Appearance related question for men

[basil67]

Never try to change who your are because if you do find somebody you can't keep up the front forever. You are what you are and people can take if of leave it.

 

I take a different view. I'm totally opposed to putting on a fake front when we meet someone. It will totally end in tears just like you describe. But we are all capable of change in terms of learning and growing. If we find that we're doing or saying something which others find off putting, we do have control over this.

 

Mortensorchid, in my own quest for personal improvement, I tend to look at those people who I like - and who others like too - and think about what they do which I could learn from. For instance, one of my friends has never got a bad word to say about anyone. Another is an excellent listener. Others are great at not leaving people out of a group conversation. These and more are all traits I've taken on board and have a degree of success with.

Edited February 26, 2018 by basil67

[preraph]

I think the dressing like a tomboy thing is limiting. I was very much a tomboy. Plus I wore cowboy boots most of my dating life. I also have RBF real bad. The difference is I'm not a purist. Just because I'm a tomboy doesn't mean I limit myself in that way. I expand whatever facets of personality I want to whenever I want to. I would go from wearing cowboy boots and a t-shirt on an almost daily basis to femming out for a concert with a miniskirt or vintage clothes. I didn't even wear a bra back then and was flat anyway. I will say the one time I wore a push-up under a jacket is the time I bagged and tagged the guy which at that particular time I thought was the hottest guy on earth. I think I had on cowboy boots still but mini and something kind of corseted underneath a feminine jacket. The late 70s, my crowd was the punk crowd and I, yes, joined the bandwagon sometimes (mainly if some band guy gave me a torn up t-shirt or whatever) and dressed punk, but my heart is in glam, so there were times I wore a vintage broad shouldered 40s fur cape to a punk bar.

 

I kind of think you need to set yourself free. I mean if ALL you are is a tomboy and there's no other facets, then fine, dress like that, but you're on here saying you want a man and you are working hard at it in some ways, so there's more to you than that or you'd be happy just being that. If you want a man, try to be attractive a little. You don't have to tramp out like i did. A simple v-neck blouse instead of t-shirt type top and some feminine shoes with just about any pant except pajama bottoms will do.

 

Someone explained it well once: Men celebrate the different between men and women. They want women to look different than them, not the same. they may even complain about how much trouble you go to, but they like to see women in bright-ish colors and prints and in v-necks and not EVER in loose blockish clothing. They want to see your shape. If you'll remember "show your shape," it will help a lot. And a feminine shoe is better than my cowboy boots. That was a different time.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Make it a practice to think happy thoughts, to focus on the positive, and learn to love others. It will show on your face and will draw others to you.

 

Also, if you are nervous or tense about meeting someone, a good way to relax is to think about something that has brought you joy in the past. Your face will look beautiful, and maybe even glow! if you do this!

 

Try it when you're out in a grocery store or out in public among strangers. Focus your mind on something wonderful, or a time when you were on a vacation in a special place and you will notice those around you smiling at you!

[basil67]

And a feminine shoe is better than my cowboy boots. That was a different time.

 

Doc Martins and a dress can still cut it

[GemmaUK]

Never try to change who your are because if you do find somebody you can't keep up the front forever. You are what you are and people can take if of leave it.

 

I agree with this. However, speaking of body language, it's a life skill and can be learned at any age.

Reading others and using approachable body language and facial expressions in daily life enhances a person's life and grows confidence too.

 

It takes a bit of reading on the subject and thought but it does become a natural part of you very quickly if you take the time to understand it.

Some people have a knack for it and grew up in enough social situations to learn it naturally, others benefit from learning about it.

I used to be somewhere in between so I learned about it, still am, each day every day with every person I meet but then I have never envisaged a life being without all kinds of learning and one aspect being personal growth.

 

This is what I would suggest for the OP but I have noticed she starts threads and rarely . if ever returns beyond a post or two so she may not read this.

[Chilli]

Well , some skin on the right girl can get my attention for sure , can't deny that.

But generally l wouldn't expect somebody l was really interested in running round showing heaps of skin all the time , it'd probably even put me off actually.

Same with showing too much boob , or too shorter skirts, l really just don't like the look especially as women get older.

 

The stern face thing can be really off putting but it does depend too for me. Can't stand a cold face. There's a big difference between genuine and a cold [] face though.

l really love a genuine non phony look myself. But l do like warmth in a women's face though, that doesn't have to be a big just anyone's smile 24 7 to anyone anytime anywhere, those sort get on my nerves actually.

it's more about a softness in her face.

Edited March 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[FilterCoffee]

Lots of people mentioned dressing like a tomboy. What style is that? I had a classmate in school who was a tomboy but you could never tell from her clothing (we didn’t have a uniform).

[Casper.]

I dont think you have to dress up all the time, just dress appropriate for the situation!

I have for sure hit on girls dressed in T-shirt and shorts.. my girlfriend looks a knockout just hanging round the house in one of my hoodies! But if I was in a bar then maybe i'd look for a girl to be a little more dressed up!

 

Largely i dont mind a girl looking casual, but im almost certainly wouldnt approach if a girl looked old fashioned

 

Smiling is massive though, when i was younger, 18/19, it wouldnt of bothered me half as much, but these days (if i were a single man) i would be unlikely to approach a girl who wasnt smiling

[bene]

Look at it this way - if you signal to people that you do not want to be approached with a “stone face” and body language, isn’t it only fair that they respect that and do not approach you? I sure would need to pick up a signal to make sure that the person is open to approaching. Otherwise it would feel like harassing.

 

People say that they will not change their behavior to be someone they’re not. But in your case it feels like you actually long for human contact so isn’t the “stone face” a front that you have put up? Is this really a more real you than someone who would occasionally smile and open lines of communication?

[Woggle]

Why not initiate conversation yourself?

[spiderowl]

While I agree that guys are initially attracted by appearance, that appearance doesn't need to be anything obviously sexy. The perfectly made-up look can actually put some guys off. I usually wear some make-up, not foundation but a bit of eye-shadow and lipstick. I feel uncomfortable without something, but on days when I haven't had time to bother I have found it makes little difference. I came to the conclusion that guys prefer women who look more normal and casual than 'dressed up'. I know people like to see someone look dressed up but what I am saying is it is not essential for attraction.

 

It sounds like you cover yourself up completely. If that's your style, then there will be some guys who find that interesting. If it is the way you dress because you feel you should not reveal any part of you or you might look sexy, then maybe you should ask yourself where you got the idea from that you had to dress conservatively or you are doing something wrong. The reason I mention this is because you feel that smiling is using a guy in some way. Manipulating a guy by feminine wiles is using a guy, I agree, but simply smiling to give him a chance to get to know you is not using him. It is being warm and allowing him to approach. Put yourself in a guy's shoes, you see a woman who looks attractive to you (there are multiple forms of attraction) and she is looking away and frowning or glaring. She is certainly not looking relaxed or welcoming. Would you approach her? It's simple really.

 

Why not assume that guys want to get to know you as a person first? Be warm, chat, be friendly, tell them a bit about yourself, tell them your failings (honestly, they are scared off by perfect people!). In return they will share more with you as they feel relaxed and comfortable. If you don't want a guy to approach and you don't want to chat to him, then scowl. There is no reason why you should be open to everyone. We all have to be cautious.

 

I do understand where you are coming from. Being a friend to a guy is not using him. If a guy does not want to be friends, that's up to him. Giving him the chance to be a friend is a start and then if it is going to develop into more, it probably will. I too was afraid to be friendly to guys as I felt they might take it the wrong way and I was not sure I wanted more. Everything starts with connection and friendship. You need that to start with or you will have nothing. Don't be afraid to make a new friend. You are not using guys by doing this.