Can’t believe I’m here as the OW

[Sampson]

This is going to sound like a nay sayer response. But I want to give you some perspective.

 

So he has said he moved out to his brother place. And to prove this he changed his address via email to HR.

 

Did this email contain anything about he is separating or beginning the process of divorcing his wife?

 

Let me guess HR just thinks his mailing address has changed. What exactly does HR mail anymore. I am sure his wife still has no idea the marriage is over.

 

Is this upcoming event party thing still happening with his wife in attendance?

 

I am afraid this is sounding like future faking. Because having a conversation that the marriage is over and filing for divorce is not difficult you would think since he is professing so much love and future with you. Just saying.

 

Look at what this has done and how close to reaching out to him you were just by this letter.

Another MIND GAME move.

 

How would he feel if you mailed this letter to his wife? Just asking.

Edited March 24, 2018 by Sampson

[BourneWicked]

The above is good advice. It is funny; many posters, myself included, talk about how much the MM don't want to be seen as bad guys (but hey, none of us do). So it's possible this is a bunch of smoke to lure you back in.

 

However, I would say, if you want to believe him, believe him. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, do it.

 

Then realize that he is not any part of your life until he does what he says he is doing. If he is serious, he will finalize his affairs, and he may be doing the right thing by staying out of contact. He will present you with some ironically romantic divorce papers and make things right between the two of you.

 

If he contacts you and you feel the need to respond, I'd say go for it. Wish him the best, tell him you care about him, etc, but can't be involved with him or further contact him while he's still married.

 

All the while, recognize that when it's finalized, and he's had some time to work through his emotions about it, that's when it means something. And you can get busy living your life, whether that time comes or not.

[Floating Lilly]

Thanks everyone for the replies

 

I had a lot of time to think today quiet night at work, about his brothers event it’s only him and the kids now I’ve looked on the list but I’ve already got that day off so I won’t see any of it. The HR email was to update the address on the system I did do the same when I moved to get it changed on my payslip.

 

A part of me wants to reach out and see what is going on. I put myself in this position waiting in the shadows. I want to just have a conversation with him about where he is at but that’s not my place I want everything out in the open so I don’t have to run and hide just to think my feelings through.

 

Bournewicked part of me does believe him but that might be me just wanting to be able to say all the hurt to follow was worth it because we’re in love I don’t know. I think my mind is just muddled and confused I did admit to my cousin that I do love him she asked if I could see a future with him I said yes. She says I should get over him and move on but I don’t know if I can or want to just move on.

 

Whether I wait for him or not I will still continue to work on myself I don’t know what will happen between me and MM I don’t know if he wants me seriously or not I guess only time will tell

[S2B]

Do not reach out.

 

His actions will show what is happening. He will either get divorced or not.

 

Your power (at this point) is in keeping your distance.

 

He either will do this divorce or not - being involved with him while he's got this emotional turmoil is not something you need to be involved in.

 

Just stay far away from his mess until his divorce is final. Hopefully he gets counseling to understand why he cheated and how to never do it again.

[Whisky30]

I am in the EXACT same position (minus the Boyf. I'm am single). I have o ky got through a quarter of these replies but I am going to read through every single one of them. I thought I was alone but it seems as though this is quite common. I'm shocked at how I could be so blind.