Trouble with ex - New Year Resolution? Ex wants to catch up over coffee the 1st time

[balibird]

So the story started 3 years ago, both of us just came out of a 6-7 yrs relationship with others. We met each other through work events (we're in the same industry) while we both had gf/bf, but always felt there's a good chemistry, so somehow we both finally became single, we hitted off very quickly.

 

We had a long distance 3 months intense romance, managed to see each other 3 times over 2 months, felt as if we're so madly in love during that time especially the first 2 months until we realised we both lived across other side of the world, things gone down hill and we basically broke up.

 

Fast forward not because of him, but I somehow ended up relocated to the same city for work. So we finally in the same city. However, he seemed distanced or (I think he's freaked out at first I was in the same city)

 

First 2 years, we bumped into each other a few times, he drunk texted me many times, talking none sense, saying want to try again, then when I had enough of him messing my mind up as I felt so heartbroken when we broke up, I asked for a closure discussion meet up, he then said in my face, we will never get back together, it's never gonna work. Forget it.

 

It's a clear message. So I did my best going through the whole No Contact. He also promised he'll try his best not to drunk text me again. It's his bad.

 

But that promise never last long. Drunk texts continues on and off every 2-3 months, then few times, when we bump into each other at industry evening receptions, he got drunk and trying it all over again. Telling me he's still single, hasn't met anyone as special as me bla bla.. all that BS. (he just want to get laid)

 

Problem is for whole year since we broke up, I so wanted to just get back with him to where we're when we're madly in love and explore what's it like being with him finally in the same city we can go on dates like normal couple. In past, it's almost as if we're just having a few days of sex when we see each other, is like everytime when we see each other we just wanna rip each other clothes off. Often I asked myself what is it? is it just lush? or does he actually likes me more than that?!

 

Finally, at my low moments, somehow he's drunk texting and talk old times again, I got weaken, and we hooked up once at my place. I guess just to get it out of my system since I so wanted it even just one more time.

 

Turns out, it's the worst sex we've ever had. Nothing like before when we always have fireworks sex. So ever since then, I didn't wanna do it again. He tried few times indirectly but I declined.

 

So anyway, I just had enough of him messing my heart and my mind up. So tried my best to cut him out, he's always the sweet talker especially after a few drinks, and loves dropping random messages even during the day e.g saying you've been in the back of my mind alot lately after my bday.

 

I always want to just know if he's seeing someone and want to see it with my eyes, then I'll finally get over him, but since we broke up, he said he's always been single, just short flings and dating but no one serious.

 

Til 7 months ago, I walked into a bar and saw him looks so drunk and looks he's gonna make out with this girl (clothes on). The worst part of all was, she's like a cheap hooker, not even a good looking one to begin with. It just made me feel so disgusted when I saw him like that. Although somehow, I felt great about myself, I felt way hotter than her, but simply sick in stomach to see how low is his standards.

 

On top of all, that night when I saw him, just under a week before that, he text me and asked if we can catch up, I declined his request.

 

It's also the 1st time we bump into each other, he didn't say hi to me. (perhaps I think he's too shameful or too busy with the hooker look alike)

 

I've not seen or spoke to him since besides once/twice over a call/text purely work related talk. He always been very thankful and polite when we talk work stuff, said few times want to buy me drinks/dinner/coffee to thank me. But I say no need everytime.

 

So since that last time I walked into him in the bar, I felt it's time I can perhaps finally get over him as I got my wish... I saw him with a girl (plus the shocking hooker type)

 

Since then, I felt he'll finally leave me in peace, which he has for past 7 months and never drunk text me again ever since that day or text me for anything (I suspect he's probably felt he's nothing to say, I caught him in his disgusting action, he can't lie about girls anymore from me)

 

So 7 months no contact pretty much. All a sudden, 1st Monday at 10am after New Year, out of the blue, he wrote: Hey Happy New Year. Hope you had a good one.

 

As I somehow kinda felt I was over him, and I was in a peaceful mind, happy to just be polite and wrote back Happy NY too. I had an amazing one thx. Hope you had a good one too.

 

Then here's the shock, he wrote:

Yes was nice trip home thanks. I was wondering if you fancy coffee later this week, pretty sure I owe you one! been a long time and given we're still so close, we should catch up. You can fill me in about your new job.

 

He's never asked me out for a coffee, only drinks in the past which I never agreed, as I know and suspect he wants a booty after.

 

So I thought wow.. his new year resolution? 1st day back to work after NY holiday.. he wants to catch up and reconcile? or just ego boost, to check whether I still have feelings for him? Either way, he's always been toxic for me.

Obviously deep down there's part of me always hope like in fairy tales, he'll regret breaking up with me, and running back and beg me back, finally ready to settle down and wants a relationship.

 

Realistically.. he's done far too many damages to my heart and messed my emotions up so bad in past 3 years. I can't simply let him screw me up again for another year.

 

So coffee? what for?

I wasn't actually in town when he wanted the coffee so i did say I'm not back in town yet. Then he said - just let me know and coffee on me.

 

Sounds sincere and desperate for that coffee. So I really am so curious what he wants?

 

is it

1. ego boost, testing water where he stands

2. fix that nasty last scenario I saw him and start all over again in good book

3. he hasn't met anyone as good as me, so he's running back now? (he claimed he's not met anyone as special as me a year ago)

4. he just simply had nothing else better to do at work, and wanna fish out what I do with my new job and see if there's any benefits for him with work

 

I've not drop him back a message saying I'm back and ready for that coffee as I felt unsure about it plus I thought, if he really wants to catch up, he'll chase me for that coffee again. I ain't gonna throw the ball back to his court, and say I'm ready for a coffee, then for him to decide if he's still up for a coffee or to call it off just testing whether I'm still keen or not.

 

When I think about the past 2 yrs, I asked him few times for coffee (purely want to talk about us, and want him to stop all contact with me and no more drunk text, leave me alone if he doesn't want to date me, but I never got that far as he always have excuse and reject the coffee)

 

So now he wants a coffee the 1st time... actual sober talk. (for him, always seem to be drunk/hangover talk)

 

What do you guys think I should do? I'm so curious, but I still feel I'm not ready if he does the whole sweet talk BS again, I am worried I'll fall back to Day 1 again.

 

any advice and comments will help big time! thanks for reading

Edited February 27, 2018 by balibird

[Kristine]

Well if you feel like it will open old wounds I understand but you will more likely wonder the rest of your life if he's the one that got away if you don't meet him. So I really think you should go to coffee but have a clear plan of what you want to say. Plan for a positive and a negative talk. Which one is the one you truly want? Guard your heart. But meet him is my advice.