How long to wait until 2nd marriage after divorce?

[alex1030]

With the staggering divorce rate of second marriages, especially when there are kids involved, how long did you wait to remarry after your 1st divorce?

 

I want to make sure that we are on the right path because odds are against us. We both have been together over a year, live together, with our blended boy sets with kinks that we have been ironing out along the way. Just want to hear your thoughts.

[mrs rubble]

I waited 10 years....but was engaged for 5.

[carhill]

In my social circle, younger quicker older longer, all else being equal. I set 30 as an arbitrary dividing line. Since I dated women I have more content on them. Men is essentially long-time friends and acquaintances. The guys, on average, got married again more quickly than the women, again all else being equal. That means comparing socio-economics and children, if any. Two years would be a long time for the young ones, with young meaning when I was young too, so a long time ago.

 

Also, a less obvious factor is monkey-branching. People who were monkey branchers could have been vetting or involved with someone before any D so a quick remarriage might not be so quick in the absolute sense rather just looks that way comparing dates.

 

You'll see examples of this with old-time and perhaps not so old-time celebs who finalize their D one day and the new marriage is the next day. Of course they were involved with that new spouse long prior to the D being stamped by the court.

 

Nowadays people are more likely to not remarry or not marry in the first place so everything is that case is nebulous since there's no public record, no wedding, no divorce, zippo. It just flows.

[Ronni_W]

With the staggering divorce rate of second marriages, especially when there are kids involved,...

 

I want to make sure that we are on the right path...

Hi, alex1030.

 

The problem truly only arises if/when you try to set-up yourself, and/or your partner, and/or the child or children involved, as only or merely a statistic. Because, if you think about it, that is NOT the best/highest way to see yourself, or to see you partner, or to see your biological and/or 'blended' children, and the family you will become.

 

Why not just look at how you presently intuit/feel about your present situation -- 'warts and all', as they say; without any 'rose-tinted glasses' or excuses or justifications?

Is the present situation and its present potential giving you an opportunity to see or envision the fulfillment of all or most of who/what you want to be? And, on top of that, presenting you with an opportunity to be able to see how you and your partner, together as a single combined unit, can potentially provide the environment that is best for each of your biological and chosen blended children to individually become who and what they (for their own selves) want to be?

 

If you can't see the potential, then likely your question has a valid source. But, if you intuit or can at least see the possibility of positives, then the doubt is only coming from external sources...and you do not need to buy into any of that.