Dancer2011 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 So my soon to be ex asked for a divorce last month and I am beyond hurt. I am dying because we have a daughter and I am trying to stay strong for her. It hurts because he has hardly made contact with her. I did contact him when I first moved back home but then stopped because he needs to make the effort of making a bond with his daughter. He hasn't called since last week. He called 2 days and hasn't called since. My daughter asked if she can call daddy tonight and I told her I think daddy is busy. I hate lying to my daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Dancer, can you share the reason you are divorcing? It is not excusing it but if it was something that occurred that hurt him and eventually will lead to the breakup of the family, this could be "his" reasoning for the NC. You might try to have an independent work to help him spend time with his child. I feel strongly that the marriage breakdown is between you and him but eventually, the child will also be negatively affected as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 If she wants to call him, let her. Maybe hearing a message from her will spur him to be more proactive about staying in contact with her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dancer2011 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 So my soon to be ex husband wanted a divorce last month. It was a shock to me and so of course I called my best friend and my mom and they decided to come get me and my daughter. He wanted to talk to me but I couldn't I was hurt. I didn't know if I would yell at him or just cry. I left his parents house and went to my best friends parents house and chilled there until my mom and best friend got there. We then went up to his parents and I got some of my things and my daughters. My soon to be ex and I ended up talking and realized that with both were in the fault. And we decided to give each other space. Well I moved back home and found out that he is talking and hanging out with a girl from high school. This girl has 2 kids and he went to the park with them. Also he brought her to my hometown when I was out of town visiting family and brought her to my best friends house and she ran her mouth about me. He cheated on me with her. I found out and I am just upset Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dancer2011 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 I shouldn't have to make an effort for him to have a relationship with his daughter. He needs to do that, and I just wish I didn't have to come up with excuses for him to our daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I shouldn't have to make an effort for him to have a relationship with his daughter. He needs to do that, and I just wish I didn't have to come up with excuses for him to our daughter.You don't have to make up excuses, just acknowledge her feelings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I shouldn't have to make an effort for him to have a relationship with his daughter. He needs to do that, and I just wish I didn't have to come up with excuses for him to our daughter. You don't have to lie to your kid but what's more important to you -- her getting to talk to her daddy or you "winning" by bending him to your will & having him call her? You are using your kid's heart as a shuttlecock. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Assuming you have his number, you just kept your daughter from calling her father! Let her call him and let him deal with it. Are you trying to make him come in person to talk to her or what? Let her call her dad. Link to post Share on other sites
StoicHusband Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 If she wants to call him, let her. Maybe hearing a message from her will spur him to be more proactive about staying in contact with her. Seriously... Wow. She wanted to call him and you said no? What made you think that's ok? I shouldn't have to make an effort for him to have a relationship with his daughter. He needs to do that, and I just wish I didn't have to come up with excuses for him to our daughter. It's not "making an effort" if his daughter asks to call him, let her call him. You just made an effort to STOP them keeping in contact. You don't have to lie to your kid but what's more important to you -- her getting to talk to her daddy or you "winning" by bending him to your will & having him call her? You are using your kid's heart as a shuttlecock. You want something, for sure Dancer. d0nnivan is right, here. You're playing games and your kid has become one of the pawns. Assuming you have his number, you just kept your daughter from calling her father! Let her call him and let him deal with it. Are you trying to make him come in person to talk to her or what? Let her call her dad. 100% This is unacceptable. You now have to -offer- to let her call him, which is going to confuse her even more. She may not be in the same state of mind she was when she asked. You're gonna mess that kid up if you keep going this way. Stop interfering with her contacting her father. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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