Friend on Meth

[bathtub-row]

I just found out that someone I’ve known for many years, who’s bi-polar, is actually on meth! I found this out because I emailed her sister the other day explaining that I felt my friend’s life was going down the tubes and that the family needed to understand that someone with bi-polar isn’t always in control of their lives.

 

Now, this friend is someone I’ve mostly kept my distance from because it basically makes me crazy to be around her. I care about her but her personality is very trying. I always attributed this to her being bi-polar and the drugs she takes for this. Btw, I’m not saying that all bi-polar people are this way. I’m just talking about her.

 

Her sister informed me about what was really going on and said she thought I already knew. My friend already knows my position on drugs because she complained all the time about her other two sisters who are druggies (not the sister I was taking to). She never told me about her own drug use because she knows I’d completely stop being around her. Now that I look back on things, the signs were all there but I always thought those things had to do with her prescription drugs.

 

I’m so disappointed in this person who has been lying to me and playing on my sympathies for 15 years or more. I asked her sister if she knew for sure about my friend’s drug use and she confirmed it. This friend was recently pulled over for driving erratically and was given a DWI. She always said she has sleep apnea and said that’s what happened. But they put her in jail for 24 hrs and I thought that was strange. Now I get it.

 

This girl’s life is a mess with continual drama. She even did drugs with her oldest son. I’m just in complete shock right now. I wonder how she’s going to explain it to me if she ends up in jail or in a rehab program.

[Space Ritual]

I’m so disappointed in this person who has been lying to me and playing on my sympathies for 15 years or more.

 

Of course you are. We addicts are master manipulators and we have a fairly

high skill level of guilt tripping to boot,

 

I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. I have been clean and sober going on 25 years now. I was addicted to Cocaine but I dabbled enough in Crank to pretty much admit to addiction to pretty much anything on Amphetamine Street.

 

I can only say that in the case of your friend, that the best thing you could possibly do is to let go of the outcome. Hard to do, but we addicts don't tend to actually pull our heads out of our asses until we hit total rock bottom on Skid Row, go to jail or die. Incidentally, I went through the first two of those

on multiple occasions and it still didn't take for many years.

 

I'm very sorry, but the only thing you can do is to show the kindest act you possibly could and delete her from your life at this point.

 

sounds like a counter productive and awful thing to do huh? I'm sure it feels that way if you aren't an addict.

 

But it really is the best thing for both of you. I was able to lie to myself and others for many years and keep my head barely above water because it was always better to guilt trip someone into helping me out...thus they were enabling me without knowing it.

 

I am very serious about Rock Bottom...there just isn't anything you can really do other than to to show her consequences by losing your friendship.

 

My friends and family, finally having enough of my criminal and violent antics, finally disowned me and forbid me to be anywhere near them.

 

That was when I hit rock bottom.

 

It was also when I realized at that point that I was really alone. And when you realize you are totally alone in this world, you either live or die.

 

I chose to live.

But I had enough negative consequences that it broke me.

 

25 years ago if you'd have met me you'd have found me the most vile person you could ever come across.

 

Not much has changed in that department, if you look at my posting history...people find me fairly vile still...lol.

 

But at least my being vile isn't chemically enhanced. I'm just vile of my own accord now without blaming others. lol

 

Seriously....you just have to walk away and cut off contact. The only person that has any control of the outcome is your friend who is an addict. Right now their life is 3 ring circus...but with one caveat.

 

That 3 ring circus still has spectators. Meaning you and anyone else that is currently helping her without success. When the crowd goes home, the Circus isn't so fun when there is no one to perform for.

 

Leave the Tent...it's the only way to stop the Circus.

Edited February 26, 2018 by Space Ritual

[Timshel]

Truth earns respect Space Ritual. Respect.

[bathtub-row]

Thanks, Space. In a way, this knowledge about her has taken away any feelings of responsibility I had toward her. In the past several years, her life has been too nuts for me to maintain a close relationship with her but I felt a responsibility to approach her situation with her family (I’ve known all of them since childhood and then lost touch for years, then ran into the friend years ago and reconnected). Her family is basically calling it quits with her. I could already see her hitting rock bottom in the very near future — hence my letter to her sister.

 

I’m pretty much a hard case when it comes to drugs and, while it’s sad, I’m glad to have this information about her. It explains a lot. At this time, I don’t know if or when I’ll ever address it with her. I know if I ask, she’ll just lie to me.

 

I’m sorry about what has happened to you and I totally admire you for pulling yourself out of that very deep hole. Thank you for your insight.

[d0nnivain]

Now that you know the truth, you just put a lot of distance in here. There is no need for more drama or a confrontation. On some level whether she is aware of it or not, she's going through hell. Don't pile on. It's not your responsible to help her or fix it unless she specifically asks for help or forgiveness as part of the 12 steps. Until then be polite if you see her. Perhaps send virtual good wishes or a prayer her way if you are a person of faith but have a little pity for her struggles & what she is putting her family through while you walk away.

[bathtub-row]

Now that you know the truth, you just put a lot of distance in here. There is no need for more drama or a confrontation. On some level whether she is aware of it or not, she's going through hell. Don't pile on. It's not your responsible to help her or fix it unless she specifically asks for help or forgiveness as part of the 12 steps. Until then be polite if you see her. Perhaps send virtual good wishes or a prayer her way if you are a person of faith but have a little pity for her struggles & what she is putting her family through while you walk away.

 

I totally agree!

[preraph]

You should just walk away now. Who knows if she was even bipolar to begin with or just used that to mask her hard-drug use. Anyway, she's not doing herself any good and she's the only one who can change that. Just give yourself a break now and stop being available to her.

[bathtub-row]

You should just walk away now. Who knows if she was even bipolar to begin with or just used that to mask her hard-drug use. Anyway, she's not doing herself any good and she's the only one who can change that. Just give yourself a break now and stop being available to her.

 

I did wonder about the whole bi-polar thing. It’s just such a convoluted mess. Keeping my distance seems to be the best option at this point. Honestly, her erratic behavior was really getting on my nerves. Now it all makes sense to me as to why things have been getting progressively worse. Her mother died just a few months ago and she informed me then that she was really going to need me as a friend. My heart just sank because I knew I couldn’t do it.

 

I’m curious, what are the signs of people doing meth? A couple of years ago, she had to have all her teeth removed. This is very extreme given her age - around 50. I attributed it to the fact that she has taken prescription medication since she was in her 20’s and that she’s a chain smoker. Now, I think it was the meth.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Thanks for sharing your story, Space Ritual. Fantastic to read it! bathtub-rowe, so sorry your friend is in this situation! Prayers for both you and your friend.

[CrazyKatLady]

Why are you still friends with her? Do you know if she will end up in rehab or jail? My ex was constantly on drugs, alcohol, gambling addiction-never went to jail for these things, is doing better now-took him 10 years though.

My parents used drugs--never went to jail or were even pulled over for a driving ticket. After my mom passed from an aneurysm 15 yrs ago my stepdad rethought using.

Been clean a long time now.

Sorry that you were mis-led.

My ex lied to me for a long time too.

Even spread lies about me and got my home involved in criminal activity while I was in class at college and didn't know about it until the cops came looking for the person on the lease, which was me...but, seems he is doing better--I hope so...I am attending meetings since I have the urge to drink lately, which I never drink...so...I just stay away from my ex and only text back once every month or two...i hope you are able to get support for your emotional fallout--but if the friend never stole, brought criminals around, got you evicted, refused to leave your home, hacked your emails/accounts, lied about you--you have hardly seen much--and should get out fast! It can get realky ugly-way beyond lies-which is bad enough...she will have to see the light on her own. I hope her son isn't underage--not that that makes it better, but that sucks! My parents gave me my first drugs when I was 12 (weed only-but still bad!). I can't see how any parent could make that choice for their child. It leaves the kid with a messed up relationship and memory forever with their parent. Sorry you had to be part of that. Pray for yourself and them. Hope a miracle happens. I really feel for all involved in drug/alcohol/gambling/even sex addiction after growing up seeing some of those issues and unwillingly/unknowingly being a part of it at a young age.

These people are lost and it is sad. Either offer 1 time support laying truth out before her, or walk away for good. Otherwise, I wouldn't look back and wait for her to go to jail and rehab and try to explain it to you. Unless you are the one who puts her there. I would just leave. Know its not your fault.

[bathtub-row]

Thanks very much for your reply, KrazyKat. There’s not much emotional fall-out for me at the moment but I may still be in shock.

 

This friend has been wearing on me for some time now. For instance, not last year but the year before, I invited her to my house for Thanksgiving because she had nowhere to go. By the time she left, I was sorry I ever invited her. She talked loud and non-stop, dominated the whole conversation and her speech was slurred. My son looked at me like, “What the heck is up with her?!” He’s in his 20’s. I’m sure if I tell him about the meth, he’ll say he already knew that. She wanted to spend my birthday with me last year and I vetoed that immediately.

 

I know I’m lucky but there are no drug users in my family. I think because of that, I have a hard time understanding it. I’ve tried mild drugs before, it was sort of fun but I don’t feel the need to keep going back. The same with alcohol. As you said, it’s one thing to screw up your own life but involving your kids is just a whole new level of crazy.

 

We’ll see what happens with her lastest piece of drama. I’ll keep everyone posted on that. However, the next time she callls, I won’t answer. Which I’m sure will generate a drama-filled voice message.

[d0nnivain]

Just delete the message when it comes. Don't even listen to it.

 

Some people can't be saved. They don't want to be saved. Most drug users are like that.

 

Her mother's recent death was probably a trigger & it accelerated the downward spiral. That is not your problem & you can't fix it.

 

I have no idea what the signs of meth use are but since you think your 20 something son will have known, do talk to him about your friend. He probably sees things that you don't. I have a tendency to want to save "wounded birds" & it gets me into trouble. So now I listen when my husband shows me how draining particular people are.

 

I have a friend now who has a martyr complex. I continue to feed her, listen & make sure she's welcome here on the holidays but I stopped trying to get her a job or emotionally support her through some legal troubles she has. She doesn't want to be "fixed." She wants to whine & that's fine. I'll never let her starve but I'm no longer quick to help.

 

Distance & emotional boundaries are your friends.

[S2B]

Your friendship is based on her lies...so there is no friendship.

 

You're better off not dealing with her at all!

 

Do yourself that favor.

 

When things don't make sense - there's a reason why.

[bathtub-row]

Just delete the message when it comes. Don't even listen to it.

 

Some people can't be saved. They don't want to be saved. Most drug users are like that.

 

Her mother's recent death was probably a trigger & it accelerated the downward spiral. That is not your problem & you can't fix it.

 

I have no idea what the signs of meth use are but since you think your 20 something son will have known, do talk to him about your friend. He probably sees things that you don't. I have a tendency to want to save "wounded birds" & it gets me into trouble. So now I listen when my husband shows me how draining particular people are.

 

I have a friend now who has a martyr complex. I continue to feed her, listen & make sure she's welcome here on the holidays but I stopped trying to get her a job or emotionally support her through some legal troubles she has. She doesn't want to be "fixed." She wants to whine & that's fine. I'll never let her starve but I'm no longer quick to help.

 

Distance & emotional boundaries are your friends.

 

I hear ya'. You know, about a year or so ago, I was thinking about going on a trip with her. The thing that stopped me is the fact that she's a chain smoker. I mean, every time we would go somewhere, she would have to stop every 5 min to stop and smoke. The few times I've experienced that, it completely got on my nerves. Now, I have to wonder what on Earth was I thinking to even consider going on a trip with her. That would've had nightmare written all over it.

 

Do you know what really gets me? She talked constantly about her two druggie sisters. During one phone conversation, she talked about them for so long I finally stopped her, telling her that I didn't really give a fig about her sisters and that she needed to change her expectations of them because they were hopeless until they chose to make changes.

 

Yes, I agree that the death of her mother has no doubt taken things to a new level. I've known the whole family since I was about 8 yrs old so there's quite a bit of history there. I really liked her mom but I just can't be the shoulder for this person to cry on.

 

Well, I guess this will all fizzle and she'll eventually catch on. She always telling me how she doesn't have any friends and I don't wonder why. She has truly painted herself into a corner.

[bathtub-row]

Your friendship is based on her lies...so there is no friendship.

 

You're better off not dealing with her at all!

 

Do yourself that favor.

 

When things don't make sense - there's a reason why.

 

You're dead on. There are so many lies, I don't even know where to begin.

[loverboy69]

You should just walk away now. Who knows if she was even bipolar to begin with or just used that to mask her hard-drug use. Anyway, she's not doing herself any good and she's the only one who can change that. Just give yourself a break now and stop being available to her.

 

You speak the truth.

 

I experimented with meth at the age of 30 for the first time in my life and it was the worst two years of my life (looking back). I was in darkness (spiritually/emotionally) and the drug is like no other...

 

You trade a few hours of intense euphoria for days of constant fatigue, zero ambition, no sense of responsibility, paranoia, demonic hallucinations, psychosis (visual, auditory and tactile) lack of sleep, depression / bi-polar mania and anxiety attacks. (All these are reasons why addicts can't find or keep stable employment).

 

Many of these symptoms are the result of the drug habit mixed with poor sleep and the body just dealing with the poison you keep injecting yourself with but if the user is not honest with a mental health professional he'll simply be prescribed medication for the symptoms instead of trying to find a solution for the addiction.

[CrazyKatLady]

I'm truly sorry you are experiencing this.

 

I am not going to mess up this time. That's what I am working on now myself. Addiction is a beast. Depression or bi-polar or whatever else is coupled with it is a bad deal for her and you and her family.

I know you are hurting--but trust me, I am not sure you even know what she will be living with once she wakes up to what has happened in her life. I am not sure you want to be around to see her addiction...then she will have to spend more time on herself while she is recovering legally or which ever way she will have to...she still won't be able to give you what you need in order for her to make it right for you. I know this--in recovery, you should definitely leave her alone--passing judgement, and her avoiding her problems by self-medicating and if she feels guilty (oh trust me, any good human who sinks that low is going to feel wretched as they should for hurting others if you never did anything wrong to her--she will find torture those first few weeks/months realizing all she lost--although I think it wouldn't be a loss if some one was blabbing it all over the place instead of one time offering true help for someone you care about--that was the first thing I asked an ex of mine 5 years ago when he told me he was back on it--I immediately was concerned and scared--but not mad--I just truly wanted to know if he wanted help to stop doing it--he said he was happy and it shattered me, but...I should have kicked him out of my life then--and didn't and I must have lost over 10,000 through the years hoping he would stop--he finally did--not with me though), she could relapse or give up. You sound like you are just kind of...not a good person to her either--judge, or don't judge--stay or walk away--but bad people are bad people with or without drugs--you know what I am saying? You should get out of her life--let her deal with stuff on her own--she will realize shortly after you leave what she needs to do if you were really important and valuable in her life. Addicts hate judgement and loss more than anything...it's like the final blow in a knock out fight.

Would you post about your kid on here like that if it was your flesh and blood...or would you stand by and fight with them to get well?

Either help in a way that doesn't induce more trauma unless it is warranted--and it doesn't seem like she is homicidal--or get out of her life and quit being a righteous pain in the ...

My parents were addicts, so are all of us kids from them--but they all had gentle, loving, family support--forgiveness, and hope...we knew we would all have each other at the end of it--and reconciled and moved on--you are no friend to this woman either...and you have no idea what the heck you are dealing with, or even care to...or even care period. Violent offenders belong in jail--major therapy/rehab and support can restore that families situation--

I truly believe those methods work best based on her individual case from what you are saying--but the whole sharing with the kid--I don't know--I heard a cop say that once about "would you give it to your kid..." And look, now weed is legal in many places in the U.S.

And no. I would never give my child any in-prescribed drugs, don't even let him at his relatives homes anymore because they would use on occasion (my ex never seemed to mind if I dropped off my son at these places even though he knew what might happen there--and he was a straight jack a**, straight-laced).

Please just heal somewhere far away--you could have suffered way worse, like I did with my ex--lost money, my grades at school slipped, was stolen from/used/lied to/ cheated on...etc...you should get out now...she can't help you feel better right now anyways...maybe with you gone, she will understand better and fix things and make amends as long as it is warranted.

Some people don't need drugs to do messed up crap. Some people it takes a whole lot of bad stuff to happen in order for them to even think of doing something messed up to someone else. Sounds like she may be the latter and you the former. It's a touchy topic with me--I've seen the worst in people who are supposedly pure Christians in the world--completely wretched and evil people...and I have seen drug addicts with a heart of gold who feel deep remorse for hurting others and never do it again when cleaned out...it's just reality...you sound like people I knew who judged my parents, then went out and made a living off of victimizing old people from their church...they were sicker than my parents ever were--and at least the addict has the hope of recovery--some sickness' can't be healed in people...some are just straight twisted either way...your friend can most likely change--but it will be a long road and will have to cut the b.s. out of her life that is dragging her down. Hope a miracle for all involved happens. Live well. Some people have trouble just doing that sometimes...enjoy your own life, mess free and drug free.

[Dork Vader]

Let me start by telling you that I am OCD (severely) and an Alcoholic/gambling addict in recovery. I have almost 4 years sober (november 2cnd will mark 4 years).

 

You will NOT be able to help your friend get sober unless she wants to get sober. What you can and need to do is understand that she is sick right now. Many of the things that she is doing and going to do, are because of her disease and addiction. The best thing you can do is start attending ALANON or NARANON. Look to talk with people who have been in similar positions as you and look for people who have attended ALANON/NARANO for years and are still active in the program.

 

You might also see if you can get an AA book for your friend and possibly a copy of the Bipolar workbook. I would also suggest that you read both as the more you understand what addiction/alcoholism and Bipolar are, the better prepared you will be to help her when the time comes.

 

You need to make certain you are NOT enabling her. She needs to hit bottom and hitting bottom might require her becoming homeless. It could potentially go further than that, it just depends on the person. She has to get fed up with where she is at and become willing to go to any length to get sober.

 

If you are close with her family/sister ask if there is anyway you can help them. If you can help with an intervention or anything. If your friend is willing to get sober and go to a rehab. Then I suggest these steps, if she has insurance call the insurance company and ask for a list of rehabs with in a 200-400 mile radius that are in network. You'll then need to narrow down that list and find a place that works for her. Any rehab you select should be capable of treating what's called dual diagnosis, that means treat her addiction and any mental illnesses she has.

 

Keep in mind that even with insurance the cost out of pocket is going to be substantial. The rehab I attended for 32 days, up front cost was $5000 paid the day I checked in. I then paid I believe another $2500 out of pocket and my insurance paid about $32,000. Now that was a luxury rehab in the Monterey area of California and they had a Chef, House keeping and other luxuries. There are rehabs that are much cheaper and more affordable.

 

If she has no insurance and the family cannot afford to pay $30,000+ to sent her to rehab for a month. The next step would be to contact your County/cities HHS (health and human services). They can help you find a "free" rehab that she can attend. But the waiting list for a bed at one of those places can be 6+ Months. Make sure what ever rehab is selected, that your friend can afford to do 30-60 days of treatment. If she gets kicked out after 2 weeks because of lack of funds, she will not stay sober. The shortest possible stay should be 31 days, but she could need 60-90 a day program.

 

All I can stress to you is get information information and more information. The better informed you are on these topics, the better you'll be able to help your friend. Please understand that your friend is going to do some really mean and selfish things in her addiction. All she can think about is the addiction and it's going to come front and center, nothing else will.