Where do you find your dates and how is it going for you?

[FilterCoffee]

So where do you typically find them? Online, at work, while going about day to day activities etc? And what kind of results have you had? Have you been knocking it out of the park with a high (# of first dates) / (# of people interested in) ratio or has it been a struggle? If you could share reasons for the results you’re seeing that would be great!

 

I recently became open to the idea of dating and so far I’ve tried meeting people while going about my day and by hanging out with my social friends. It’s still too early to tell but I’ve got a few numbers so far, although I haven’t gone on any dates yet.

[d0nnivain]

I've been out of the dating scene for 12 years but I treated it like a job search in that I was willing to put forth the effort to widen my social circle & get out there to meet people. I vowed to do something social at least once per week. Some times I combined business networking with BF hunting but the point remains that you have to market yourself on multiple platforms.

 

1. OLD You gotta at least try it. It hated it but I had the experience.

 

2. Singles events

 

3. Business networking -- card exchanges, chamber of commerce etc.

 

4. Volunteering doing something you are passionate about: politics, saving animals, gun control, raising money for the arts or to cure disease. In major cities museums will often have galas & you can often meet other patrons there.

 

5. The classic bars etc but be careful. Best time during the day during football season. Every bar will be packed. Try the closing ceremony for the Olympics or any playoff type thing.

 

6. Taking or teaching a non-credit class.

 

7. Playing a co-ed sport

 

8. Seeing who's around during your day -- when you get your coffee, where you eat lunch, who is in the elevator etc.

 

9. Alumni or philanthropy groups: the Elks, the Moose, Kiwanis etc.

 

10. Telling friends, family & colleagues that you are open to being fixed up. You never know who knows somebody who will be perfect for you.

[lurker74]

Online dating is great...at first. For the most part, you meet people who are available (legally, if not emotionally) and have already expressed at least some interest in you. But after a while, it's a slog. I think it's because you're not just dealing with a theoretical "one" that might be living out there...there are literally thousands of choices at your fingertips and you are one swipe away from the perfect person - and that goes for both parties.

 

Then, if you are a high value target - and please forgive the blatant arrogance when I say I am - the actual dates become even MORE difficult. After many bad dates, when I show up with silly things like a job, a 401(k), a car, and the ability to have conversation, it's difficult to manage the slow build of a relationship. That is harder for me too because I tend to like people and will come across as more interested romantically just because I am genuinely interested in the person.

 

So OLD can be great but don't overdo it. Pick a few matches and then stop. Meet a couple of the matches and then see if you want additional meets. Hold off on the sex (unless you're just looking for the fun) and then, if no one interests you, go back a find a few more matches.

 

As for real life, work and friends are where you find them. It can be great because if you build a friendship first, it can be a great relationship. But it doesn't always work. I had a date last week with a woman that I have been talking to (off and on, off when I was with someone else) for nearly two years. I was excited to see where things would finally go. The date? Fun..like hanging out with a friend but not sexual chemistry at all. I hugged her goodnight and gave her the ol' pat on the back thing.

 

I am very outgoing but I don't do the bar/grocery store/book store pick ups. That's just not my thing. Works for some though!

 

The long and short of it is that organic meets are usually better but much slower and more infrequent. OLD is faster and higher volume but each date means less. Try both and maybe you'll get lucky.

[smackie9]

I met my dates while I was out with friends, at parties, camping, or through a social circle. I had multiple social circles when I was dating, so I had lots of opportunity to meet someone.

[Andy_K]

At the moment, Tinder.

 

For the majority, either they don't look like their pictures, or I have very little in common with them, so after one meet it goes nowhere.

[CommittedToThis]

I walk around the local lake, which I call Lake Craigslist, a few times a week.

 

There are almost always individual women walking the trail so if I'm in the mood for conversation, all I have to do is strike one up. My best day was last summer when I scored three phone numbers during one walk.

 

I recently signed on to POF and have been delightfully surprised at the number of women who have sent me private messages, however, I just can't bring myself to follow through with anyone yet. I can't summon the motivation to do what it takes to get something going.

 

Trying OLD led me to the realization that I am not at all in the mood to be in a relationship right now. Walking the lake is fun and I can get dates that way, but OLD is a PITA.

 

Good luck daters!

[FilterCoffee]

After hearing all the terrible experiences guys have been posting about OLD, i’ve been put off by it. I also enjoy talking to people and getting to know them face to face. It definitely poses other challenges but when I’m able to pull it off, I can get some great dates. But I guess I should try OLD at least once. I just have sucky pictures and I’ve never been comfortable in front of a camera

[CptInsano]

It might sound odd, but public transportation has provided the most and best results without even trying very hard.

[FilterCoffee]

It might sound odd, but public transportation has provided the most and best results without even trying very hard.

 

Yeah I can see why. A very natural setting for having a conversation.

[Gaeta]

Depends where you are from, if I lived in beautiful California I would never have set a foot on a dating website but I live up in Canada where we spend 4-5 months out of the year confined inside so online was a great option. We also are entering an era where people don't approach each other like they used to do back 30 years ago.

 

While I was dating a couple of years ago I met tons of men from online dating, I was set up with a few blind dates by my family, I also was approached by men during the summer months. I found love online in the middle of winter . We've been dating 2,5 years now. I kissed a lot of frogs before finding him, he was worth the wait.

[CptInsano]

Yeah I can see why. A very natural setting for having a conversation.

 

Good stories, too. Like being on a train at night, and a woman sits down next to me wearing her pajamas and slippers. You simply cannot refrain from inquiring about the story behind it.

[smackie9]

Depends where you are from, if I lived in beautiful California I would never have set a foot on a dating website but I live up in Canada where we spend 4-5 months out of the year confined inside so online was a great option. We also are entering an era where people don't approach each other like they used to do back 30 years ago.

 

While I was dating a couple of years ago I met tons of men from online dating, I was set up with a few blind dates by my family, I also was approached by men during the summer months. I found love online in the middle of winter . We've been dating 2,5 years now. I kissed a lot of frogs before finding him, he was worth the wait.

Come to BC, we don't have those nasty winters. Two weekends ago I was sitting at a seaside patio bar soaking up the sun lol

[d0nnivain]

I just have sucky pictures and I’ve never been comfortable in front of a camera

 

 

That will be a problem but if you have the patience & a good friend, you can do a photo shoot until you get some decent shots.

 

 

I think as a guy you will be OK if you don't put too much stock in it. Create a profile. Then start a search but don't message a lot of women. Be very selective & write a thoughtful opening message . . .not just hi or a wink. If you get a response, great! Hurray for you. If you don't, then put no emotional stock in what transpired. It's no different then the dozens of women who pass by you on the street in real life & don't speak to you. You don't take that to heart, do you?

 

 

If a woman messages you again, a win. If you don't fancy her, thank her & move along.

 

 

The key to dating is putting yourself in a setting where people you would like to date are. Once you get there, smile & go from there.

[Sbla22]

I'm a 26 year old male and feel like it's near impossible at the minute. Have been on and off Tinder and POF for 3 years. Probably had around 30 first dates from it but only 3 people got anything near serious but even they didn't manage to last.

 

Since splitting up with my ex in November I feel like OLD has been giving me virtually nothing. I am getting 3 matches a week from Tinder and none of them are either my type, live too far away or don't respond to my opening message. POF has beem terrible for me - I get one reply from about 15 and there are hardly any women in my area on it at all.

 

I don't have many friends so tried Meetup one time and plan to go to a few more but not sure how fruitful that will be.

 

I'm a teacher yet every single female in the workplace seems to have a boyfriend or engaged or married.

 

Things I haven't tried: Speed Dating, paid Online dating sites.

 

I have no way near enough confidence to go up to a girl and strike up a conversation in say the gym or a book store. They could have a bf or just give me utter rejection and I just can't handle that.

 

I reckon I'm about a 5 or 6/10 but feel like it's just so difficult right now. Thing is I'm not even majorly picky. I like nice, pleasent girls who are kind and make you feel good, educated. I'm not looking for a supermodel. There's loads of girls on Tinder who I think look so right for me but they never seem to match me

[Purepony]

I'm a 26 year old male and feel like it's near impossible at the minute. Have been on and off Tinder and POF for 3 years. Probably had around 30 first dates from it but only 3 people got anything near serious but even they didn't manage to last.

 

Since splitting up with my ex in November I feel like OLD has been giving me virtually nothing. I am getting 3 matches a week from Tinder and none of them are either my type, live too far away or don't respond to my opening message. POF has beem terrible for me - I get one reply from about 15 and there are hardly any women in my area on it at all.

 

I don't have many friends so tried Meetup one time and plan to go to a few more but not sure how fruitful that will be.

 

I'm a teacher yet every single female in the workplace seems to have a boyfriend or engaged or married.

 

Things I haven't tried: Speed Dating, paid Online dating sites.

 

I have no way near enough confidence to go up to a girl and strike up a conversation in say the gym or a book store. They could have a bf or just give me utter rejection and I just can't handle that.

 

I reckon I'm about a 5 or 6/10 but feel like it's just so difficult right now. Thing is I'm not even majorly picky. I like nice, pleasent girls who are kind and make you feel good, educated. I'm not looking for a supermodel. There's loads of girls on Tinder who I think look so right for me but they never seem to match me

 

 

Similar here since I work a lot it’s hard to really meet someone by chance now I’ve met two girls one from chance but she’s going through a divorce and the other going through a break up so back to square one

 

Everyone here’s I’m running into seems to face drama coming from all angles

[Space Ritual]

Face to Face..chance meetings, usually pretty random.

And the current woman I am seeing is 26 years old and Half my age.

 

We will date until some better looking guy comes along with more money and a bigger dick. It is just the way life goes. And I accept it for what it is and ride it for all it's worth

 

I take everything casual and when it's time to bow out to Father Time, I thank them for the fun and I'm on my way to the next one. No Fuss..No Muss.

 

Love is grossly overrated and Relationships can kill with the right dosage. I strongly suggest neither is very healthy long term. lol

[Miss Spider]

Cool thread. I do online dating and IRL but 9/10 of dates from online. I wouldn’t call it success, but think I think the problem might be me. Yeah. It is. It accomplishes its purpose. With that tool I max my options, too many options to even think, most I don’t even feel I deserve. I have been putting some effort into it( I even made a real profile. My first profile was the Hobgoblins movie summary copy and pasted and then it was blank lol) and have been “successful” with my interactions.

 

Irl I rely on cold approaches and considering I don’t do bar or club scene it’s less likely and the quality is overall lower(in terms of what I’m looking for) I would like to meet someone through a hobby or friend but don’t really have any at the moment that bring me in contact with eligible men?

Edited February 21, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[aussietigerwolf]

I'm on pof currently but i don't think online dating really works. No one wants to meet or they just want sex. Not to mention the fact that where i am at least, its full of gym junkies, travel junkies and massive outdoor types. People i have nothing in common with, Im a gamer geek. So i will just see what happens when i go to the Melbourne supanova in April.

[FilterCoffee]

That will be a problem but if you have the patience & a good friend, you can do a photo shoot until you get some decent shots.

 

 

I think as a guy you will be OK if you don't put too much stock in it. Create a profile. Then start a search but don't message a lot of women. Be very selective & write a thoughtful opening message . . .not just hi or a wink. If you get a response, great! Hurray for you. If you don't, then put no emotional stock in what transpired. It's no different then the dozens of women who pass by you on the street in real life & don't speak to you. You don't take that to heart, do you?

 

 

If a woman messages you again, a win. If you don't fancy her, thank her & move along.

 

 

The key to dating is putting yourself in a setting where people you would like to date are. Once you get there, smile & go from there.

 

I have a friend who's passionate about photography. He's got professional equipment but he also takes great photos on his phone. What kind of photos do you think I should get?

[FilterCoffee]

I'm a 26 year old male and feel like it's near impossible at the minute. Have been on and off Tinder and POF for 3 years. Probably had around 30 first dates from it but only 3 people got anything near serious but even they didn't manage to last.

 

Since splitting up with my ex in November I feel like OLD has been giving me virtually nothing. I am getting 3 matches a week from Tinder and none of them are either my type, live too far away or don't respond to my opening message. POF has beem terrible for me - I get one reply from about 15 and there are hardly any women in my area on it at all.

 

I don't have many friends so tried Meetup one time and plan to go to a few more but not sure how fruitful that will be.

 

I'm a teacher yet every single female in the workplace seems to have a boyfriend or engaged or married.

 

Things I haven't tried: Speed Dating, paid Online dating sites.

 

I have no way near enough confidence to go up to a girl and strike up a conversation in say the gym or a book store. They could have a bf or just give me utter rejection and I just can't handle that.

 

I reckon I'm about a 5 or 6/10 but feel like it's just so difficult right now. Thing is I'm not even majorly picky. I like nice, pleasent girls who are kind and make you feel good, educated. I'm not looking for a supermodel. There's loads of girls on Tinder who I think look so right for me but they never seem to match me

 

Same here, 26-year-old male. Three matches a week is not bad at all. Lots of guys get nothing after weeks of endless swiping. I can't imagine that being good for a person's confidence. I'm not the greatest looking guy myself hence, I feel I have a better chance when the girl interacts with me and gets to take in my vibe. It definitely gives me more control.

[FilterCoffee]

Similar here since I work a lot it’s hard to really meet someone by chance now I’ve met two girls one from chance but she’s going through a divorce and the other going through a break up so back to square one

 

Everyone here’s I’m running into seems to face drama coming from all angles

 

From my experience, attractive women are always at some stage of a relationship; either at the start, in the middle of an LTR or towards the end of flagging relationship. Nowadays I just assume this so that I'm not taken aback. I feel a moral dilemma when going after girls in an LTR and I guess you feel the same. A part of me thinks it's wrong but another part tells me that guys are going to hit on my future gf irrespective of her dating status and I should just embrace this part of dating. I draw the line with married women though.

[FilterCoffee]

Face to Face..chance meetings, usually pretty random.

And the current woman I am seeing is 26 years old and Half my age.

 

We will date until some better looking guy comes along with more money and a bigger dick. It is just the way life goes. And I accept it for what it is and ride it for all it's worth

 

I take everything casual and when it's time to bow out to Father Time, I thank them for the fun and I'm on my way to the next one. No Fuss..No Muss.

 

Love is grossly overrated and Relationships can kill with the right dosage. I strongly suggest neither is very healthy long term. lol

 

Why so much negativity Space?? Maybe she really likes you! But it's good to keep low expectations, that way you don't get ruffled.

[FilterCoffee]

Cool thread. I do online dating and IRL but 9/10 of dates from online. I wouldn’t call it success, but think I think the problem might be me. Yeah. It is. It accomplishes its purpose. With that tool I max my options, too many options to even think, most I don’t even feel I deserve. I have been putting some effort into it( I even made a real profile. My first profile was the Hobgoblins movie summary copy and pasted and then it was blank lol) and have been “successful” with my interactions.

 

Irl I rely on cold approaches and considering I don’t do bar or club scene it’s less likely and the quality is overall lower(in terms of what I’m looking for) I would like to meet someone through a hobby or friend but don’t really have any at the moment that bring me in contact with eligible men?

 

By my definition, you're definitely knocking it out of the park! On any given week, I bet you get at least 5 "good" matches on OLD. It must be nice to have so many options But talking to people and trying to start an attraction can also be a lot of fun. Girls don't need to do it so many won't get to experience it. I don't like using the term "cold approaches". When I start a conversation, I try to be the exact opposite, warm and friendly. In fact, I'm changing other aspects of my personality to exude this. So far, I've added brighter colours to my wardrobe, I try to look more relaxed and I've been smiling a lot more. It's been interesting to notice how the people around me have reacted to this change.

[FilterCoffee]

I'm on pof currently but i don't think online dating really works. No one wants to meet or they just want sex. Not to mention the fact that where i am at least, its full of gym junkies, travel junkies and massive outdoor types. People i have nothing in common with, Im a gamer geek. So i will just see what happens when i go to the Melbourne supanova in April.

 

Oh damn. I used to be a huge gamer before and I get what you're saying. You're the exact opposite of the people in your area I hope you get to meet the right guys at Melbourne Supernova (is that a gaming convention?), I'll keep my fingers crossed

[Happy Lemming]

For what its worth, I tried On-line dating briefly and it was horrible (for me).

 

I like meeting people in the real world. I met my present girlfriend while swimming at an apartment complex pool. I was living there temporarily on a month to month basis and figured I had nothing to lose by asking her out. We've been dating 6 years...

 

In the past, I've met people at bookstores, pubs, co-ed sports, through friends, while paying my electric bill in line at the local utility, grocery stores, just living life and running errands. Yes, you have to have the confidence to strike up a conversation to "break the ice". Just ask a simple question or make a comment... You can tell if someone is into you or not by their reaction. You'll learn to read body language, quickly.

 

I was working a friend's kiosk cart in a local mall, because he had a family emergency and met a woman while filling in for him. That experience was a unique one. She was coming out of another store and I commented on her hair (she was a red-head) as she walked by. We got to talking, exchanged numbers, and dated for a while.

 

So what if you are rejected... Just about all women who rejected me were polite about it. "No thank you, I have a boyfriend..." or "No thank you, not interested" In all my years of meeting women, I've only had a few instances where the woman was mean or nasty when I approached. I chalk that up to her having bad manners. I just went to the next one.

Edited February 22, 2018 by Happy Lemming