Trapped!

[vla1120]

I have known my husband (second husband) for 4 years. There were red flags in the beginning (controlling, manipulative) but I figured I could handle it. When I met him, he had stage III kidney cancer. I married him sooner than I may have so that he could have health benefits right now. I have two therapists, one for me, and a marital counselor with him. His idea of therapy is to spend 10 minutes alone with our therapists, tell them all the things I do wrong, and then have them "fix" me. Ugh.

 

Last year, his cancer spread and he is now stage IV. He is emotionally abusive and spends all day texting me to tell me what a liar, snake, loser, I am. (Why am I a liar? Because he hates my three daughters from my first marriage. I am not even allowed to speak their name in my home, so I don't tell him anything about them, but when he hears something through the grapevine, then he calls me a snake and a liar because I did not tell him directly. There is SO much more to the story. I have been advised by both therapists that no one would blame me if I left him while I still have some sanity. But what kind of person leaves their spouse when they have stage IV cancer? I just can't bring myself to go (though I do get VERY close, sometimes.) Any sincere advice from anyone? Right now, we are cohabitating. I told him I would stay and be his caretaker until he finds someone else.

[d0nnivain]

It does sound like you are between a rock & a hard place. You have to figure out which will give you more peace . . . sticking it out or walking away. You also need to know something about divorce where you live. In NJ I think a couple has to live separate & apart for 18 months before they can even apply for a divorce. Then you have to wait several more months to get on the docket. So if your husband won't live that long, what have you gained by filing?

 

I'd stop the MC to save money & just sort of co-exist. Make sure he has food & human dignity but that is about it.

[stillafool]

He is bitter because he knows he is going to die soon so he is taking it out on you. Has he been given a prognosis and what is his length of time? If it is not long I would just suck it up. See your daughters and don't lie to him about it as you have every right and tell him so. I would give the verbal abuse right back to him if I were you.