mikeylo Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 OP you must wonder how your wife acts towards men when you aren't present if she acts this way in front of your face. The only way to show her how hurtful this is to you is to give her a large dose of her own medicine. You should start looking at women who are much hotter than her in her presence. I’m a fan of giving a taste of their own medicine but this case is way beyond a normal person.One needs an extremely thick skin to behave in a manner that is so inappropriate and not inherently in your genes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 I certainly wouldn't trust her not to have sex with other men. Her eyes are telling them she is available. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 So painful to watch again how her face lights up into a huge smile when she looks past me at two guys. Yesterday I told her she hurt me on holiday. Didnt even ask how!painful!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Advice from the world of pop/rock music You Can’t Hide Your Lyin’ Eyes — Eagles Woman have you got cheating on your mind? Gary Puckett & Union Gap Ruby don’t take your love to town. There are more but I think you get the idea 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 "I'm married not dead" "You must've misunderstood" "These guys mean nothing to me" "He's just a friend" "He's like the brother I never had" "He's my brother from another mother" I personally liked my exW's line of "If I weren't married you betcha I'd fck him". She was a pistol in that way. Everyone defines cheating individually. Having known dozens of MW's in my lifetime, oh my, does the rationalizing fly. I hope you're ready for all possibilities. If there was one thing women taught me it's anything is possible. If you can dream it up in your wildest fantasies, she probably already has. Once that is accepted, life gets easier. Not necessarily less painful, but easier. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 (edited) She still wants to hear about my past women. It turns her on...she even at the start wanted for us to say who was attractive when we were out. I did not think is was good, as we both display a little jealousy sometimes. However she told me last night that she respects me very much and loves me, too. Do women have a different concept of ‘respect’? Really? Respect is respect in my book! I think the majority of decent ladies really understand the concept...if I’m wrong please tell me I remember she used to ask about group sex and exposing herself on he beach... all fantasy... but does she know where to draw the line in real life! I think not and she is emotionally selfish. Rant over. I have my own business, I do well, is this s part of why I’m gaslighted...can a person really call you the best thing in their life, and be gaslighting! I’m losing faith in everything... and she had the gall to accuse me of being an ‘animal ‘ because I’ve had more experience sexually in the past. Gaslight time. Edited March 7, 2018 by Whitehart Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Forget all the super sexual grenades she has been throwing, and lets take a 30,000 ft. view of the relationship in a whole....Not very appetizing. She throws words like respect and love at you, to sate your palate and keep control. All the while, she uses her sexuality as a crutch to make up for her own inadequacies. Narcissism.... Yup. Cluster B....Maybe. Serious sexual disorder....Most likely. There are things going on around here that don't add up. As well as the obfuscation when she Sh*t tests you with the "Your fantasy" thing. I hope your not falling for that. It will bite you back quickly if you do.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 7, 2018 Author Share Posted March 7, 2018 What is cluster B? Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463 ^^ educational purposes only. No monetary gain noted.. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 (edited) Hi Whitehart, sorry to see you on the horns of a dilemma. After reading everything you have had to say it seems to me that your wife may be a closet nymphomaniac. I remember reading on another website devoted to alternative lifestyle accounts,, about a guy who fell in love with a girl who was very good looking and who slept with him on the first date itself. Subsequently,, he went on to marry her although she had told him that she liked sex and would usually sleep with a guy on the first date as she had with him. Sex for her was just that,sex and nothing more. While with him in public places she would look at other guys the way your wife does and convey through her eyes that she desired them sexually. This man knew what he was getting into and she was quite upfront about her promiscuity, yet he married her. The account mentioned that she continued sleeping with other guys while married to him and never hid it from him. At the same time much like your wife, she professed love for her husband and was very caring of him. My point in recounting this story is that if you can live with something like this then by all means go ahead and remain married to your wife. She will probably be able to love you in her own way like the woman above. However,, it takes a special kind of person to be able to do something like that. You do not seem to be that kind of person so I guess you should make tracks as fast as you can. Warm wishes. Edited March 7, 2018 by Just a Guy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) No, I can’t live with it and emotionally I’m going through a checking out stage. Any signs of love she gives me gets a sarcastic reply. Every photo, memory is tainted by the huge smile and sexy eyes for other men. But I’m sure it’s the tip of the iceberg. Now I know why she always wears the skin tight leggings everywhere!!I’ve been gaslighted and I am aware of this thanks to many people on here. Even yesterday she spoke 5 times to he ex... that’s more than she contacts me! Holiday soon, it will not be a nightmare as I will just laugh and I will act the same myself. Not mature....but feels damn good! I can see, by editing, two guys waving and blowing kisses in the reflection of her sunglasses. I can see the pupils of her eyes swiveling on me to check what I’m doing and then back to he guys with big smile. But she does not interact with men! Gaslight. Just how far would she go... now I fear it isn’t only flirting, which she does not do!! or has she been cheating? So strung out...am I the only idiot in ignorance of a bigger situation? I fear so. Edited March 8, 2018 by Whitehart Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 In fact...you can see him check me out, swivel back to her and she smiles even more. Sharing an “intimate the husband cannot see” moment. What have I married!?! How can she look me in the face and say she loves me very much, that I’m the light of her life, her treasure.... ??? How !????? Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Hi Whitehart, instead of torturing yourself start taking steps to do something to rectify the situation. Try the 180 and start doing things on your own. Let your wife feel that you are moving on and that what she does or does not do is not of much concern to you. Once she finds you pulling away she will get the message. What she does after that will show what her future intentions are going to be. You, however, should not not work yourself into a frenzy over her actions. Think it over. Warm wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) Thanks for the message.Do you mean not confront her. I tried and was gaslighted. Or do I gaslight her...and pull away My heart is empty and it feels like she had micro cheated...or worse Edited March 8, 2018 by Whitehart Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 What he is saying is... start ignoring her. What everyone is saying is that you are a doormat, read weak man, to your wife. Which make you even less attractive than you already are. Just stop talking to her, ignore her, don't answer her texts or phone calls. Go out and don't tell her where you are going, find other things to do besides be with her. But I disagree, I think you need to grow a pair and start the process of divorcing her. Her behavior is so out of line, that for you to do anything less makes you even more of a weak man. You have not written about any other behavior that might suggest cheating and not just flirting. Is she highly protective of her phone? Does she often go out with her GF's for a Girls night out? Does she travel for work? Does she work late a lot? But the way that she is just acting really suggests that she may be cheating. But in your case, I don't think that it matters. For you to stay with this woman with the amount of disrespect that she shows you mean you will never have any power or respect in your relationship. I mean honestly, why have you allowed this go on? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) Yes she goes out, yes she goes away with work on courses. But I was trusting. And new clothes for work in the last year. But I trusted her...but I recently looked at her behavior and it has made me doubt her. I am not a doormat for in other respects we have an amenable relationship, she states it’s perfect... I am trying to ascertain if it’s true. There is no doormat here. Weak men don’t run there own successful business’, but confrontations over this issue have not helped the relationship and have been very heated. Instantly dragging children through divorce situations as well is not something else I relish, either. Edited March 8, 2018 by Whitehart Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Yes she goes out, yes she goes away with work on courses. But I was trusting. And new clothes for work in the last year. But I trusted her...but I recently looked at her behavior and it has made me doubt her. I am not a doormat for in other respects we have an amenable relationship, she states it’s perfect... I am trying to ascertain if it’s true. There is no doormat here. Weak men don’t run there own successful business’, but confrontations over this issue have not helped the relationship and have been very heated. Instantly dragging children through divorce situations as well is not something else I relish, either. Yes I am sorry, they do... And look, I really mean no disrespect. Some men can be totally capable and even extraordinary in there chosen profession. I get that. And then, they turn around and are weak with a particular women. You are being a doormat. No self-respecting man would ever put up with the behavior that has demonstrating. No one would. Do you have access to her phone and home computer password? If not, why not? So I will bet real money, that she is screwing around on you. Is it an affair? Maybe. Is she just hooking up with random guys, like a teenager/collage girl? Maybe. Who knows, but since you have not said anything about her phone, I suspect that she keeps it private. So if you have a successful business, you can afford a PI, and you need to get one. One thing is for sure, she has zero respect for you as a man. And you being afraid of divorce or the amount of money that it will cost, you are playing into your hands. Read about the 180. You will have to modify it because you are still married, but yeah, that is where you need to start. That and a PI. What she is doing is just so out of line that no man should subject himself to what is going on in your marriage... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 Read the 180 and it makes sense and is doable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Divorce is worth the hassle. She can promise up and down , go to therapy for a long time , make a scincere effort but I would weigh. The time for her to change her skin will be very very long and in the end , she will still not be a normal decent person as it’s an entire lifetime of this. The images in your head will not go away . You will always be wondering what she is doing the moment you turn your back. Divorce is expensive and worth it. The step kids are her responsibility and you can’t do anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rickwman Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Actions get created by entertaining thoughts and ideas. Maybe she is being tempted by these other guys and refuses to ignore the temptation, or she is resisting, fighting these temptations. You can help her!. This is not normal for a loving, healthy marriage. Any other 'red flags' in your marriage that you are not seeing or don't want to see or address? Tell her how you feel. Honesty and truth are foundational. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Joe Broken Record here but I'll say it again and I hope you puzzle over this, OP, because this is the key: People treat you the way you allow them to. This is all on you. Your woman disrespects you and yet you stay. You need to leave, man. Even if you're wrong (and you're not, trust your gut and her past actions) is it worth staying? She makes you feel bad, end of story. She's probably getting off on playing with you this way. You're better off alone IMO. I hope you make the right decision. All the best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitehart Posted March 9, 2018 Author Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) Accessed her phone and she has contacted her ex 7 times between them Tuesday to thursdsy. She on a course in one town asking if he is in a specific town. Later she told me she wants to go away on more courses! I asked and she says her ex needs advice on an issue or about kids..who he forgets most of the time! He cheated on her before they got divorced. I'm sure what's going on now. Edited March 9, 2018 by Whitehart Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) OK so looks like you came here for a reason you got it, Sorry that you’re in the situation[].! Best thing you can do for yourself is just divorce her. Hand her divorce papers and get her [] out of your life. Keep us posted you’re going to need us even more now. Edited August 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 The ex and your wife are identical. Now they are each other's other man and other woman and continue the toxic dance. You are being taken advantage of , in the middle. Remove yourself and save yourself the drama. You and her have no relationship. Sorry, you have to go through a divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Accessed her phone and she has contacted her ex 7 times between them Tuesday to thursdsy. She on a course in one town asking if he is in a specific town. Later she told me she wants to go away on more courses! I asked and she says her ex needs advice on an issue or about kids..who he forgets most of the time! He cheated on her before they got divorced. I'm sure what's going on now. Imagine that... I am sorry, but everything you described seemed to say she was screwing around. Like everyone has said, divorce is worth it... Link to post Share on other sites
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