Aburjwal Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 My husband and I have been married 3 months and I have known him for 2 years in total. We love each other deeply, but have our differences more of which I am discovering slowly. Recently I was going through our wedding photographs and something bothered me which hadn't bothered me before (probably because I didn't notice, our wedding was quite turbulent and we spet quite a few weeks recovering from the stress) - the guests from his side of the family were all looking like they walked right out of a jogger's park. They were all wearing sports shoes, jeans, t shirts and sports jackets. This bothered me quite a lot, because we had spent alot of time organising it and had invited only a special few guests since it was a small affair. I felt like this was disrespectful of them. But my husband didn't seem to care and didn't think it was a big deal. He said he had never cared about other people's appearances and he didnt think it was rude of them to do that. We had quite an argument about it. I am still upset about this. Any thoughts? Am i overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Focus on what is important: your marriage. Somebody else's casual attire has no bearing on your relationship with your husband unless you let it. Our wedding was black tie. Many of my husband's family didn't want to attend under those circumstances. I told them just to wear suits & dresses but not disappoint my husband by not coming. The world has gone casual. Too casual IMO but you can't change people. His family's choice of dress is not an issue upon which to end your marriage. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 So you didn't notice how your wedding guests were dressed on the day of your wedding but noticed it three months later when looking at photographs and now your upset about it? And then you decided to have a big fight about it with your husband? Yes you are overreacting and creating drama over nothing. What exactly do you want your husband to do about how your wedding guests were dressed three months ago? You want him to get all stressed and angry over what other people are wearing just because insignificant things like that get you riled up? It sounds by reading your post like your wedding was rushed. Your guests were there to show support and to celebrate with you. They may not have been super dressed up but it sounds like they were clean and groomed. It was a wedding, not a fashion show. Be grateful for the love and support and stop fighting with your husband over meaningless things that happened months ago. 16 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I tell my daughters to give a lot more thought to their marriage than to their wedding. I'll tell you the same thing. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Simply put: yes, you overreacted. It’s okay for you to have a certain set of standards for yourself and how you would dress at an event, but you can’t dictate that to others. We also had a small - but expensive - wedding. Some folks came very dressed up. Some folks came casual. No worries. Hubby and I had an absolute ball and have had an amazing marriage since then. That’s all that was important then and now. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I get it though. If I had a vision for my wedding & now looking at the pictures other people's casual clothes spoiled that, I'd be irked & disappointed too. It's certainly not something to blow up your marriage over. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Some people just don't know how to be fancy. Maybe to them they thought they were dressed up. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Some people just don't know how to be fancy. Maybe to them they thought they were dressed up. Sadly that is true. But I wore my good "dressy" jeans & new sneakers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I get it though. If I had a vision for my wedding & now looking at the pictures other people's casual clothes spoiled that, I'd be irked & disappointed too. It's certainly not something to blow up your marriage over. The official wedding photos consists of the bride and groom and their formal wedding party (groomsmen and bridesmaids) and it's up the bride and groom to choose what those people wear. It's not up to the general guests to worry about the wedding pictures. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Yup, overreacting. It would be one thing to be a little annoyed at it (understandable), another thing entirely to argue with your newlywed husband about it. Let it go, is my advice. There are far more important things in your life and marriage than photos. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 The official wedding photos consists of the bride and groom and their formal wedding party (groomsmen and bridesmaids) and it's up the bride and groom to choose what those people wear. It's not up to the general guests to worry about the wedding pictures. There are candids of the guests too. In a lovely elegant venue, casual clothes look out of place. If the bride & groom set a dress code, like I did specifying black tie, general manners dictate that the guests try to conform. I wasn't so upset about people in suits not tuxedos but I would have been annoyed if people came in short sleeves, jeans, joggers & sneakers. I would not have picked a fight with my husband over somebody's else attire 3 months after the fact or doubted my marriage but yeah I can see why the OP was not thrilled that there were people standing next to her in her bridal gown looking like they were going to a ball game Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 fact is unless you put - "black tie"- on your invite, you kinda missed the boat, sorry xx Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Aburjwal, I honestly am not sure how I would feel in your place. From my perspective now, though, it seems to me it's no big deal. One thing I notice these days that wasn't true 20 years ago is that at many fancy events (except debutante balls and such) people come dressed casually. If it bothers you that H's side of the family did this, consider this: I dated a guy for a year who only wore blue jeans everywhere. He had a church pair and his regular pairs. Ha! He wore his church pair to his own church but his regulars to mine! As I type this I'm laughing about it. I could have gotten offended that he wore his regular jeans to my church or I could have been glad to have him along. Of course, I was always dressed in my church best, alongside his farm look! LOL! On our first date, New Year's Eve, I was dressed to the nines in snug velveteen pants with complementary-colored velveteen blazer, lace-topped printed silk camisole to match and same color four or five inch spike heels! He met me in blue jeans and a sweat shirt, we went to dinner and had a blast! Loved his personality. He was a very wealthy man and his blue jeans came in handy with keeping some superficial types (gold diggers) at bay, I suppose. Not saying this is exactly like what you went through at your wedding. But, honestly, I wouldn't give it a second thought! I'll bet you were a gorgeous bride who looked even better contrasting with some of the gals in their workout clothes and athletic shoes! Don't let this little glitch ruin one more minute of your wonderful life with your great husband! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Let it go. If you can't, plan a second wedding and this time be specific about the dress code... Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I would have been sure to exclude them from most of the pictures. Dressing that way is a shame on them...almost like they were protesting and wanting to make a point. I suspect ypur husband is a bit embarrassed and is downplaying it like it doesnt bother him. You have the rest of your lives...don't fall out over people that don't know how to dress appropriately for the occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 The simple truth is, you can't control what other people do (or what they wear). The only person you control, is you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Let me get this straight: you are fighting with your husband about an issue which doesn't affect your life and which you can't change anyway. Keep this up and you'll be divorced in no time flat. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Let it go. If you can't, plan a second wedding and this time be specific about the dress code... Maybe invite actors rather than friends and family. That way you can plan all of their wardrobes and make sure there are only beautiful people there. And maybe you can invite those actors back for all of your occassions you want to take pics of, Thanksgiving and such. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 You don't say what your dress code was or what your husband's background is. I know people who think anything outside sweat pants is tantamount to black tie. It's rude to ignore a dress code, but it's also rude to judge people if they can't afford to buy or hire formal wear. If they did it on purpose to offend you then that's something to question, but if they don't know any better then it's best not to say anything. Either way, turning it into an argument is a huge over-reaction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 You don't say what your dress code was or what your husband's background is. I know people who think anything outside sweat pants is tantamount to black tie. It's rude to ignore a dress code, but it's also rude to judge people if they can't afford to buy or hire formal wear. If they did it on purpose to offend you then that's something to question, but if they don't know any better then it's best not to say anything. Either way, turning it into an argument is a huge over-reaction. Agreed. The OP said they were dressed in jeans AND sport coats which is a blazer. Maybe they thought they were dressed up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 My husband and I have been married 3 months and I have known him for 2 years in total. We love each other deeply, but have our differences more of which I am discovering slowly. Recently I was going through our wedding photographs and something bothered me which hadn't bothered me before (probably because I didn't notice, our wedding was quite turbulent and we spet quite a few weeks recovering from the stress) - the guests from his side of the family were all looking like they walked right out of a jogger's park. They were all wearing sports shoes, jeans, t shirts and sports jackets. This bothered me quite a lot, because we had spent alot of time organising it and had invited only a special few guests since it was a small affair. I felt like this was disrespectful of them. But my husband didn't seem to care and didn't think it was a big deal. He said he had never cared about other people's appearances and he didnt think it was rude of them to do that. We had quite an argument about it. I am still upset about this. Any thoughts? Am i overreacting? Did you get gifts from his family? Did they congratulate you at your wedding? If yes, try not to hold their choice in what to wear to your big day against them. Some people don't know any better and some aren't comfy wearing dressy clothes. It's not worth getting upset to the point of having marital issues over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 (edited) The only thing guest are required to wear at our wedding is smiles. (With clothes!). Try not to argue over things that can not be changed. Set a different tone for your marriage. Make a conscience decision not to go to war. Edited February 22, 2018 by Cullenbohannon 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts