Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?

[Rockdad]

I am one of those that advocates mind your own business and stay out of it.

 

It's a tough position to be the one that knows. They can in trouble for not telling and often the one that tells gets turned on by both parties when they kiss and make up.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Turns out that everyone knew except me, they just played with my heart,

There was a reason she refused to claim me in public from the very start,

It became even more apparent as time went on, especially after a few months on,

She couldn't even keep the dates separated claiming we did things we didn't, then gone!

Edited June 15, 2018 by DrReplyInRhymes

[Arieswoman]

Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?

 

Yup.

 

All my husband's work colleagues knewabout his affair because he worked with the girl concerned. In fact they covered for him if I rang work to speak to him(which wasn't very often)

 

 

If he took time off work to take her out for the day they told me that he'd had to go to visit another factory site etc.

 

It seemed to be a culture at the factory where he worked that quite a few of the managers were $h@gg!ng girls who worked on the production lines.

 

 

When I found out he said "It's not fair. Other managers have one affair after another and get away with it, the first time I do it I get caught. "

 

 

Entitlement +++ !

Edited June 16, 2018 by Arieswoman

[smackie9]

Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?

 

Yup.

 

All my husband's work colleagues knewabout his affair because he worked with the girl concerned. In fact they covered for him if I rang work to speak to him(which wasn't very often)

 

 

If he took time off work to take her out for the day they told me that he'd had to go to visit another factory site etc.

 

It seemed to be a culture at the factory where he worked that quite a few of the managers were $h@gg!ng girls who worked on the production lines.

 

 

When I found out he said "It's not fair. Other managers have one affair after another and get away with it, the first time I do it I get caught. "

 

 

Entitlement +++ !

 

 

omg! what a total jerk! well you could have changed that for him and notified the other wives, and the CEO of the company.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?

 

Yup.

 

All my husband's work colleagues knewabout his affair because he worked with the girl concerned. In fact they covered for him if I rang work to speak to him(which wasn't very often)

 

 

If he took time off work to take her out for the day they told me that he'd had to go to visit another factory site etc.

 

It seemed to be a culture at the factory where he worked that quite a few of the managers were $h@gg!ng girls who worked on the production lines.

 

 

When I found out he said "It's not fair. Other managers have one affair after another and get away with it, the first time I do it I get caught. "

 

 

Entitlement +++ !

 

Good riddance, be gone with that crap...in fact,

There's dudes out there with their dignity intact,

Just walk away and never appear in their life again,

Make this decision now, and see through it to the end!

[kendahke]

I choose to stay out of it. The one time I did tell one of my friends that her guy was cheating on her, I got dropped off at the mall and she stayed with the cheater as he continued with cheating on her.

 

She didn't want to hear it. She wanted to believe that her guy was this hapless creature who was the victim of opportunistic chicks. There was nothing anyone could have said or shown her--like a video of them en flagrante delicto--that would move her off of that mindset.

 

Don't know what happened to her or if she's even still alive. This was all over 27 years ago.

[mrs rubble]

Ummmmm cheating on your spouse and choice of doing an illegal activity is a little different. I would say something about that unless it was legal in that area, then I would just leave it up to nature to take it's course. Why didn't your partner tell him??

 

 

 

Kool story tho.

 

 

Prostitution is legal in New Zealand.

I'm guessing my partner was afraid of her wrath, she is a very dominant personality, who spares nothing.

[smackie9]

Prostitution is legal in New Zealand.

I'm guessing my partner was afraid of her wrath, she is a very dominant personality, who spares nothing.

Well I wouldn't get involved in that then. Someone with that kind of personality would kill the messenger lol.

[ElKay]

One of my friends cheated on her guy. Since I knew her way better than him, I didn't stick my nose in it. If I had found out that he cheated on her though, I would have told her. My loyalty lies with my close friends and not with others, though I definitely told her what I thought of the situation when I heard about it.

[Leigh 87]

I am sure my exes friends all knew he slept around with people behind my back.

 

It wasn't their place to tell me. They were HIS mates, not mine after all.

 

Usually cheating spouses figure out that they don't want a lifetime of being with a woman with whom they enjoy regularly cheating on - and they leave you anyway.

 

He was at least good enough to believe that I deserved better.

 

It is more than I can say for some men who cheat women out of their youthful years by cheating constantly yet not releasing said women so they can find true love.

[Highndry]

I had been married for six or seven years. We both had full time jobs and side gigs. Things were not the best I'll admit. I always stayed with in boundaries.

 

She asked permission to quit her job and go back to school. Being the good husband I agreed to pick up the bills and let her pursue another career.

 

A buddy told me why she left her job two years prior. I was stunned. She had an inappropriate relationship at work. I could never get the full details from her job or her. There was a statement she made that barely admitted to any wrong doing. It was full of deceit.

 

Two years had gone by and finally a friend tells me. Come to find out most everyone knew the reason she left her job but me. I was ripped apart. I felt like my man hood was crushed.

 

I did try to understand but it just got worse. It ate at my inner being. I resented her for the lies and deceit. She eventually moved out. That was over a year ago.

 

She served me with divorce papers but hasn't followed through with them. The tide recently turned. I was made aware of a porn video of her on an actual porn site. I had to go through it frame by frame because I was astonished with what I saw. Blew my mind. This video was only three years ago when we were still together. At least it was uploaded then.

 

I can't get her to admit to any of it. She denies it. She says it's not her. I saw the video it's her. WTF? I can't figure out who the male is either which if I could might be somewhat useful.

 

Bottom line is this was a worse case scenario for me. It killed my ego and inner soul. I'm still dealing with it. I resent all that knew and didn't tell me. I don't trust anyone. I feel back stabbed and robbed. I think about leaving this area and just going to be a hermit in a whole new place.

 

 

Man, I'm really sorry to hear about that. It's got to be rough. I can't even imagine dealing with something like that.

[Highndry]

In my case my fiance was sleeping with my best friend and I caught them in my bed in my house.

 

Many other "friends" knew. Some life long and neighbors I grew up with.

 

 

How did they justify it?

They didn't...for awhile. I found out about 2 of these "friends" when I was in jail.

 

How did you react when you found out?

 

Violently...and very much so.

I would always like to say I am not that person anymore, but I am the same person. I have aged 30 years and have matured enough to be able to control my temper and my violent outbursts(for the most part).

 

Long story short. I had close to 4 years to think about what a confrontation was going to look like, And it looked pretty much like I thought it would when it did happen.

 

Whats your relationship with them now?

 

None. They are nothing to me except a negative experience in the making on sight.

 

I need to say to you, OP, that mine was an extreme case of reacting poorly. I was the poster boy for doing exactly what no one should ever do during confrontation. Had I been mature enough I'd have walked away, devastated, but hopeful to heal and move forward.

 

But I wasn't and I didn't. And I do not condone or wax poetic about anything I did. I talk about it on this forum on occasion to serve as a cautionary tale to those who arrive here determined to kick somebody's ass upon Discovery Day. Not you, but posters now and then come here seeking advice on revenge. And it's just not worth it.

 

 

I'm still paying for it 30 years later.

 

Infidelity is a gift that keeps on giving.....

 

 

Wow. That's horrible. If I found a good friend in bed with my fiancee, I'm afraid I might have the same reaction as you. It's frightening to think of the rage I might fly into. I would never hit a woman, but I would probably not stop beating him until the cops showed up.

 

Sleeping with a friend's fiancee is so far over the line. I don't even date friends' exes. I've had a few of them interested in me and I firmly declined because I knew it would hurt my friends. Sleeping with a friend's gf is not something a friend does, ever.