Single again...Just need to get this out

[StrangerThanFiction]

Well I'm back with another break up. In the last two-ish years I've had three RS's. The first was six months, the next was three months, and this one lasted a little over a month. I'm seeing a pattern here, and if it keeps up the next one will be measured in hours. I kid, that's just my bitterness talking.

 

But what I have noticed is that no matter the length of the relationship they all hurt the same. Bad. Sure this was only a month long but I'm still an emotional mess, possibly made worse because I was the one who chose to end it so there may be some dumper's remorse in there.

 

Long story short, it was a FWB situation turned relationship. I knew he had a reputation as being quite the prodigious player and we were always seeming to run into his exes or women he's slept with. It didn't bother me at first but as time went on it started to really get to me. Especially considering his favourite hangout is a pub where many of his aforementioned exes and sexual partners spend time as well. But he always maintained that when he was in a relationship he never cheats. I swallowed that hook, line, and sinker.

 

Last Friday we went down to this pub for some drinks. Things were fine for awhile until he told me one of his exes was there. She was there with her new boyfriend. So I sat back and watched. I noticed that she was always looking over at my boyfriend and he was always glancing in her direction. Granted, I do tend to over analyze things sometimes and the addition of alcohol compounds it, but it was really bothering me. It seemed like he was more interested in where she was and what she was doing than me and it hurt. He also has a little bit of a thing with cocaine while I don't do drugs. That night one of his best friends was there who always has some and they were in and out of the pub doing it all night. This same buddy pulled me aside later that night and told me straight up that I shouldn't trust my boyfriend because he will most likely cheat on me. That floored me and made what happened later so much worse.

 

So it was coming to when the pub was closing. I was hurt and upset and he had barely spoken a word to me in an hour. These two girls were talking to him about going to another bar and an after party. At least one of these girls he had mentioned previously had wanted to sleep with him. I just wanted to go home but I heard him ask who had drugs and one of the girls said she did. I decided to call a cab and was standing outside. He comes out with them and another couple guys and asks if I'm coming to the other bar to which I said I just wanted to go home. He doesn't say a word and just turns around and walks away with them.

 

I then don't hear from him until Sunday and that was only because I messaged him and asked if we were going to talk. Don't see him Sunday but tell him we really need to talk on Monday. He tries to say he's not feeling well but I tell him it's important. I come and pick him up and we drive around while talking. I told him how the entire situation made me felt and that I feel that he cheated on me. He claims he didn't, but after what his best friend told me I found I just couldn't believe him and that my trust in him was severely damaged. I told him I really didn't want to break up but that I wasn't happy and I didn't know if we could salvage it. He didn't seem to think he had done anything wrong that night. I admitted that I could've handled things better. I told him I really cared about him and...nothing. He said nothing in reply to that. So we broke up and I dropped him off.

 

Later that night he messaged me saying he was sorry, he just has a hard time opening up and it takes awhile and he wasn't feeling well. We talked for a bit then I went to bed.

 

I've been an absolute mess since. Crying and wondering if I did the right thing. At 1am this morning he messaged me super drunk wanting me to come over. I could barely understand him. I told him that I didn't think that would be a good idea right now and that if he wants to talk when he sobers up we could.

 

So that brings us up to now. I can't eat, I need to take sleeping pills to be able to fall asleep, I hurt emotionally, and I miss him even though none of my friends can understand why. I don't even understand why. They pointed out that he's a 35 year old drunk with a cocaine problem who sleeps with anything with a heart beat. He has no job and is always borrowing money off people which he then spends on booze and partying and will always choose the party over me. He has intimacy issues and doesn't seem willing to even try to have a real relationship. We didn't even exchange phone numbers the entire time we were together even though I brought it up on more than one occasion, we just messaged through Facebook. So what does that say?

 

Looking back, there were a ton of red flags that I ignored. Again. So that's on me. Doesn't change the fact that I still felt something for him and the loss of it hurts. We're still friends on Facebook because the breakup wasn't messy and there was no anger, but I think maybe what's best for me is to block him. I find myself obsessively checking his page and checking to see if he's on messenger and it's making me feel crazy. If I block him there will be no way for him to contact me or vice versa. I know it would be for the best and I think I just need someone to tough love me and tell me to stop being an idiot and just do it. Might hurt for a bit knowing we're cut off but I think the relief of knowing I can't see him moving on with his life would be only to the good.

 

So anyway, if you made it through this chunk of text, thank you for reading. Any advice would be appreciated. Even if you just tell me everything is going to be okay and I will get over this would help. Peace.

[Kristine]

I skimmed but I understand. My relationship was 5 months I knew at 4 I no longer wanted to marry him I was really into him at first. It was a love at first sight situation. It went wrong we've been on and off for two weeks. He said he was done i finally said i was done today. But still it's like unfinished business between us looms. But my best friend even dislike's him now and she was rooting for him.

 

I don't have advice other than if something feels off it is. You'll recover, eventually. As I hope I will too. He had a hold on me it's less but still there. Part of me wonders if he cast a spell on me. Maybe we can recover together.

[1fish2fish]

Oh honey, things aren't just going to be okay, they are going to be fantastic!

 

This guy was a total loser, and he is NOT worth your tears. But easy for the brain to agree, harder for the heart to follow.

 

Right now, it's time for you to focus on YOU and work on your self worth. What was it about him that made him so addictive to you? Did you fall for someone who doesn't exist?

 

You are worth so much more than this guy was able to give you. Raise that bar, girlfriend!

[divegrl]

Hi STF!!!

 

So sorry for what you are going thru. Breaking up with someone is definitely not easy! Let me reassure you, that you made the right decision.

 

As the dumper you will start to question if you made the right choice. You will only remember the good times; and put him on a pedestal. When this happens start to list the main reason you broke up with him.

 

He does drugs.

He is a user.

He is a liar.

He disrespects you.

 

When you miss him, come back over and over to the horrible way he treated you. I know you are hurting, but give it time. In a couple of months, the poison of love will wear off, and you will see this guy for who he truly is.

 

Take care my friend!!!

[DontBreakEven]

I read the whole thing.

 

I'm going through a very similar situation. Also have had a 6 month and then a three month and a one month relationship the past two years.

 

This last one was the 3 month (the 1 month was the hardest to get over lol).

 

I'm doing the same, looking to see when she's on messenger obsessively (she is abroad, so that is how we talk).

 

I've made the decision today to STOP. Like you, I feel weird blocking her because it's not like it ended terribly, so I'm not going to do that. But I am going to stop looking to see if she's online. And I'm going to unfollow at least, and block her story from Insta.

 

God I hate social media during a break up.

[moonandsun]

i know how you feel. i recently broke up with a short term relationship as well and its been hard. The one thing i can say is that you deserve someone who wont make you question his loyalty. You have to also remember that people who are into the whole drugs scene are really hard to trust. my ex a few years ago was into drugs, and while he loved me, he loved his drugs more in a way. you deserve a lot better.

 

now, when it comes to blocking, its really up to you. i deleted my ex off instagram(the drugs guy) when he started dating a new girl and realized it was time to move on. i couldnt unfollow him before because i couldnt handle that. its up to you and how you emotionally feel ready. i feel like some people need to slowly go towards the NC rule, not jump in it right away.

 

wish you the best of luck!

[StrangerThanFiction]

**Update** Just want to post this here so I have it down somewhere.

 

So not long after we broke up he decided to take a job in another province that he would be leaving for at the start of April. We ended up hooking up pretty regularly about a week after the BU. I now realize that the only time I ever heard from him was when he was drunk, usually late at night, and when he needed a ride home from the bar. I was stupid. We did that up until the day he left when I gave him a ride to the airport. As we were hugging goodbye he told me he loved me. I said it back and meant it. We continued talking via text every day for the first couple weeks after he was gone. I suffered. I missed him and hoped that we could salvage something.

 

A couple weeks after he left I couldn’t take the ambiguousness of the situation and asked him if he thought there was a chance for us. It took him hours to respond to that and I believe it was because he was trying to figure out what to say without saying anything at all. I then asked him if he WANTED there to be a chance for us. His reply: Yes...eventually. That right there showed me that all he wanted to do was leave his options open. I was crushed. I decided that that was that and decided not to text him anymore. I suffered some more. I broke about a week later and texted him asking how he was doing. Short conversation and then nothing. This whole time I had him on Facebook and would check his page periodically.

 

Exactly a month to the day since he left, and about two weeks after the “what do you want” conversation he posts a picture on FB of him on a double date with a woman and another couple. I was absolutely devastated. I realized that there had definitely been a reason for his radio silence and that was there was another woman. The next day I made the decision to block him. Finally. I must’ve stared at the blocking confirmation for about ten minutes before I finally hit it. Immediately I felt a powerful wave of relief but also an equally powerful wave of sadness. It was over.

 

It’s been a couple weeks since I blocked him and I’m happy to say i’m Doing better than I was before I did it. I don’t cry everyday anymore. I’m not obsessively checking his FB because, well, I can’t. And I’m finding that I’m able to look at the future with a little bit of hope instead of apathy. Keeping him on FB and continuing to talk to him as long as I did was a mistake. It kept me holding on and I see now that he just used me as emotional support until he met someone else...less than a month after he left. I’m still suffering from a bit of depression, and I’m working at iradicating the bitterness I still feel, but things are getting better. I just want to find the happy, joyful person I was before I met him again. Sometimes I’m afraid that the bitter, untrusting, negative person I am right now is a new permanent reality. I honestly don’t like this version of me and I’m working on changing that. It’s been a 2 steps forward 1 step back type of thing, but at least I’m making a little progress.