.

 

I know........

[Cherished gal]

You really need to go back and read MC’s threads. Then see what might be done.

 

You don't believe they both need to get a handle on their lives?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, this is a very sad story. Sometimes life hands out a lemon and one cannot even begin to make lemonade out of it. Miss Congeniality, although I am not a religious person all I can say is get on your knees and pray consistently to the Almighty to help you see the way forward in your situation and your life. I have been reading your later thread where you say you are back in your home after asking your husband to leave. From all accounts you seem to be a good person just caught up in a very bad situation. I do not know if you are religious or not but that does not matter. You need to be spiritual which I think you are. Miracles do happen and your lives can turn around even in the worst of situations. All you have to do is believe. Read some self help books especially the ones written by Dr. Wayne Dyer. They are inspirational. Whatever else you do do not accept that this is your fate and there is nothing you can do to change it. YOU CAN PRAY! Warm wishes.