ben321 Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Hi all It’s been 8 weeks since my breakup. She broke up because of distance. We had been together over 2 years, but she moved away for 6 months and 3 months in the distance became too much for her. I am still completely in love, wonder every day what she’s up to and have to resist the urge to text her ever second. I cannot stop thinking about her, everything reminds me of her and none of the memories are bad, they’re all good. I have that sinking feeling in my stomach constantly, the feeling of a hole in my heart. I also have constant anxiety, I have become incredible fidgety and alwYs have to be tapping my foot or doing something otherwise I end up panicking for no reason. I also keep breaking out in spots, getting ill and worry constantly. I can’t concentrate on anything. At the moment the only things that come close to helping me are exercise (i still think about her even then) and getting drunk with my mates (makes everything 100x worse after). Every day of no contact makes things harder for me. I’ve never really been an emotional guy but this has destroyed me. It’s affecting my personal life, my work and my health. What Can I do Link to post Share on other sites
Rainah Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Have you considered going to therapy? Join some clubs? Distract your mind by keeping yourself busy throughout the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ben321 Posted February 26, 2018 Author Share Posted February 26, 2018 Have you considered going to therapy? Join some clubs? Distract your mind by keeping yourself busy throughout the day. I haven’t considered therapy yet. I don’t see how it can help in my situation. It won’t help me forget. I do try and keep myself busy, but even sat at work my mind wonders when I’m doing boring tasks. And it seems like the busier I keep myself, the harder the fall is when I am alone again. It’s got to the point where I’ve considered moving cities just for a fresh start 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 It’s got to the point where I’ve considered moving cities just for a fresh start Actually, I really like this idea!! I've been fairly nomadic all of my life. You can leave a whole host of problems behind when you move. There is also the excitement of moving to a new city, new places to explore, new people to meet and an all around new setting. Have you researched any cities you would like to try?? Is there work available in your field in those new areas?? Research month to month leases, so you can give a new city a try, without committing to a whole year. I've always enjoyed moving!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mac0908 Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 (edited) You sound severe enough where therapy is absolutely the #1 option. Getting drunk will do you zero favors. Sitting with a professional and getting all your feelings out and learning how to handle and cope with them in specific ways is what's best for you right now. Unfortunately nothing will make you simply "forget" about her. The best you can do is have a plan in mind for when she pops into your head to think of or do something to change your thoughts. In the meantime you also obviously need to implement 1000% no contact. If you even have one photo of her or you two anywhere from your home to your cell phone then it's wrong. She should also be deleted/unfollowed from all social media. But just as a side note, if you both were SO in love and dated for that long, how does someone move away? Was this for a job of hers she HAD to take? How old are you both? Edited February 26, 2018 by Mac0908 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 At 8 weeks, things are still fresh and raw so what you're feeling is very normal. The important thing is to recognise that, and be patient and kind to yourself at this time. I've read on here that it can take up to a year to fully heal from the break up of a long term relationship, especially if the relationship was good, which it sounds like yours was. You can't stop thinking about someone simply by willing yourself to stop. Your mind doesn't work like that - you have to keep it focused on other things. As cliched as it sounds, going out and trying something new, like signing up to a team sport, really helps. Also reading novels, watching movies and spending time with friends helps. Regarding moving cities - like Happy Lemming said, this could be a great idea. A change of scenery and the excitement of a new city can really steer your mind away from your ex. You could start researching jobs and housing in your new city of choice and see how you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ben321 Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 In the meantime you also obviously need to implement 1000% no contact. If you even have one photo of her or you two anywhere from your home to your cell phone then it's wrong. She should also be deleted/unfollowed from all social media. But just as a side note, if you both were SO in love and dated for that long, how does someone move away? Was this for a job of hers she HAD to take? How old are you both? My situation is weird. She gets back soon and I don’t want to completely implement no contact in the chance I get her back when she’s back. Part the reason we broke up was due to the lack of contact (time difference and work made it almost impossible to speak) so I feel like if I don’t speak to her at all she will just forget and move on and also think he’s not speaking so doesn’t care. Also she moved for travelling/work purposes. With the full intention of staying together. She was always going to do it. The majority of our 2+ years were at UNI. She went away a few months after we finished our final year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ben321 Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 Having a bad day today. Recently went on holiday with my mates, but all I could think about was still her, back to work today, and still all I could think about was her. N/C still for about 2 weeks. That sinking feeling is still constantly there and I can’t stop tapping my feet or fidgeting. The pain is still only getting worse after almost 2 months. Only time I’ve been happy during house 2 months is when she texted me about what she’d been up to and we had a quick text conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Time will heal. I know it sounds lame but it works. Distract, work more if it helps, do more activities. I felt the same way, but now I'm overall okay. Not perfect, but you get over it. And when you meet someone else, it'll pass. This person doesn't care, so just let it go. Either you make a real attempt at reconciling and getting closure, or you just let it go and move on. You can't stay in limbo for the rest of your life, no one is worth that. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 What’s been going on Ben? Link to post Share on other sites
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