ardeerd Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 For most of my life, I've had a "type": I'm generally only attracted to muscular, athletic guys. I've tried dating outside of this type in the past, but after a few romps, I tend to lose interest in a physical relationship, even if I like the guy otherwise. I also notice sometimes when I think about settling down with soemone outside this type, that my mind tends to think about what I'd be missing out on (e.g. "If you married someone unathletic, you wouldn't get to sleep with athletic guys anymore"). The reason I'm asking is that I've been talking to someone for a couple of weeks who I like so far, but who doesn't really fit into this type. He's pretty good looking otherwise, and there's definitely some attraction there, but I'm afraid to pursue something more than a friendship if I'm just going to get bored or not want to be intimate with him again. I'm not so much focused on this one instance - I know it could work or not work for any number of reasons - but more for the greater picture. Should I be trying to date outside of my type more? I don't want to lead anyone on, but is it possible to grow in attraction to someone and crave the physical relationship based on other factors? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 If that instant spark / attraction / lust wasn't there for me, I was never able to develop it. Over time, with the right guy personality & compatibility wise the attraction often deepened & similarly if the outside package was nice but the inside was not, the attraction waned. Other people need the time to develop attraction. Neither mythology is wrong. However, you will make yourself miserable if you try to act in a manner contradictory to the way you are wired. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 The risk with thinking the slow burn style if wired otherwise is other factors intrude, presuming one is a healthy caring individual, and one can end up in quite a pickle. I've come to believe that's how it worked out for my exW. I was her experiment. Not a death sentence but it does leave a bit of sadness as an aftertaste. I think the key is knowing what attraction style works for one at an elemental level, accepting that and moving forward respecting it authentically. With billions of people in the world there are bound to be at least some compatible matches. Spending time and energy experimenting takes one away from their healthiest and most productive path and sometimes even missing out on that healthy match because they are otherwise committed. Happens! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I have been able to be attracted out of type if the personality was great, but the thing about that is, at least for me, it really only takes one sit-down face to face with him to know. It will either happen or it won't. Over a long-term, I'm going out on a limb and saying physical attraction is likely to go down, not up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Some plain looking people can be very attractive just because of their personality. And some striking that people can be very unattractive because of their personality. But I generally figure this out within like 10 minutes max of talking to them 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I have a type as well and I think that for most people attraction doesn't grow. (tho it happens sometimes between friends). I think most people as they grow older are more likely to settle (or expand things they would have considered to be physical deal breakers) as the idea of being alone becomes more and more clear or the biological clock starts ticking. Others on the other hand just keep at it till they find that right one to matter how long it takes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mike800 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I think it can..when you get older you realize there's more then just looks.. It also seems like women are more strict on just being attracted to specific types then men..me and most men I know are pretty flexible and diverse with what were attracted to in women..women seem to have a pretty narrow rigid view of what they find attractive with men.at least that's what it seems like Link to post Share on other sites
Author ardeerd Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 Thank you all for your responses! A couple of things: - It's not that I don't find him attractive; I do. But in the past, when I've tried dating a skinnier guy, I've not wanted to be physical after a little while. But maybe if we're sexually compatible (i.e. it's good for both of us), I wonder if I'd remain interested. - I find lots of things non-physical about him attractive. He's been going through a rough medical patch, actually a relapse of sorts, and he has such a great attitude, he's so positive and strong about it. I find that super attractive. And I've found myself missing him when we don't talk for a while. So I guess I'm not so much asking if I can become attracted to someone who I'm not attracted to, but more so is it possible to maintain attraction to someone who is not your "type" over time, when past attempts have been unsuccessful? Again, no clue what will end up happening with him. We could end up going out and not being into each other at all, feeling like we're better friends, any number of non-romantic things. I'm just more curious so I don't lead him on / to see if I should try dating outside my type again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireleaf Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 The reason I'm asking is that I've been talking to someone for a couple of weeks who I like so far, but who doesn't really fit into this type. He's pretty good looking otherwise, and there's definitely some attraction there, but I'm afraid to pursue something more than a friendship if I'm just going to get bored or not want to be intimate with him again. All you can do is just see what develops. You know yourself and if you think you might get bored it would be in both of your interest not to pursue him. I am sure he would rather be with someone that sees him as their type. But you never know, he could surprise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Purely physical attraction? NO. When it comes to men I have the same type you do. In high school I was the horny cheerleader type. I loved jocks. Yet, I've been able to find tomboyish women attractive every once in a while usually by getting to know them through work or school. They had the other thing I like... a big muscular BRAIN. A persons brain, their sheer mental capacity is just as physical as their muscles. At the end of the day I can't get horny for a fool. People have types those can evolve. People also have values those can evolve. Evolution is slow and you can't force it. In time you will find that it is way more important that a man have compatible values. Your physical type will also broaden out ... for most people it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 For me its all about face. Body types are secondary. I think face you can't get away with. So if the face is all there. Go with that over body type. Or at least not to heavy, not to skinny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 For me its all about face. Body types are secondary. I think face you can't get away with. So if the face is all there. Go with that over body type. Or at least not to heavy, not to skinny. Yes, the key for me is the eyes. Nice eyes and a good face ARE the most important and part of a person not changed by time and weight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ardeerd Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 For me its all about face. Body types are secondary. I think face you can't get away with. So if the face is all there. Go with that over body type. Or at least not to heavy, not to skinny. Yeah, he's got a really nice face Link to post Share on other sites
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