ReluctantRomeo Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Now, sometimes mis-matches work well - but I haven't got an answer for that! Often because they only *look* like mismatches? Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Could be onto something there RR. Should love be this comlicated? Link to post Share on other sites
megabit15 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 I hear you, girl. But, I'm sorry I don't think it's got anything to do with the way you were brought up. From what I've seen, women just do not want to be the one who dominates in a relationship. If she's not seen as his "property" (which also means that he doesn't get jealous at all), she just doesn't feel like she's in a relationship at all. It's just the way we're all wired. Try getting a "nice" guy and you'll find out pretty soon that things just doesn't add up. Interesting thread. I don't think it's the way you're brought up either. I've dated both jerks and nice guys. I agree that the 'nice guy' doesn't add up. I end up losing respect for nice guys if they are too much of a nice guy. Goes something like this: She visits his home... He: Can I get you something to drink? She: No thanks, maybe later. How are you? (hug) He: (hug) Are you sure? I have Diet Coke (which he does not like or drink), Mountain Dew, Orange Juice, Milk..... She: No, really, but thank you. He: Tea? Coffee? (and starts to list contents of mixes in cabinets) She: (somewhat frowning and now interrupting him) No, no, really, I'm fine. Thanks. He: Can I take your coat? She: Oh, thank you! He: (puts coat away). Here, sit down. (She sits). He: Can I get you a blanket or a pillow? She: Um, no that's okay. He: Are you sure? Why don't you relax - take off your shoes and put your feet up? She: So how was your day? He: Are you hot, should I open a window? Put on a fan? She: No, no. I'm good, thanks. He: Do you want to watch some TV? She: Sure He: What do you want to watch? I have....(he's standing and reading you every subscribed channel list on the Digital Cable TV guide!) Note: Hey! I can read and I'm not color blind!! The point is, this type of nice guy never has needs or desires of his own. My sister and I call it the 'Pepe Le Pew' syndrome. It can be awfully smothering... Why can't he be considerate and say "Hey, I'm getting something to drink, would you like something?" and let it be? Kinda like jealousy - a little is ok with reason - say - like another man flirting with you. It does indicate a certain vulnerability and humility if he is protective (not that he gets mad at you for someone else's behavior) There's a difference between arrogance and confidence, yes?? But the smothering kind of jealousy is a major control/trust issue. For me, it takes the right blend of sweet and considerate but not fawning, tender and tough, freedom and intimacy, trusting but not foolish. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Great post, Megabit. Link to post Share on other sites
megabit15 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Great post, Megabit. Aw, thanks, that was nice of you. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Should love be this comlicated? Probably not... but it does seem to be the nature of the game. I'm blaming the girls. Couldn't possibly be anything to do with me Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Yeah girls are a bit odd aren't they!! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Great post, Megabit. Absolutely! Really summed it up for me Megabit. Nice is when someone's being themselves and you like it. "Too nice" is just as you described. When someone is so desperate to be "nice" that you find yourself stuck with a permanent frozen grin on your face and having to constantly babble "lovely" "thanks" "so kind" "thanks" etc etc - instead of just being able to relax and have a good time with them. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 too funny Megabit, the dialogue. Makes me wonder who wears the condom Link to post Share on other sites
megabit15 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Makes me wonder who wears the condom Makes me wonder if he has cause to ever need one!!! I'm thinking - if he's missing his spine, perhaps he's missing other 'bones' as well Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow# Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 I am one of those girls. I am really addicted to a man, who I consider to be nice, but may be he is not as nice as I see him, because I cannot judge the situation objectively. I only know, that I lose myself completely, when I'm even just thinking about him, I stop to exist. I feel I am empty inside and he is my lifesource and my essense. I don't have my own. I don't know how to change, how to understand what's going on. I don't know where to start. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I am one of those girls. I feel I am empty inside and he is my lifesource and my essense. I don't have my own. I don't know how to change, how to understand what's going on. I don't know where to start. Awww honey. Would you go and see a therapist? Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow# Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I did already. Have you ever been to a therapist? Do you think they are able to solve our psychological problems? All she did was listen to my story, prescribed some very strong antidepressants and that's it. So I had to choose, what is better for me - my old familiar problems or some more serious side effects and drug dependence on top of what I already have. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes. Do you think they are able to solve our psychological problems? I think the therapy process can help a lot. In your case, it is likely that a residue of problems would remain, but therapy would offer you the opportunity to understand and deal with the issues better. Maybe try again with a different therapist? Try someone of a psychoanalytic or eclectic leaning, maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 ...and be brutally honest and open with your therapist. They are only as good as you let them!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts