Did she cheat on me? What do u think?

[broken4good]

Hello. I’ve been dealing since she broke up with me over three months ago. I suspected her of cheating but never asked her directly. Let me know what you all think. Here we go.

 

Love at first sight. We both have never been happier even though we were over an hour apart. Non-stop communication for over 10 months and had life plans together. I have never felt like this before. Even with my ex wife of 12 years. She ended up going to her brothers wedding weekend out of town for 3 nights that I was supposed to go also, but she changed her mind last minute due to family problems. That weekend there was hardly any communication at all (first time that’s happened). When she came back she got super distant, would hardly text me and only called once. After one week “we” needed a break. In one of her texts she said she was not a hypocrite and it was never intentional, but never specified what and said she wasn’t meant for a relationship.

 

After two weeks she told me she missed me and we just needed time just me and her. We took a weekend retreat together and it was great. She did tell me about this guy at the wedding that asked her to go to his hotel room and make bad decisions. I asked her like what and she just said “I don’t know” and kind of laughed about the whole thing.

 

After that weekend she was still distant, didn’t seem attracted to me like before, and things that she used to love about me seemed to irritate her anymore. We only saw each other a couple more times then she broke up with me. (She found out I had asked her friend about her and felt like I betrayed her trust) But she told me when we broke up that it had nothing to do with me and that she was broken and felt like she wasn’t meant for a relationship.

 

This is the same woman that was looking at rings only one month prior. When we broke up she said she wanted to stay friends, but in my attempt to find out what really happened and why she changed she started to hate me and blocked me from everything.

My last attempt at closure I asked her what happened that weekend that changed her into a different person and she told me the reason we broke up was because I was demanding, selfish, clingy, and needy. Put the blame all on me as where as before it had nothing to do with me. But never answered my question about that weekend.

 

Throughout our whole relationship I was patient and understanding to her needs and only helped her when I could. I was very romantic and loving. She even told me that I’m the type of man she wants her boys to be like.

 

I wish I would of asked her straight up when I had the chance. Now it’s gone forever along with her. It kills me. Hindsight sucks ass.

The thing is I loved her so much(I still do) that if she would of admitted to it I could of forgiven her and moved on.

Bottom line is after that weekend she turned into a completely different person.

 

Well that’s my story. What do you all think?

I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m afraid it’s going to sabotage the relationship I’m trying to start with a new woman who is fantastic.

Edited February 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Miss Spider]

I don’t know if she cheated but I can certainly say she had already checked out of the rship by the time whenever her bros wedding was. Sounds like she just didn’t feel the same. Likelihood is you’ll never know if she did or didn’t. If you are still obsessing over this this you probably aren’t ready for a relationship with a new woman. When you are ready you won’t be thinking about it but thinking about the new woman. You didn’t give yourself a chance to heal from it. I’m sorry

[Imajerk17]

To answer your question OP......YES she cheated on you.

 

And instead of confessing that outright, she is "gaslighting" you. Instead of owning up to her failings, she is (falsely) putting the blame on the relationship ending on you. Don't take the blame as it is not your fault.

 

This sucks but, she sucks even more--and not in the good way.

Edited February 22, 2018 by Imajerk17

[broken4good]

To answer your question OP......YES she cheated on you.

 

And instead of confessing that outright, she is "gaslighting" you. Instead of owning up to her failings, she is (falsely) putting the blame on the relationship ending on you. Don't take the blame as it is not your fault.

 

This sucks but, she sucks even more--and not in the good way.

 

I think your right. There is so many things that she said that was like she was admitting it without outright saying it.

Before that weekend she told me she would never cheat on me. And after that weekend she said “if I ever cheated on you I would tell you”.

It just sucks because we were truly happy together. We felt like soul mates and were able to read each other’s thoughts.

I really think that she got stupid drunk and just gave in to temptation and made a mistake on a drunkin impulse. I know when people do get past a certain point they loose all judgment and do things they would never do in a million years.

It wasn’t even a month prior to that that we were talking about marriage. I think my deepest regret is letting her go to that wedding alone. I feel like I should of stood up to her when she decided I wasn’t going and made it a point then. Either I’m important in her life and I was going or i wasn’t and we should split up before then. At least then I would of known for sure.

This is the worst kind of torchere and hurt and I hope no body ever has to deal with it.

As bad as it sounds I wish she would just tell me that she did. But I guess then I would forgive her and tell her we could make it work. Love freaking sucks. The worst pain and mind trip ever. It sent me into a bad depression and I almost lost my job because I couldn’t function .

I would sacrifice anything for her still. Anything! I guess I already have.

Nice guys do finish last...

[Popsicle]

I'm sure you are lovely, but it definitely seems like you two don't get each other and probably never will.

 

Sometimes people don't know what they want so they play a role that they think they want for a while......Maybe a long while and a few kids later even. Over time they start to realize what they want or that they have outgrown the relationship that they are in. This could be what happened. It's not always cheating as the reason a woman leaves a man, although I'm not surprised that those who've suffered through being cheated on think that that's the only reason.

 

It's also difficult to accept that someone doesn't love you anymore.

[Popsicle]

If you are still obsessing over this this you probably aren’t ready for a relationship with a new woman. When you are ready you won’t be thinking about it but thinking about the new woman. You didn’t give yourself a chance to heal from it. I’m sorry

 

Cookies is right. Please do women a favor and not date until you are at the point where you can only think about the new woman, not your ex.

[joseb]

Sounds like she kinda admitted to cheating without flat out admiting. I would assume, yes, she cheated.

 

It's not super important though, I think she had checked out by then (probably why she disinvited you)

 

What do you need to move on?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I don't think it i healthy for you to hold on to these "what ifs".

 

The reality is that if she wanted to be with you, she would. Cheaters who want to remain with there partners will either

 

a) pretend nothing happened and deny.. deny.. deny.

 

b) tell you out of guilt

 

Either way, they will want to stay with you, but she didn't.

 

You keep referring to "we" to describe your feelings and experiences in the relationship, but the truth is, despite what you think you know about her, you're not actually in her head. We all experience our relationships differently from one another, and even if you experience a similar emotions or experiences at one time, doesn't mean that will be the same in a week or even a day later.

 

It is hard to know whether had already met someone before the wedding, had her eye on someone she knew was going, met a guy there, or simply didn't want you there because she was losing feelings for you. It could be anything, but it doesn't change the outcome. She is done and I don't think it is fair to blame yourself like this.

 

I agree with the others who suggested that perhaps you aren't ready for a new relationship. You need to consider whether it is fair to this new woman that you would dump her in a heartbeat for your ex, which illustrates my point. You never really know what is going on in the other person's head.

Edited February 22, 2018 by Scarlett.O'hara

[road]

She cheated. You know it but need her to admit to it.

 

Well she did, in the time close to the wedding she was having

contact with this OM. She was liking what she saw. She wanted

to test run this OM for the three day weekend. This is why you

were uninvited by her.

 

Then she comes back and acts distant hoping that it would make

you want to break up. Then she tells you enough about the OM

that would make any other man realize that she had porn star sex

with him. However the betrayed man refuses to see this because

to admit then he knows.

 

Her actions were to get you to dump her, or her turn things

around and blame your current behavior for her dumping you.

Either way she got your relationship done.

[broken4good]

Sounds like she kinda admitted to cheating without flat out admiting. I would assume, yes, she cheated.

 

It's not super important though, I think she had checked out by then (probably why she disinvited you)

 

What do you need to move on?

 

I just need her to admit to it. But then I still don’t think I could let her go. I would want to still try. Love stinks. How can I love someone that much? Seriously everything was great before that weekend. She was fighting with her son because he wanted it to be a family weekend with just her and his brother and then she found out her sister was going which she had issues with and didn’t want me to meet her family with drama. We had made plans to go visit a few months later before that weekend.

I really think she got ****ty drunk and **** just happened.

The fact that when we took our break she told me that she wasn’t a hypocrite and it was never intensional pretty much means she did something.

[Springsummer]

Does it matter if she cheated on you or not?

 

the bottom line is she doesn't love you any more. if she does, she will just beg you to forgive and to stay with you...just like you are ready to forgive her because you love her.

 

what's love any way?

[broken4good]

Does it matter if she cheated on you or not?

 

the bottom line is she doesn't love you any more. if she does, she will just beg you to forgive and to stay with you...just like you are ready to forgive her because you love her.

 

what's love any way?

 

Yeah. I think your right. Or this is easier than her admitting to anything and putting the guilt on me.

It just all sucks bad. I hurt everyday. I guess we all wish we could go back in time and do things differently. I think if I would of just left her alone After we broke up instead of constantly pursuing answers and screwing up any chance of us getting back together.... because of how I behaved after we broke up I drove her to hate me(or that’s how it seems). I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. Or forget her and accept what happened.

I wish this **** on nobody ever!! Love is a powerful thing. Can make you feel invincible and then then next minute make you feel worthless.

I miss her so much. And yes I don’t think I’m ready for another and I don’t think I ever will be. It seriously feels like I lost myself and I have no heart, except for the one that is shattered. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I loved her with my soul. And now it’s gone.

 

I think every day she’s going to call... but I know she’s not.

I’ve gotten to the point that I hate myself. I just wish I could forget her and what we had. It was beautiful.

[BluesPower]

Of course she did...