MathsBook Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 (edited) Hi all, been a member for a while and I just want a place to rant. So I've been seeing this girl since she was 17, now 19, so 2 years. At first everything was fine and all she gave me the security any guy would ever want from a girl but then one evening she went to a friend's party, got really drunk and something triggered her to have feeling for another guy (nothing happened). She told me straight away because she felt really bad about it and I tried to comfort her by saying there will always be temptations in life, it just depends on if you take actions or not. She came over the next day to talk things out, she seemed very confused as to why she feels so bad about this and in the end we broke up because she couldnt get over it. I believe I said and done all I could but I respected her decision. So we started NC but 2 days later she asked how I was and she miss me etc, I did reply and said I missed her too but we need space for herself to discover herself and for me, to protect myself. Another 2 days later she message me again asking if we could be back together, she also told me a day before (3 days after break up) she met up with the guy she had feelings for and made out with him and totally hated it. I got a bit angry because yes we were broken up but 3 days after she went and made out with someone else? Morally I just think its not right but anyhow I looked over it and forgave her. So we were back together but things were just not the same, I just couldnt feel that commitment from her anymore and my gut feeling keeps telling me once she goes out drinking again another episode will occur even though I have trust in her because shes been pretty truthful with me up till now. So we sat down and had a long talk and she admitted shes not really sure what she wants anymore, she knows there still love for me but there's always some doubt in her mind that's withholding her from being like before, she thought this feeling would gradually go away (we've been back together for about 1 month) and everything would be fine again. Since we did get back together I've not really been happy due to this lack of commitment and is making me question mine too. I mean it calmed me down knowing we're back together but is not what I want from a relationship. So at the end of our talk, out of desperate attempt to hold on to this relationship I suggested we take a break, not officially broken up but a week of NC and see if she could find that feeling back, I don't expect everything to be back to normal by the end of the break but if there something positive comes out of it then I would be willing to work with her, also a time for myself to see if I actually want to continue with this relationship. I just don't understand why this is happening to me. Our relationship was perfect, little arguments, we respected each other and supported each other but now I'm in so much mental torture I could almost physically feel it! But lets say this, if this break doesn't work out I will be initiating break up because I'm pretty much done Edited February 27, 2018 by MathsBook Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 She’s too immature to commit to you, OP. That’s not meant as a criticism of her, but she’s very young and nowhere near ready to be in a serious relationship. A break isn’t going to fix this. She needs to be single at this point in her life so that she can do her exploring without hurting the boyfriend she isn’t really ready to have. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 She’s too immature to commit to you, OP. That’s not meant as a criticism of her, but she’s very young and nowhere near ready to be in a serious relationship. A break isn’t going to fix this. She needs to be single at this point in her life so that she can do her exploring without hurting the boyfriend she isn’t really ready to have. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 Double post Link to post Share on other sites
Revelation Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 First off, my hat's off to you for having the willingness and ability to have honest and in-depth conversation, as well as being supportive of her sharing her uncomfortable feelings. Things like commitment, priorities, etc. get tested over time, and it might seem like her heart is just not in it to a degree that's acceptable to you. Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 You sound quite a bit older than her? I don't think we should teach teenagers NC. I think we should teach them how to talk things out and work together on something. Seems cold to me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Your relationship wasn't perfect. It was a solid interaction while it lasted. Unfortunately, few people meet their lifemates at 17. Your GF is growing & her life is changing. So is yours. Sadly you are growing in different directions. Break up. Stop thinking that missing each other means you should stay together. Missing each other is just a manifestation of change. It was fun while it lasted but not is time to move forward separately. It happens to most people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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