htpr24 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Things are getting really bad lately in general. I live in a bad area I deal with a lot of people that all out have issues and it's hard just going to the store or going to work etc leaving my house generally going to work and not avoid someone harassing me. One guy got so mad he tried to mess me up at work I've had to make police reports in some cases and others where the person wouldn't let it go if I asked to be left alone they'd try to follow me yell at me etc just because I wouldn't talk to them. Now what I want to know is how does one de-escalate the situation? How can one co exist without all the hysteria? Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Things are getting really bad lately in general. I live in a bad area I deal with a lot of people that all out have issues and it's hard just going to the store or going to work etc leaving my house generally going to work and not avoid someone harassing me. One guy got so mad he tried to mess me up at work I've had to make police reports in some cases and others where the person wouldn't let it go if I asked to be left alone they'd try to follow me yell at me etc just because I wouldn't talk to them. Now what I want to know is how does one de-escalate the situation? How can one co exist without all the hysteria? Look ugly lol. No, you are asking a serious question. I'll probably get negative comments about this, but anyway, how do you present yourself, that is dress? Don't worry I know it's not acceptable behaviour from them even if you are wearing next to nothing. Another thing, maybe avoid eye contact?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author htpr24 Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 Look ugly lol. No, you are asking a serious question. I'll probably get negative comments about this, but anyway, how do you present yourself, that is dress? Don't worry I know it's not acceptable behaviour from them even if you are wearing next to nothing. Another thing, maybe avoid eye contact?? I give no eye contact but that actually seems to bother people more when I like walk past fast say nothing and never give any eye contact if I say anything I say leave me alone and I just created world war 1. I dress pretty normal but I am really small like under 120 lbs usually and a DDD or DDDD so I mean I am very top heavy so I can't really help my body shape so to speak I don't wear shorts or short shirts. Sometimes I wear leggings that's as risky as it ever gets for me Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I believe affluence affects this. The more affluent the guy is, the more fear of rejection he will have and the less he will approach a woman. The less affluent a guy is, the less fear of rejection he will have and the more he will approach women. This is why you sometimes see very desirable women with poor men. Simply because he made a righteous move on her and wasn't afraid, while her male peers stood on the sidelines with apprehension and fear. You would think it would be the opposite: affluent men have confidence and non-affluent men lack confidence - nope not so. So yeah.... move up if you want to rid yourself of unwanted advances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
unit1 Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Things are getting really bad lately in general. I live in a bad area I deal with a lot of people that all out have issues and it's hard just going to the store or going to work etc leaving my house generally going to work and not avoid someone harassing me. One guy got so mad he tried to mess me up at work I've had to make police reports in some cases and others where the person wouldn't let it go if I asked to be left alone they'd try to follow me yell at me etc just because I wouldn't talk to them. Now what I want to know is how does one de-escalate the situation? How can one co exist without all the hysteria? Become tough or change a city...... I met this situation and still sometimes having this, I even took a small weapon in my pocket . Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 (edited) it could be that they feel snubbed and are paying you back, I mean to say if you see them as "less favourable" then they in turn could see you as somebody to annoy for fun, for revenge... how did you determine that they are "less favourable"? were they unattractive? poor? what? sunglasses shut out the world, de-escalation idea, possibly Edited February 27, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I believe affluence affects this. Yes, I used to take a bus line from Chicago Midway through South Chicago. All forms of harrassment were common. The women were countering it just as agressively, though. But I have not seen anything that would stop that behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Is moving out of the question? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author htpr24 Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 I believe affluence affects this. The more affluent the guy is, the more fear of rejection he will have and the less he will approach a woman. The less affluent a guy is, the less fear of rejection he will have and the more he will approach women. This is why you sometimes see very desirable women with poor men. Simply because he made a righteous move on her and wasn't afraid, while her male peers stood on the sidelines with apprehension and fear. You would think it would be the opposite: affluent men have confidence and non-affluent men lack confidence - nope not so. So yeah.... move up if you want to rid yourself of unwanted advances. Yeah I know I need to it's just right now what to do really. I agree though I think some classes of men just are like I got nothing to lose why not mentality plus mannerism is very different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author htpr24 Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 Become tough or change a city...... I met this situation and still sometimes having this, I even took a small weapon in my pocket . yeah in part I have though about getting bear spray or a gun. Because one of the times I had this guy get really mad when I told him to leave me alone he almost backed me in a corner and threatened to beat me and I had to call the police. Bear spray would be good I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author htpr24 Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 it could be that they feel snubbed and are paying you back, I mean to say if you see them as "less favourable" then they in turn could see you as somebody to annoy for fun, for revenge... how did you determine that they are "less favourable"? were they unattractive? poor? what? sunglasses shut out the world, de-escalation idea, possibly Yeah some of that is really true. I had one specifically say how dare you not say hi you aren't any better and he continued to follow me and call me all sorts of names just because I wouldn't talk t him or the other people with him. Now as far as why they were less desirable. I live in a bad neighborhood where crackheads and prostitutes thrive lol. They are like out of the low crass status of people I'm around they're like the scariest type people. Like the most cracked out of crackheads. And it's hard to maneuver in an area like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author htpr24 Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 Is moving out of the question? not this week maybe next month possibly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Sounds like you need to move or take Uber or get a huge mean looking dog. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 (edited) Yeah some of that is really true. I had one specifically say how dare you not say hi you aren't any better and he continued to follow me and call me all sorts of names just because I wouldn't talk t him or the other people with him. Now as far as why they were less desirable. I live in a bad neighborhood where crackheads and prostitutes thrive lol. They are like out of the low crass status of people I'm around they're like the scariest type people. Like the most cracked out of crackheads. And it's hard to maneuver in an area like this. dress down, I know women feel that they can wear what they want, but if you want them to lose interest... also, invent some tragedy, I do not want to wish you grief, but if you can tell the least worst one of some bogus bereavement, while wearing black, they may pity you and lay off the wise-cracks, ask the least worst one to ask his friends, that's ask, not tell... you must be convincing, so wear black for a month, rehearse a sad face, and tell them how depressed you are, give them good reason to pity you at this grim time... I can't help thinking you must have said some quite cutting things to them, I am middle-class, but have learned to let different people know that I am no snob (true), a skill to know for life, a nice gesture made with a smile Edited February 27, 2018 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 First of all, don't see it as your fault. At all. All women experience sexual harassment at some degree or another. It's a societal problem, the depths of which are being uprooted everywhere. I have experienced this, myself. It's awful. Don't take it. And no, you can't just ignore it. It won't go away unless you stand up to it. If you ignore men like that they'll see you as timid, non-threatening... as a mouse they can pounce on. It will make them more bold and aggressive. And it WILL get worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 htpr24, am sure everyone's situation is different but I've had more harassment from strangers when dressed casually (blue jeans, t shirt casual, little make up) than when dressed to the nines. But when I dress up I don't show cleavage (not that you do) and is more a business look than cleavage/short dress/skin tight. If I were to be in evening dress, a little more glamorous (trying to be, anyway, not saying I am, lol!) I would be with a man as I don't go out like that as a single woman. Not criticizing anyone who does, just saying if I go to the trouble to dress like that it's for admiration from someone specific, my date. So, anyway, not sure how you dress but would suggest dressing more business like and that may deter men who otherwise may harass you. But, maybe you already do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Yeah some of that is really true. I had one specifically say how dare you not say hi you aren't any better and he continued to follow me and call me all sorts of names just because I wouldn't talk t him or the other people with him. Now as far as why they were less desirable. I live in a bad neighborhood where crackheads and prostitutes thrive lol. They are like out of the low crass status of people I'm around they're like the scariest type people. Like the most cracked out of crackheads. And it's hard to maneuver in an area like this. Oh, I just saw this. So sorry, dear. This worries me for you. I hope you do move out of there as soon as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I believe affluence affects this. The more affluent the guy is, the more fear of rejection he will have and the less he will approach a woman. The less affluent a guy is, the less fear of rejection he will have and the more he will approach women. This is why you sometimes see very desirable women with poor men. Simply because he made a righteous move on her and wasn't afraid, while her male peers stood on the sidelines with apprehension and fear. You would think it would be the opposite: affluent men have confidence and non-affluent men lack confidence - nope not so. So yeah.... move up if you want to rid yourself of unwanted advances. this would also explain why so many women get caught up in human trafficking 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 No woman should be blamed, presumed she dresses provocatively, etc. or is inviting it unintentionally by something she's doing or wearing. The onus is on the predator not the victim. Really, OP, all you have to do in this society to attract unwanted attention/abuse... is to be female. That's why you MUST learn to stand up for yourself. And that's all you have to do... not slink away and hide be it under bulky clothes or whatever the case may be... have them strip you of your freedom and cower you into a corner. You have the right to dress however you want. But again, what you wear won't make a bit of difference to men like that. They'll do it anyway. It's NOT your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoNight Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Can you get a dog? Maybe ask a neighbor to walk with you, or borrow their dog if they have one or use Uber. There are several websites that will share tips on what not to do in sketchy neighborhoods. Don't dress in a way that makes you stand out. Don't wear your hair in a ponytail (makes it easy to grab). Don't be distracted (no earbuds, or texting on your phone, etc.) While the world would be a much better place if you could wear and do whatever you wanted, and not be victimized for it, that isn't very realistic unfortunately. Wear shoes that are easy to run in. Carry an umbrella (some places allow collapsable batons, but check the law in your area to be sure), buy a quality whistle from a sporting goods store (or get a rape whistle) Take a self defense class (your local law enforcement may offer them for free). Bear/pepper spray can be useful, BUT if you spray it and get it on you or inhale it, it can be a detriment to you. Be aware of your surroundings, and walk with confidence. If someone is bothering you, look past them and call out a name loudly, ie: act like you just saw a friend/boyfriend. (Common names work best, ie: "John, there you are! I've been waiting for you." because they are more likely to make someone look in your direction) Then walk quickly away from whoever was harassing you until you are safe. Whatever you do, please reconsider getting a gun. I am in no way anti-gun, but unless you are familiar with guns, and adept at using one, the chances of it being used against you are typically higher than you using it to protect yourself. Be safe out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Things are getting really bad lately in general. I live in a bad area I deal with a lot of people that all out have issues and it's hard just going to the store or going to work etc leaving my house generally going to work and not avoid someone harassing me. One guy got so mad he tried to mess me up at work I've had to make police reports in some cases and others where the person wouldn't let it go if I asked to be left alone they'd try to follow me yell at me etc just because I wouldn't talk to them. Now what I want to know is how does one de-escalate the situation? How can one co exist without all the hysteria? Why don't you move? Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 First of all, don't see it as your fault. At all. All women experience sexual harassment at some degree or another. It's a societal problem, the depths of which are being uprooted everywhere. I have experienced this, myself. It's awful. Don't take it. And no, you can't just ignore it. It won't go away unless you stand up to it. If you ignore men like that they'll see you as timid, non-threatening... as a mouse they can pounce on. It will make them more bold and aggressive. And it WILL get worse. I agree that it's not the OP's fault, but I also don't think it will make a difference in the behavior of these men if she stands up to them or not. (She may feel better about it, though.) If we are really talking about a bad part of town it's more a way of life. These guys are unlikely to be embarrassed like a co-worker who overstepped his boundaries and is being confronted. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 There's really no way to be safe in this situation because if you make eye contact and smile you may give them the wrong impression and they may get angry later when you have to reject them more directly and if you ignore them they'll probably try even harder to get your attention. You need to move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author htpr24 Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 First of all, don't see it as your fault. At all. All women experience sexual harassment at some degree or another. It's a societal problem, the depths of which are being uprooted everywhere. I have experienced this, myself. It's awful. Don't take it. And no, you can't just ignore it. It won't go away unless you stand up to it. If you ignore men like that they'll see you as timid, non-threatening... as a mouse they can pounce on. It will make them more bold and aggressive. And it WILL get worse. I've tried being like loud cursing people out that just makes it worst. I've tried ignoring that aggravates everything seems to aggravate it seems. I am jealous of my neighbor/coworker she's got a man so they bother her but she just says she got a guy. I don't want a guy though I would rather get my situation together beforehand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author htpr24 Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 htpr24, am sure everyone's situation is different but I've had more harassment from strangers when dressed casually (blue jeans, t shirt casual, little make up) than when dressed to the nines. But when I dress up I don't show cleavage (not that you do) and is more a business look than cleavage/short dress/skin tight. If I were to be in evening dress, a little more glamorous (trying to be, anyway, not saying I am, lol!) I would be with a man as I don't go out like that as a single woman. Not criticizing anyone who does, just saying if I go to the trouble to dress like that it's for admiration from someone specific, my date. So, anyway, not sure how you dress but would suggest dressing more business like and that may deter men who otherwise may harass you. But, maybe you already do that. When I dress really really nice I actually get people hoping I'm dressed that way to prostitute or think I got money and try to harrass me for money. I dress down much of the time I don't get as much harassment with the cars but lately I am driving to the corner store to try to cut interaction this one store I am going to stop going to altogether. Because too many of these kind of people loiter the entrance of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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