Ideas how I can gracefully avoid talking on phone with friend

[preraph]

I'm hoping someone can come up with a better idea. We're in our 60s and knew this friend nearly 40 years. Her bipolar and narcissism is causing more problems now that she's older. Her narcissism is diagnosed and basically she thinks everyone should know her needs come before theirs, even if they're strangers.

 

I haven't seen her in about 15 years now. She came to see me once, I made dinner at 6 and she showed up ready to pass out at midnight. So it's hard to make plans with her if you don't live in the same town where you can just get her to do something spontaneously.

 

Her biggest personality feature is she is an attention hog. Always has to be the center of attention and gets mad if she's not. She feeds on attention and socializing nonstop. When she was young, this was easy because she was young and beautiful and vivacious. Now she's old and vivacious and desperate for attention but it's a lot harder for her to get it.

 

When she calls, you can't get her off the phone. Her husband has been bedbound for years dying from cancer, so it's been rough for her, I know. But meanwhile she's in her 60s but can't keep it in her pants until he passes and told me about an affair and then she crossed a boundary and tried to go after an ex of mine who is happily married and who I'm still buddies with. To some extent she's always used me and others to jump on the people we know. She has always flirted with everyone. When young, we were new friends, so I had no reason to expect much loyalty, but we were roommates, and there should be a boundary there for most people.

 

I'm disgusted with her, though I told her I won't judge her (but I do) because I haven't been in her exact situation with the dying husband. I know her mental conditions are why she is like she is for the most part or I wouldn't tolerate her at all.

 

What I want help with right now is it's been close to two years since I let her know I wasn't happy, mainly about my ex. She didn't try to call for a long time after that. But now she's called 3 times in the last few weeks.

 

The first time she said she was in a nearby town and expected me to drop work and come meet her (she has tried this a number of times, and I never have done it because there's every chance she wouldn't be there after I drove for an hour). I tried to call her back within 10 minutes and no answer.

 

Then last week she calls and says she sees I tried to call her back, from weeks ago. She sounded very jubilant. I didn't call back because I didn't want to talk to her. I thought about writing an email. I couldn't decide so I did nothing. Then she tried calling last night, no message.

 

I would want to know and try to support her when her husband dies, despite how she's been. But I know it's not that because her message was too jubilant for it to be something bad. Plus I google from time to time to see.

 

I really don't want to be on the phone with her. I don't want to hear about her cheating on her poor husband, I don't want to hear her try to gaslight me about my ex, and I don't want to spend 2 hours trying to get her off the phone.

 

My best plan is to tell her to please email me if she has some news. I don't even want her to start texting me. I think she lost that number, hopefully. I don't want to make excuses. Maybe just "Too busy with work to get tied up on the phone. I see you called. Could you just email if you have some news?"

 

She will not like that. She likes to do the whole Ab Fab Baby Darling kiss kiss stuff on the phone. I'm over it. Also if I email her when she sees it she might just pick up the phone without reading it. She doesn't even read all her emails. Disorganized.

 

Tell me if any of you have any better idea how to deal with this. I would be there for her in a crisis, but I'm over it otherwise.

[BluEyeL]

Oh, I'd just break up with her. Once I broke up with some female friend who was suffocating me, via email. Told her I have some issues to deal with in my personal life and I can't give her the attention she needed. I didn't care what she answered to that.

[Whodatdog]

I have a good friend who, while not to the extreme of your friend, I dislike horrendously talking on the phone to. The phone calls are always about her drama, and its exhausting. And its easily an hour call every time; I dont have that kind of time. Im a "tell me what youve got to say and hang up" type. So Ive gotten to where I simply dont answer her calls. She will text fortunately, so she'll send these huge long rambling texts that I can answer at my leisure with " omg no way" or some such nonsense.

 

Point being, just dont answer the phone.

[preraph]

^ I was debating giving her my cellphone to have her text, but I'm afraid she might bug me more often. I'm not sure if she's a big texter or not. I have my VM disabled on that phone, so that's good!

[IndigoNight]

When a friendship has become so one-sided that seeing a "friends" number on caller ID brings on a sense of dread, it is time to send the call to voicemail, and respond on your time, not theirs. Or, don't reply at all (depending on the situation).

[d0nnivain]

Oh. . . you don't want her to know your cell. That negates my suggestion: I call people like that when I'm driving. Then I know I only have a finite amount of time to talk & can rush them off the phone because I arrived at my destination.

 

You can try the email thing.

 

There really isn't much else, I'm afraid.

[preraph]

I haven't decided about the cell yet, but I definitely don't want to talk to her on the cell. I don't have unlimited minutes.

[todreaminblue]

hey preraph

 

have you tried telling her how you really feel ?...the truth....not so much about the disorganised emails...some people struggle with that....(hangin my own head .....my inbox overwhelms me i have thousands of emails..i need an inbox organiser.......) but how you feel about her with her affair she had..the fact she doesn't listen to you..that her not being reliable or punctual when you arrange to meet.....or is it that you just dont want her as a friend anymore?

 

i'm just thinkin that sometimes a good honest heart to heart chat about what your boundaries are might help as well as what you expect from a friend.....and what you dont.....if she cant commit to listening ,being more reliable or respecting your boundaries then it is her choice then to end the friendship based on incompatibility

 

 

i dont know preraph that im helping you at all....im trying too..:0)....i am hesitant to say dont be her friend because you might be the only friend she has really...and it would be sad for anyone no matter how thoughtless they are to not have a good friend as i believe you would be that....good friend to her who tries to be understanding and forgiving........deb

Edited March 1, 2018 by todreaminblue

[preraph]

Thanks, todreaminblue. Well, I did talk to her back when she crossed those lines I told you about. She knew I was mad. As far as her cheating, she knows I don't endorse that because it's come up before her having a crush on someone. I had always told her not to wreck her good marriage and was pretty blunt telling her she's lucky to have her husband who has been so good and patient with her. So a lot of this, she knows what my tolerances are. But her narcissistic nature and other problems, she just doesn't pay attention to that if it doesn't suit her purposes I guess.

 

About the ex, I was very blunt with her. I had to be a little careful because i've found through past experience that she (and other poachers) will happily use a disagreement as a further excuse to contact them. But even though she kept trying to change the subject, before I got her off the phone after her long ramble, I brought the subject back up again.

 

I actually kind of thought we HAD broken up because went a long time not hearing from her, plus I talked to him, so figured she was mad. But here we go again. She has always been good at forgetting things. For instance when we were talking about the ex, I said I was about to go to a concert with him and his wife. She said, Isn't that awkward"? I said, "Well, you know, we worked together for 10 years after the breakup, so we've kind of worked through all that." And she acted like this was news to her. Please. She has a very convenient memory.

 

Anyway, kind of thought that was that until she called all jubilant trying to act like nothing had changed. I've never seen her this persistent. Usually her attention span is like a gnat. So she's dying to tell me something about some guy or she wouldn't be this persistent. I keep hoping she'll talk to someone else and get it out of her system. But I do feel I have to do something. I'm taking everyone's suggestions to heart. Thanks.

 

I have guilt to just abandon her entirely because she can get too down sometimes. I would like to be there for her if she wants me to when her husband dies. But she might not even tell me. Big events like a funeral, she gets very caught up in the social aspect of it, but when I showed up at her mom's I was glad I did. She can let it out with me, though those days might just be passed now. It's sad.

[bathtub-row]

Oh, dear. This sounds a lot like the friend I posted about just the other day. She's bi-polar (or so she says) and I found out she does meth. Meth!

 

Like you, I've known this person for years but over time she has become a major pain in the *bleep*. She's in her 50's, talks constantly, dominates the conversation with tales of drama, latest bad decisions on her part, or of her idiotic family. It's enough to make a person nuts. I've pretty much decided to keep a very far distance from her. In your case, I think you need to just cut this woman off completely. Believe me, she'll be on to the next drama before you know it. And don't be surprised if you ever find out she's doing hard drugs.

 

I also had another friend - and I'm using the word 'friend' loosely because I didn't know her that long before I cut the cord. She was somewhere in her 50's and constantly talked about how great she looked for her age. The sad thing was, she looked awful for her age. I actually thought she was 10 yrs older than she actually was when I met her. Not that there's anything wrong with that. What was wrong was her continual self-pep talk about how great she looked. She had no idea how ridiculous that made her seem. And, of course, men saw through that and fanned that flame. Then she was appalled when she became a one-night stand or booty call. The last straw was when she and I went out, she runs into current booty call guy, he's out with someone else, so what does she do? That night, she hooks up with some 23-yr-old. Shortly after that, she rolled her vehicle on the freeway and was lucky she didn't get killed. Game over.

 

I've developed a very low tolerance for drama queens - and drama kings, for that matter - and the best thing for your peace of mind is to keep ignoring until they get the hint. With the one woman I knew, I did actually tell her that I was calling it quits with her because we were starting to spend a lot of time together so it wasn't so easy to just vanish. She never understood. I just told her that I didn't think we had anything in common.

 

In these people's minds, you have a great deal in common if they get to talk about their ridiculous drama and you're willing to listen. lol

Edited March 1, 2018 by bathtub-row

[bathtub-row]

I haven't decided about the cell yet, but I definitely don't want to talk to her on the cell. I don't have unlimited minutes.

 

I think she'll interpret you giving her your cell number as furthering the friendship, a new level of closeness. Tread lightly...

[todreaminblue]

Thanks, todreaminblue. Well, I did talk to her back when she crossed those lines I told you about. She knew I was mad. As far as her cheating, she knows I don't endorse that because it's come up before her having a crush on someone. I had always told her not to wreck her good marriage and was pretty blunt telling her she's lucky to have her husband who has been so good and patient with her. So a lot of this, she knows what my tolerances are. But her narcissistic nature and other problems, she just doesn't pay attention to that if it doesn't suit her purposes I guess.

 

About the ex, I was very blunt with her. I had to be a little careful because i've found through past experience that she (and other poachers) will happily use a disagreement as a further excuse to contact them. But even though she kept trying to change the subject, before I got her off the phone after her long ramble, I brought the subject back up again.

 

I actually kind of thought we HAD broken up because went a long time not hearing from her, plus I talked to him, so figured she was mad. But here we go again. She has always been good at forgetting things. For instance when we were talking about the ex, I said I was about to go to a concert with him and his wife. She said, Isn't that awkward"? I said, "Well, you know, we worked together for 10 years after the breakup, so we've kind of worked through all that." And she acted like this was news to her. Please. She has a very convenient memory.

 

Anyway, kind of thought that was that until she called all jubilant trying to act like nothing had changed. I've never seen her this persistent. Usually her attention span is like a gnat. So she's dying to tell me something about some guy or she wouldn't be this persistent. I keep hoping she'll talk to someone else and get it out of her system. But I do feel I have to do something. I'm taking everyone's suggestions to heart. Thanks.

 

I have guilt to just abandon her entirely because she can get too down sometimes. I would like to be there for her if she wants me to when her husband dies. But she might not even tell me. Big events like a funeral, she gets very caught up in the social aspect of it, but when I showed up at her mom's I was glad I did. She can let it out with me, though those days might just be passed now. It's sad.

 

 

im sorry pre raph that you are torn.....on what to do and its not so clear cut on what to do ...it isnt a pleasant situation to be in...especially with the guilt you feel..that isnt fair for you to feel that...you did right by her...in your truthfulness and your forthrightness......

 

i hope she does contact you when her husband dies because i do believe you tried to do right by her even when she didnt do right by you....you're a good person..and would be an honest friend to her......i really hope that maybe she changes and sees how she has not been such a good friend to you and changes her ways and appreciates all you tried to do and shows you by her working on repairing the friendship........mostly i am wishing that you find some peace in your decisions and that sense of rightness to do what you have to in regards to the friendship you have with her ..... and the calmest least hurtful outcome be achieved with her and by you...good luck pre raph....debxo

[CC12]

My best plan is to tell her to please email me if she has some news. I don't even want her to start texting me. I think she lost that number, hopefully. I don't want to make excuses. Maybe just "Too busy with work to get tied up on the phone. I see you called. Could you just email if you have some news?"

 

No, I don't think you should do this. Either be her friend, or don't. You can't only be her friend when/if her husband dies or some other horrible thing happens to her. If you did, I think that might be more to soothe your own conscience than to help her out.

 

Think about how that would play out, anyway. Her husband dies, you console her and be her shoulder to cry on for a while, and then...what? You eventually tell her you don't really want to be her friend anymore? You start dodging her calls and ghosting her? That may be more damaging than her having no one to turn to. Would you want to share your emotions during a deep crisis with someone who can't really stand you?

 

You haven't seen her in 15 years, or talked to her in two years (if I'm reading correctly) so you're not part of her daily life. You probably wouldn't/shouldn't be the one to be there for her in times of need, anyway.

[todreaminblue]

No, I don't think you should do this. Either be her friend, or don't. You can't only be her friend when/if her husband dies or some other horrible thing happens to her. If you did, I think that might be more to soothe your own conscience than to help her out.

 

Think about how that would play out, anyway. Her husband dies, you console her and be her shoulder to cry on for a while, and then...what? You eventually tell her you don't really want to be her friend anymore? You start dodging her calls and ghosting her? That may be more damaging than her having no one to turn to. Would you want to share your emotions during a deep crisis with someone who can't really stand you?

 

You haven't seen her in 15 years, or talked to her in two years (if I'm reading correctly) so you're not part of her daily life. You probably wouldn't/shouldn't be the one to be there for her in times of need, anyway.

 

what you say has truth cc but if the lady in question reaches out for comfort from pre raph in my opinion I would consider it pretty heartless for pre raph to deny her that comfort and not be there for her...friends or not friends...complete strangers who would reach out for comfort deserve to have that hand met by someone........deb

[Rockdad]

You give her that cell number and she can call or text you whenever and no matter where your at. There will be less getting away from her drama. As you mentioned you don't have unlimited minutes and I could see her chewing up a whole lot of minutes.

 

I have distanced myself from a friend I grew up and ran with for years due to his change of lifestyle and attitudes. Not easy but necessary sometimes. I hadn't really had contact for him for years and then he pops up in a way of a phone call from a car dealership. He used me for a personal reference. I know why he did because of my good business reputation.

 

Users are users simply put. This woman is using you as well.

[Mr.Me]

Get rid of them. You don't have room or time for that in your life.

 

You say shes selfish and self centered like a typical narcissist so she will always be on on the look out for the next person to use to fill that need of attention. If she thinks shes getting that need filled from you, she will continue to "be your friend" until your drained and she can't get anything else out of you. Then she'll move on and find another victim to use.

Personally I'd ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist. She might be persistent for a while but if you give in even a little bit, she continue badgering you in her constant need for attention. My advice is too get away as fast and as far as you can. This kind of person isn't a benefit in your life but in fact a detriment. That may seem cold hearted and may even be against your personality style but you gonna have to remember she doesn't really care about you or other people, only the attention she can get from them.

[preraph]

She is a person with a whole lot of acquaintances but only about 4 close old friends who know her background and her issues. And I am not sure two of those really know her but just are always there to have fun with her. So that leaves me and her oldest friend, a retired nurse, who I'd love to talk to about this but don't have her full name. I'd like to see how she's managing her.

 

I really appreciate all the feedback. Everyone has good points. It's true I am driven by guilt, as I guess anyone should be who has been friends with someone for 40 years.

 

As far as drugs or anything, my biggest suspicion with her would be that I bet she drinks a lot. Mainly because drinking is a social thing and she always wants to go to bars and talk to people. So it best fits her lifestyle. But when she was young, she did get addicted to prescription drugs. But later, she was lucid about that. Realize she's a busy productive person, in her own way, so whatever she might be abusing isn't slowing her down any. I keep kind of hoping she'll mellow out some with age like I kind of did and stop needing all that drama and attention from everyone.

 

I am thinking that I may either call or email her after awhile and tell her I've been too busy, which is mostly true. And then make up some excuse to just bail off the phone (someone's at the door, my client is calling in) if she starts going down that road. By waiting a little while, I'm hoping whatever has her so excited and wanting to talk to me about it will go away or she'll find someone else to talk to so I don't have to listen to it. I mean, it could be not personal. She does own her own business. She might have sold it or something. My biggest fear is actually that she might be moving back to my area, and the reason being because she was in a flood many years ago and traumatized by it and then her town flooded real bad this year. I was surprised I didn't hear from her then. She might be excited because she's getting out and coming back over in this area where she has a brother.

 

Really, it might not change that much because she's so bad at making plans. But it might give her more opportunity to stir up crap with people I know, though.

 

So I guess I better find out at some point what's going on. A friend of mine is on her Facebook, but I don't think she says much on there.

[bathtub-row]

what you say has truth cc but if the lady in question reaches out for comfort from pre raph in my opinion I would consider it pretty heartless for pre raph to deny her that comfort and not be there for her...friends or not friends...complete strangers who would reach out for comfort deserve to have that hand met by someone........deb

 

True, under normal circumstances. But people like this live in the drama zone and they’re extremely self-centered. Not only that, they’re incredibly exhausting to deal with. The sympathy we naturally feel towards others gets us in trouble with people like this. They’re toxic to our well-being and need to be dealt with in a different manner.

[todreaminblue]

True, under normal circumstances. But people like this live in the drama zone and they’re extremely self-centered. Not only that, they’re incredibly exhausting to deal with. The sympathy we naturally feel towards others gets us in trouble with people like this. They’re toxic to our well-being and need to be dealt with in a different manner.

 

 

I agree completely with the fact that dealing with toxic people can be detrimental to anyones well being..and i do believe you know in your heart when its time to distance yourself for your own peace of mind...you can maintain distance and still be there for someone...

 

i have a real core belief though though when it comes down to it toxic or not toxic ...humanity is when you feel compassion and or sympathy for people who are hard to deal with and not so ....easy.....to love...its when you have time for people that others would avoid or ignore....and with my whole heart i believe if you try to do this more...it can make you a better person for it........more whole and at peace even though at the time it is draining and hard work taxing on your spirit...grunt work..often is the biggest personal progress to be had for your spirit and your wisdom from experiences in life gain more than you lose....

 

i often wonder how the salvation army people who visit with hard core callous cold prisoners and hold their hand in court( been to court a bit for people myself as support) can do so without repulsion and lovingly they do so..i have watched them and their eyes and they are honest in their compassion ...you can see it and feel it..as they serve people who society would shun and that being due to those people being really toxic to anyones well being ...yet the salvation army the same people are there the next day adn the day after that and continue to hold hands for years for people who no one wants to ever know....and still those hand holders in court maintain a high level of integrity and compassion for others....in fact it seems to grow...if anything they seem to shine....with pure love of humanity..... and i feel that they have this high level of humanity they hold themselves too that keeps them among the emost understanding compassionate kind and honest people i have had the pleasure to know......that is rather ...beautiful adn really cant be denied to be anything other than beautiful ......i believe its the definition of true christianity to love the ones ...that make it so very hard to love them..the ones where you really have to put your own feelings or judgment aside to be their friend...

 

i know a lot of people wouldnt agree with me its just what i believe from my own life...and the people i have met.... and i have known some really challenging peoples....but i also know from experience ....that people do and can change ....even narcissists..sometimes they need to be shown more love than the well adjusted person down the road to facilitate any change..and i have seen change in cold faces when those cold faces have had compassion and love shown to them....i have seen hearts soften ...when its been me they were looking at....all i had to give them ...was a little time....and sometimes even when i havent wanted too i have had to maintain a little distance.....for my own hearts sake.....my heart tells me when i cant take anymore and to get some breathing room while still letting that someone know hey im here if you need me....but knowing that ill get hurt if i stand too close too them....so i love them from a distance....

 

cheers cc i dont mean to sound argumentative ....i hope you dont take it that way because your views are valid and thoughtful too..........deb

Edited March 1, 2018 by todreaminblue

[maxi105]

hi there preraph, i meant to get to this post much earlier than i have done but time got the better of me and i lost track of where the post was. I thought then and i still think now (if you haven't already) you just need to be honest with her.

 

it can be done in a kind but clear and firm way about what you want (maybe more of an acquaintance relationship? if that is what you want,) although you will have to say that in a delicate way, and be very honest about the fact that you don't like the lengthy calls, you'd rather have en e-mail with some genuine news in it not just a banal list of everything that is part of her life or endless invitations to watch comic videos, look at other peoples family and friends images or get drawn into gossip and drama.

 

obviously only you know if this person is worth keeping as an occasional acquaintance or maybe it's time to put these options to her to improve or is it something she is willing to consider in order to compromise with your friendship and if she's not then just fizzle; but at least she will not feel ghosted or ignored by you she will know why this has happened and where she stands as she has not done her bit to keep the friendship in a more healthy state.

 

I don't think giving a phone number to someone who you don't want to talk to on the phone is anything that is going to help this situation as you've talked about it, so honesty will not be liked by her, but it has to be said as things are draining you.

 

but one thing I do think is that making excuses and guessing what may happen it's going to help this to sort itself properly.(and there is a lot of guessing on your part!!! you are guessing that she drinks a lot, guessing about where she lives and her business etc...) but that why I think you should talk to her sooner rather than put it off a while so you know exactly what is the situation and so does she), it will help you clear things one way or the other.

 

if you can tell her in an e-mail then tell her everything you feel good and bad and she might get the message, other than that maybe meet up with her in a park, nature spot where you can also talk openly and fpr some time without maybe getting mistaken by any replies (if she would reply to you) or to avoid her getting your e-mail misread and then get all uptight about it...if you go walking you will be in a neutral space and you are more likely to get your message across (both of you) and even the next day you will be more likely to think more deeply about what was said rather than things getting blown up or frustrating again.

 

whatever happens, i think you do need to talk to her and sort this problem quickly, it will be healthier for you both that way. if she can't accept your point about all of teh things that you find challenging for your freindship after 40 years then it is only going to go round in circles of you avoiding and her and her trying to make contact because she doesn't really know what you feel and that is frustrating for her.

 

if you are both honest it will at least give you a chance to either sort something out with her that is better for both of you, or you will be able to have put this to her and if she still can't handle that then it is a chance to move forwards and leave her drama's for others who may be less affected by it all.

 

so forget all of this friend on her face book stuff and you've been endlessly busy when perhaps you may not have always been that busy to nail this when it rises for the billionth time etc..and just go down the honesty route with her, because if you start lying she'll find out at some point anyway and then quite rightly she will see you as someone that is behaving in a flaky way, even though her actions are not that great either!

 

it's ok to feel the way you do about this, it's also ok to give this up, but of you are going to go down that route I always think it's just fairer and kinder to let people know what is happening so they can put their side to it, agree and compromise or fall out or disagree and move apart...either way it will help to clear up the bad feelings or misunderstandings and let both parties feel as though the other has actually respected the other enough to raise a concern in the hope that change can be made (for good or not if they/you are not interested in real friendship any longer).

 

it's just an idea and I am very aware that you know this person and situation very well, but I really think if you tackle this with her then at least you will have put yourself over to her and then it's up to her if she wants to change her behaviours or not.even if you guys argue and it gets heated, it will calm down at some point and hopefully leave more room for more constructive healthier output that you can work with (or not depending on how it goes and if she bothers to reflect on what youve said).

 

hhhmmm....part of me wonders whether you just want to really quietly move on...but even if that is the case, at least give her the chance to respond and share her feelings too. it might save any bad feeling (whether you can be friends in the end or not). its the better option and one that i think will be a lot more healthier than where things are at the moment.

 

anyway, good luck with this one, hope you're well, maxi.

[preraph]

Thanks for that. She knows what's going on. She's just hoping to ignore it and make it go away and have no consequences. I haven't had any talk with her about not wanting to be on the phone, but our last phone call I tried repeatedly to get her off it, saying I have to go, I have to get off the phone. She just doesn't care. Maybe she was manic, I don't know. She's nearly always like that though. I'm taking a rest from thinking about it right now....it makes my brain hurt.

[Popsicle]

preraph, I think you're doing fine in ignoring her when you don't want to deal with her, and taking her calls when you want to. Like you, I don't think you should dump her as a friend, but you are probably worrying too much about her. If there's anything you should change is how much you let this bother you. Just put her out of your mind until you want to deal with her and don't even feel guilty about it. I don't think having a talk with her will work either, because she's forcing herself on you on purpose. I don't think she'll be going anywhere anytime soon, as it seems that she's still calling you and probably always will!

Edited March 5, 2018 by Popsicle

[maxi105]

hiya preraph, I can imagine why your head is hurting with all of this and you are sick and tired of this situation.

 

 

if it were me I'd get everything on paper and let her know the score good and bad: otherwise this situation is going to go on infinitely!!!!!!! and that's just no good for anyone.

 

 

once you've said your bit its up to her. if she doesn't respond then maybe its time to call it a day.

 

 

some friendships you can't fix, i'm all for trying with folks, but there comes a time where enough really just needs to be enough.

 

 

just explain and do it the fair way...the rest will take care of itself.

 

 

i'm surprised that someone that has been a friend for so long can still be acting in such an immature way; but I guess that's how some people are when they cant talk properly they run from things or create dramas etc...

 

 

I think if you can just say how you feel in a letter or e-mail or whatever it will at least make you feel cleansed of all of this, and I think it will help to eleviate some of the stress you must be feeling about all of this.

 

 

not talking (whether it is you or her is not doing you any favours) if it were me on this one I'd tell her just how this is making me feel ask her to sort things with me if you value her friendship) or just let this fizzle in its own time and let her know if she isn't going to work of this you are not interested in taking any calls or hearing any of her news.. you have to be upfront on this an honest, otherwise she will keep this little head game going with you for as long as she thinks she can do.....if you don't put a stop to this by telling her how you feel you will both be feeding off the others insecurities and power play or frustrations and it will go on unless you are going to do something about this!!!!!

 

 

go on....the sooner you tell her the quicker the relief will be on your head, consiounse and you will see whether you actually have a good friendship worth saving or you have a waste of time hanging around you.

 

 

she may be manic she may be not, that isn't the real deal here, the point is you need to address your TRUE feelings with her and ask or see if she is willing to compromise (if so you have a chance for things to change) if not and she's not interested or cant be bothered to even reply, get rid of this person.

 

 

life is too short for this kinda silliness, just give her the chance in your telling her the whole truth of this and if she abuses that opportunity you wont feel regret or hung-up on her or this situation.

 

 

ok, im really done on this one. good luck and please, please tell her how you feel.....for all our sakes and yours!!!! but best wishes anyhow, maxi