TrustInYourself Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Here I am again, back at the doorstep of divorce with 2 more kids. I'm not sure how I feel at the present moment. I don't want divorce, but again I took her for granted and made some dumb decisions. Complacency, cheating, emotional abuse. What a god damn fool I have been. I don't deserve her. She deserves more. Yet she's here, in the house trying to make it work for the kids, while I bitch and moan about my needs. I'm pathetic. Feeling sorry for myself. I'm better than this needy, controlling, wuss **** I put her through. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 You've been saying this since what 2008? You change nothing guess what? Nothing changes Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Here I am again, back at the doorstep of divorce with 2 more kids. I'm not sure how I feel at the present moment. I don't want divorce, but again I took her for granted and made some dumb decisions. Complacency, cheating, emotional abuse. What a god damn fool I have been. I don't deserve her. She deserves more. Yet she's here, in the house trying to make it work for the kids, while I bitch and moan about my needs. I'm pathetic. Feeling sorry for myself. I'm better than this needy, controlling, wuss **** I put her through. What are you talking about? What is the deal here? So you do not want divorce. Then start the discussion with the facts. Then we can take you through the steps to recover your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Married since 2006. Went through a separation in 2008 for 6 months. I worked on myself. Let her go. She came back to me. The relationship was reborn. If you're married long enough, you will experience all sorts of ups and downs. You will take your spouse and their feelings for granted at times. You'll lean on that understanding. I did this. Fast forward to last month, still in love, but we had/have our issues. I did not truly understand how bad they were, since I wasn't truly listening. We get into an argument, I'm angry, vindictive, "emotionally abusive" as she puts it. We argue in front of the kids, name calling in front of the kids. Escalation. I get in her face, we scream in eachother's faces, she spits in my eye. It's out of control. That's the turning point. She is done, needs space. That was about 28 days ago. No intimacy now. Walls are up. We share the same home, if it wasn't for the kids - she would be gone. We are going to counseling, but in her heart she says it's over. I'm left chasing. I won't accept it, she says she needs time and space. I'm trying to provide that now. Moved downstairs to the guest bedroom, to stop myself from experiencing her rejection. It hurt too much. There's no other man, it's just me being a total douche. There is hope I guess, but I'm afraid of my own self. I'm vindictive, angry, needy. I'm ruining the chance for reconciliation by trying to force it, make her talk to me, make her agree to give it a second chance. I'm coming from uncertainty and rejection. There is hope. But I am not the reason why right now. I'm the reason why it should end. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Complacency, cheating, emotional abuse. What a god damn fool I have been. I don't deserve her. She deserves more. So, you cheated? When and for how long? How did she find out? Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Hmm, maybe the divorce is extactly what you need in order to get your act together. It doesn't seem like you learned or changed from your separation 10 years ago. She has given you plenty of time to change and treat her well. Just from what you have admitted, I think that she is doing the right thing. I think you should leave her alone, and focus on getting your act together for the next girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 So, you cheated? When and for how long? How did she find out? Was with a stripper, she performed oral on me during a lapdance which I stopped midway through the act. I told her about it 2 weeks after it occurred. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Hmm, maybe the divorce is extactly what you need in order to get your act together. It doesn't seem like you learned or changed from your separation 10 years ago. She has given you plenty of time to change and treat her well. Just from what you have admitted, I think that she is doing the right thing. I think you should leave her alone, and focus on getting your act together for the next girl. You might be right. I don't deserve her. She doesn't deserve what I give her. Case closed. Family split up. She heals, I heal. Just sadness, grief, sense of loss...all of that I'm working through, while giving her the space she needs. Kids are right now the center of our focus in all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 You sound a lot like my ex-bf. Can't control himself, does and says stupid things in the moment. I don't think someone like that deserves someone good until they fix themselves. She sounds done to me but I've read that there's a new kind of divorce going on these days where the two people continue to live in the same house. That may be because of finances or it may because of kids, but it's becoming more common. I hate it but it's what I read. Link to post Share on other sites
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