Back Close to Square One

[Mac0908]

It was the worst blowoff and most horrible experience of not only my dating life but probably my entire life in general. I've never had any early tragic deaths with my family or friends, never been severely ill in my life, and never went through anything as bad as this was. My thread is over in Breakups.

 

Anyway it has been just under a month now since I last spoke to her and I began implementing NC almost instantly. She was deleted off all social media at the end. The NC really did seem to work as many have said it does. There would certainly be no texts or calls, and my eyes also were prohibited by me from seeing any photos of her whether it be on social media, somewhere deep in my text chains, or checking out her new profile on OkCupid. I also threw out a couple of things I had that reminded me of her. I was moving on. Then about a week ago I actually began feeling a lot better. That's when I made the mistake. I felt that bc I was finally feeling ok and thought I was "moved on" at least close to 75%, I went and did it. I checked out her social media quickly and I went back and looked at a few pics of us quickly. In a way, at the time, I felt like it was almost a bit of a "test" for me, to see if I was truly moved on.

 

Long story short ever since then it has slowly triggered it all back and I've "relapsed" so to speak. Now I know the formula and I know to never ever make the mistake again. I'm just upset with myself for doing this, and I'm disgusted that I feel back close to square one

 

While I haven't BLOCKED her on social media in the event that she ever chooses to apologize to me through there, I have since deleted all old text chains that have photos of us in them.

 

Guess I'm just here now looking for some words of wisdom and/or a good kick in the a--

Edited February 25, 2018 by Mac0908

[Marc878]

The only one who can keep you in this is you.

 

It's ok to have a relapse. Now block everything and move forward.

 

Now you know why curiosity killed the cat.

[Young mind]

Unfortunately, you can't move on after 1 month, actually there's no time limit but certainly longer than 1 month.

The hope you hold on to is very dangerous, if she thinks she was right to breakup with you, why will she apologize for something which was right?. Ask yourself that.

 

When you block her , time start and to take your mind of her and you slowly heal

[Mac0908]

Unfortunately, you can't move on after 1 month, actually there's no time limit but certainly longer than 1 month.

The hope you hold on to is very dangerous, if she thinks she was right to breakup with you, why will she apologize for something which was right?. Ask yourself that.

 

When you block her , time start and to take your mind of her and you slowly heal

 

Well I'm not sure if you read my thread on it but we were only dating for 2 months. Now I know that sounds very short in the grand scheme but there is MUCH more that meets the eye than just seeing "2 months". It was more about the devastation of the blowoff and what exactly went down and what followed as well. I agree it will take longer than 1 month but not an eternity imo. While I'm sure she won't be out of my mind for a very long time, I'm pretty confident I can begin to truly move forward after a solid month of no contact and good self building skills. I was almost there as it is.

 

With regards to hope, I can tell you with certainty it is not REAL hope. All I implied was that in the (rather unlikely) event she ever wanted to reach out and give me some sweet validation one day that she did make a mistake, I'd rather not BLOCK her completely. It should also just be noted, if you read my entire thread on it, that it wasn't even a straight up blowoff on her part. This is PART of the reason I am even discussing talk of "hope". It was more she felt she couldn't come back bc she'd feel too much pressure going back with me and thought that she ruined everything by going back to an ex (that she since left again). Told me the thought of hurting me again one day terrified her. I (justifiably) showed her I was devastated when it all went down when she went back to the ex out of nowhere and this created those thoughts of hers, but I have no regrets. I'm a human being with emotion and I was hurt terribly.

 

I am absolutely not sitting around all day waiting and wondering if a text will come in from her apologizing and what not. But with regards to why would she apologize? Well let's just be honest from a general standpoint - People go back to their exes all the time. Again, not counting on it in the slightest and am trying to move forward even stronger now, but yeah, that's just my two cents.

Edited February 25, 2018 by Mac0908

[Beachead]

Well I'm not sure if you read my thread on it but we were only dating for 2 months. Now I know that sounds very short in the grand scheme but there is MUCH more that meets the eye than just seeing "2 months". It was more about the devastation of the blowoff and what exactly went down and what followed as well. I agree it will take longer than 1 month but not an eternity imo. While I'm sure she won't be out of my mind for a very long time, I'm pretty confident I can begin to truly move forward after a solid month of no contact and good self building skills. I was almost there as it is.

 

With regards to hope, I can tell you with certainty it is not REAL hope. All I implied was that in the (rather unlikely) event she ever wanted to reach out and give me some sweet validation one day that she did make a mistake, I'd rather not BLOCK her completely. It should also just be noted, if you read my entire thread on it, that it wasn't even a straight up blowoff on her part. This is PART of the reason I am even discussing talk of "hope". It was more she felt she couldn't come back bc she'd feel too much pressure going back with me and thought that she ruined everything by going back to an ex (that she since left again). Told me the thought of hurting me again one day terrified her. I (justifiably) showed her I was devastated when it all went down when she went back to the ex out of nowhere and this created those thoughts of hers, but I have no regrets. I'm a human being with emotion and I was hurt terribly.

 

I am absolutely not sitting around all day waiting and wondering if a text will come in from her apologizing and what not. But with regards to why would she apologize? Well let's just be honest from a general standpoint - People go back to their exes all the time. Again, not counting on it in the slightest and am trying to move forward even stronger now, but yeah, that's just my two cents.

 

OP,

 

It doesn't matter what happened between the two of you in that time period. Is she here now? No. So it didn't mean squat to her because if it did, she wouldn't have left it. She lied to you and knew exactly what she was doing the whole time. Even if she apologizes, it's not going to be sincere anyway because again, she knew exactly what she was doing.

 

It's just you're not ready to accept that yet because it hurts too much.

 

I've noticed in your replies, you carry a little bit of denial about your pain. You must understand that grieving is a long process. Sometimes, we're in denial about things for months. Can be years even if a person is real stubborn. But at some point, we then we realize, what we hope for isn't going to happen and it crushes us. That's when we face reality and begin to proceed forward and slowly learn to be okay with that person not being there in our life. But that whole process takes time. Doesn't happen in a month.

 

Right now, she broke your heart. Just because you felt strong in the first 2 weeks, doesn't mean you're okay. You are not okay and you won't be okay about it for awhile. You can see this being that after feeling great, your mood dipped.

 

Hope is hope and regardless of what the source is, it's something that will hold us back. It's also the hardest part of getting over someone. Having to accept they're not going to give us what we seek. Even if that means a sincere apology.

 

If I were you, for your particular case, I'd block her. Any updates you see will just trigger anxiety and hurt you.

 

Best of luck

Edited February 25, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

OP,

 

It doesn't matter what happened between the two of you in that time period. Is she here now? No. So it didn't mean squat to her because if it did, she wouldn't have left it. She lied to you and knew exactly what she was doing the whole time. Even if she apologizes, it's not going to be sincere anyway because again, she knew exactly what she was doing.

 

It's just you're not ready to accept that yet because it hurts too much.

 

I've noticed in your replies, you carry a little bit of denial about your pain. You must understand that grieving is a long process. Sometimes, we're in denial about things for months. Can be years even if a person is real stubborn. But at some point, we then we realize, what we hope for isn't going to happen and it crushes us. That's when we face reality and begin to proceed forward and slowly learn to be okay with that person not being there in our life. But that whole process takes time. Doesn't happen in a month.

 

Right now, she broke your heart. Just because you felt strong in the first 2 weeks, doesn't mean you're okay. You are not okay and you won't be okay about it for awhile. You can see this being that after feeling great, your mood dipped.

 

Hope is hope and regardless of what the source is, it's something that will hold us back. It's also the hardest part of getting over someone. Having to accept they're not going to give us what we seek. Even if that means a sincere apology.

 

If I were you, for your particular case, I'd block her. Any updates you see will just trigger anxiety and hurt you.

 

Best of luck

 

Beachead, it means a lot to see that you actually care, but you need to understand that I was there for all of this, and you weren't. You are implying that she basically played me the entire time and "knew what she was doing" all along, and while there's always a chance that MIGHT be true, the bottom line IMO is that after looking at all the facts it's actually unlikely, or at the very least it's just too hard to say. This woman came back to me the very next day after the blowoff in close to tears telling me she DID develop genuine feelings for me in the 2 months and didn't want to lose me.

 

Was she emotionally sporadic and all over the place?, yes, but I think we both know that when someone is done with another person when it comes to dating, they're DONE, and there's no more reaching out. So then we look at what followed after this, which was her implementing push-pull on me for 2 weeks and eventually never coming back and choosing online dating instead.

 

Did she actually like me? My answer is yes. But the reality is she simply didn't like me enough, and on top of that I am taking what she told me as at least partial truth, that she felt she could never come back after an event as devastating as this was. I'm ok with this mindset bc I think it's the truth. I blew a girl off cold years ago and she was devastated. I thought about reaching out to her again about a year later but didn't bc I thought to myself, look at the mess I created back then. Imagine if I were to blow her off AGAIN.

Edited February 25, 2018 by Mac0908

[YNWA]

I’m going through something similar to you OP. It lasted about 2 months and has now been about 1 month NC (will be on friday). You’re scenario is even more tough so I feel for you. I was an idiot and knew there were flags over her being only 23 (I’m 30) and her having beein in a 4 year relationship since 17 and jumped right into an awful 8 month rebound relationship that she said was emotionally draining which ended 5 months ago or so.

 

I even asked her if she wanted to date around and be able to date others but she said we could go slow and only see each other for the time being but nothing official. My mind sort of convinced myself that she already had her rebound and it’s been a bit of time so maybe she’s okay...but didn’t think to factor that she’s been in relationships since the age of 17 and is now still only 23 on top of never really dealing with the 4 year heartbreak properly. I asked her again a couple weeks later if she wanted to just be single and take some time to herself for once which she then said she’d think about it...

 

Couple more weeks pass where we go on hikes, are having sex, cooking dinner together, cuddling, everything was amazing and she says she’s going to miss me thebupcoming weekend when she goes to Philly, texts me again that she wishes she could see me during the week but we were both way too busy with work. Thursday comes and she says she’s not emotionally ready for a relationship and says I was right that taking time to herself and dating different guys is a smart idea for where she’s at...i had thought this might happen and I told her I agreed but what I didn’t realize was how attached I had gotten...first girl I had liked this much in like a decade I suddenly realized....but I ddn’t beg or force her to stay I told her to enjoy herself and that we should take some time to unwind and that I enjoyed the time we spent together...

 

I was destroyed for the next couple weeks...this past week was much better and I’ve been feeling great this weekend. I never blocked her on Facebook (but I unfollowed her) and didn’t block on Instagram as it stopped mutually on good terms plus she rarely ever posts anyway....but of course, RIGHT after reading your post here, she posted her nephews bday party and I saw her and heard her voice and wow it all swarmed back and I just had a sudden breakdown....almost as if your post was a warning...it just had to be the most recent post on my insta feed...so obnoxious....I argued to myself on if I should like it out of kindness but that’d be break NC I realized...but now I have anxiety and feel the same as you man....you’re not alone.

 

I’m sure she did like you but I feel for us both as unlucky as it is the timing was just awfully wrong...which is hard to accept knowing how great the connections we had were...but the best we can do is focus on ourselves, and try to take it one day at a time and stick with NC, try not to overthink and over analyze things as there’s not much we can do to change the circumstances. Keep your head up man it’ll get better and hope you find someone that gives you that same connection soon once you’ve healed

Edited February 25, 2018 by YNWA

[Mac0908]

Very tough to read, although as you alluded to, really a whole world different than my situation. You knew full well of the iffy situation with this woman, and on top of that, it at least ended in a rather "nice" / mutual way. If you read my thread, you'll understand why I had to delete her from all social media and why this was a rather rough ending. I wish it was as nice of an ending as yours. Still, I'm sorry to hear.

 

But now, take your situation and imagine she NEVER told you about a long term ex and how it was only a few months. A white lie like that on a first date is actually ok, too, but not when you're obviously not over the guy and are willing to monkey branch back to him the second he reaches back out which is what happened to me after 2 months of all things serious.

 

NC isn't even a thought to me. I'm never contacting her again as long as I live.

Edited February 25, 2018 by Mac0908

[YNWA]

Very tough to read, although as you alluded to, really a whole world different than my situation. You knew full well of the iffy situation with this woman, and on top of that, it at least ended in a rather "nice" / mutual way. If you read my thread, you'll understand why I had to delete her from all social media and why this was a rather rough ending. I wish it was as nice of an ending as yours. Still, I'm sorry to hear.

 

But now, take your situation and imagine she NEVER told you about a long term ex and how it was only a few months. A white lie like that on a first date is actually ok, too, but not when you're obviously not over the guy and are willing to monkey branch back to him the second he reaches back out which is what happened to me after 2 months of all things serious.

 

NC isn't even a thought to me. I'm never contacting her again as long as I live.

 

Oh man I know I absolutely know, and you’re right....I’ll be honest and please do t take this the wrong way, but hearing what you’re going through has REALLY helped me handle my situation, to make me realize how much worse it could have been and how awful some girls can truly be...the heartbreak is still awful though as I had gotten so attached...but hearing your story really gave me a slap across the face in showing how much harsher things could have been. I’m so sorry you have to go through that, it’s absolutely awful...And completely agree with deleting her off social media after what she put you through...but good man on sticking to NC....I however still have this what if sort of situation if she hits me up down the road...do I pursue it if she’s interested then and emotionally ready or is Our age gap too much? I work with kids and she’s applying to grad school to get her PhD and is so kind, caring, intelligent and also loves kids so the connection is there but is this just too unstable of a time in her life, plus with her PhD she’ll be in school for quite a while longer and who knows where she’ll end up for that, she’ll find out probably in the fall or next winter. However as of now I’m just focusing on myself, sticking to NC and trying not to hope for anything and just move on from her...if she ends up getting back in touch I’ll cross the bridge when I come to it I guess.

[Mac0908]

The correct way to handle your situation is 100% no contact. Don't make the same mistake I did by acting pushy and putting pressure on. She has a chapter she needs to close and is in no position to give you what you want. I wish I had this realization when everything happened with me, however the different thing about my situation was that the girl kept texting me trying to string me along, so it was a mindf-ck that I didn't know how to handle, Although in the end I believe she was no good anyway so it all kind of worked out.

 

If your girl reaches back out one day she reaches back out. Do not like any Instagram posts. But with that age of hers and the length of that relationship... Unless that guy becomes Satan to her she's going to probably need YEARS to completely get over him. Getting into a girls life for 4 years is one thing, but getting in THAT early is another. She will be fixated on him in some ways for a long, long time. You were a rebound. It's that simple. Just be glad you got out when you did and you weren't going to work xmas parties with her in a suit and tie dancing and making out all night or having her come to friends parties of yours or seeing her post pictures of you guys to her social media or exchanging Xmas gifts, etc etc etc.

 

I guess one good thing I can sit back and be happy about is knowing that at the end of the day this WAS only 2 months. Not 2 years, or 1 year, or even 6 months.

Edited February 25, 2018 by Mac0908

[Beachead]

Beachead, it means a lot to see that you actually care, but you need to understand that I was there for all of this, and you weren't. You are implying that she basically played me the entire time and "knew what she was doing" all along, and while there's always a chance that MIGHT be true, the bottom line IMO is that after looking at all the facts it's actually unlikely, or at the very least it's just too hard to say. This woman came back to me the very next day after the blowoff in close to tears telling me she DID develop genuine feelings for me in the 2 months and didn't want to lose me.

 

Was she emotionally sporadic and all over the place?, yes, but I think we both know that when someone is done with another person when it comes to dating, they're DONE, and there's no more reaching out. So then we look at what followed after this, which was her implementing push-pull on me for 2 weeks and eventually never coming back and choosing online dating instead.

 

Did she actually like me? My answer is yes. But the reality is she simply didn't like me enough, and on top of that I am taking what she told me as at least partial truth, that she felt she could never come back after an event as devastating as this was. I'm ok with this mindset bc I think it's the truth. I blew a girl off cold years ago and she was devastated. I thought about reaching out to her again about a year later but didn't bc I thought to myself, look at the mess I created back then. Imagine if I were to blow her off AGAIN.

 

Yea ofcourse she liked you but if the return of her ex could kill this amazing thing you two had, how invested was she? All those sweet words she must have told you. All those actions? How sincere were they? And I definitely wasn't there but I'm simply going by what you've mentioned here on LS.

 

She's either a player or confused. Since you've rejected her being a player, let me try the latter.

 

Assuming she's confused and didn't know she was feeling all this until her ex came back..she still lied about that entire relationship to you.

 

Assuming her feelings were true, it still doesn't change the fact she is already back on a dating site.

 

And assuming she still carries feelings for her ex and now you as well, why is she choosing to continue dating in such an emotional state? Did she not learn from this experience of hurting you? Imagine what the next guy is going to go through when she's this unresolved? He's going to go through the same thing you did.

 

Either way, there is still emotional irresponsibility and insincerity there OP. It's good this ended in 2 months rather than way later when you were deep in it. What would have happened to you?

 

-B

Edited February 25, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

I'm just going by what you wrote on here which is all I can go by. But I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and ease up.

 

Assuming she's confused and didn't know she was feeling all this until her ex came back..she still lied about that entire relationship to you.

 

Assuming her feelings were true, it still doesn't change the fact she is already back on a dating site.

 

And assuming she still carries feelings for her ex and now you as well, why is she choosing to continue dating in such an emotional state? Did she not learn from this experience of hurting you? Imagine what the guy she moves onto is going to go through when she's this unresolved? He's going to go through the same thing you did.

 

There is still emotional irresponsibility and insincerity there OP. She's wasn't a good catch and thankfully it ended before you got sucked deeper into her world.

 

Very well said, but first things first. A relationship of 1.5 years will beat out a 2 month thing any day of the week. Likely NOTHING I could have done could have superseded the feelings and history she had with this man. Not taking her side in the SLIGHTEST, but i'm just talking about a general standpoint. Where she was dead WRONG though was allowing things to get THIS far when she clearly knew in the back of her mind that she wasn't over this guy. A normal level headed woman simply doesn't get involved in a situation like this. What we had for those 2 months should have been NOTHING more than casual. Instead, she let it get as serious as can be.

 

And believe me I'm aware she's anything but a good catch based on her irrational immature insecure behavior she displayed by handling the blowoff how she did and her actions post blowoff. I said to myself "Good luck to the next unfortunate sucker who she starts dating. If only he knew what took place in the last month of her life". The girl has issues no doubt about it, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's not completely ready to move on from her ex this time. It is simply not fair for us to make the judgment that she will do this to another guy. She MIGHT, but it's not fair to say so imo.

 

Bc with regards to her feelings for the ex... as I noted in my original post, she quickly realized going back with him was a mistake and didn't see herself with him long term. She did eventually end it with him just 2 weeks later. Now, IS she completely over him 100%? Probably not, but I'm willing to bet based on the person that I got to know that she isn't THAT cruel to where she'd pull this stunt again on another guy. Never say never, but it's just a hunch. I truly feel like I was simply a case of the bad luck rebound guy where she didn't fully close the chapter with her ex yet.

 

Now as far as I go, again, the part you aren't seeming to acknowledge is that her reasoning over and over was that she felt like she created too much of a mess and would feel too much pressure ever coming back to me. Had she never lied about her previous relationship and this ended up being a more casual dating situation than a super serious one which it was, and one day she came to me saying how she has to go see things through with her ex once and for all , and I reacted much more reserved, then there would have been a much better chance at a rekindle after she got rid of him. Instead of that though, an absolute monsoon was dropped on me, with a whole lie exposed and a whole world of an ex boyfriend revealed. But as always, actions speak louder than words, and based on her behavior through the end, it was clear her feelings for me weren't real enough and what feelings she DID have faded in the end anyway. Not saying she still would have came back anyway, but I don't think I had much of a chance.

 

Her going back to online dating is just her way of moving forward. While she probably isn't fit for a serious relationship at all seeing as how immature she is, she doesn't have much in her head holding her back right now IMHO. Thanks again for your replies.

Edited February 25, 2018 by Mac0908

[Mac0908]

Thank you for reading, @Beachead. I forget you were involved in an eerily similar and actually worse situation (Love bomb was included in yours) which is probably why you can relate to this so well.

 

Just curious, 6 1/2 months out now, how are you coping these days? And has there been ANY contact with her since the end?

Edited February 26, 2018 by Mac0908

[Beachead]

Thank you for reading, @Beachead. I forget you were involved in an eerily similar and actually worse situation (Love bomb was included in yours) which is probably why you can relate to this so well.

 

Just curious, 6 1/2 months out now, how are you coping these days? And has there been ANY contact with her since the end?

 

No worries man and thank you for asking.

 

I'm doing a lot better than I was in the 1st month but the journey to this point was a lot of ups and downs. I still have rough days but it's not crippling anymore. Month 3 and 4 were the worst for me and month 5 and 6 have been overall progress.

 

After we broke up, we talked for a few weeks afterwards with her mainly initiating but our contact diminishing quickly and stopped 5 months ago with her telling me she promised her ex she wouldn't speak to me again.

 

Right after the break up when I told her I needed some time away to just get passed all this, she kept insisting I atleast respond to her when she checked up on me once in awhile. She also asked me not to throw away the stuff she bought for me because it meant something and also wished me well for a surgery I was having at the time. I had told her several times I needed space around that point but she ignored that. It wasn't until after my surgery, she told me she didn't want to hurt her boyfriend (ex) by speaking to me anymore. I was good about it and said I understood and didn't speak to her again. She ended up breaking silence a few weeks later with an email about a job. I ignored it because I was trying to move on and was annoyed but I broke and responded 2 weeks after. And as all situations go when you break NC, she made me feel like a fool by ignoring me. I pushed a little. Asked her why she was ignoring me..and she told me she had promised her ex she wouldn't speak to me again. I said nothing and we haven't spoke to eachother since. That was about 5 months ago and they're still together. I expect them to get engaged this year.

 

I miss her and I have conflicted feelings about everything still. Sometimes like you, I think about what we shared and wonder what it all meant. Her ex was with her for 4 years prior to us so like you, I didn't stand any chance either. I think about the time she was looking me in the eyes, (and this was right after sex)..and said "I love you." Then I think about how she wanted me to meet her sister and even set a date for it. And how she wanted me to meet her parents too down the road. All the conversations, and the times we fell asleep together, sometimes in her car.

 

How did she just turn it off and go back to him as if nothing happened? She erased us. The things it does to a persons psyche. I tell you. And it's bizarre considering she could go back to her ex after all that.

 

It isn't my first rodeo though. I've had experience my whole life dealing with people like this, be it in my friendships or relationships. I'll get passed it eventually.

Edited February 26, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

I feel for you man. An L bomb is no joke and you are justified in still feeling some pain even 6 months later, 3 month thing or not. Please continue 100% no contact though. Checking to see if they’re engaged or even CARING if they are engaged or not is only going to prolong your pain.

 

The “good” thing to take away from all of this is that we weren’t exactly textbook rebounds by any means IMHO. We weren’t completely used for emotional comfort with no real feelings and then dropped with no communication ever again. Both of us, you even more it seems, saw the other person show real emotion and real feelings. You can’t deny that. Then even after our respective blow-offs, things weren’t completely over, with the girls reaching back out in some capacity. Now this doesn’t mean we both weren’t still rebounds in some form and it doesn’t mean these girls we dealt with weren’t cruel in some regards, but at one point there was something there, and I guess that’s better than just being completely used, isn’t it?

 

Regardless, I feel like I’ve made some real progress with this thread over the weekend. I’m looking back now and am just thinking of her in a much lower light. What this girl did to me was flat out wrong, insanely selfish, and even cruel, and for me to care as much as I have on these forums and while talking to friends really is a bit folly. It’s time for me to really start moving on. I deserve better just like you do too. What I was put through by this individual was bad, and the best thing to remember is that I did absolutely positively nothing wrong.

[CantTakeMySmile]

OP, I didn't see it, but did you block her phone number and facebook is the medium you have left her to apologize?

 

 

What is your end game here?

[Mac0908]

I didn't "Block" anything. I deleted all traces of her (i.e. Social media friends, photos, text chain, etc) and I am just trying to move on with 100% no contact. There is no "end game" other than me healing completely and not having another relapse.

 

If a day ever comes where she apologizes then great. If not, then that's ok too bc she's no good and I've accepted that.

[CantTakeMySmile]

So, you are just leaving a door open for an apology? you do not want to reconcile?

[Mac0908]

Correct. Some form of an apology, even though very unlikely, would be very nice validation/comfort one day. It would be a good thing. Nobody said the door can't be left open just a crack for the possibility. But like I said, doesn't matter to me either way. Right now its about moving forward regardless.

 

As far as reconciliation I would never in a million years take her back after what she put me through short of the grandest apology in the history of mankind followed by months of probationary hang outs.

Edited February 27, 2018 by Mac0908

[Beachead]

I feel for you man. An L bomb is no joke and you are justified in still feeling some pain even 6 months later, 3 month thing or not. Please continue 100% no contact though. Checking to see if they’re engaged or even CARING if they are engaged or not is only going to prolong your pain.

 

The “good” thing to take away from all of this is that we weren’t exactly textbook rebounds by any means IMHO. We weren’t completely used for emotional comfort with no real feelings and then dropped with no communication ever again. Both of us, you even more it seems, saw the other person show real emotion and real feelings. You can’t deny that. Then even after our respective blow-offs, things weren’t completely over, with the girls reaching back out in some capacity. Now this doesn’t mean we both weren’t still rebounds in some form and it doesn’t mean these girls we dealt with weren’t cruel in some regards, but at one point there was something there, and I guess that’s better than just being completely used, isn’t it?

 

Regardless, I feel like I’ve made some real progress with this thread over the weekend. I’m looking back now and am just thinking of her in a much lower light. What this girl did to me was flat out wrong, insanely selfish, and even cruel, and for me to care as much as I have on these forums and while talking to friends really is a bit folly. It’s time for me to really start moving on. I deserve better just like you do too. What I was put through by this individual was bad, and the best thing to remember is that I did absolutely positively nothing wrong.

 

You definitely did nothing wrong. This is all on her. Glad you're making progress man. You'll be okay. You seem pretty on top of your situation. It's just a matter of time and patience and that's all.

 

The most pleasant memory I had with her was a day we spent at a ride park. We were waiting in line and I don't know how the conversation came up, but we were talking about our kids going on the ride. I remember snapping out o it and realizing I was thinking out loud about something so serious. And then, I realized she was participating IN the conversation. I stopped talking but quietly listened to her go on about it. It made me smile. The best part was when she turned to me and realized what she was talking about and smiled. It was such a genuine moment between us man. I smile when I think about it but am immediately confronted by this post-breakup aftermath and it then becomes something I wish to forget.

 

But it's alright. Atleast she's with who she thinks she should be with. I know given her current state at that time, we weren't going to last. I pulled the plug knowing this. I wish it were different but if it was meant to be for us, she'd be with me and not back with him. So, everything is as it should be. And that's how I rationalize it all out.

 

-B

Edited February 27, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

You definitely did nothing wrong. This is all on her. Glad you're making progress man. You'll be okay. You seem pretty on top of your situation. It's just a matter of time and patience and that's all.

 

The most pleasant memory I had with her was a day we spent at a ride park. We were waiting in line and I don't know how the conversation came up, but we were talking about our kids going on the ride. I remember snapping out o it and realizing I was thinking out loud about something so serious. And then, I realized she was participating IN the conversation. I stopped talking but quietly listened to her go on about it. It made me smile. The best part was when she turned to me and realized what she was talking about and smiled. It was such a genuine moment between us man. I smile when I think about it but am immediately confronted by this post-breakup aftermath and it then becomes something I wish to forget.

 

But it's alright. Atleast she's with who she thinks she should be with. I know given her current state at that time, we weren't going to last. I pulled the plug knowing this. I wish it were different but if it was meant to be for us, she'd be with me and not back with him. So, everything is as it should be. And that's how I rationalize it all out.

 

-B

 

I have to say, while like I said you're still absolutely justified in feeling some pain even 6 1/2 months later, I can tell from your posts that you are still rather hung up on this girl. That's just not good. Remember YOU ended this after all. You made the right decision and its easier to live with that then it is lets say if you had what happened to me and were completely blindsided one morning and on top of that never ever knew about her ex.

 

In my opinion you need to stop reliving any memories at this point whether on here or with friends and family. I'm slowly realizing that no contact goes far beyond just no texting, calls, looking at pics. Simply talking about stories of her is no good. Take it from me. For 3 weeks after we finally stopped speaking I would literally tell myself things that happened over and over in my head and to friends and it really only just fueled the fire. Now I made a new rule where the only time she is ever getting brought up is if A) There is NEW material to discuss or B) its an absolute emergency and I'm having some kind of relapse again, which I can tell you that is even more unlikely than choice A.

 

Even in a therapists office, its about moving forward and making progress, not reliving memories which will do nothing but potentially trigger anxiety and stress.