Too anxious to even go to the store

[PKrueger24]

I have been dealing with social anxiety for years now and it is ruining my life. I live in Montreal, which is supposedly a fun city, but I have zero clue because I'm too scared to go out and try to meet people or do things. In fact, I'm too scarec to even go to the store and buy a pack of cigarettes, because they're behind the counter and I'd have to ask the clerk for a pack of smokes and I just get so overcome with anxiety that I can't do it. I get scared to ask employees where to find something and feel like an idiot when I do have to get something checked in.

 

You get the idea from all of this. I just always believe everything is going to end in my being humiliated or rejected in some way, so I go to extreme lengths to avoid it. I do logically know this is stupid, but I'm so scared of any form of humiliation and rejection that I don't do anything. I am currently waiting to see a therapist, but it looks like I'll be waiting a while.

 

Any ways to cope with anxiety?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Social anxiety is awful . I understand how you feel, although I experience it to a lesser scale. Rest assured I do understand though. I have a daughter like this as well.

 

How old are you? Have you ever seen a psychiatrist? I know you said you're waiting to see a therapist, but it sounds like you maybe should be seeing a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds, or even medical MJ if you need it.

[healing light]

Yes, I recommend trying EFT (emotional freedom technique). You can google on YouTube from the privacy of your own home and it only takes a few minutes to learn. The worst that will happen is you waste 10-15 minutes of your life if it doesn't work--but I think it's very effective for emotional traumas and phobias. Much better than a lot of the other therapies I've tried. You tap on meridians (Chinese medicine) while thinking of specific fears or troubling memories and it helps your body to reprocess the events so you don't respond to them in the same way. Great stories from veterans who have used it to successfully overcome various degrees of PTSD.

[Soak]

The truth is, most people are busy dealing with their own lives that they probably wouldn't notice you unneccesarily unless you were wearing a giant water melon on your head or something!

 

With anxiety, you've got to challenge your thinking and that sometimes involves doing the thing and then realising that your irrational thinking was only a thought.

 

Of course, you could always write down your order for smokes and hand it over the counter so you don't have to speak... Make it fun for yourself! Honestly, people aren't watching out for you to criticise you.

 

I get anxiety, but try to push through. Each time i do it, i get a positive outcome.

Edited March 1, 2018 by Soak

[d0nnivain]

With that level of anxiety you need professional medical help. That is not a bad thing. I'm not stigmatizing you. I have agoraphobia & have trouble going out sometimes. All the mind over matter or YouTube videos in the world won't fix this. You need a doctor, some talk therapy & someone to help you build social skills.

 

Best wishes.

[preraph]

You absolutely need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist and get treated on every level. You have crippling social anxiety. It will ruin your entire life if you don't go get professional help for it. I realize that even that is scary for you, but if you do nothing else, you need to make yourself make an appointment with a psychiatrist and go. You might be really surprised to find that you could be feeling better by next week and then much better over the long term. So go do it.

[CrazyKatLady]

I feel you. I never went to my HS graduation, honors ceremonies and I hid in bathroom stalls at school between switching classes six times a day...it all changed for me after I had my son and was alone raising him...it took him to make me work hard for him-I would do anything for my baby boy to have a happy and good life, I surely don't want him to be like me...I made myself get a job waitressing so I would be forced to talk to people--was I good at it...ehhh...some nights when it was 2AM and I was delirious I could elicit a laugh or two from patrons...I still avoid large crowds and stay home a lot, but you have to start somewhere...think of someone you love if you have anyone that was ever important to you...and tell yourself you are doing it for them...if that kind of thing motivates you...I know I will never be fully socially functioning and comfortable in those situations, and that is ok...but getting through some situations is better than none...try and try again...it will be ok!

[GorillaTheater]

I feel you. I never went to my HS graduation, honors ceremonies and I hid in bathroom stalls at school between switching classes six times a day...it all changed for me after I had my son and was alone raising him...it took him to make me work hard for him-I would do anything for my baby boy to have a happy and good life, I surely don't want him to be like me...I made myself get a job waitressing so I would be forced to talk to people--was I good at it...ehhh...some nights when it was 2AM and I was delirious I could elicit a laugh or two from patrons...I still avoid large crowds and stay home a lot, but you have to start somewhere...think of someone you love if you have anyone that was ever important to you...and tell yourself you are doing it for them...if that kind of thing motivates you...I know I will never be fully socially functioning and comfortable in those situations, and that is ok...but getting through some situations is better than none...try and try again...it will be ok!

 

 

Taking a job waiting tables takes guts even without anxiety issues. Huge kudos for doing so with those issues.

[tipota]

I also have social anxiety. It really can be an awful condition, but I do my best to not let it stop me from living my life.

 

My anxiety used to be much worse than it is now, some days I preferred not to leave the house at all, while other days I drank way too much to cope. For me neither medication nor therapy have helped.

 

Instead, I have learned to force myself to keep trying new things. I go out every day, even if it's just to a cafe, I often go to meet-ups (many places even have meet-up groups for people with social anxiety), I travel a lot, and do my best to keep in contact with friends. Some days are still bad but I think forcing myself to keep "practicing" my social skills have helped a lot.

[rachelangelo]

Social anxiety is rough because it isolates you from others who want to help. The best thing to do is remember that everyone has some fear of rejection. Every person wants to be accepted. There are people who need friends--a friend that you could be. I know that is easier said than done. Have you considered seeing a counselor?

[Nadine123]

Hi

 

I have social anxiety as well, but mine has visible physical symptoms where my whole body starts to shake. You dont understand the amount of times people asked me why are you shaking or simply thought Im a freak. Here are some things I did that helped me (they might or might not help you but give them a try) :-

 

1) Please stop smoking. It makes anxiety alot worse. I used to smoke and when I stopped my anxiety levels decreased. If you research on the internet, you will find what Im saying is true.

 

2) Meditate. It might sound cliche but it helps and no you wont see results overnight. Meditate for once or twice a day for a month and you will begin seeing results.

 

3) Face your issues. Im heading to South America end of this month for six months and I have extreme anxiety about this but the fact is that you need to face your issues and work hard to overcome them.

 

Take it one day at a time and work on yourself to overcome this. You can do it!

[grays]

Another thing to consider, though I know this is only a small piece of the puzzle, is that most people go out of their way not to make other people feel bad. In any given situation the other person will do whatever they can to make the interaction feel comfortable for everyone. And if somebody does make you feel bad or somehow humiliate you, it's their bad not yours.

 

And if you are humiliated, so what? The idea of it is so much worse than the reality would be. I actually think having your worst fear come true would make you feel a lot better because so what? You'll just pick yourself up and move forward. I used to be terrified of being abandoned until I was (husband of 25 years out of nowhere in love w another woman). And then I just picked up and went on with my life. It was a great lesson.

 

Obviously therapy, and probably meds, are in order here, but I one time had a therapist do something related to EFT with me that had an amazing outcome. I had been so anxious in a particular situation that it caused me to lose four pounds in less than a day but the next time it happened after that one session I was completely fine, able to get through it with a normal level of discomfort. As previous poster said, its 15 minutes, worth a shot. I think I may look it up myself. Who doesn't have a little anxiety?

Edited March 3, 2018 by grays

[mortensorchid]

If your anxiety level is that high you should see a shrink for it. I mean just asking a store clerk for something fills you with anxiety is a bad sign. It's a stranger and they are just doing their job for you.

 

There are deep issues at work with you, like there are with all of us. Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

I have been dealing with social anxiety for years now and it is ruining my life. I live in Montreal, which is supposedly a fun city, but I have zero clue because I'm too scared to go out and try to meet people or do things. In fact, I'm too scarec to even go to the store and buy a pack of cigarettes, because they're behind the counter and I'd have to ask the clerk for a pack of smokes and I just get so overcome with anxiety that I can't do it. I get scared to ask employees where to find something and feel like an idiot when I do have to get something checked in.

 

You get the idea from all of this. I just always believe everything is going to end in my being humiliated or rejected in some way, so I go to extreme lengths to avoid it. I do logically know this is stupid, but I'm so scared of any form of humiliation and rejection that I don't do anything. I am currently waiting to see a therapist, but it looks like I'll be waiting a while.

 

Any ways to cope with anxiety?

 

You did the first step by talking about it and opening up on here. Tell your close friends and family what is going on, the more love and support you have, the better you'll feel to know you can reach out and have someone listen, to be there and to help you.

 

CBT is the best kind of therapy so keep looking, there are anxiety clinics, some run out of university's and college's. Google anxiety and cbt therapists in montreal and hopefully something will pop up.

 

Do yoga, deep breathing and journal your thoughts.

Yoga really does help keep your mind calmer and that calmness goes through your body.

 

Read up on anxiety disorders. Buy some books (Claire weekes, Sam Obitz, two great authors.) on anxiety and depression.