LGBJUNHAO Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 So My MM and his wife is getting a divorce. They are still going through mediation because she is dragging her feet. Yesterday, I found on a comment she posted a public facebook post about a basketball game saying how happy her hubby would if he could go to the game. Is it normally for someone who is going through divorce still calling their soon to be ex-husband hubby? Why she does that. It has been nasty between them during the whole mediation/divorce, but if you read the comment, you would think they are very much together and happy. Just can't wrap my head around it. Anyone can shed some light? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Really this could go either way. Yes, there are people who will go out of their way to give the impression that they are still happily together with someone who is fighting with them, separated from them, divorcing them, already divorced them, or even already divorced them and married someone else. I've seen second wives, who were NOT OWs to begin with, complaining about the first wife randomly showing up and glomming onto her ex-husband at events and referring to him as her husband. As for why? Sometimes they're delusional and think they're going to get back together. Sometimes they're just trying to score points, by looking like the nice, reasonable, understanding one... especially if there is a fight over children or finances going on. On the other hand there are also MMs who lie about whether they're actually going through the divorce process at all. Unless you have verification, it's possible that she really does think they're together and happy. But remember, facebook is a performance, especially on public posts! When my MM told his wife about me, she immediately took to facebook and started posting a bunch of stuff about how happily in love they were and how he would never, ever leave her... and tagging in his family so that they would 'like' the post. She never posted stuff like that before. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Don't read into it. But I would try to get some verification that this guy is actaully divorcing. Mm tend to never really divorce. It's just to costly to us men. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I suspect your MM isn't as unhappy as he leads you to believe he is. What evidence do you have that this divorce is actually in progress? Have you moved in with him yet? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LGBJUNHAO Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 Don't read into it. But I would try to get some verification that this guy is actaully divorcing. Mm tend to never really divorce. It's just to costly to us men. he's actually moved out and living with me now. I showed the post to MM. he said she is delusional, and he couldn't control what she wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 maybe to piss you off? just a thought. Delusional.... yeah, that seems to be a common word when someone wants to negate something. Anyways, if you are comfortable with the situation, why look at her stuff anyways? Not being rhetorical at all, just really wonder what is the point? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 he's actually moved out and living with me now. I showed the post to MM. he said she is delusional, and he couldn't control what she wrote. I thought the plan was for his wife to move out and then you were going to move in. what happened to that? In any case, if you two lovebirds live together and are happy then why are still snooping her fb page and obsessing over what she posts? Just get on with your life. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LGBJUNHAO Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 (edited) I thought the plan was for his wife to move out and then you were going to move in. what happened to that? In any case, if you two lovebirds live together and are happy then why are still snooping her fb page and obsessing over what she posts? Just get on with your life. She said she couldn't afford to move out, so he agreed to let her stay at his house until divorce is finalized. they are hashing out child support and parenting plan etc. She did move out to live with her parents in burbs. The plan was for her to find a place of her own in the city. then she said she couldn't afford it, so they agreed to let her stay there until their divorce is finalized. Edited February 28, 2018 by LGBJUNHAO Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 She said she couldn't afford to move out, so he agreed to let her stay at his house until divorce is finalized. they are hashing out child support and parenting plan etc. She did move out to live with her parents in burbs. The plan was for her to find a place of her own in the city. then she said she couldn't afford it, so they agreed to let her stay there until their divorce is finalized. Does she know that the two of you are living together? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Well maybe this guy is serious. He does seem to be making the moves to show it. Just be prepared.... Somtimes people get so caught up in a fantasy that they think the AP is what they want more then life but then they get buyers remorse when the fantasy evaporates. when the fun of the chase is gone. when the fun of secrets is gone. Keep an eye out for that. If he goes back on this all and reconciles with his wife or sleeps with her cut him off. If this MM is all in for you you're one of the lucky ones. It usually doesn't work out that way. Good luck girl! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LGBJUNHAO Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Well maybe this guy is serious. He does seem to be making the moves to show it. Just be prepared.... Somtimes people get so caught up in a fantasy that they think the AP is what they want more then life but then they get buyers remorse when the fantasy evaporates. when the fun of the chase is gone. when the fun of secrets is gone. Keep an eye out for that. If he goes back on this all and reconciles with his wife or sleeps with her cut him off. If this MM is all in for you you're one of the lucky ones. It usually doesn't work out that way. Good luck girl! Thank you! We have been together for a couple of years, so it is more than just infatuation. We are more like family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Maybe she leads two lives. Her real life where her husband is leaving her for another woman, and her Facebook life where she wants everyone to think her life is perfect. Happens every day on Facebook! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LGBJUNHAO Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Does she know that the two of you are living together? She knows. When he told her he was done and wanted a divorce, She did tell him she didn't want the divorce and that she wanted to work it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Thank you! We have been together for a couple of years, so it is more than just infatuation. We are more like family. That's nice. But don't forget he thought he loved her once upon a time. He did no favor to his wife. He actually did a pretty ****ty thing to her. Just make sure that's not YOU one day. If he was a man of true 100 percent integrity he would have divorced his wife ages ago. But meh men (or women ) of 100 percent integrity are a myth anyways. He could still be a great guy even though he may not have handled his divorce perfectly. That's for you to decide though. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Let her stay, more like the lawyers are going to get her to keep the house. MM are liars and cheaters. Except this one never would lie to you, about anything. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LGBJUNHAO Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Let her stay, more like the lawyers are going to get her to keep the house. MM are liars and cheaters. Except this one never would lie to you, about anything. She has no ground to get the house. It is pre-martial assess. He bought the house before they are married, and she never contributed anything. Even now, he is letting her stay there, he is still paying all the utility bill and monthly assessment. She is making about $75K a year, she is not as poor. but she has spending problem. she likes expensive clothes, bags, and racked 30K credit card debt in the past two years. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 If the husband has moved in with you and you are happy why are you stalking her on FB? What is there to gain? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 She has no ground to get the house. It is pre-martial assess. He bought the house before they are married, and she never contributed anything. Even now, he is letting her stay there, he is still paying all the utility bill and monthly assessment. She is making about $75K a year, she is not as poor. but she has spending problem. she likes expensive clothes, bags, and racked 30K credit card debt in the past two years. Tread carefully. If they have children she could very well be awarded use of the house until the children are grown. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 People are often advised not to leave the marital home unless absolutely necessary, as it makes it more likely that it will be awarded to the other spouse as status quo. On the othe rhand, we're not divorce lawyers and these things vary by location a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Anyone can shed some light? Presuming the divorce case is verified independently and shows movement to dissolution through the case summary..... 1. Social maneuvering. Women are experts at this. Much more so than men. They can take down whole nations and everyone will point the finger at the men. 2. Saving face. Social media is image for some. Think of it as an internet cocktail party. Everyone is smiling. Ever see a smiling couple at a cocktail party and a month later they're smiling with new partners? Yup, seen plenty. 3. The children. Kids live on social media. Adult stuff like divorces , especially if the kids are young, is generally something most adults seek to protect the details as adult stuff. Sure, the kids get the age-appropriate version. My .02 as a fOM from decades ago? Leave them to their stuff. If MM is really your guy, he'll be your guy. The divorce works out as it does. If he's not your guy, then he's not. Analyzing details only ties up one's own life and energy. That's life and energy we'll never get back. Use it wisely. Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Im not sure if the divorce laws vary depending on where you live...but I know someone (UK) getting divorced. He bought his house before marriage..it's in his name only...but he still has to spilt it with his STBXW. Z He's pretty peeved especially as she's the one who was cheating. Re her FB page...he's still her husband until they get divorced and she was probably thinking about him in connection with the game. Alternatively...it could be out of habit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 do you reall know if hes gettng one? they do lie Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 he's actually moved out and living with me now. I showed the post to MM. he said she is delusional, and he couldn't control what she wrote. While this is true - have you seen the divorce papers that were filed? If so, when is it finalized? Does the MM living with you pay rent and help with household expenses? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 If they aren't divorced yet, he is still her husband. I'm in the process. I don't call him my ex-husband yet. It is weird. I still refer to his as my husband. I am the one pursuing the divorce. Not him. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 on some divorce forums they have the "STBX" label: soon-to-be-ex, because technically they're not your ex spouse yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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