How do I get over this facial scar of mine?

[Just Write]

Long story short, I had an operation on my face for what amounted to be a suspicious freckle, and the resulting scar is about fifty times worse than the original blemish.

 

I've had this scar now for just about a year, and I'm extremely distraught over it. Back in December, I nearly had cosmetic surgery to try and "fix" it, but you'll have to excuse me if I'm gun shy over any operation on my face now. Had I gone through with the surgery, I was told I would still have a scar, but it would be a thin line rather than the raised, inch-wide "oval" I have now. Then, at the last minute (literally; as in, I was in the operating room with the incision lines drawn), I was told my left eyebrow would be raised by "a millimeter or two."

 

At this point, I walked out, because I was also told (by a different doctor, mind you) that the operation to remove the original blemish would result in a mark akin to "a scraped knee" for the first six months and become "barely noticeable" after a year. In other words, there's no reassurance doctors can give me these days that I'll actually believe. My attitude towards cosmetic surgery, then, has become one of "better the devil I know than the one I don't."

 

So what I'm left with is a facial scar that has knocked my self-confidence down about two pegs. Look, I never thought I was great looking to begin with, but whereas I felt I was at least presentable beforehand, I now look at myself as damaged goods. I also, quite frankly, wouldn't look twice at a girl with the same mark, and I'm the type who demands from myself what I expect from others. You could say I've developed something of a "I'm not good enough for anyone now" complex.

 

I honestly don't know what I'm looking for here, either. As I said before, I've pretty much abandoned trying to have it corrected for fear of it becoming worse, so that's off the table. Everyone I know has already told me I'm overreacting, but I feel they're just giving me lip-service. I'm definitely not looking for reassurance from anonymous people on the Internet, then. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to commiserate with here? Or someone who has a similar mark who's managed to get over it somehow?

 

Funny thing is, I also have a scar from a cleft lip reparation that I've had since I was an infant, and it's never bothered me a lick. This new one, though, has all but consumed me. It's all I see when I look in the mirror, and I've literally had nightmares about the darn thing.

 

I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I thought I would eventually get over it, but I'm beginning to doubt that I ever will.

 

Help, please?

[LivingWaterPlease]

Was the original surgery performed by a plastic surgeon, OP?

 

So sorry you're going through this. I had a dermatologist to something temporary to my face that I ended up having an allergic reaction and swelling to that has stayed, so I understand your concern about having more done. Not to discourage you, though.

[Realitysux]

Your face is a map of where you've been and your heart is the map to where your going. I'm not sure if this helps any or comforts you. If your used to an attractive face then I can appreciate what a scar would do. I'm used to having a not so appealing face so a scar wouldn't bother me ...

[preraph]

If it were me I'm pretty sure I would opt for the corrective surgery. A millimeter isn't very big, and you can always adjust your eyebrows by moving them or even with Cosmetics to some extent. I Think your Next Step should be to get two more opinions from plastic surgeons before deciding. If the scar was flat instead of raised there are ways to help conceal that with makeup concealer which you would have to get someone to teach you to use properly.

[todreaminblue]

i'm sorry about your scar op i would be hesitant too to get cosmetic surgery on my face i have watched too many botched episodes with my daughter one episode on botched....we both clutched our breasts because we both started actually feeling pain watching a botched breast reduction...my daughter actually couldnt finish watching....i finished watching the documentary so i could get to see these women happy from corrective surgery or i would have had nightmares of disfigured crying women who had no self esteem.....and they all were very happy with the surgeon who fixed them adn their confidence and their smiles....phew....

 

 

.......that is an option is to get more opinions and find the very best surgeon you can....

 

btu i also found this on youtube

 

 

you migth hav etried dermoflage ....but there are hundreds fo videos on scar cover up i chose this one because i liked her voice honestly and the scar is round like you said yours was....ovalish round....

 

maybe you could use dermoflage until you feel enough confidence and faith in a plastic surgeon to help you with your scar that is causing you to feel unpretty....

 

 

i just would like to say to you....you are not with or without a scar anything but beautiful....yoru scar doesnt define you or who you are..... but i understand how you must feel unpretty...i have felt that too in my life and it destroys confidence and happiness........i wish you peace ..and hugs from me to you...xo..i send you bunnies...because that's the only thing i can send you...:bunny:...deb

[LivingWaterPlease]

What about having it removed with laser, if that's possible?

[todreaminblue]

What about having it removed with laser, if that's possible?

 

 

i dont know if scar removal is done by laser treatments now i have to look it up.... i know that tattoos removed with laser treatments done over several sessions leave scars of their own.....deb

 

edit ...they do laser treatments reference.....

 

https://www.everydayhealth.com/skin-and-beauty/lasers-for-scar-removal.aspx

Edited February 23, 2018 by todreaminblue
adding reference for laser

[BarbedFenceRider]

There ARE talented Plastic surgeons, but the devil is in the details. 2nd. and 3rd. opinions are so important. Also, reference from other patients would help. But one other thing....

 

I feel you have a "scar" that is left untreated. Your ego needs adjusting. The way you characterized yourself, and stated plainly that you are: "I'm not good enough for anyone now" complex.

Complete crap. Sorry, it had to be said. Some of the most beautiful women I have ever had to joy to be with had guess what....Scars, and on there face. It does not define WHO they are, or their beauty they possess.

Just think about it. You went in to the doctor's for a suspicious freckle. And good call too by the way! Melanoma is not a freak thing these days. Then you have it removed and you are now "dwelling" on the result of the surgery. You are giving this "thing" more value than it originally had in the first place. Maybe, you can find out what is going on in your life, outside this event that results in not feeling good about yourself.

As a quick fix, get your nails done, get your hair did. (As they say here in the west!)

[anika99]

The OP is a guy.

 

Since you say a doctor told you that plastic surgery may slightly raise your eyebrow, I'm led to believe that your scar is somewhere around the temple or forehead as I can't see how any surgery below your brows would cause one to raise. I would suggest bangs but I see from one of your earlier post that you have a somewhat receding hairline so hiding the scar with hair is probably out.

 

All I can say is that if the scar is on your temple or forehead it's probably a lot less noticeable than you think it is. I mean sure people can see it but I have read that when people look at each other their eyes naturally focus around the center of the face where the features are. So while people may notice your scar it likely doesn't impact your level of attractiveness near as much as you think it does.

 

even though you're a guy you still might want to consider using a tiny bit of concealer on the scar. Cosmetics have come a long way and they make concealers for the purpose of hiding things like tattoos and scars. Since your scar is raised you can't make it completely invisible but making it the same color as the rest of your face will make it less noticeable.

[GorillaTheater]

The OP is a guy.

 

 

Which is why he needs to make up a cool story about it. I'd go with a bear attack.

[BarbedFenceRider]

...and begin!

 

Sorry, a clear case of reading it backwards ends up in the wrong gender. Ma bad!!!!

 

Anyway, it works the other way around as well. Except getting your nails done! lol

 

Get a haircut, buy a new shirt and don't sweat it...Remember who Seal is? The recording artist with a face that only a mother could love...That guy pulled in serious women... You'll be fine. Look inwards though, your insecurity resides somewhere else than that damn scar.

 

Again...Sorry about the gender blunder. *Bro punch to the shoulder...

[todreaminblue]

im sorry op that i mistook you for a woman.....ill be honest i thought guys dont worry so much about scars because scars on guys are part of their life journey .....as a woman with scars myself....i cover them up because i don't want to be taken for masculine ....or thought of as rugged because i have a few....sorry i said unpretty ...and called you beautiful....ill replace it with handsome....

 

scars can actually make a person you know.....remember that girl from dirty dancing she had a really big nose when she did dirty dancing...jennifer grey...it was a defining feature that made her different.........after dirty dancing .....she fell off the face of the earth and she had a nose job done after dirty dancing...she didnt get a lot of job opportunities after that

 

i understand you are conscious of your scar.....but...what often makes a person special is often their imperfections not the perfect parts...and the woman that you end up with ...will love your scar because its part of you...

 

ken dolls are cool when women are girls to play with and dress up...but believe me when i say a man with rugged character and a few battle scars are far more attractive to women than you think........because its part of being men...you collect scars.....from being....boys....and then from being ....men...

 

most of the men i have dated have had scars some of them pretty big scars.....i have dated fighters..bouncers and martial artists.....so they were pretty battle scarred.....one guy i dated got hit in the head with a brick..because he wouldn't stay down....kept getting back up....he had a massive head scar.....

 

their scars weren't unattractive or ugly ......they didn't hide them or cover them......and they never had problems getting dates....because they carried themselves with confidence and fearlessness..they had courage...and they opened doors for me....that's what i noticed more than there scars when i first met them was how they treated me and they treated me well.........i noticed more than their scars that they respected other women and they were confident when speaking to me.........that's attractive in men.....scars just mean you have lived life and with you you like the outdoors .....do you?..but if it really bothers you maybe laser treatment might be an option........deb......

[Just Write]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. My bad on the gender misunderstanding. I should have probably led off with that. No worries, though.

 

Your face is a map of where you've been and your heart is the map to where your going. I'm not sure if this helps any or comforts you. If your used to an attractive face then I can appreciate what a scar would do. I'm used to having a not so appealing face so a scar wouldn't bother me ...

Like I said, I've never considered myself great looking, but I've always had a good complexion and a clean look. The scar is just plain ugly, though, and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

If it were me I'm pretty sure I would opt for the corrective surgery. A millimeter isn't very big, and you can always adjust your eyebrows by moving them or even with Cosmetics to some extent. I Think your Next Step should be to get two more opinions from plastic surgeons before deciding. If the scar was flat instead of raised there are ways to help conceal that with makeup concealer which you would have to get someone to teach you to use properly.

The real problem is I just don't trust doctors at this point to fix it. I left out that this scar is actually the result of a second operation. The first was an initial scrape, which was for a biopsy and removal. It, too, left a worse mark than I was initially told it would. I went in again because they said they wanted to make sure they got it all, and they told me then the new scar would be a lot better than that scar. It's far worse, though.

 

That's why I marched out of the cosmetic surgeon's office when she sprung the "raised eyebrow" thing on me. She says it'll be a millimeter, but with my luck so far, I had this image of me constantly looking inquisitive after the procedure.

 

And yes, it was a dermatologist who did this, not a cosmetic surgeon. Still doesn't change my trust issues with doctors, though.

 

maybe you could use dermoflage until you feel enough confidence and faith in a plastic surgeon to help you with your scar that is causing you to feel unpretty....

Though I am a guy, I haven't ruled this out altogether, at least for when I go to a public place where I likely would be recognized by anyone. Thing is, though, were I to meet someone, I wouldn't want to deceive them, and that's what camouflaging this mark sort of feels like to me.

 

What about having it removed with laser, if that's possible?

The most I'm told a laser would do is lighten its pigmentation. It would still have the smooth, raised appearance, though. Based on the quotes I've gotten, too, it's actually more expensive than just having the scar cut out.

 

I feel you have a "scar" that is left untreated. Your ego needs adjusting. The way you characterized yourself, and stated plainly that you are: "I'm not good enough for anyone now" complex.

I know this is probably true, but I'm not sure what I need to address, exactly. I'm in very good shape, I'm set to earn my degree this spring, and I even got a new job right before this scar happened (literally the Monday before I started I had the second operation that caused this). I expected the boost to my ego from that alone would be great. The scar completely dashed all those good vibes, though.

 

I admit I've always had self-image problems anyway, but now I feel like no one will look twice at me. And while I know looks aren't everything, they are definitely a lure when it comes to meeting someone. If I can't get a girl to look twice at me, though, I have little faith that she'll ever get to know me enough to look past the scar.

 

Since you say a doctor told you that plastic surgery may slightly raise your eyebrow, I'm led to believe that your scar is somewhere around the temple or forehead as I can't see how any surgery below your brows would cause one to raise. I would suggest bangs but I see from one of your earlier post that you have a somewhat receding hairline so hiding the scar with hair is probably out.

 

All I can say is that if the scar is on your temple or forehead it's probably a lot less noticeable than you think it is. I mean sure people can see it but I have read that when people look at each other their eyes naturally focus around the center of the face where the features are. So while people may notice your scar it likely doesn't impact your level of attractiveness near as much as you think it does.

Yes, it's almost exactly between my eyebrow and hairline. Again, sorry. I probably should have led off with this information. And that's interesting information about where the eyes fall on someone's face. I'll try to keep that in mind as I try to overcome this.

 

That said, though, one of my issues with the scar is that it doesn't look like a scar. Honestly, when I first had the procedure, I actually thought it might be kind of cool to have a scar on my forehead. But I expected a scar like what you typically see in film or on television. This thing almost looks like a growth, though. And that's the real problem. It doesn't look like a scar; just an ugly mark.

 

A colleague of mine at work even came right out one day and asked me what it was. After telling him it was a scar, he told me he thought it was a wart. Since that day, I've joked with a friend of mine (who works at the same office, too) that to the people at work who don't know me by name, I'm probably "the guy with that thing on his face." That's what I feel like sometimes, anyway. It's become something of a horrible identifier in my mind.

 

Which is why he needs to make up a cool story about it. I'd go with a bear attack.

Lol. My brother makes the same sort of comments to me. Again, though, I don't like the idea of lying to someone I want to get involved with. Just doesn't seem like a good way to start off a relationship. And saying, "Oh, this? It's from a botched surgery for suspected skin cancer," just doesn't ring true of a risk-taker, an image I think a scar would otherwise project.

 

Again...Sorry about the gender blunder. *Bro punch to the shoulder...

And again, no worries. I should have been clearer from the start.

 

im sorry op that i mistook you for a woman.....ill be honest i thought guys dont worry so much about scars because scars on guys are part of their life journey .....as a woman with scars myself....i cover them up because i don't want to be taken for masculine ....or thought of as rugged because i have a few....sorry i said unpretty ...and called you beautiful....ill replace it with handsome....

No worries, todreaminblue. I took the "beautiful" comment more spiritually than physically, anyway.

 

Like I said before, I only really worry about this scar because it doesn't look like a scar. If it did (like my cleft lip reparation), I doubt I'd be hung up on it at all.

 

Anyway, thanks for the kind words, everyone. I try to keep everything in perspective, but I was never good at finding a date anyway, and the blow this has thrown to my ego is making it even more difficult for me. I still carry myself well and continue to stay in shape, but like I said before: I kind of feel like damaged goods now. And why would anyone want damaged goods when there are so many unscathed alternatives out there?

[todreaminblue]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. My bad on the gender misunderstanding. I should have probably led off with that. No worries, though.

 

Like I said before, I only really worry about this scar because it doesn't look like a scar. If it did (like my cleft lip reparation), I doubt I'd be hung up on it at all.

 

Anyway, thanks for the kind words, everyone. I try to keep everything in perspective, but I was never good at finding a date anyway, and the blow this has thrown to my ego is making it even more difficult for me. I still carry myself well and continue to stay in shape, but like I said before: I kind of feel like damaged goods now. And why would anyone want damaged goods when there are so many unscathed alternatives out there?

 

 

i am glad you took it spiritually because i have an article to show you about supposed damaged goods ...her name is Pramodini Rual

 

 

Woman blinded by acid attack finds love from her hospital bed | Metro News

 

she found love from her hospital bed ..she must have felt like damaged goods so much so .....she was scared of herself....she found love ...her story is inspiring.....

 

ill let you in on a secret and you have to trust me i have no reason to lie to you.......there are not many unscathed adults out there...there are beautiful people on the outside walking around who are not unscathed on the inside....they have vain, selfish and ignorant hearts which is far more damaged goods than scars on the outside....there are beautiful people who are beautiful on the inside......and those people shine...their countenance is beautiful because they are at peace on the inside..in their hearts they are gentle peaceful souls so the beauty radiates so much more in their countenance..and if people don't understand what true beauty or handsomeness really is..or know how to see people for who they are..they might not see whats real especially if they look for societies view of beauty liker the cover of a magazine that's been airbrushed to perfection....its not real......

 

imperfections keep us humble and accepting of others ...it keeps love in our hearts for those society might think of as damaged goods....imperfections are what keep us real and down to earth......otherwise we could all go around thinking we were gods..and some people do go around thinkin they are gods...they are not......and more damaged than the rest of us mere humans..........our imperfections make us glorious and special....we are human.....and everyone deserves to be loved....and can be loved ...if you can give love ...you can have love back....

 

dating isnt easy these days with online dating being a meat suit market ......the ability to swipe right or left on people judging them before knowing them on photos that may or may not be true representations of who they are........in spite of that people are still meeting and falling in love....and dating.....

 

have you ever looked at someone and thought she is plain....or he is plain....and then they smile.....and their whole face transforms you are drawn to to the eyes and the person who suddenly seems stunning.....that is countenance...its from inside them.... its the spirit within......let people see your spirit...spirits are actually fearless you know....so let your spirit out more....do that by smiling...and notice how many people will smile back...its spirits recognising spirits.....and one day ...you will meet the right woman...dating will become easier and you will feel more confident....if you try...smiling from your heart........spirits love going outdoors just like you do just make sure you slip slop slap on the sunscreen and wear a hat and take your smiling heart with you at all times............you will find like minded souls to date and you will feel confident enough to ask for dates.....give yourself time........smilin atcha....:0)...deb

Edited February 23, 2018 by todreaminblue

[AnnaTjacks]

I am sorry that the procedure left you with a scar. I have a scar from a procedure done by my dermatologist and he told me upfront that would be the case. I do pray that your confidence is built up because there are people that look on the heart of the person and not a scar. I know I have a slight protrusion near my ear lope that I was born with but I just don't think about it. Have you thought about the people who are telling you that it's not really a bit deal, is telling you the truth?

Edited February 26, 2018 by AnnaTjacks

[thefooloftheyear]

While I realize everyone's threshold is different, I think you are blowing this out of proportion...

 

As someone with several facial scars, I can honestly say it was never an issue in any aspect of my life or career...yeah, once in a while I may get asked about one in particular, but its not like it repulses anyone ...

 

My scars tell a story of my life of sorts..One in particular was the result of an event that changed my life for the better...permanently...

 

If you think it would hold you back from attracting women, Id suggest perhaps look elsewhere, because its probably not that...I could see if it was something that permanently disfigured you, but this sounds very minor...

 

TFY

[Just Write]

Have you thought about the people who are telling you that it's not really a bit deal, is telling you the truth?

Honestly, I don't think they're outright lying to me. I chalk it up more to a combination of familiarity (ie, they see me everyday, so they're just used to it) coupled with a good dose of "love is blind."

 

While I realize everyone's threshold is different, I think you are blowing this out of proportion...

 

As someone with several facial scars, I can honestly say it was never an issue in any aspect of my life or career...yeah, once in a while I may get asked about one in particular, but its not like it repulses anyone ...

 

My scars tell a story of my life of sorts..One in particular was the result of an event that changed my life for the better...permanently...

 

If you think it would hold you back from attracting women, Id suggest perhaps look elsewhere, because its probably not that...I could see if it was something that permanently disfigured you, but this sounds very minor...

 

TFY

Do your scars actually look like scars, though? Like I said, this thing looks more like a growth than it does a scar. It's a round, protruding mass of flesh situated on my forehead. I've joked to a friend of mine that it's my third nipple, if that gives you a better visual image of it.

 

If it looked like a typical scar, I don't think I'd be all that fussed over it. It's because it's so odd looking and outright ugly, though, that I'm so conscientiousness of it.

 

Anyway, I really do appreciate everyone's advice and words of encouragement. I'll keep doing my best to forget about it for now, and hopefully with time it will start to fade away.

[Interstellar]

I’d look into Fraxel laser resurfacing. It’s non-invasive and non-surgical. It will cost you though. It could take several sessions depending on the scar but the benefits are you’ll look much, much better and your skin a heck of a lot younger and healthier. Find a good dermatologist first and explore other options, see what they can do.

Edited February 27, 2018 by Interstellar

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I agree with the laser if it's bothering you that much.

 

I had a mole removed from the side of my breast several years ago and I couldn't believe the huge hole it left. The lump it created was bigger than the suspicious mole lol! Now, this is a lot different because it is not on my face, but it did shrink considerably. It's not "hard" anymore and not big/raised. And it faded, too.

 

So, if you're patient, I think you will have the same experience. It will get better!

[Chris2016]

OP, I also have scars on my face, and not the cool looking kind either, where I can fab a cool story.

 

Do you know what kind of scars do you have? Hypertrophic? Keloid? You said it's round protruding? If it's keloid, it's bound to grow back larger bigger, if you remove it.

 

"I also, quite frankly, wouldn't look twice at a girl with the same mark"

 

I think having differences, can make one empathetic and open to others with differences, which I think is pretty good, in itself.

 

I'd be open to meeting others with differences, if they're open to meeting me. The young lady who had her breasts remove cause breast cancer runs in her family (I just recently heard this on the news). I'm like wow. What a decision.

 

So though it sucks to have the facial scars, it's kind of positive too.

Edited February 28, 2018 by Chris2016

[MsJayne]

I've had facial scarring since my early teens, and to me it's a huge slash across my lip. But no one else notices it. Also, one of the handsomest guys I ever knew had a quite a large scar down one cheek and most girls had the hots for him. He was like you, thought it made him ugly. There are lots of women like me who can't stand the baby-faced look that a lot of younger guys have, (you know that 20yo model Jordan Barrett who's meant to be super-hot? I think he's creepy looking - LOL! I also think Leonardo Di Caprio is butt ugly - men should look manly!)

[Interstellar]

dicaprio looks like a younger jack nicholson nowadays. he hasn’t been shaving.

 

so he’s not manly enough for you?

Edited February 28, 2018 by Interstellar
Don’t want to be too offtopic

[Steve51]

True story: I have a scar that runs the length of my forehead and another that runs down from the corner of an eye. I got into a lot of fights living in government assisted housing in my younger days and as they say, you should have seen the other guy.

 

When I looked in the mirror my scars were all that I saw and I was shy about them in my younger days. Then I learned that girls thought I was sexy hot. My scars gave me character that made me stand out among the pretty boys. Women came easy to me and I always thought it was due to my sense of humor until I was told differently.

 

My wife jumped at the chance to date me an then get engaged to me 3 weeks after we met. She said that she thought she was out of my league and was shocked when I asked her on a date. She had heard of me and seen my picture years before we even met. My wife turned out to be bisexual and used me as bait to lure women into our bed. I am not bragging but women were always attracted to me, even going so far as asking me to have sex with them. I engaged in many forms of group sex still thinking my scars ruined my looks. I still was insecure despite living with two bi women who shared me and each other. All but one of my secretaries asked me to have sex with them. Some subtly and others very direct.

 

By that time I forgot all about my scars since women were attracted to me despite them. I suggest you own your scars and do not let them become your crutch use as the reason why some reject your advances. Girls find self confidence sexy. Try the things you read about that will fade scars. They do work. My wife used stuff that took her huge hip replacement scar and minimized it. I forget it is there. Most women do not notice my facial scars of others on my body that are visible when naked. Act like you are good looking and they will believe it. Women usually place sense of humor and self confidence at the top of their list of qualities they want in a man. Hey, Heidi Klum married Seal so keep that in mind.

[ironpony]

Could you cover it up with make up, like concealer or something when it comes to going on dates and all?

[Just Write]

Could you cover it up with make up, like concealer or something when it comes to going on dates and all?

I suppose I could, but like I intimated in my opening post, I feel like hiding it would be misleading.

 

That said, I actually wore a silicone scar strip over it for the longest time, not so much to flatten it, but because I felt the strip was less unseemly than the scar itself. Of course, then people just asked what the strip was for, so it's not like it saved me much embarrassment in the end anyway.