Hold and cold?

[Rubysmalls1993]

So basically I met this guy on a dating site and everything was going really well, we had quite a few dates around 8 or 9 and have been speaking for nearly a month. We would talk everyday, he would message me in the morning and ask how I was every morning. We arranged to meet on Valentine's day last week and he promised me he wouldn't cancel after me asking if he would still be able to make it but on the day he said someone had rang in sick at work and be couldn't make it. All of a sudden after this he started being really distant and now his morning texts get later and later everyday. I asked him the other day what was wrong and he just said he had a lot on with work etc.

 

The past few days he has been distant but fairly talkative until today he didn't message me until the evening and only replied a few times. I have tried giving him space and being nice etc but he's been distant now for nearly a week. I am thinking the worst that he's not into me anymore but I don't know what to do whether to ask him or just keep giving him space? Last time we saw each other a week ago he was still lovely and there was nothing to suggest he wasn't into me anymore. He has just gone distant all of a sudden since when he was supposed to see me on Valentine's day so I really don't have a clue what is going on with him. Since he started being distant he will give me fast replies and ask what my plans are but then won't reply for 5 hours or even won't reply until the next day, i havent suggested meeting up as im taking it as hes not interested anymore but then i dont know whether me not suggesting is making him think im not into him anymore? I dont know whether he just texts for the sake of it now and so I'm being short with him but he's still being distant. This distance was all out of the blue it was going really well until he cancelled last Wednesday and all of a sudden he's become all distant randomly.

 

I don't know whether I should suggest meeting or maybe be nice as I always wait for him to message me first so I don't know whether that's giving him the wrong message. He told me he's been cheated on before in the past when he did everything for his ex and she cheated on him and before he went distant he seemed genuinely nice compared to the others I've had before he was respectful etc so I don't know whether the fact he was cheated on is making him insecure etc and that's why he's stopped putting effort into me or whether it is that he's not interested anymore but I can't see how I could've made him loose interest. He also said last time we saw each other that he catches feelings quickly and easily and that he felt things had moved really quickly so I just don't know if he is genuine and maybe has ran off because he's scared due to his past and is waiting for me to put the work in or whether he is just using me?

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

 

Sorry to hear that. I've been in your shoes many times.

 

Ignore all verbage between you two. The distance isn't a good sign but you like him and you want an answer so let the ego go and give it one more little push. Try and make plans. You can find a nice event like a festival or such or suggest an activity that will be fun and interactive and ask him if he wants to join you.

 

If he declines with an excuse and doesn't suggest another plan or an alternative date. Forget him. His interest is gone for some reason or another and there's no point in wondering why. He's done.

 

If he accepts and you two do go out without him cancelling on you, that'll obviously be a good thing. At which point, simply concentrate on having fun and making some nice memories for the two of you. Keep it slow.

 

If he acts shady after that outing..drop him.

 

Interested folk don't make it difficult. They are available and it will always be smooth sailing because they like you/feel happy and they want to be around what makes them feel good. You'll also feel like you could get anybody you wanted because of the way they make you feel.

 

Uninterested folk make it difficult. You'll find they leave you confused, full of questions and generally start to make you feel like sh*t. You'll find things have come to a halt. A lot of people's anxiety kicks up at that point and they end up coming clean about their feelings. No need for that. Actions explain it all.

 

It's a very intuitive and simple concept but sometimes we ignore it because of the ego.

 

By making a plan, you can get your answer without revealing how you feel. Be prepared for the worst scenerio and drop him if he cancels without a counter-offer and generally makes it difficult.

 

Goodluck

Edited February 20, 2018 by Beachead