I want to have kids but she's not ready yet

[unhappyman43]

Every family hopes to have kids. This is a fact nobody could deny. But in my case, or shall I say, in our case, this is difficult to achieve, especially if your partner doesn’t want to. Now, what should be done?

 

Mary and I have been married for 3 years now. Our paths crossed because of A Foreign Affair. She is a loving wife but doesn’t want to have kids yet. She said she is not ready enough to bear a child. Should that be fine? Everytime I ask her, she’ll always say “maybe we can plan about that next time”. I do not see any possible reason why she’d say “no”. We are legally married so it’s my right to have at least one.

 

I’m not getting any younger anymore so having kids is what I wanted to have. I do not want to want to force my wife but she should think about it before. Having kids running in the house is my ideal setting at home. Having kids will make a home, a family!

 

Now, what should be done? We’ve talked about this a lot of times, but still no improvement. I need your help guys! My happiness might be at risk with this. Thanks ahead!

[d0nnivain]

Recognize she married you for a green card. The last thing she wants is to bind herself to you through children forever.

[littleblackheart]

Not every family wants to have kids - plenty actually don't, and that's totally an acceptable choice.

 

Not knowing your personal circumstances other than the few lines you wrote in your OP, it looks like you have a fundamental incompatibility. You want kids now (which is fine), she may want them at some point in the future (which is also fine).

 

If you feel this is an irreconcilable difference, you should take appropriate action in full awareness (stay in the marriage for now and take the risk of never having kids with your wife, or go your separate ways) as soon as possible.

Edited March 2, 2018 by littleblackheart

[somanymistakes]

I do not see any possible reason why she’d say “no”. We are legally married so it’s my right to have at least one.

 

You don't actually have a "right" to make your wife bear a child. And no, not every family hopes to have kids.

 

You may not mean this the way it sounds, but... your post kind of gives the impression that you 'bought' a young foreign wife from a program and expected her to serve your desires.

 

You say you don't see any reason why she'd say no. That sounds like you're not actually talking to her very much! Because I'll bet she has a LOT of reasons why she might say no, and either you're not asking or you're not listening.

 

Maybe she never wanted kids at all and only said 'sometime' so you'd marry her.

Maybe she's afraid of pregnancy (it can be scary, it sometimes has bad medical consequences)

Maybe she's afraid that having kids will ruin her figure and you won't be attracted to her anymore.

Maybe she thinks you want her to be a stay-at-home mom and she doesn't like the idea of looking after children.

Maybe she's actually infertile and doesn't want to admit it.

All sorts of reasons! Only she knows.

 

You need to talk to her and find out what she actually wants and whether it's fixable. If she has specific worries, you might be able to offer a solution. If she just doesn't want babies, though, you might have to break up.

[Soxfaninfl]

How how old are you? How hold is your wife?

 

When I married my 2nd wife, I was on the fence about having more children. She never wanted children, and I wasn’t going to change her mind. I realized that I didn’t want anymore later on anyway. I never tried to convince her either.

 

Children are very expensive and a huge burden. Your life changes dramatically. It’s not like buying a puppy.

 

Your wife said she just wasn’t ready. She never said she never wanted them. I would give her more time. Set a time that your willing to wait, and if she doesn’t meet that deadline then move on with your life and go your separate ways.

 

You can’t make someone have children if they don’t want them. If they have them to make you happy and still don’t want them, they may resent you for the rest of your life. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

[BaileyB]

Not everyone wants to have kids...

 

If this was important to you, perhaps you should have had that discussion before you got married - because this is not the woman for you. No amount of encouragement will convince this woman to have a child if it is not something she wants.

[stillafool]

Did you and your wife discuss having children before you married her? That is one of the most important subjects to discuss before you marry and not to assume you both want the same thing. I was very vocal about never wanting to give birth before I married my husband. What did she tell you?

[unhappyman43]

I don't think it's the green card. There's this age difference between us, I am 43 and she is 22 years old. Anyways, thanks for your response!

[d0nnivain]

Really? You imported a child bride from another country who you married at 19 (if you have been married for 3 years & she's 22 now) & you are surprised that she doesn't want kids at this young age? The problem is you failed to talk about any of this before marriage. Especially now that she's here & sees all the other opportunities available to women, you are going to be hard pressed to convince her to be a SAHM. You wanted to marry a woman young enough to be your daughter. This is what you get.

[Foxy Knoxy]

This feels like a troll post.

 

No, not every family wants kids. That's your first fallacy. Two-person childfree by choice families are more common than ever.

 

And, no, you are not entitled to a child (you are not even entitled to sex) just because she married you. If she's not 100% on board than that is her choice which she is entitled to. Should have gotten to know her better before you got married.

[Cherished gal]

Every family hopes to have kids. This is a fact nobody could deny. But in my case, or shall I say, in our case, this is difficult to achieve, especially if your partner doesn’t want to. Now, what should be done?

 

Mary and I have been married for 3 years now. Our paths crossed because of A Foreign Affair. She is a loving wife but doesn’t want to have kids yet. She said she is not ready enough to bear a child. Should that be fine? Everytime I ask her, she’ll always say “maybe we can plan about that next time”. I do not see any possible reason why she’d say “no”. We are legally married so it’s my right to have at least one.

 

I’m not getting any younger anymore so having kids is what I wanted to have. I do not want to want to force my wife but she should think about it before. Having kids running in the house is my ideal setting at home. Having kids will make a home, a family!

 

Now, what should be done? We’ve talked about this a lot of times, but still no improvement. I need your help guys! My happiness might be at risk with this. Thanks ahead!

So sorry you are having problems like this. So many people get married and don't think about talking about how their future together will be and what each one wants until it is too late. It's not easy to have a happy marriage when you aren't on the same level or page with each other. It would be a good idea to sit down and start talking exactly what each one wants and talk specific dates for your future plans. That's the only way you will be able to work this out. Hoping God blesses your marriage with happiness for both of you.