Dealing with depression and being single

[guy45]

I've been single for about 9 months. I've tried meeting people at school and online but nothing ever seems to work out. I've had like a dozen dates on Match but none of them seemed to go anywhere. Maybe one of them had potential but I guess the attraction wasn't strong enough.

 

This has started making me depressed lately. I'm 25 now. I used to have more hope in the past but now I'm just depressed or playing video games most of the time.

 

I do workout and stay fit, I'm not buff but I am in decent shape for a guy.

 

I find the whole dating thing extremely frustrating.

Even if I can't find someone to be with, how can I at least be happier?

I really hate being depressed and I want to change that.

[preraph]

Well, if it makes you feel better, I had longer droughts than that when in my 20s. It just happens. You meet someone, get your hopes up, then it doesn't go anywhere, and the worst part is losing that hopeful anticipation.

 

I think the best thing is twofold for you. One is simply to make an effort, even if you don't feel like it, to expand your hobbies and interests; and two is to get up and shower every day and dress and get out of the house. You can't meet anyone sitting at home playing games. Volunteer somewhere one day a week or take a tiny part-time job that doesn't pay anything but it fun and where you can meet new people. Or just take up a new active hobby. Maybe take yoga or join a bowling league, or get a dog and start going for walks and to the dog park. They're better company than people and you meet lots of people through them.

[guy45]

Well, if it makes you feel better, I had longer droughts than that when in my 20s. It just happens. You meet someone, get your hopes up, then it doesn't go anywhere, and the worst part is losing that hopeful anticipation.

 

I think the best thing is twofold for you. One is simply to make an effort, even if you don't feel like it, to expand your hobbies and interests; and two is to get up and shower every day and dress and get out of the house. You can't meet anyone sitting at home playing games. Volunteer somewhere one day a week or take a tiny part-time job that doesn't pay anything but it fun and where you can meet new people. Or just take up a new active hobby. Maybe take yoga or join a bowling league, or get a dog and start going for walks and to the dog park. They're better company than people and you meet lots of people through them.

Decent advice, I will do my best. I think I probably get discouraged too easily and then stop trying. I will definitely try to get out of the house more, go to places outside of school.

[Cookiesandough]

Therapy, medication, good support system(friends), plenty of sunlight, eating healthy, excercise, cutting out excessive drugs and alcohol, making goals and keeping to them

[snowboy91]

First things first - if you feel you're getting depressed, seek therapy. I know there is sometimes stigma associated with it, but I view going to therapy for mental troubles like going to the doctor for physical ones. It's always worth it even if the issue is minor.

 

Secondly - I know how you feel. In my early 20s I'd never been in a relationship, and thought I never would. It will happen eventually - but what you need to do first is the cliche thing of working on yourself. Build friendships, hobbies, connect with people and your environment. I get you like playing video games - are there any gaming bars you can go to in order to meet people?

 

Being single will feel like much less of a problem if you're more connected and feel happy. But, ironically, that ends up making you more likely to meet someone!

[preraph]

Decent advice, I will do my best. I think I probably get discouraged too easily and then stop trying. I will definitely try to get out of the house more, go to places outside of school.

 

Well, that is what naturally happens when you get depressed. Then you don't feel like doing much, but I tell you, that's when you have to make yourself do it. that's why I said get up and shower and dress. Because when I am depresssed, it all seems like too much trouble. But make it a routine when you're down to just do that and then it's not as big a step to then go do something.

[NHope]

It seems to me that people seem to find someone when they aren't looking for it. It's like the opposite sex knows your looking and I guess it seems desperate. Just relax and enjoy being single. Hang out with your friends and be ok without having a girlfriend. It also helps if you know who you are without having to have someone to make you feel good. I'm sure she's out there, just wait for her. Keep hope.

[guest569]

Do you think that you might be depressed by other things? Or is it a result of the dating experiences that you’ve had of late? How has your mood been since the break up?

[Mysterio]

I think its kind of scary that a lot of us put so much weight on our love lives to be happy.

 

Truth is. Most of us are going to be in and of love in terms of being partnered up.

 

I have a friend that had his 17 yr old son in some mental health program. He was was going to move to another city when his son was just put in the program. I actually had to sit down with him. He wanted to move to another city to be with his new GF. I said why can't you make sure your son is alright first and then move a couple of months later. My friend choose his GF over his son.

 

The son is out, but after that. I never looked at my friend the same. He did come back to our city after 4 months with his GF. They are always together and I think if she broke up with him. He would be devestated. Having a GF is a major thing for him.

 

Sometimes I think we have to toughen up ourselves and say. This is my life. I get one go around. Might as well make it the best as I can. With or without a GF in my life.

[Mysterio]

Another thing. Whats going to happen if you have a Relationship and you have problems. Now you have to deal with it.

 

Just like the weather changes. Perhaps Depression is a fact of life. We are emotional creatures. At some point in our lives. Depression is going to come in an out of out lives. I don't know anyone that is happy all the time. We just can't let it crush us.

 

I say maybe spend one day wallowing in self pity isolated and then after that. Get our of your home and do fun things. Go for a walk. Listen to music. Or if its real cold out. Watch funny movies. Realize that you are not the only one out there going thru bad stuff.

 

When you meet the right woman for you. Do you want her to see you has depressed. Would you lay that on her. Is she going to be happy that she has a depressed BF.

[hotpotato]

Nine months isnt bad. Some people go years in between relationship.

[guest569]

Hope you are doing ok Guy

[GuitarGuy7]

tacos are delicious

[preraph]

I think its kind of scary that a lot of us put so much weight on our love lives to be happy.

 

Truth is. Most of us are going to be in and of love in terms of being partnered up.

 

I have a friend that had his 17 yr old son in some mental health program. He was was going to move to another city when his son was just put in the program. I actually had to sit down with him. He wanted to move to another city to be with his new GF. I said why can't you make sure your son is alright first and then move a couple of months later. My friend choose his GF over his son.

 

The son is out, but after that. I never looked at my friend the same. He did come back to our city after 4 months with his GF. They are always together and I think if she broke up with him. He would be devestated. Having a GF is a major thing for him.

 

Sometimes I think we have to toughen up ourselves and say. This is my life. I get one go around. Might as well make it the best as I can. With or without a GF in my life.

 

Well said.

[Mysterio]

Everyone can't live the same life. My mother is the only one of her siblings that is still with her husband. Its not like I look at my parents as perfect. Its just that they have been able to get through rough spots. Basically they toughed each other out.

 

My brother and I are both still single. Is it a bad thing in the end. All being single to me is that I don't get verbal accolades of love or physical affection. Thats it. I get to call the shots in my life.

 

I am turning 47 on March 11. I still get pegged at early 30's. I don't know why a lot of us are struggling with this lack of love or rejection type thing. It just breaks my heart that early 20 somethings feel so disenfranchised, over a lack of love in their lives.

 

One thing I noticed is that a lot of us here are trying to search for love. Its like for some reason. The search is not yielding results. Its like looking for love is not working for most of us.

 

Thats why this year as much as I can help it. I am not trying to make overt romantic connections with women. If they like me that way. They will let me know.

 

I think for a lot of us. Peace of mind, body, spirit is more important than dating anything that walks in front of you.

 

There is nobody that could truly define why one is single over another. We have a long life. 87 yrs for most of us, the Universe willing. What do we do with that life is up to us.

 

For me it not about being single. Its about the journey of it. I just still to this day. We will all couple up. Its just how it will happen. Thats the million dollar question.

[Liliya]

I have the same problem after getting divorced 3 years ago