Where are the women?

[Fair]

I'm sure some of you have read how I'm going through a hard time right now with anxiety after losing two family members and having generally no support.

 

Now, my sister's ex husband seems to be chasing me on FB... and it's getting relentless. Today I felt stressed by his constant barrage of messages. And there are other men on FB flirting with me. And I'm not ready for all that. Believe it or not, I actually feel tense tonight to the point where the muscles on the back of my neck feel tight.

 

Meanwhile, I am being iced out, or so it feels, by all my women friends. I message them, I have to wait days or more for them to answer, get curt replies if anything. And nothing at all if I don't message them first.

 

I really need my female friends right now, but they're nowhere in sight, and all men see is an opportunity, apparently. But the absence of certain women friends who swore they'd help me get through this dark place not being anywhere in sight, makes me feel frustrated and despairing. I don't want to be around anyone who wants anything from me other than to just be there... but, as usual in my life.... it's either turn to men who have their own agenda or else I'm totally alone.

 

Can anyone else relate? The last thing I can handle with an anxiety disorder are men... particularly my sister's ex husband with all the drama that can bring. Yet, I need so much help right now with certain things. It's hard for me to even leave the house. So how can I tell the men to ease off when they're all who are offering me help right now?

 

Why can't women support each other?? A single woman is banished to the wilderness among married women, and let's face it, only women know how life can be for another woman.

 

Should I ask them point blank where they went after they said they'd be here for me? Or leave it alone, tell my sister's ex to back off and then struggle alone again? Alienate everybody! I don't see that as much of a solution.

 

I don't want to beg for attention or help from my female friends, either... they've already shown their words meant nothing. No matter where I look I don't know who to turn to... I feel like I'm going through hell and there are either vultures around me or those who just don't care. Can anyone offer me any advice?

 

To be clear my anxiety is so bad I can't even take out my garbage... and I have no family left at all.

[Popsicle]

As a woman it is much more difficult to endear another woman than it is a man, so this is why I am not impressed at all when women say "I don't get along with women, I only get along with men!!!1". Yeah okay, why don't you try doing something more challenging and pure?

 

Btw, I think the same about men who say they don't get along with other men, only women. It's weird.

 

Anyway, you have to spend time cultivating female friendships. This is done before you hit crisis mode. You talk to them. Often. And not just when you don't have a boyfriend.

 

But since you are in crisis mode, I suggest you reach out to them like you did here and say "Hey, I know you're really busy right now but I could really use a friend to talk to. Is it okay if we talk?" If they like you alot, they are going to respond in a warm way and either talk to you that same day or the next day. If they sort of like you, they will give you an excuse about being busy and not being able to call you until the evening of 5 days from now. In either case, you need to spend more time talking to them, relating to them and cultivating these female friendships for future use!

[alphamale]

oh god, I wish I could give you a big hug Fair. You can always post on here and get support. Remember....this too shall pass.

[Fair]

oh god, I wish I could give you a big hug Fair. You can always post on here and get support. Remember....this too shall pass.

 

Thanks for this.

[Fair]

As a woman it is much more difficult to endear another woman than it is a man, so this is why I am not impressed at all when women say "I don't get along with women, I only get along with men!!!1". Yeah okay, why don't you try doing something more challenging and pure?

 

Btw, I think the same about men who say they don't get along with other men, only women. It's weird.

 

Anyway, you have to spend time cultivating female friendships. This is done before you hit crisis mode. You talk to them. Often. And not just when you don't have a boyfriend.

 

But since you are in crisis mode, I suggest you reach out to them like you did here and say "Hey, I know you're really busy right now but I could really use a friend to talk to. Is it okay if we talk?" If they like you alot, they are going to respond in a warm way and either talk to you that same day or the next day. If they sort of like you, they will give you an excuse about being busy and not being able to call you until the evening of 5 days from now. In either case, you need to spend more time talking to them, relating to them and cultivating these female friendships for future use!

 

I never actually said I don't get along with women and only men. That's not what my post was about. My female friends who already said they'd stand by me, I said... have let me down. Again. And they are who I really want and need. And I have cultivated ... or tried so hard to... cultivate those friendships LONG before crisis hit. But now... where are they?

[MsJayne]

That doesn't sound like a very good state to be in. I don't have any real advice to offer, but I can certainly relate to the self-absorption of female friends, and the predatory interest of male friends if they sense a chink in your armour. Are you a member of any support groups for people with anxiety or groups that help you to cope with bereavement?

[Popsicle]

I never actually said I don't get along with women and only men. That's not what my post was about. My female friends who already said they'd stand by me, I said... have let me down. Again. And they are who I really want and need. And I have cultivated ... or tried so hard to... cultivate those friendships LONG before crisis hit. But now... where are they?

 

Oh well that's sad. Something is wrong.

I don't know what it is but it's something.

 

You know, you can never have too many friends. It never hurts to make new ones.

[Fair]

That doesn't sound like a very good state to be in. I don't have any real advice to offer, but I can certainly relate to the self-absorption of female friends, and the predatory interest of male friends if they sense a chink in your armour. Are you a member of any support groups for people with anxiety or groups that help you to cope with bereavement?

 

All I'm able to do at this point is have counselling over the phone every week because I'm in no condition to travel, yet. It's helping... but I still need real live people in my life. In fact, it's what I need most of all... and the sense of safety and security it would add back into my life. But as they say, laugh and the world laughs with you... weep and you weep alone.

[Fair]

Oh well that's sad. Something is wrong.

I don't know what it is but it's something.

 

So something seems off to you? Me too. Lately they aren't even acknowledging my fb posts... nothing heavy, just a few pics and recipes and the like... I'm confused as to what's going on.

[Popsicle]

So something seems off to you? Me too. Lately they aren't even acknowledging my fb posts... nothing heavy, just a few pics and recipes and the like... I'm confused as to what's going on.

 

Yes, something is off.

[basil67]

Sending you a big hug Fair.

 

On your Anxiety and Love thread, you wrote about lashing out at people who weren't supporting you. Are these the same people or different ones?

[Fair]

Sending you a big hug Fair.

 

On your Anxiety and Love thread, you wrote about lashing out at people who weren't supporting you. Are these the same people or different ones?

 

Different ones.

[Shanex]

FB is an indication as to whether your friends like or care about you (comments and likes). Yeah, I'm stating the obvious here but... its true.

 

Personally I was able to make a couple new friends, mostly dudes as I am one. And created a FB account last year after a 4 years hiatus, I am in touch again with ''old friends'' and all is back on track.

 

So I can relate a bit... hugs.

[Timshel]

All I'm able to do at this point is have counselling over the phone every week because I'm in no condition to travel, yet. It's helping... but I still need real live people in my life. In fact, it's what I need most of all... and the sense of safety and security it would add back into my life. But as they say, laugh and the world laughs with you... weep and you weep alone.

 

Then you are asking for 'them' to come to you? On Facebook? Your phone counselor will be encouraging face to face encounters, presumably.

 

You do need real live people in your life but that will first require that you, Fair, leave your home.

 

I would also suggest that Facebook is a method of communication that is having a negative impact on your improvement.

 

What would happen if you went a day without the internet....became bored...and thought of something else to do. It may be difficult but only a day without could start something.

 

If a pattern of behavior has led to sorrow, then time to change the chain.

[basil67]

Ah good. Glad to hear they are different people.

 

I understand that you are struggling to go out. Have you called any of them individually and asked if they'd like to come over for a coffee?